Okay, I'll start off with my new things for this week... first time to run on a relay team (the OKC Memorial Marathon... my section was 7.5 miles). Bobbi, Cassie, Brie, Ben, and I were an awesome team... go us!!
And hooray for Ben coming through for us at the last minute - and for not having to run another 6 miles!! I got the chance to meet a couple new people and get to know them a bit as we ran together, which made it much more fun! And I was glad I got to run the pretty scenic section by Lake Hefner. Mom, Dad, Malori, JB, and even little Lucy came to cheer me on! :) It was actually fun, and highly preferable to the 13.1 miles. This morning (at age 26) was also my first experience with a porta-potty... and hopefully my last. Not pleasant. Anyway, after the race, I had lunch at On the Border with Mom and Dad, and got to take a nice long nap, so yay for that! :)
So mega subject change.....
God keeps bringing me to the same "theme" of being a new creature in Christ, with a renewed MIND... starting with the "take off the grave clothes" anti-passivity message. I also just finished Beth's "Breaking Free" study... then this weekend, Beth spoke on recognizing certain behaviors as what the old, insecure you would do, and purposely putting on the "new you" every morning. Choosing to be secure in Christ and trust God, then react to every situation accordingly. She used Ephesians 4:22-24, which says, "there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes."
Then Christine Caine (who I'm growing to love more and more) talked about wanting to get in shape after her pregnancy... and the doctor telling her that her body would collapse if she did not take a few weeks to focus totally on strengthening her core, because everything else relies on the support of your abdominal muscles. That really spoke to me... our spiritual core is our heart and mind... if we ask Christ to renew and change the way we THINK, then we are able to live in freedom from the core of our being. Not to strive or fake being free, but to be free from all addiction and sin because we know that is who we truly are at the heart of it. To walk in love with others and be completely genuine, rather than feeling forced or fake or legalistic. To "strengthen our core" by knowing we are loved, knowing who we are in Christ, and from the depths of our spirit, really living it out!!
Lastly, I listened to Joyce talk about how she had smoked for years, and how breaking free from that was such an intense struggle for her. She said the main problem was that even through all the years when she wanted to quit and strived and tried and tried to quit, she still "saw herself" as a woman addicted to cigarettes. Helloooo. That is basic and simple, and it so describes my problem with weight.
I am determined to be defined by freedom in Christ, rather than a life of constant struggle. In my favorite Breaking Free session, Beth talked about how we are always asking God to take our addictions and strongholds away from us... she demonstrated what we do by clutching the invisible stronghold with both hands and wrestling it from God and hiding it behind her back in the middle of her prayer for Him to take it. That resonated with me, as well. She said that until we sincerely HATE IT, are sickened by it, and disgusted by what it has done to us and to our families... until we let go of our plan to find a way to "manage and control" it rather than having to surrender it completely... God will not deliver us from it, because we don't truly want to be delivered.
But when our hearts and minds get in alignment with God, when we choose to believe what He says about us over any person or demon who tries to put us down and belittle us..... when we are ready to let go of the idolatry that has been poisoning our lives.... He WILL deliver us and transform us and make us new! I KNOW the Truth, and the Truth is going to set me free. Not only from eternity apart from God, but from the strongholds and insecurities that are desperately seeking to hold me captive throughout my earthly life.
My point is that I've changed my behavior off and on in the past, but never getting to the root of it in my thought life. I'm on a roll now so I'm gonna go on and say everything I need to say... We had two court cases the other day. The first was a man who seemed so sincere in saying that he had changed, and he was asking to have his sentence modified. My judge ordered him to take a drug test, then come back to court later that day. He came back looking so defeated and hopeless and sad, having tested positive for 2 illegal drugs. We see a lot of good fakes and liars, but I genuinely feel sorry for most of them. You can tell their desire is sincere; but they haven't found a way to break free from their deep addictions. The very next case was a woman who was also seeking a modification. She had truly cleaned up her act and done several things above and beyond what was required. She was released from jail (literally) that day, and everyone in the courtroom was happy with and for her! As I was cleaning up my stuff and heading out of the courtroom, I heard her family members asking her how she did it, and she said she reached a point where she was so disgusted by her former behavior, and she knew that that wasn't the "real" her. She changed because she didn't allow that addiction to become her identity; the other man stayed in prison (literally and spiritually) because he viewed himself as a captive to it. She hated the addiction and completely let it go; he hated what it was doing but held onto it tighly and tried to hide it.
Ahhhhhh, I so wanted to scream as I was watching all that. Or to preach a sermon or something. I get it, I get it! Identity. How you see yourself. What defines you. I've had it wrong for a while, but I am ready to be set free. To have my mind and heart renewed in Christ, rather than conforming to the way the world lives. To speak truth and dwell on truth.
TRUTH: God loves me and is not the source of any guilt or condemnation. There is hope with Him - for real and lasting change and true FREEDOM. Jesus has never given up on me, and He will never leave me. I believe that I can work with God and change. I have the mind of Christ, and God has given me the CHOICE between the path of life and death. I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside me and can conquer everything that comes against me! No temptation toward any area of sin is ever more than I can handle. Who I am on the inside - my "new heart" - is healthy and righteous and vibrant and secure and good. I can choose to hide in what has become comfortable, or to take my wrong thoughts captive and live according to Truth and let "the real me" shine through!
There's a scene in the second Chronicles of Narnia movie (one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever) where an entire hostile army is following Lucy as she runs across the bridge to be near Aslan. This massive army is on one side of the bridge, and Lucy turns around to face them on the other side. Aslan comes and calmly stands behind her. She pulls out her small sword, and she looks entirely confident that she will win this battle. She knows the power that is standing with her. The army laughs at her boldness to think she could possibly overcome them "alone," and they charge forward. Aslan (who represents God, in case that wasn't totally clear) causes the bridge to collapse and the enemy army to be washed away. I love everything about that!! God Himself is standing with me, and He is infinitely stronger than anything and anyone else coming against me. Although it's not physically here yet, I believe that I have victory over all strongholds through Jesus Christ! It's time to walk it out.
"With the Lord's authority, let me say this: Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused... they don't care anymore about right and wrong, and they have given themselves over to immoral ways. Their lives are filled with all kinds of impurity and greed. But that isn't what you were taught when you learned about Christ. Since you have heard all about Him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, THROW OFF your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there MUST BE a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because YOU ARE A NEW PERSON, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true."
~Ephesians 4:17-24
"Direct my footsteps according to Your Word; let no sin rule over me."
~Psalm 119:133
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