Running Lesson

So my 5k "race" was this morning (it wasn't timed, so not sure if it actually counts as a race... they called it a "fun run," but that seems to be an oxymoron).  It was bitterly cold, and I did a horrible job of pacing myself. I would sprint and run faster than I could really maintain, then walk a few seconds, then try to catch up, then walk a little more -- over and over. 

It was obnoxious, but it got me thinking... (what a surprise!) ...about how I do that in so many areas of life.  Including my walk with God. I try hard to go full speed ahead, doing all the church activities and making sure I read a certain amount every day... and then I burn out, and I take some "time off," get away from the people who've begun to annoy me, wait until I feel in the mood to get back into it. And then I overdo it again ...it's predictable and ridiculous.

I also do this with eating and exercise. Decide I must lose weight NOW and go overboard and do crash diets or exercise more than I can really handle... then quickly burn out, binge, and think, "Forget it! Nothing's worth this."  I can blame it on my metabolism or thyroid all I want, but truthfully, if I'd just TAKE IT SLOW AND BE CONSISTENT, eating healthier and exercising regularly without overdoing it, my body would be transformed within 6 months to a year, and I'd be developing habits I could maintain for life. If I would allow the Holy Spirit to lead me in my walk with God, it would be fun and alive and exciting... and I wouldn't overdo the church activities, but focus on what God has for me in that season.

So yeah, pacing myself - slow and steady, but consistent -- that is my new goal in those two areas. (And in running.)  Throwing off the sins that so easily entangle and trip me up, and running WITH PERSEVERANCE the race marked out for me... amen to that!!

It's so difficult for me because I want it now, I want it fast, I want to see the payoff quickly, and I don't want to have to truly change my lifestyle for good. So to shorten that sentence, it's difficult for me because I've been a bit of a selfish brat!  But I'm going to work on that. ;-)

Beth Quotes

"I'm not sure we can overemphasize separation's role in Abraham's story... Make no mistake. God tests our willingness to follow Him in obedience even if no one will or can go with us. We won't embrace with both hands what God has for us if we hold our old lives in a death grip.

Never forget that time by itself does nothing to heal.

Ecclesiastes 8:1 says "wisdom brightens a man's face and changes its hard appearance." You will never have a beauty secret with more visible results than the study of God's Word.

Let His Word evoke your beauty daily.

(on Jacob being tricked into marrying Leah before Rachel) For where is visible beauty in the dark? Jacob... does not know one wife from the other except superficially.

Leah and Rachel shared more than a husband in common. They shared complete desperation (a theme in Genesis) and a certainty that getting something they lacked would complete them and make them happy. That's why we can relate.

You rarely get to keep something you have to manipulate to get!!

None of us will practice purity of living and thinking accidentally. The odds are far too powerfully against us to get away with anything less than a deliberate pursuit of godliness.

Feeling forgotten by someone often feels worse than being scorned. At least the scorner knows we're alive! Feeling forgotten can force a bruising blow to one of our most innate human needs: feeling significant. Noticed. Alive. Feeling forgotten makes us feel invisible.

Who do you feel dependent upon for a good, solid future? ...Nothing and no one critical to your God-planned future can fail to come through once God says it's time.

How often the enemy tries to distract us by tempting us to fight with the very people we were meant to fight for!

If we're convinced God is sovereign, good, and purposeful, why would He allow or even ordain a season that has no value or contribution to our futures?"

~Beth Moore, The Patriarchs

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

...well, almost.  My family always starts decorating early. We don't consider it skipping Thanksgiving; we're just extra-thankful for Christmas!! =)

I got the afternoon off today, so I got to help Mom, Trish, and Jackie decorate my parents' new house for the first time. We ate brownies, sang along with Christmas songs, talked about old CHA friends, and gradually transformed the house into a beautiful Christmas wonderland.  Seriously, my mom goes all out, and I love it!  The whole atmosphere surrounding Christmas is so fantastic and festive and live, and has always been my favorite time of year.

After that, Morgan and I met for dinner, then we went to the LifeChurch Women's Conference with Amy Groeschel. It was a rare treat to get to hear from her; she's usually so behind the scenes. She strikes me as a very genuine woman of God with a quiet, prayerful spirit. She spoke on falling in love with God and how He has to be the true treasure of our heart.

She compared living for God in today's world to walking uphill on a downward escalator... so when we get apathetic and lukewarm and stop actively moving toward Him, we are automatically pulled down by the current of the world surrounding us. I thought that was a great metaphor, because by pursuing God first, we really are going against the current and facing some serious opposition, but we are constantly rising higher and will eventually spend eternity in God's awesome, holy presence... worth it!!!

...and then it will feel like "Christmas" every day! ;-)

God vs. gods

I chose this pic because I really loved this movie's depiction of how bitterness takes hold and clings to you and changes who you are and how you treat others; then becomes so difficult and painful to remove once you've given in and attached yourself to it... for me, it was such a good reminder to follow the Holy Spirit - not to let the "dark side" (aka the flesh or Satan) take hold of me, even for a second. Realize that it's destructive and dangerous, and let all bitterness go!!  That's what I think of whenever I see this poster and its slogan: "The Battle Within."

...So I just had to get on my old AOL email account for the first time in months, and I looked back over some of my saved emails: some hilarious stuff I'd completely forgotten about, and some painful things I'd rather forget.

I've realized that as painful as letting go of Josh was, God was doing me a favor there. I was unhappy so often during the 2+ years he and I were so close... nothing resembling total joy or Godly contentment. There were brief moments of fleeting excitement, but they were all bittersweet because I knew that even if we talked for 3 hours or went on vacation together or whatever else, he wasn't genuinely interested in me. So many of those old emails were bitter rants about him between me and my girlfriends, or depressed thoughts poured out to my mom and sister. Not healthy.  My happiness was largely dependent on Josh's opinion of me (which meant I didn't get to be happy very often), and I was devastated when he decided he'd had enough and never wanted to speak to me again. Really, it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic... how miserable I was even when things were "good" between us, but I was so wrapped up in making that happen that I couldn't see clearly how it affected me.

(To be clear, he truly was a Godly friend... he just didn't wanna be more than that, so I resented him.)  I think life will always be miserable when we make any human being our "god." And I've gotta say I'm glad God "pruned me" in this area and didn't just leave me to my own plans and manipulative schemes!  I am so much better off having my heart free from that perpetual pain, and God is healing me from the "not good enough" complex I developed over the last few years. So again, I am thankful for my current healthy friendships, and I'm thankful that JESUS is now firmly planted on the 'God throne' in my life!!

...and that's really all for today. =)