"It is time for your restoration..."

Wednesday night was my girls group with Lindsay, Alyssa, Talhia, and Linda.  I'm really enjoying that group and opening up with them more and more!  We met for dinner at McAlister's and Lindsay had us all laughing so hard we cried!!  She is definitely the funniest woman I know!  :)  

Eventually, the conversation got more serious, and Lindsay gave an example from her own life about how a quick venting session led to an overwhelmingly heavy sense of sadness and despair about where her life was headed.  We talked about the POWER our words have over our emotions and the need to focus on God's truth over the enemy's lies - (something Kelly's group has also been talking about lately).  On a similar note, Matt Chandler has taught recently about how grumbling and complaining is our natural tendency when little things don't go our way, but we fail to recognize that God views ALL of our grumbling as complaining against Him.  In other words, it is always personal to Him because it shows a lack of trust in His provision and plan and love for us.  

That really convicted me.

Shifting gears a bit.... with my doctor's approval, I've tapered down slowly and have been off of antidepressants for a few weeks now.  I'm very thankful for that, but I'm also feeling some fear and internal pressure.  It's become difficult for me to interpret certain emotions -- is it depression or spiritual warfare or just normal emotion over a specific circumstance (or movie)?  I need more discernment on that, so please pray for that.

With my personality, I am much more likely to vent and complain and get emotionally worked up via writing than I am in talks with people.  And I know that writing about "hurting," "struggling," "feeling stressed," "being fragile," "feeling overwhelmed," etc. is NOT helping matters or strengthening my self-worth.  I really enjoy blogging and I want to write with transparency, straight from the heart.  But when my heart is not rightly centered on Christ and on truth, my words will do more harm than good, for me and for others who read this.  So in this setting, I would rather produce no fruit for a bit than bad fruit.  So I am taking a break (for reals this time) with the focus on becoming more deeply purified and rooted in God's love.

Exciting news:  I will be attending the Ransomed Heart Captivating Retreat in Colorado next month (YAY!!), and I'm already expecting God to do a great work in my life there!  I'm planning to use this month to pray and prepare for it as much as possible, so pray with and for me when you think of it, because the last thing I want is for these painful, confusing seasons I've been through to be a waste.  I want redemption and healing and a life that gives others hope and points them to Christ!!  

And the first tiny step in that direction is using more self-control in what I say and what I write.  I'll probably be back here in a month-and-a-half or two, but for me, that will count as a significant break.  I just need to rest, get out of my own head for a bit, renounce the lies, and refocus my heart on truth!!

Let us turn now to Him, indeed!