"If we're not careful, we risk devaluing what friendship can be in our attempt to protect ourselves from what we don't want it to be... It doesn't matter what our previous experiences have been as much as it matters what we're willing to create now. What we're willing to invest. What we're willing to do."
"There are numerous studies that link a circle of supportive friends to lower stress levels, greater happiness, prevention of diseases, faster recovery rates from surgery and accidents, and greater chances of reaching life goals. Who among us doesn't want those benefits?"
"To love people requires that we keep growing personally."
"The truth is that friendships change... Knowing that most friendships aren't forever invites us to forgive ourselves for those relationships that didn't live up to the fairy tale... We must give ourselves as much grace as we can, separating our ideas about our likability from whether or not our friendships prove to be permanent. The two are not the same."
"Think carefully about how you're experiencing these relationships now - today - rather than thinking about how much you love these women or how long you've known them... Life shifts. Our needs shift. Our friendships shift."
"Who among us wants to look at life and see the hills as steeper than they are? Who among us wants to increase our stress and decrease our ability to cope with it? ...The healthier I want to be, the more I need to connect. We need friends."
"Even more important than someone else choosing me is my ability to choose myself, believing in my worth and value... Some of us don't need to make new friends as much as we need to create peace where we've been. We are being called to forgive ourselves and others so that we can live more fully in the present by removing the fear and shame from our past."
"Our desire to expand the Committed Circle does not suggest a lack about any of our current friends, only that we love them enough to not ever expect everything from them. For our health and theirs we are willing to welcome a few more in."
"We aren't always the best judges of what will serve our lives most effectively... Easy isn't the goal. Having strong, healthy, meaningful friendships is - even if that means there are awkward and difficult moments along the way."
"Our closest friends and family are like puzzle pieces, each interlocked with our own piece, such that they know one side of us very well... There are sides of us that can be stimulated by people who don't have a set picture of us being a certain way... [Contact friends] can see us in ways we want to be seen, or ways we don't even yet see in ourselves, which allows us to expand who we are."
"If this is a gift you can give, then give it freely and generously. The world needs way more people willing to give energy to initiating relationships."
"It's impossible to prioritize friendship and not sacrifice something else."
"While we might think that substantial conversations would take more energy or cause more stress, I actually think that most of us feel more drained after a night of small talk at a party than after interacting over an involved subject... While most of us fidget a bit before sharing, we actually really do want to be heard, known, and validated. We do appreciate having the opportunity to talk about ourselves. We yearn for friendship as a place to share about ourselves - not just the weather, a recap of a recent movie, or a funny story about our kids."
"We bring positivity to the relationship when we choose to empathize with each other... What cheers us up when we're depressed isn't someone telling us to be happy and look on the bright side, but rather someone accepting us right where we are."
"We want to laugh, not just offer our shoulders for tears. We want to create memories, not just exchange updates. We want to have fun, not just be needed by one more person. We want joy. That is why we seek out friends. We can't forget this truth. To ignore it means that we risk only showing up in our friendships when we need them."
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| #convicting!! |
"Our goal is peace and happiness and our only way there is through forgiveness. There is no greater skill to possess, no more meaningful choice to be made, no further place to grow our maturity than in the moment where we are provoked to forgive."
"Live in the present. Let go of the temptation to keep retelling yourself the story of what happened that's bothering you, further pushing your stake of anger into the ground. The painful act was done in the past; all we have in the present is how we want to respond and who we want to be."
"How I treat others is the litmus test for whether my counseling-meditation-church-attendance-book-reading-workshop-going-yoga-stretching-journaling-reflecting efforts are doing the necessary work. How I keep my own light in their presence. How I practice compassion in situations I don't understand..."
"So if we can resist the temptation of believing someone is toxic (which is far different from acknowledging that we can be hurt by their behavior), then we can acknowledge that all of us have the capacity at times to express unhealthy behaviors, just as we can also all show compassion and thoughtfulness."
"I notice that when I'm grateful and have a sense of my own well-being, I show up in relationships with more light. It has something to do with self-esteem, but also with simply holding a peace about my own life that invites me to not feel threatened by theirs... [Our friendships] end too often because we don't know how to feel excitement and joy for someone else's choices and stages while also staying in a place of contentment and joy for our own."
"It's our responsibility to build a circle of friends around us, not any one friend's obligation to be everything we need."
"Praying for her reminds me that it's not just my life that feels overwhelming and big. She has her stuff, too. And I want to stay compassionate towards her, loving her well through her daily battles."
-(All quotes are by Shasta Nelson in Friendships Don't Just Happen)
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