"God remains the strength of my heart!"

“Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure.  But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.  For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.  …Look at these wicked people - enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.  Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?  

…So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!  Then I went into Your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked. Truly, You put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction…. When You arise, O Lord, You will laugh at their silly ideas as a person laughs at dreams in the morning… Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen… 

Yet I still belong to You; You hold my right hand.  You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.  Whom have I in heaven but You? I desire You more than anything on earth.  My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.  Those who desert Him will perish, for You destroy those who abandon You.  But as for me, how good it is to be near God!  I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.” 

~Psalm 73 ❤❤

MM ~ Christmas

LOVE this song.  It's a little sad and deep, but the lyrics describe what it will be like in heaven, so it's not the impossible dream wish list so much as our future reality!!

So today, I was thinking about what I should use for my Facebook cover photo for Christmas (see above), because this is what I do at work, apparently. :)  

October 1st is just around the corner - so that marks the beginning of the 3-month Christmas season in my mind. lol  And believe you me, I will be decorating and full-on celebrating Christmas this year (already planning a 12-12-12 Christmas party for the Lifegroup!! =)  Last year's Christmas season was a bit of a blur... filled with all the merriment of PICC lines and leg wraps and staph infections and hospital stays (after Mom and Dad's car wreck).  Things were quite busy, so we'd planned to decorate when we returned from the Vegas trip, and obviously, that never happened.  We did breakfast for dinner at home on Christmas Eve because Mom couldn't really leave the house.  Christmas Eve and Christmas day were still good(ish)... Triston and Carter were fun and entertaining, but it didn't really feel like Christmas.  Rach was pregnant and getting all sorts of fun baby gifts.  I don't really remember what was going on with me, other than feeling lost and sad and talking to Malori about the possibility of going back to school, but doubting that I would ever follow through with it... I only have two pictures of me that Christmas, so you know something was off.

My point is, I feel like there will be a lot to celebrate this year!!  God has done so much in my life since last Christmas, so many things I'm thankful for -- my relationship with Jesus is feeling vibrant and solid... my friendships have grown... this will be Jace's first Christmas... Mom and Dad have recovered and are doing well... I'm back at LifeChurch and in a group I love... and I'm in school for something that I'm passionate about and really enjoy learning!  All that to say, Christmas 2012 will once again be "the most wonderful time of the year!"   I'm already feeling happier and more alive with the return of colder weather.... so... get excited!!

"As children we believed the grandest sight to see
Was something lovely wrapped beneath our tree.But heaven surely knows that packages and bowsCan never heal a hurting human soul...
No more lives torn apart, that wars would never startAnd time would heal all hearts.Everyone would have a friend, and right would always winAnd love would never end!This is my grown-up Christmas list!!"

Thankful Thursday!! (55)

"Give thanks to the LORD because He is good, because His mercy endures forever."  
~Psalm 107:1

Today, I'm thankful for:

1.  The verse above!  Some translations say "His steadfast love endures forever," but I liked this one with "mercy" better.  Because I tend to feel an unhealthy level of guilt and something close to despair when I start to imagine that God's patience with me is wearing thin in certain areas.  So I've been forcing myself to dwell on God's mercy lately, how I have a guilt-free CLEAN SLATE every day because His mercy for me is "new every morning."  It's one of three verses I've been speaking out loud before I get out of bed, trying to form a healthy new habit and start my day off right!  (Lamentations 3:23,24... Psalm 19:14... & Psalm 118:24)

2.  Mindi & Kelly... two strong, passionate, influential women of God... thankful that both are breast cancer survivors who give Him all the glory!!  (And thankful I got to walk the Race for the Cure with them this year.)

3.    Chet Lee... and his new house (tomorrow)! =D  I'm excited for him... thankful that God has already been working things out in his favor, and praying that the closing process and the painting weekend goes smoothly! 

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4.  Chick-Fil-A... yum!  (This was Megan's FIRST Chick-Fil-A experience, and the cow was outside, so naturally, I insisted we document it!) =)

5.  That Statistics class will be over in two weeks!!

6.  For the $30/month cut in my cable bill with no service downgrade!  (Only for 6 months, but I'm happy I still get to hang out with Rory and Lorelai on my lunch breaks... also very happy to report that Wonder Years is back on The Hub and Full House is back on Nick-at-Nite!  .....it's quite possible that I should've stuck to my original plan to cancel those channels and waste less time... but the salesman was really good at his job.) :)

7.  For the empowering, ego-boosting combo of reading Quiet, getting a pretty new haircut/color, having three professors compliment me on my writing ability, and having my statistics professor assume (delusional as it may be) that I'm really great at math!  ...hopefully my new math confidence will stay strong long enough to help me power through the GRE this weekend! ;)

Happy Thursday!!

Tribute Tuesday ~ QUIET

My thoughts:
I loved this book.  It was insightful and brilliantly written, but more than anything else I could say in praise of the book, the real reason it meant a lot to me is that it made me feel:  
A) that I'm not alone
B) that I'm not inferior to anyone
C) that my gifts and temperament are deeply valuable

Over the course of my life, based on several negative associations (and what I now understand as the "extrovert ideal" in our society), I have come to loathe the words "shy" and "quiet."  It's subtle, but in my heart, I kept hearing the same painful isolating message that I am not enough and that something is wrong with me.  As a sensitive introvert, I strongly sense and feel the sharp tone and disapproving undercurrent in certain introductions and conversations, and tend to take it pretty seriously.  I want so much to be appreciated and heard and understood, to really CONNECT with people.  But I have never been great at small talk - it just doesn't interest me much.  It probably never will, and I'm okay with that at this point!  

There will always be things to work with God and improve on, but I love the quiet, thoughtful, intelligent, compassionate, introverted woman I am becoming.  I love that I strive for excellence and use caution and discernment before I speak.  I really love that I prefer quality over quantity in relationships. ❤

I even love it that my personality is naturally more suited for the Central Park peace and quiet than the overstimulating traffic noise and fast-paced aggression of most of NYC.  The author discusses the fact that introverts and extroverts thrive in very different levels of noise/stimulation... and I no longer feel strange or stupid for preferring a small, Big Cedar-style vacation with three people that I know really well over a hyped-up cruise week with a huge group of single friends (and all the drama that naturally accompanies that dynamic).  I love writing and reading and having deep conversations with people, and I am easily exhausted by small talk and too much group activity and the pressure to "project artificial enthusiasm" and be super-jazzzzed about big events and parties!  

I love that I have a strong conscience and strong emotions, as difficult as it makes my life sometimes.  And I love that I am perfectly suited to become a counselor and a writer in the future, to be exactly who God has called me to be!  Obviously, I love and adore my spunky, confident, fun, vocal, extroverted friends... but I don't feel any need or desire to force myself into that mold or become like them, and that freedom is something new.  It's okay that it takes me a lot more time to make important decisions and it's okay that I would rather observe than participate sometimes.  I love that we are so very different and that God designed us to compliment each other so well! =)

Anyway, I recommend the book.  Highly!  She says: "Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider highly important, people they love, or anything they value highly."  And that made a lot of sense to me!  She shares insightful tips on overcoming anxiety, public speaking, and raising introverted children in a society that 'can't hear them.'  I also loved the chapter on the communication gap between introverts and extroverts - several things that I'd never considered before and that helped me understand myself and my driver/expressive friends better!  (There was a brief section on evolution that I obviously didn't agree with, but actually, it really made me laugh.  Apparently, the very existence of introverts in the evolutionary theory of "survival of the fittest" where "the bold and aggressive generally prevail" presents a real problem for some people in believing that lie. =))

A Few Favorite Quotes:
“We don’t ask why God chose as his prophet a stutterer with a public speaking phobia. But we should. The book of Exodus is short on explication, but its stories suggest that introversion plays yin to the yang of extroversion; that the medium is not always the message; and that people followed Moses because his words were thoughtful, not because he spoke them well.” 

“I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they're good talkers, but they don't have good ideas. It's so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent."

(on her Driver-personality husband:)
"I also know that his tougher attitude is good for me, and I find his company endlessly delightful.  I love his effortless charm.  I love that he never runs out of interesting things to say.  I love how he pours his heart and soul into everything he does, and everyone he loves, especially our family."

"Studies have shown that, indeed, introverts are more likely than extroverts to express intimate facts about themselves online that their family and friends would be surprised to read, to say that they can express the 'real me' online... They welcome the chance to communicate digitally.  The same person who would never raise his hand in a lecture hall of two hundred people might blog to two thousand, or two million, without thinking twice."
Haha.... yes!

"It's not always easy, it turns out, to identify your core personal projects.  And it can be especially tough for introverts who have spent so much of their lives conforming to extroverted norms that by the time they choose a career, or a calling, it feels perfectly normal to ignore their own preferences.  They may be uncomfortable in law school or nursing school or in the marketing department, but no more so than they were back in middle school or summer camp."  
...This is SO TRUE.

“Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to.  Stay home on New Year's Eve if that's what makes you happy.  Skip the committee meeting.  Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances.  Read.  Cook.  Run.  Write a story...  Don't mistake assertiveness or eloquence for good ideas.” 

"Love is essential, gregariousness is optional." =)

Book Description on Amazon:
"At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.

Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so... This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how introverts see themselves."

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.  Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord.  Take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above."

"You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you.  Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in Me."  ~John 15:3,4

"If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain...  At school you might have been prodded to come "out of your shell" - that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and that some humans are just the same."  ~Susan Cain, Quiet
...That happened to me in 3rd grade, when I was just being my natural, quiet self and doing well in all my school work, then suddenly felt inadequate when the teacher made a big deal of how special I could be if I'd only come out of my shell.  So this quote made me happy... especially considering my life-long love of precious turtles. lol =)

Memory Monday ~ Noodles! :)

Last week, I was driving by my old apartment area, and was super surprised to see that Five Guys Burgers & Fries has moved in and replaced the Noodles place!  I had no idea.  Five Guys is clearly in what I call the Krispy Kreme craziness phase right now, where people are willing to stand in line for a freaking hour to have a slightly-better-than-average cheeseburger... good, but not that good.

Anyway, it brought back fond memories of the Noodles place. lol  

My Mom and I used to go to the Nothing But Noodles by Quail Springs on a regular basis - I definitely went to the mall a lot more often back then.  When I moved to Tulsa, Natalie Lamb and I had lunch there several times (it was tasty and close, located between her apartment and my house).  Mark joined us a couple times, but it was usually just the girls.  I probably tried something different a couple times, but 90% of the time, it was the three-cheese macaroni (see picture) and garlic bread. Yum!! =)

 Sadly, I have no pictures of us there, but I have mental pictures, so it's okay. lol

Mini-collage of Natalie Lamb...

The relaxed, what my Dad referred to as "girly" atmosphere was perfect for good, long, meaningful conversations - (something that will probably never be true of Five Guys).  I wish I was better at remembering what we talked about, but that's true of all my friendships.  In the end, I just know that those heart-to-heart moments... much like my late night talks with Malori or my post-walk talks with Laura... mean so very much to me!!  

And the mac n' cheese was also pretty awesome. ;-)  

Thankful Thursday (54)

"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  ~Colossians 2:7

Today, I'm thankful for:

1)  A stable job & financial security/peace!
2)  The God-given desire and ability to learn new things!
3)  Gym time with Jeff, Chet, and Natalie... hilarious, as you might imagine!

4)  My 115 plea transcripts (not feeling super thankful for those at the moment, but the $ will eventually be nice!)
5)  A lovely long weekend with family after a tough week at work.  (...and thankful for Bubby Jace's baby Ralph Lauren shoes - cuteness!)

6)  Occasionally being still and leaving things alone long enough to actually let myself heal.  *I'm talking emotions here, but I have a detailed and very fitting metaphor of picking scabs + constantly re-injuring myself + making the wound bigger + risking infection and causing permanent scars (something I tend to do on a regular basis - both physically and emotionally) vs. caring for and covering the wound and naturally healing from within - something I'm really working on!
7)  Timely guidance/messages from God (through sermons, songs, FB posts, devotional emails, etc.)!

Happy Thursday... back to work now!! :)

Math Month!

I'm declaring September 2012 "Math Month!"  

Sounds super exciting and fun; right? Almost like "the Summer of George." lol  Not so much!

I'm in a Statistics class right now for school... (the only math-related class in this undergrad program, thank God).  The teacher doesn't explain it in a way that makes much sense to me, so I'm hoping a thorough reading of the textbook and online videos will solve that problem.  I'm also studying for the GRE test, which I will be taking on September 22nd.  Before studying at all, I did a practice test today to see where I stand.  I  felt pretty confident about the Analytical Writing and had almost perfect scores on the Verbal Reasoning sections!  I was surprised how easy some of it was, and excited that I might not have to study as much as I thought.  Then came the Quantitative Reasoning sections... I had an hour to complete them, but it was quickly apparent that any amount of time would not have made a difference...  I was totally guessing on around half of them, and got less than half right in both sections.

I understand English -- it makes total sense to me, and I use grammar and reasoning and reading comprehension in everyday life.  But my mind seems to glaze over and go blank when I start reading about circumferences and pi and percentages and means and standard deviations and isosceles right triangles and radius and area and square roots and exponents and ratios and fractions and solving for x.... especially when I'm not allowed to use a calculator!  Uuuuuugh!

From the bottom of my heart, I find very little real-life use for this sort of math knowledge... and I find it hard to concentrate and get excited about studying and re-learning these things that have nothing to do with my future career path.  However, I want to do my very best on the GRE and I want an A in my Stats class, so for one month, I am devoting as much attention as I can muster to becoming awesome at math... wish me luck!!

...then I can forget it all again in October. ;-)