God vs. gods

I chose this pic because I really loved this movie's depiction of how bitterness takes hold and clings to you and changes who you are and how you treat others; then becomes so difficult and painful to remove once you've given in and attached yourself to it... for me, it was such a good reminder to follow the Holy Spirit - not to let the "dark side" (aka the flesh or Satan) take hold of me, even for a second. Realize that it's destructive and dangerous, and let all bitterness go!!  That's what I think of whenever I see this poster and its slogan: "The Battle Within."

...So I just had to get on my old AOL email account for the first time in months, and I looked back over some of my saved emails: some hilarious stuff I'd completely forgotten about, and some painful things I'd rather forget.

I've realized that as painful as letting go of Josh was, God was doing me a favor there. I was unhappy so often during the 2+ years he and I were so close... nothing resembling total joy or Godly contentment. There were brief moments of fleeting excitement, but they were all bittersweet because I knew that even if we talked for 3 hours or went on vacation together or whatever else, he wasn't genuinely interested in me. So many of those old emails were bitter rants about him between me and my girlfriends, or depressed thoughts poured out to my mom and sister. Not healthy.  My happiness was largely dependent on Josh's opinion of me (which meant I didn't get to be happy very often), and I was devastated when he decided he'd had enough and never wanted to speak to me again. Really, it would be funny if it weren't so pathetic... how miserable I was even when things were "good" between us, but I was so wrapped up in making that happen that I couldn't see clearly how it affected me.

(To be clear, he truly was a Godly friend... he just didn't wanna be more than that, so I resented him.)  I think life will always be miserable when we make any human being our "god." And I've gotta say I'm glad God "pruned me" in this area and didn't just leave me to my own plans and manipulative schemes!  I am so much better off having my heart free from that perpetual pain, and God is healing me from the "not good enough" complex I developed over the last few years. So again, I am thankful for my current healthy friendships, and I'm thankful that JESUS is now firmly planted on the 'God throne' in my life!!

...and that's really all for today. =)