"When you cross that finish line, you'll know!"

Yes, the title is a cheesy-inspirational quote from Cool Runnings about knowing you are enough.  Probably a line that would've drawn me in during the previews.  Such a great, clean, funny, inspiring, heartwarming story!  Truthfully, it has little to do with this post, I was just thinking about how much I love that movie. :)

So, something exciting:  This morning, for the first time, I actually felt like a runner.  Not someone who's posing as a runner or doing it to lose weight or to fit in with a certain group, but a girl who actually enjoys running, and (shock) prefers running outdoors!  So I'm glad my identity is finally transitioning from "fat girl who tries running" to "experienced runner, (becoming healthier every day!)"  

I've officially signed up to run the Quarter Marathon in August and the Half again in November (along with several awesome friends, and three more that I'm hoping will join us... whose initials are MRD and CLW and LAB!  Haha, pretty much my 3 main readers.)  It's http://www.route66marathon.com/  ...in case you all wanna rush over to register today!!

And major announcement... brace yourself... I've decided to run the full marathon -- all 26.2 miles -- next April in OKC!  Yikes.  But it will be good.  That decision may be why my mind is finally making the transition to see myself as a runner!  I know the training will be intense, but it's something I want to do once in my life, and it just makes sense to do it now while I'm young and already in long distance running mode.  I know God will give me the grace and strength I need to "run with endurance," (both in the marathon and in the course of life)!  I am strong and capable and determined... and staying positive and optimistic. ;)  

"I have confidence in confidence alone!  Besides which, you see, I have confidence in me!"

In other new things, I'm super excited that my dear friend, Laura Bower, has finally started her long-awaited blog.  It is profound and brilliantly witty and honest, and I must say, it's about time! :)

Now I'm off to watch the end of the Thunder game w/my family... I'm no basketball fan, but I still love watching the last quarter of close games!  :)  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

The "friendliest flower!" :-)

A few random thoughts:

• Yesterday was a good day...
• Grandad and Babah sent me a bouquet of flowers at work, a Spring-y little arrangement which made my day much brighter ...love it!  (A congrats after the race.)  Plus yellow daisies make me think of Gilmore Girls.  And Kathleen Kelly is right; daisies are the friendliest flower. :)






• I also got a massage at Ihloff after work ...so fantastic and relaxing!






• A couple pics from our dinner at MiMi's Saturday night! :) 
• Random warning:  Do not try Dannon Greek Yogurt... unless, of course, you enjoy eating thick globs of sour cream by the spoonful. 
• This week, I've also tried these new "bagel thins" - little sliced bagels, which I toast then top w/grape jam.... and that, I totally recommend.  It's my new favorite breakfast!
• Malori and I are finally booking our trip to Vegas tonight!  Ahh, so great!!
• Even better news... it'll be over the 4th of July weekend and One Republic will be in concert! =D
• I am so excited about how God is suddenly changing my thought process!  I know it's not obvious on the outside yet, but I really have assumed a new identity in Christ and I'm truly believing that He has great things in store!! 
• "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him!" ~Philippians 2:13
• Now I'm off to work... hope you have a great day today!

The NEW Me!

 

 

 

Okay, I'll start off with my new things for this week... first time to run on a relay team (the OKC Memorial Marathon... my section was 7.5 miles).  Bobbi, Cassie, Brie, Ben, and I were an awesome team... go us!! 

And hooray for Ben coming through for us at the last minute - and for not having to run another 6 miles!!  I got the chance to meet a couple new people and get to know them a bit as we ran together, which made it much more fun!  And I was glad I got to run the pretty scenic section by Lake Hefner.  Mom, Dad, Malori, JB, and even little Lucy came to cheer me on! :)  It was actually fun, and highly preferable to the 13.1 miles.  This morning (at age 26) was also my first experience with a porta-potty... and hopefully my last.  Not pleasant.  Anyway, after the race, I had lunch at On the Border with Mom and Dad, and got to take a nice long nap, so yay for that! :) 

So mega subject change.....
God keeps bringing me to the same "theme" of being a new creature in Christ, with a renewed MIND... starting with the "take off the grave clothes" anti-passivity message.  I also just finished Beth's "Breaking Free" study... then this weekend, Beth spoke on recognizing certain behaviors as what the old, insecure you would do, and purposely putting on the "new you" every morning.  Choosing to be secure in Christ and trust God, then react to every situation accordingly.  She used Ephesians 4:22-24, which says, "there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes." 

Then Christine Caine (who I'm growing to love more and more) talked about wanting to get in shape after her pregnancy... and the doctor telling her that her body would collapse if she did not take a few weeks to focus totally on strengthening her core, because everything else relies on the support of your abdominal muscles.  That really spoke to me... our spiritual core is our heart and mind... if we ask Christ to renew and change the way we THINK, then we are able to live in freedom from the core of our being.  Not to strive or fake being free, but to be free from all addiction and sin because we know that is who we truly are at the heart of it.  To walk in love with others and be completely genuine, rather than feeling forced or fake or legalistic.  To "strengthen our core" by knowing we are loved, knowing who we are in Christ, and from the depths of our spirit, really living it out!!

Lastly, I listened to Joyce talk about how she had smoked for years, and how breaking free from that was such an intense struggle for her.  She said the main problem was that even through all the years when she wanted to quit and strived and tried and tried to quit, she still "saw herself" as a woman addicted to cigarettes.  Helloooo.  That is basic and simple, and it so describes my problem with weight. 

I am determined to be defined by freedom in Christ, rather than a life of constant struggle.  In my favorite Breaking Free session, Beth talked about how we are always asking God to take our addictions and strongholds away from us... she demonstrated what we do by clutching the invisible stronghold with both hands and wrestling it from God and hiding it behind her back in the middle of her prayer for Him to take it.  That resonated with me, as well.  She said that until we sincerely HATE IT, are sickened by it, and disgusted by what it has done to us and to our families... until we let go of our plan to find a way to "manage and control" it rather than having to surrender it completely... God will not deliver us from it, because we don't truly want to be delivered. 

But when our hearts and minds get in alignment with God, when we choose to believe what He says about us over any person or demon who tries to put us down and belittle us..... when we are ready to let go of the idolatry that has been poisoning our lives.... He WILL deliver us and transform us and make us new!  I KNOW the Truth, and the Truth is going to set me free.  Not only from eternity apart from God, but from the strongholds and insecurities that are desperately seeking to hold me captive throughout my earthly life.

My point is that I've changed my behavior off and on in the past, but never getting to the root of it in my thought life.  I'm on a roll now so I'm gonna go on and say everything I need to say... We had two court cases the other day.  The first was a man who seemed so sincere in saying that he had changed, and he was asking to have his sentence modified.  My judge ordered him to take a drug test, then come back to court later that day.  He came back looking so defeated and hopeless and sad, having tested positive for 2 illegal drugs.  We see a lot of good fakes and liars, but I genuinely feel sorry for most of them.  You can tell their desire is sincere; but they haven't found a way to break free from their deep addictions.  The very next case was a woman who was also seeking a modification.  She had truly cleaned up her act and done several things above and beyond what was required.  She was released from jail (literally) that day, and everyone in the courtroom was happy with and for her!  As I was cleaning up my stuff and heading out of the courtroom, I heard her family members asking her how she did it, and she said she reached a point where she was so disgusted by her former behavior, and she knew that that wasn't the "real" her.  She changed because she didn't allow that addiction to become her identity; the other man stayed in prison (literally and spiritually) because he viewed himself as a captive to it.  She hated the addiction and completely let it go; he hated what it was doing but held onto it tighly and tried to hide it.

Ahhhhhh, I so wanted to scream as I was watching all that.  Or to preach a sermon or something.  I get it, I get it!  Identity.  How you see yourself.  What defines you.  I've had it wrong for a while, but I am ready to be set free.  To have my mind and heart renewed in Christ, rather than conforming to the way the world lives.  To speak truth and dwell on truth. 

TRUTH: God loves me and is not the source of any guilt or condemnation. There is hope with Him - for real and lasting change and true FREEDOM. Jesus has never given up on me, and He will never leave me.  I believe that I can work with God and change.  I have the mind of Christ, and God has given me the CHOICE between the path of life and death. I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside me and can conquer everything that comes against me!  No temptation toward any area of sin is ever more than I can handle.  Who I am on the inside - my "new heart" - is healthy and righteous and vibrant and secure and good. I can choose to hide in what has become comfortable, or to take my wrong thoughts captive and live according to Truth and let "the real me" shine through!

There's a scene in the second Chronicles of Narnia movie (one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever) where an entire hostile army is following Lucy as she runs across the bridge to be near Aslan. This massive army is on one side of the bridge, and Lucy turns around to face them on the other side. Aslan comes and calmly stands behind her. She pulls out her small sword, and she looks entirely confident that she will win this battle. She knows the power that is standing with her. The army laughs at her boldness to think she could possibly overcome them "alone," and they charge forward. Aslan (who represents God, in case that wasn't totally clear) causes the bridge to collapse and the enemy army to be washed away. I love everything about that!!  God Himself is standing with me, and He is infinitely stronger than anything and anyone else coming against me. Although it's not physically here yet, I believe that I have victory over all strongholds through Jesus Christ!  It's time to walk it out.

"With the Lord's authority, let me say this:  Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused... they don't care anymore about right and wrong, and they have given themselves over to immoral ways.  Their lives are filled with all kinds of impurity and greed.  But that isn't what you were taught when you learned about Christ.  Since you have heard all about Him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, THROW OFF your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception.  Instead, there MUST BE a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.  You must display a new nature because YOU ARE A NEW PERSON, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true." 
~Ephesians 4:17-24

"Direct my footsteps according to Your Word; let no sin rule over me."
~Psalm 119:133

IF...

In Miss White's 5th grade class, she assigned each of us a poem to memorize.  This was mine, and I don't think I understood the depth of it... I was mainly annoyed that it seemed longer than some other students' assignments.  But I came across it again today in a facebook note, and really love it and decided to post it here:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise...

If you can dream, and not make dreams your master,
If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build them up with worn out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth, and everything that's in it,
And which is more, you'll be a man, my son!

~Rudyard Kipling

Random Happy Ramblings

I ...am ...happy. =)  Almost strangely happy as if I'm living in a musical or something, but hey, I'll take it!  This weekend was great, as I've already partially explained - cheers to awesome friendships.  I finally went to the store on Saturday, and decided to pick up some gorgeous pink roses... I'm very into flowers lately.  Probably thanks to reading Lauryl Lane's amazing blog, and dreaming of becoming a floral design artist.  I stood in the floral section for quite a while just looking around and admiring things I usually don't stop to notice.  The unique detail and beauty in all the different flowers is just comforting somehow, and says so much about God!  :)  And I know it's cliche, but good ol' roses are still my favorite...

Yesterday was a bit dark and rainy, but I typically enjoy those days most of all.  Today has been fantastic and refreshing!  I'm so thankful for the time to rest and catch up and have fun after an intensely busy couple weeks!

Work today was delightful, because I found out that our second jury trial went away - hooray!  This means I get to go to Malori's "swearing in" on Thursday and celebrate w/her and her family. (And go to Mimi's for brunch, which I'm also looking forward to!) :)  And now, I have plenty of time to catch up on the work I need to do without having to work overtime or be stressed.  So I had a productive morning, then had the afternoon off...

I made a hair appointment for this afternoon at Ihloff, and I went back to all-over red -- I love to try different things, but I always come back to red - it's my favorite, and will definitely be my wedding day hair color.  Just FYI. :)  Anyway, the appointment was w/a new girl, but it went well and we had a nice chat.  I love that they do complimentary hand massages and makeup... FUN!

After that, I went tanning and stopped by for some tasty Freshberry, then came home and went for a run around my neighborhood (definitely another first for me, and something I've been meaning to do for a while!)  And I gotta say, my neighbors are all friendly and great, and my neighborhood is truly cute. :)  There's the soccer field where they have little league practices every week, the playground, the neighborhood pool, etc. ...and I saw kids riding their bikes, making sidewalk chalk drawings, and jumping on their trampolines... it's just a happy little place and I love it here!  I gotta say, I'm loving the "new things" project, because it's making me far more willing to just step out and try little things I've thought about but put off for too long.

After my neighborhood jog, I came home and finally used the exercise bike my parents gave me... I was actually in an exercising mood, and rode a half-marathon!  (Not quite the same accomplishment as running one, but still, I felt good!)  I'm determined to become healthy step by step, and I feel confident that I'm on the right path.  Anyway, the bike has speakers that connect to my Ipod, which was really great, as I'm a music-aholic. lol  It made it pretty easy to just keep going and going.  That, along with the signature wall and bulletin board in my workout room... I never get tired of looking at those. :)

After that, I caught my favorite episode EVER of Chuck (when Morgan finally finds out!)  I may be the only one, but I just love Morgan and all the BuyMore staff.  Jeffster crack me up, and I laughed so hard when Morgan poked the guy with the stick and says, "Yeah, he's out.  He's out!"  In a related note, I also saw my fav Full House episode this afternoon - the one w/Stephanie and Gia and Kimmy's band, Girl Talk, and their epic failure. lol  "I Saw the Sign" ...classic. :)

I've gotten caught up on reading everyone's blogs, and took a minute to write what I thought would be a short post.  Once again, hooray for Spring!  My flowers out front (planted by Chet Lee) are looking ever-so-pretty these days. 

So now, I'm gonna write for a minute (as in work on the book... another favorite thing of mine.)  Then hopefully head to bed a bit earlier than normal... 

"So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night!"   :)

Happy Spring!

Just back from the Van, and decided to have a bowl of cereal since I'm pretty hungry.  So here's a few quick thoughts:

• Life is good, God is good, and I have the greatest group of friends ever! 
• They postponed the already-postponed-several-times trip to Talequah just because I had to work late for our trial on Friday.
• So we hung out at Starbucks at Utica Square instead. :)

• In related news, after hearing Natalie's "success story" - lol - I'm hoping to force myself to like coffee.
• We got to talking about Ellen, and the Shake Weight and the Hawaii Chair... and decided we had to see the youtube videos...
• So we all gathered around the i-phone..... hahaha

• Me, Bobbi, and Natalie went for another 6 mile Saturday run, this time at Riverside!  That's 3 weeks in a row - yay us!!
• Race is next weekend - get excited!
• Springtime has been way more exciting to me this year, for whatever reason.  Still hate bugs, but am enjoying the color and warmth and so many things about it. 
• We saw a few of these on our run today... LOVE it... wish all the pinks and purples and whites would stay that way longer!

• Joyce has talked a lot lately about rejoicing in God and taking some time to celebrate your progress with Him, rather than constantly dwelling on how far you have to go.
• That, combined with resting in God and feeling much more peace, has been really refreshing!! 
• I honestly have come a long way with God, with my security/identity, and my physical health; and for the first time, I'm more interested in jogging or doing something fun outside than watching TV... and that is definite progress!
• And I know God is still on my side and will help me take steps toward freedom from all strongholds... so YAY for that!!
• I tried out a Battle Creek Community Group on Tuesday night, and much like LifeChurch, this first group I visited may be a great fit!  The study was good, Milo was definitely hilarious, and I really had fun.
• Kris, the host of the group, is a teacher at Eugene Field, so that was also awesome!
• Chet and I went to the "Rock & Worship Roadshow" concert tonight with Mercy Me, David Crowder, Fee, etc. 
• "Word of God, speak!  Won't you pour down like rain, washing my eyes to see Your majesty.  To be still and know that You`re in this place.  Please let me stay and rest, in Your holiness." (-Mercy Me)
• I knew far more songs than I'd expected to, and it was an awesome worship concert... with one irritating rapping exception. 
• But Chet's hilarious comments and facial expressions made even that part fun. :)

• My "new things" this week:  First murder jury trial... could've done without that. 
• First time in a Community Group! :) 
• First time I've sincerely enjoyed and been so captivated by Spring! 
• Listened to John Bevere's "Relentless Faith" CD - powerful! 
• And thanks to Rach's advice, had my first Cookies n' Cream Hershey - yum! lol
• One last picture...

• I'm excited for this coming week and whatever God has in store; hope you are too!
• "In Him, our hearts REJOICE, for we are trusting in His holy name." -Psalm 33:21

Workaholic Weekend

Yay for my new blog layout!  Same title, of course... all about the HEART. :)

So I'm on lunch break in the middle of my first murder jury trial... (we're still on jury voir dire, which is my least favorite thing as a court reporter.  If you're ever called to jury duty, by all means, SPEAK UP.)  Anyway, I brought a PBJ for lunch, and I decided to blog for a minute.  It's been an intense week.  The only "new" or out of my usual routine thing to report is working ridiculous hours through the entire weekend.  My mom came up on Thursday and stayed with me to proofread the case as I scoped it (700 page transcript that the attorneys needed quickly and didn't mention until last week.)  I'm thankful for the money, and with mom and tons of junk food to keep me company, it really wasn't all that bad.  But we were here at the courthouse till at least 11 every night... it took much longer than I anticipated.  My mom is awesome and I'm so grateful for all her help!  Apparently, I was way too optimistic when I thought we could finish by Friday. lol  Also, I truly don't understand how anyone works like that on a regular basis.  Yikes.

In better news, my BFF, Malori Riah officially passed the Bar exam!  (Picture is of her law school graduation, but still, kinda appropriate.)  I watched the website closely, then left a congrats voicemail on her work phone that morning, which is apparently how she found out, so yay!  I'm really glad, for me and for her, that she doesn't have to go through the intense studying ever again... very exciting!!

Other than work being intense, Bobbi, Natalie, and I went running at LaFortune again Saturday morning.  So refreshing after sitting for so long.  I honestly really enjoyed it, and have decided that I prefer LaFortune to Riverside.  I know there are more hills, but there's also the golf course, tennis courts, park, and plenty of things around to take your mind off the running. lol  And for obvious reasons, I enjoy a smaller crowd more than the full running group.  And while running and talking, I've decided I wanna play golf and tennis again sometime soon!  Yay!!

I also took a break on Saturday night to go to Jay's B-Day party.  I gotta say, I don't see the appeal of Incredible Pizza when you're not going with young children, but as Bobbi told Chet about the Wanda's cake, "This is Jay's day!"  I did have a lot of fun at Jeff's house afterwards.  There were 4 cakes and lots of great friends and several new people, so that's always good times.  Also awesome because I got to hang out with Chet Lee, one of my favorite people ever, who I've missed lately.  Hooray for him graduating next month and having more time to be social!  (;  [that's a "sad wink," according to Chet - lol]  Natalie came again and joined us for "the Van."  I was tired from the above-mentioned workaholic schedule, so I didn't stay very long.  But I did get in on one 'ghetto dance,' and the lonnnnngest-version-ever of the Electric Slide!

Mom and I went to Battle Creek on Sunday, and the sermon was something I really needed to hear.  I plan to write a more in depth blog on that later, but anyway, thankful for TCABC!  God is good!!  Now, back to work...

Happy Easter!!

Update... Work still really busy, but I was productive this past week, so yay for that!  As for working out, training is going well and they're pushing me harder now, which is a good thing... I think?  I went on a LaFortune walk with Sarah and Laura... then ran with Natalie and the running group... then on Saturday, ran LaFortune twice with Natalie and Bobbi.  Woohoo!  (Also, I've switched my sign-up and am now running the 7.5 mile leg of the relay race instead of the half-marathon.  So cheers to cutting my run in half!!  And to our awesome relay team!) 

Malori stopped by on Thursday on her way home for Easter... Natalie met us and we had dinner at Los Cabos!  Friday night, Chet Lee and Sarah came over... and Chet showed me his awesome new car, Marcus Aurelius! :)  Speaking of new things - lol - I'm liking the "try new things" plan.  This week, the theme was food... I ate bean dip, asparagus, and a fried mushroom... all for the first time!  I also went to Joe Momma's pizza for the first time on Saturday, not that that was daring or anything, but new, yes.  After dinner, we came back to my place and Chet and I taught Natalie the line dances. =)  Natalie went w/me to Caravan (first time she'd been there) and really loved it!  I hate the smoky atmosphere, but the dancing really is addictive... just so much fun!  Jeff has been taking classes and definitely learned some new dance moves, so there's another fun new thing! lol  Also, Amanda danced with the infamous "camera guy," so that was memorable. :) 

We had rehearsal yesterday, and today, I sang in the choir for the first time at Battle Creek.  And loved it!  Got to meet several new people, and being an alto, I stood right in the center and could hear the guys really clearly.  Oh, I just loooove the sound of men really singing out strong on worship songs... so powerful. 

This is the first year in a long time I wasn't with my family for Easter, but we usually don't do anything big for it, and I got to have an awesome Easter dinner with great friends at Bobbi's house!  Lasagna, salad, breadsticks, and asparagus. :)  And Bobbi dyed Easter eggs for all of us with our names on them as the centerpiece - cuteness!  I was in charge of dessert, so I did brownies and ice cream sundaes, since that's super easy. :)  But since I'm on a trying new things kick, I did the "candy road brownies" recipe - with marshmellows and M&Ms and heath bar and peanut butter chips... yeah!  Would've been fantastic if I'd cooked them a smidge longer... I so hate doughiness. 

Hmm, other than the above, I've watched the first 5 video sessions of Breaking Free, and God has been SO real to me, and the last two videos were very personal and relevant to what I'm going through.  LOVE it.  I'm DETERMINED to have the abundant life and freedom only found in Christ, and I will sacrifice whatever it takes to get there.  Anyway, fun week and great Easter Sunday. 

Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and Vindicator, and no matter what we are going through, we KNOW that He lives and will be coming back for us ...soon!  So be ready, and get excited!!  Happy Easter!