Reflections 2008

So 2008 is coming to an end, and instead of making a long list of resolutions I probably won't keep, I'm going to focus on the memories, the highlights - the moments (good and bad) I'll remember from this year...

• Leading a girls group through Beth's Daniel study and finally becoming comfortable praying in a group setting!
• The opening of South Tulsa LifeChurch - so exciting!
• BodyPump workouts at Crossroads Church every Tuesday and Thursday for 7 months... challenging, but fun - exercise is always more fun with a group
• The Office or movie watching nights w/Mark and Natalie every Thursday... lots of fun while it lasted, but for many reasons, it gradually phased out.
• Mom and Dad sold the house where I'd lived since 3rd grade. Sadness. But they moved to a nice new house less than a mile away!
• Feb. 1st - inviting Bobbi to the Kelly/Reba concert (LOVE them both!!) and hanging out with her for the first time!
• Helping Natalie clean her old apartment as she was moving
• A sucky Valentines - left alone by friends who'd just become a couple; then finding out Daniel was hospitalized and in a coma =(
• Spent my birthday with the fam =) Our last night at the 9121 house in the Mary Engelbreit bedroom. :(
• Next day, saw Daniel & his family at the hospital; he died later that night and Grandad Doc died that day minutes later. (And then I ate a fourth of the leftover Merritt's cake Natalie had gotten for my birthday earlier that night at Elephant Bar... yep, emotional eating is not a myth.)
• Being touched by the depth of friendship between Dad, Bill, Bill, and Rick as we all attended the funeral for Rick's son, and a day later, the funeral for Dad's dad.
• Attending an Oscar Party - finally a use for my Hollywood knowledge! ;)
• My fav contestant was David Archuleta on American Idol - he was robbed!
• Messaged two old friends to apologize.  Z called weeks later, we had coffee and talked and forgave each other, and I finally have peace there. S and I tried to reconnect, but accepted that we have little in common now.  Both friendships were too damaged to be restored at this point, but I'm thankful to have more peace.
• Got bored and tried my first abstract painting, then did several after that!
• Sent his mom a letter doing all I could to leave things at peace; received a cold but civil response.  Letting it go.
• Read entire Left Behind series, including the prequels. That's sixteen 400-page books, and it was exciting to the very end!!
• Rach's 3-week stint as a waitress at Santa Fe :)
• Being stranded (w/Sprite spilled all over me from the mini-wreck) at the IXL fire station w/Judge Golden after our Okemah trial... such a funny day!
• Dog-sat for Piper Classen. :) Decided having a dog all the time isn't really something I want right now
• Reconnected w/Morgan after reading her devotional emails... always uplifting
• Worked with Switch youth from May to August; left because I was uncomfortable with the direction they were going with it
• Painted Blake's dorm room w/Mom and JB
• Touring the Sapulpa Historical Museum w/Paul (interning at courthouse for summer) -- so random! :)
• Read Waking the Dead, my favorite book ever. LOVE JOHN ELDREDGE. Seriously.
• OnePrayer series at LifeChurch, really awesome.
• Decorating for At The Movies, Mom helping me paint huge canvas!
• Started meeting w/Angie, Bobbi, and Hannah for accountability/reading/prayer. So wonderful.
• Started this blog! =)
• Made scrapbooks, signs, sacks, etc. for Emily's Cheer squad!
• San Antonio trip w/Rach... SeaWorld during Hurricane Dolly; watching My Boys and eating ice cream in our hotel room when we could've been doing a zillion other things :), Riverboat ride; RM pretending to be engaged and having to answer several questions - so hysterical!!
• Beijing Olympics - opening ceremonies, Michael Phelps, Shawn Johnson!
• John Bevere at Victory then mini-Bible study at Merritts w/Morgan Elizabeth; so great!
• Prayer group for our country and the elections w/Kristin, Tara, Dave, Brenden, etc. (at my house or at the park) -- awesome.
• Joined running group w/Bobbi and Angie
• Ran first 5k race with them... yay!
• My first Remnant project... such a great group.
• Painted Batina's nursery and Emersyn's room =)
• Obama elected president
• Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL = hilarious.... "Maverick!"
• Running early in the morning in the rain w/Bobbi - ahh, memories
• Crying over Blake at Changie's Lifegroup and them laying hands on me in prayer; soooo meaningful
• Wrote Blake an encouraging letter
• Carrie Underwood concert 
• Billy Joe Daugherty = integrity. 
• Passing out campaign flyers w/TL and K-Lamb ...love them!
• Patriarchs study w/Ruth's Lifegroup... love Beth, and love that group!
• After several meetings and talks, started a new singles Lifegroup, co-leading it with Kristin and Bobbi!
• LOTR movie nights w/TL and K-Lamb... such spiritually powerful movies... getting an image of the power in letting go of strongholds that poison me
• Helping Mom decorate the new house for Christmas!
• Driving around looking at Christmas lights w/Mom and Dad, listening to The Emmanuel CD
• Reading Mere Christianity and recognizing that I need to surrender more fully to God
• Growing w/God through the year's highs and lows, learning to trust Him better, and wanting to live with more purpose and passion than I have been!!

"One life on earth will soon be past;

Only what's done for Christ will last."

Mere Christianity

"How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been; how gloriously different the saints."

"Wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way... Evil is a parasite, not an original thing."

"God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realize what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage, the play is over....For this time, it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side."

"Sometimes our pride also hinders our charity; we are tempted to spend more than we ought on the showy forms of generosity (tipping, hospitality) and less than we ought on those who really need our help." 

"Most of us are not really approaching the subject in order to find out what Christianity says: we are approaching it in the hope of finding support from Christianity for the views of our own party."

"God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them." (Thank God for that!!)

"All killing is not murder any more than all sexual intercourse is adultery... War is a dreadful thing, and I can respect an honest pacifist, though I think he is entirely mistaken."

"It was through pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind. It is a terrible thing that the worst of all the vices can smuggle itself into the very center of our religious life... It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly.... The devil laughs. He is perfectly content to see you becoming chaste and brave and self-controlled provided, all the time, he is setting up in you the Dictatorship of Pride."

"If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next." (Amen!!)

"We cannot compete, in simplicity, with people who are inventing religions. How could we? We are dealing with fact. Of course, anyone can be simple if he has no facts to bother about."

"Of course, what these people mean when they say that God is love is often something quite different: they really mean 'Love is God.'"

"I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not put it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do, and we should be obliged if He would now leave us alone. As we say, 'I never expected to be a saint, I only wanted to be a decent ordinary chap.' And we imagine when we say this that we are being humble....... But the question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us....... We may be content to remain what we call 'ordinary people' but He is determined to carry out a quite different plan. To shrink back from that plan is not humility; it is laziness and cowardice. To submit to it is not conceit or megalomania; it is obedience." ❤

"If you are a nice person - if virture comes easily to you - beware! Much is expected from those to whom much is given. If you mistake for your own merits what are really God's gifts to you through nature, and if you are contented with simply being nice, you are still a rebel: and all those gifts will only make your fall more terrible, your corruption more complicated, your bad example more disastrous."

"It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.... As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about, you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether."

"Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."
~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

LOVED this book!

Letting Go...

So good conquered evil in the end, and it all hinged on one moment, one key decision: Frodo had to let go of the cursed ring and let it be destroyed by fire. He'd made the long and dangerous journey and was standing on a cliff overlooking the only fire strong enough to destroy the ring's power... Sam was yelling for him to drop it, but the longer he looked at it and thought about it, something in him just didn't want to let go. WOW, I felt God speaking to me there. The image applies to any stronghold or addiction, but God was working on a specific one that I keep looking back on, not quite wanting to release it.

YOU CAN'T GO FARTHER UNTIL YOU LET THIS GO. IT IS KILLING YOU AND DRAGGING YOU DOWN, BUT FAR BETTER THINGS ARE WAITING FOR YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE IF YOU WILL SIMPLY RELEASE IT AND TRUST ME. 

"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up..."

My heart is seeking freedom, yet it remains captive to a broken relationship that I haven't been willing to fully let go of... one that has plagued me and messed with my mind for far too long. I didn't want to let it go and move on because I felt that would be proving this guy right in his stance that God told him to do this.  I also didn't want to be a basket case because I felt that would prove him right in defriending me... I felt that he would "win" either way, and that drove me crazy. And even though it's weakening me and causing nothing but pain, some prideful part of me still feels that letting go equals losing something... I want to claim "my" bitter desire for revenge, and to hold on to this twisted love that has, at times, turned me into someone I truly do not recognize. Which also goes with the movie... it gave me a really clear image to put with it and helped me see how ridiculous it is to hold on to something so poisonous.
And as I watched that scene, in my spirit, I was standing there... at the end of a long journey, at the edge of a dangerous cliff... carrying a heavy burden that I've become quite attached to... feeling the warfare and realizing that this choice matters more than I'd ever thought... knowing that "decision time" has arrived, and what I must do is trust God enough to cast it into the fire without hesitating or pausing to dwell on it one last time........... and let it go.

"The very best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!"

1. What is your favorite Christmas song? Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by N'Sync!! Heck yeah, I'm serious. That or O Come, O Come, Emmanuel -- love that song!

2. What is your favorite Christmas album? Mariah Carey or The Emmanuel CD

3. What is your favorite Christmas gift you have ever received? My Grandad surprised me and put up and decorated a small Christmas tree for me when my family was at our apartment... I was so upset that we weren't doing a tree that year, but he came to the rescue! :) So thoughtful.

4. What is your favorite gift that you are giving this year? I gave Morgan Elizabeth a new Bible with her name engraved... she'd been looking for one and asked me my favorite translation (New Living)... so I surprised her w/that a bit early!

5. Favorite place/location to look at Christmas lights? The Chickasha lights is the best I've seen... but to see NYC at Christmas would be the best! I wanna ice skate under the big tree like Elf and Serendipity! :)

6. Favorite Christmas treat/candy? Just good ol' fashioned chocolate cake, nothing fancy.

7. What is your funniest Christmas memory? When he was about 7, my cousin, Blake, opened the wrapped set of batteries that went with his next gift (one of Babah's odd traditions is wrapping anything and everything, even boxes of Kleenex and tubes of chapstick). Anyway, he knew he was supposed to react... so he said with all the enthusiasm he could find (not purposely being sarcastic), "A complete set of batteries!? That's just what I've always wanted!!" It's still a running joke w/all of us. :)

8. Fresh Tree/Fake Tree? Always fake. I'm not a nature girl by any stretch, and you can do so much more w/decorating fake trees.

9. Favorite Tradition? Chickasha lights and Jake's Rib w/my family and the Wallaces... so much fun! And Rach, Holly, Megs, and I went on a carriage ride then sang Christmas songs driving around downtown - so fun... we only did it once, but we call it our "tradition."

10. Favorite Christmas Cookie? The Christmas tree shaped sugar cookies Babah makes, then Rach and I help decorate! =)

11. Favorite Place to be? My parent's house... honestly, with people I love, wherever that may fall.

12. Favorite Memory? Hmm, Bobbi's Christmas Shenanigans party last year! PJ party w/all the lifegroup girls I love... ate junk food, drank hot chocolate, and watched the Holiday... took fun pics where I showcased my angelic side. ;-) Then Natalie and I sat in her car in her apartment parking lot for 3 hours and had a great, deep conversation that I won't attempt to describe here.

13. Favorite Christmas Movie? 3 way tie: Elf, The Holiday, and You've Got Mail --LOVE them all, for very distinct reasons.

Living the Fairy Tale

My Fairy-tale World
(Inspired by John Eldredge’s Epic)

“Once upon a time,” the epic fairy tales begin...
My heart prefers these stories to the world I’m living in.
But slowly I am seeing that these fables hold a clue;
The message and the theme of every fairy tale rings true.

They start out with perfection, then a villain makes things tense;
His chief goal is to separate the princess from her prince.
Her hero must arise and fight to rescue her from death;
When evil is destroyed, they’ll live in utter happiness!

Like fair Snow White, Eve took a bite when tempted with the fruit,
Perfection quickly lost, the force of evil had its root.
The same destructive villain works against us still today,
Deception and temptation causing every heart to stray.

Locked in like Cinderella by our evil master's key,
We’re separated from our Prince and can’t set ourselves free!
Though we have been unfaithful, our Great King loves us still.
The Prince's death can ransom us, and that's His loving will.

Like Sleeping Beauty, our true life awakens through His love.
He paid our debt and conquered death; what we’ve been dreaming of
And if we choose Him, we will be adopted by the King;
Our Prince awaits us; we are given His engagement ring!

The majesty and beauty of this fairy tale surrounds us.

The waterfalls, the rainbow, all the gifts of God astound us.

Our hearts are captured by our Prince's love and loyalty.

Like Cinderella, we’re transformed from slaves to royalty.

But there is still a villain here, and now we are a threat!

Our freedom calls to others, so he wants us to forget.

Like Ursula fooled Ariel and she made the wrong choice,

Our enemy tries anything to take away our voice.

When we believe the lies that Satan whispers in our ear,

We end up captive to him, always drawing back in fear.

Like Simba, whose young heart was plagued by guilt and deep distress,

Our villain wants us to forget the power we possess.

We must remember good and evil always are at war;
And in this epic battle, hearts are what they’re fighting for.
Like Simba, we must rise to take our rightful place of power,
For we are needed desperately; this is our finest hour!

So many hearts are living in such darkness and distress;
While plagued with busyness and guilt, their thoughts become a mess.
They drown out any sense of hope and choose not to believe,
But those who’ve been set free can see that they have been deceived.

Just like the tale of Robin Hood, our villain wants the throne.
So when we choose to battle him, he makes us feel alone.
But the one true King has called us to have courage and to fight,
To speak the truth in love to this dark world and shed His light!

This war will end someday; all evil utterly destroyed.
And when that day arrives, I know that I’ll be overjoyed!
When all that once was lost at last is totally restored,
I’ll dance on golden streets and bow before my awesome Lord!

This fairy tale is true; I am a daughter of the King.
My Prince is coming for His bride, so I can’t help but sing!
And at the Wedding Feast, there'll be such love and joy and laughter,
And like the fairy tales, we'll live "happily ever after!"

~Lindsey Muecke

Poetry...

God keeps bringing 2 things to my mind: freedom and desire. So this is random, but I used to write poetry a lot, and since this was on my heart so strongly, I decided to write today... it really flowed and was probably the fastest poem I've ever written. ❤

My Desire and Delight

My heart cries out for passion, for a love that overflows!
This desire has consumed me in a way that no one knows.
But shallowness surrounds me in this world so dark and grim;
So the hope of finding all that I desire was getting dim.

I want someone who loves me for my heart and not my looks;
I am searching for a hero I can only find in books.
I want guidance and direction from someone kind and wise.
A deep and lasting love; no fear of heartbreak or goodbyes.

A man whose heart is loyal and devoted to the core.
I want to be pursued; I want a man who'll go to war...
Who'll vindicate me every time my heart has been attacked,
Who'll fight for me and free me from all chains that hold me back.

I am longing for a purpose, a role only I can fill
And a total, lifelong peace and joy no circumstance can steal.
An all-consuming love that sets me free from selfish thoughts,
And puts me on a course to please My Love at any cost.

But all these perfect visions seemed so far and out of reach...
I've tried some things to fill the void, but felt empty with each,
Until the day I recognized my spirit held the key...
The Voice that I'd been tuning out was there to set me free!

"Those who seek will find," He said, yet I'd failed to draw near;
Forgive me, God, for seeking comfort anywhere but here.
I viewed You as the path to get whatever I desire,
But You opened up my eyes and You have set my heart on fire!

My spirit stirs within me every time I hear Your Word,
And as I read, I understand my JOY is in the Lord!
My hope is reawakened; I have found the place to start.
Lord, You alone fulfill the deepest longings of my heart.

The everlasting love I seek is only found in You;
You never will reject me, Lord; Your promises are true.
And in my darkest storms, You are my source of radiant light.
God, YOU ARE MY DESIRE, my deepest passion and delight!

~Lindsey Muecke

The Desires of Your Heart

I hear so many Christians use this verse when they want something, but I believe we’re interpreting it wrong.  We say things like, “God knows I desire to… get married and have kids, or to buy this house, or to work for this company… so since I’m His child and I love Him, He’ll bring those things to me.”  (*I’m certainly not saying those things won’t ever happen, but I don’t believe that’s what God intended us to take from this verse.)

"We see God as a means to an end, rather than the end itself… the assistant to our life, versus God AS our life.” –John Eldredge

So true, and so sad. So I started thinking about it...

What are the true, deepest desires of my heart??

• To be loved and desired for who I am, for my heart
• To be known and to be heard… someone who delights in the details of my life
• PASSION… pure, exploding passion; a fire that can’t be put out!!
• Pleasure, joy, and happiness
• Companionship, someone to laugh with, to walk with me through life
• Someone who sees my full potential even when I’m far from living it out
• Harmony and peace that stays strong even in hard times
• To be encouraged, for someone to build me up and push me toward my dreams
• Someone who never gives up on me and never allows me to settle
• To be so deeply in love with someone that I lose sight of myself and can't help telling others about how much I love this person
• Security… knowing the other person is loyal and will never leave, that he is a provider and a helper, and that my heart can fully trust him and be at peace
• To be fought for, pursued, desired
• To be completely forgiven for all I’ve done wrong, to let go of all guilt and shame
• FREEDOM -- from guilt, from strongholds, from worry, etc.
• Someone who takes it personally when I’m attacked and vows to be my vindicator… someone who is passionate about justice
• Purpose… to feel valued and needed and wanted, to play a role no one else can fill
• To worship something with everything in me
• Wise counsel and guidance from someone I deeply trust
• Perfection… honestly
• Adventure and excitement, someone with a hint of mystery about them…
• Everlasting love -- no sad endings, no fear of goodbye, walking away, disaster, death, betrayal, or heartbreak

How absurd for me to think I could ever find all this in a man - what ridiculous pressure to put on them! Even when a guy comes close, an earthly relationship would never perfectly fulfill my heart's desires, and it was not meant to. Only God. ONLY GOD.

When I make HIM the first priority, the highest delight and desire of my heart, He Himself will fulfill every desire I just mentioned and more!  That is what that verse means. Why are we so quick to look for anything but God to meet our desires?  Why do we struggle to trust Him and rest in His goodness?

"Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.”

The desires that seem impossible are there for a reason. We don't have to give up hope on finding this... all these things are available not through God, but IN GOD. Refuse to settle for anything less than DEPTH, PASSION, EXCITEMENT, and LOVE IN IT’S TRUEST FORM!! ❤