2~Kindness

Today I'm especially happy to sleep in and avoid the Black Friday crowds! :)

Today I am thankful for friends and family who have been so kind and gentle with me through this year of transition and loss and emotional chaos.  It has not gone unnoticed and I do not take it for granted, especially having been through something similar when all my friends abandoned me in the past.  I appreciate every prayer, text, call, email, invite, and conversation more than you know.

I am thankful for the kind heart of God, who loves and gives generously to His children.  I am thankful for the timing of reading THIS POST last night. 

"There are words with roots in deep error and deep evil. But not all grey words get their color from a black heart. Some are colored mainly by the pain, the despair. What you hear is not the deepest thing within. There is something real within where they come from. But it is temporary—like a passing infection—real, painful, but not the true person."

Love that.  It was really comforting, because I certainly think and say things that are completely out of character when I am in despair.  It helps me to remember that it's only a season and that God understands my pain.  I'm thankful that it will pass and that I'm not alone in the middle of it.

I'm thankful that this was the best Thanksgiving Day I can remember in recent years.  Lunch at the Parrish house with Josh's family and our fam, hanging out with Missy K and playing with the boys outside.  A nap at Mom and Dad's, which was awesome.  And dinner at Nancy's, where we had much to celebrate (more on that tomorrow).  God is good, all the time!

 ^^The boys (and Missy K) crashing our sister pic! =)

^^Family Pic for Dad's SF Christmas letter, Thanksgiving Day 2013!

3~Home

Today, I'm thankful for home.

And by "home," I really mean Midwest City, where I grew up and lived the first 22 years of my life!  We moved three times, but always lived within a 1-2 mile radius of my dad's State Farm office.  CHA and Rose State College were both only a 10-15 minute drive from our house. =)

I had my good camera with me today and had some time before Mom got back from Rachael's, so I drove around and took a few pictures...

9121 is the house where I grew up.  I loved it!

Soooo many memories here from 1993-2008!!

This was the Primo's house.  And the awesome red tree in our front yard.

 =)

The famous 3-story house in our old neighborhood.

The church parking lot where Rach and I learned to drive with Grandad. 

The golf course where I tried to learn golf with Dad! lol

Regional Park, where Grandad used to take us to play and swing.  (And Joe Barnes was our neighbor at 9121).

Crest grocery store, where Mom would take us to buy toilet paper after midnight to go TP the boys! lol

Dad's Office, where Rach and I used to play Little House on the Prairie, and where we would spend hours folding birthday letters together. :)

304 Three Oaks Drive (the house is mostly obscured by the out-of-control landscaping).  But I used to love climbing that front yard tree! :)  And playing baseball with Grandad in the front yard.

Douglas Blvd. = the central main street between the three houses.

Just a street corner that I picture when I think of MWC.

Where we would've gone to school if we hadn't been at CHA.

A lot has changed, but so much around town has stayed the same, and it makes me happy to see that.  (It also makes me happy that the Midwest City LifeChurch meets where the slowly decaying Heritage Park Mall used to be.)  :)

Aww, memories of the HP Chick-Fil-A!

"There are places I'll remember all my life, though some have changed..."

In a year full of transition, (including a lot of good new things), today I feel very thankful and nostalgic for the places that remain the same.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!! =)

Here's part of T-man's performance at last year's Thanksgiving lunch:

4~JESUS

"John and I learned long ago that in cases of suffering, you can have understanding or you can have Jesus. If you insist on understanding, you usually lose both."

--The first two lines of my Ransomed Heart email for today.  (From Stasi's book, Becoming Myself)  

That quote makes so much sense to me!  I've read it before, but I needed the reminder.  When something really hard first hits me, I typically do pray and seek God, and I feel His grace upholding me.  But as time goes on, alllll the emotions rise up, and I start wanting to understand everything and asking a million "Why" and "What if" questions.  And the problem becomes emotionally overwhelming, and every bit of grace and peace I'd felt in the beginning disappears...

It's like Peter taking His eyes off of Jesus and onto the waves, suddenly sinking and drowning rather than walking calmly above it.  

I am turning my focus back to Jesus!  I want God's grace to fill my heart, even if I never understand this.  I want Jesus to be close, to feel Him working in me and through me and around me, even if I never know why I'm being shunned by a family that once loved me.  I want this to draw me closer to Jesus.  I want to look at Him and forget about the "waves" rushing around my feet.  I want my life story to magnify Him and all He has done, but never to magnify what Satan is trying to do.  

Today, I am thankful for Jesus!  I am thankful that He loves me and wants me and seeks me out even when I fail Him.  I love Jesus.  I need Jesus.  I want Jesus.  I want Jesus more than I want to understand it all!  

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace!"

"In Christ Alone, my hope is found.

He is my light, my strength, my song.

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm!"

"When suffering enters into your life, take a deep breath. The very first thing to do is to invite Jesus into it. Pray, Jesus, catch my heart. When painful trials come your way, by all means ask God what's up—ask him to interpret it for you. But whether he provides understanding or not, invite Jesus in. Keep inviting Jesus into the pain. Invite Jesus into the places in your heart that are rising to the surface through the suffering, be those painful memories, unbelief, or self-contempt. Pray, Please come meet me here Jesus. I need you.

Let suffering be the door you walk through that draws you to deeper intimacy with Jesus. Suffering can do that, if we let it. And though it would never be the doorway we would choose, it is one we will never regret walking through."

(-the rest of today's email)

5~ "Friendsgiving!"

Today, I'm thankful for the 2nd Annual Friendsgiving Dinner at the Wilsons! =)

I'm so thankful for laughter and friendship and kindness and good movies and memorable conversations and delicious food!!

I am also thankful for the Mariah Carey Christmas CD and all the memories that go with it!  Including this, which happened tonight. ;-)

6~2013

This is the first time I've said it, but I'm thankful for this year -- for 2013.   Many of my fears have come true and much of it has indeed been "difficult and complicated and beyond my control."  But my word for the year was HOPE, and in a year where my hope has been seriously challenged by depression, anxiety, failure, huge losses, and grief, my will to live and fight 'the real enemy' has actually become stronger!

For me, this J.K. Rowling quote is the best way to sum up 2013:

“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. The fears that my parents had had for me and that I had had for myself had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew. That period of my life was a dark one... I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality. 

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged.

I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive.  Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies. 

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won. And it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned...

Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult and complicated and beyond any person’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

~J.K. Rowling

7~Boo

Today I'm thankful for Boo, or "the little Boo puppy," as I like to call him!

Tiny, cute, fluffy, hyper - that is Pomeranians in a nutshell, and I will have one someday!!

 ^^"Boo in a shoe, Boo on a shoe."

Boo is quite famous on Facebook, thanks to the Kardashians tweeting about him (possibly their best contribution to society). lol  He has millions of fans, and I'm definitely one of them... seeing his pictures and dog life updates can't help but brighten your day!

I had wanted a Pomeranian even before I saw "Boo:  The World's Cutest Dog" book!  Boo n' Buddy are both fantastically fluffy and adorable and always look smiley!

I'm also thankful for a lazy snow day today!  I got up early and drove home to beat the sleet.  And now that I'm finally caught up on blog posts, I'm about to take a lovely afternoon nap!!  So g'night.

Stay cool! ;-)

9~Pictures

Okay, so saying I'm thankful for pictures is a bit of a cop out, but since none of this goes together, it was the best way to quickly sum it up in one word!! =)

I'm thankful every time I get to hang out with Missy K in all her preciousness!  So much fun! :)

 Seriously, how cute are babies in footsie pajamas!?

I'm thankful that I no longer care about being spit up on or drooled on (by my own niece and nephew only, that is)!

I'm thankful that graduation is quickly approaching...

And that I'm finally done with my grad school applications (OSU-Tulsa, TU, and Rosemead)!  

I'm thankful for movie nights with Lauralai Bower and for getting to see Catching Fire on its opening weekend!  So intense!!

I'm also thankful for awesome reclining seats at AMC!! =)

I'm thankful for a nephew who loves watching football with Mamaw!

I'm thankful for the game invite and for my awesome friends.  I'm thankful that Rach and Dad got to see the Cowboys big win tonight!  And I'm thankful I got a cozy, lazy night watching the game indoors, eating pizza, and holding Kyndal as Mom played with Jace!

I'm thankful for my beautiful new Christmas garland and thankful to see Rach in Tulsa last week for the first time since 2010! :) Notice Miss Kyndal  on her blanket in the entryway - she was happy as long as she could see her momma!  Cuteness!

That's all for this post - now time to catch up! 

10~JT Concert

*This is technically yesterday's post in the 30-day count, so I get to write two today. :)

Last night was the Justin Timberlake concert in Tulsa!  So much fun!!  Tiffany and I had an early dinner at Hideaway, then got to the BOK Center an hour before it started.  SO freaking cold outside!  When we got in, we accidentally walked around the entire building (literally) to finally get to our seats, so that warmed us back up. lol  

I had a really great time hanging out and getting to know Tiffany - she was the first in my women's group to excitedly speak up when I said I was looking for someone to attend that concert with me, but we'd never hung out outside of group before.  I'm thinking that will happen much more often now! :)

I'm glad/thankful I decided not to sell the tickets!

We ran into the Fosters (Jon and Kristin) on our pointless walk around the building, so that was fun!
Kristin:   "I really feel like he's this generation's Michael Jackson!"
Jon:  "Minus the ethnicity confusion." :)

The concert lasted till midnight and was a really good mix of a lot of his older songs and new album, so I got to sing along more than I'd expected!  He's cute and charismatic and playfully arrogant in a way I love... and the man can dance, which is awesome!  (However, the topless girls on the massive screen behind him and the fact that he used the F word about 50 times through the night were not so awesome.  I still want to think of him as the precious little JT from N'Sync, but no.)

Truth be told, some of the cussing was a little funny to me.  But if I'd had a young teenager there, I'd have been pretty upset about it.  Anyway, he ended with Mirrors, which was perfect! :)

{What Goes Around Comes Around by JT}

"Don't want to think about; don't want to talk about it.  I'm just so sick about it.  Can't believe it's ending this way.  Just so confused about it, singing the blues about it.  I just can't do without you. Tell me is this fair? Is this the way it's really going down? Is this how we say goodbye!? It's okay, baby, 'cause in time, you will find what goes around comes around, goes around comes all the way back around."

The whole audience (me included, obviously) connected with those lyrics and with Cry Me a River, and seeing that made me strangely happy.  No one is immune from rejection-induced heartbreak -- not even the pretty people or the strong people who seem to have it all together.  It's nice to be reminded that everyone goes through this crap, dealing with rejection and the plethora of emotions that come with it.  It's a common thread that 90+ percent of people will connect with, which makes me feel better right now... and it's great news for my future book on that subject! =)

Anyway, yay for fun concerts and new friendships!

11~Family

Today, I am thankful for my parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephews, niece, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins!!  I love them all, and I love that most of them live close so we get to see them often.  Lots of great memories, especially around the holidays!!

We're not perfect, but we love each other, and that usually makes up for everything else.  When I am heartbroken and concerned about exhausting my friends, I know my Mom will listen gladly.  I'm thankful that in the midst of all the suckiness, I feel closer to my immediate family than I have in a while this year.  I'm thankful to have family and extended family who know and love the Lord.  We have fun most of the time when we all hang out together, but we're there for each other through the hard stuff too.

Connection and Loyalty are high on my list of values.  I tend to assume that they go together, but I've been wrong about that a time or two.  I'm not sure I know how to express my thoughts here exactly, but having experienced both, I prefer loyalty without connection to connection without loyalty.  I'm thankful that with my family, I usually have both!  And even when we don't connect perfectly or aren't on the same page, I trust that they will love me and be there for me.  And vice versa!

14~Music!!

I love music.  I'm generally a lyrics girl - even when the lyrics are confusing or seemingly pointless, I tend to find meaning in them.  And music often speaks to my heart like nothing else can.  So I'm thankful for that today!

My top 10 most listened to songs of 2013 are:

10.  Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles

"I feel that ice is slowly melting... it seems like years it's been clear."

9.  Impossible by Shontelle

"And now, when all is done, there is nothing to say.  You have gone there so effortlessly.  You have won, you can go ahead, tell them...  Tell them I was happy, and my heart is broken.  All my scars are open.  Tell them what I'd hoped would be impossible."

8.  I'm Scared by Duffy

"I'm scared to face another day, cause the fear in me just won't go away.  In an instant, you were gone.  Now I'm scared."

7.  Be Still, My Soul by David Archuleta
"Be still, my soul - the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below!"

6.  Give Me Jesus by Jeremy Camp

"When I am alone, give me Jesus."

5.  I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts

"I will stand by you; I will help you through when you've done all you can do and you can't cope.  I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight.  I will hold you tight, and I won't let go!"

4.  The Lucky One by Taylor Swift

"And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared; how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out!"

3.  Come Thou Fount by Jadon Lavik

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.  Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it.  Seal it for Thy courts above!"

2.  All of Me by John Legend

"How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful too. The world is beating you down; I'm around through every mood...  'Cause all of me loves all of you.  Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections!  Give your all to me; I'll give my all to you.  You're my end and my beginning.  Even when I lose, I'm winning."

1.  Some Nights by the Glee Cast

"It's for the best you didn't listen.  It's for the best we get our distance...  But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.  Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for - oh, what do I stand for? What do I stand for?  Most nights, I don't know anymore."

19~Aunthood :)

Not sure aunthood is a word, but if motherhood and fatherhood are, then why not? lol

Today, I'm thankful for being "Aunt Lindsey" to T-Man, Carter-man, Bubby J, and Missy K...  a/k/a Triston Michael, Carter Lee, Jace Michael, and Kyndal Faith, my three delightful nephews and one adorable niece!   Love them!!

Triston = upper left, Carter = upper right

Jace = lower left, Kyndal = lower right

Seriously though, how cute are they!?  I love their innocence and enthusiasm for life!  I love observing their personalities and listening to them sing and argue with each other and tell stories (and Jace as he discovers new words and games.)  They're just fun!

T&C like to do the super cheesy plastic smile, so Rach was tickling them to try to get some real smiles here. :)  We also told them to think of Chloe and Sarah, the girls they are currently "in love with." lol

Parrish Fam Fall Pics 2013... photo by Aunt Lindsey ;-)
It's nearly the impossible dream to get Jace to smile on cue, but I love this pic anyway!

Triston really loved the Willow Tree (me too) and insisted on a pic with it before we left.

He just makes me happy. lol

 Carter telling T-man a secret - this little mischievous smirky face is my absolute favorite look! :)

Carter is really cracking me up right here... they were going for Pinterest-perfect, but I quite love the zig-zaggy random chaos of this one!!

I got to hold little Missy K for a while this weekend.  I just love her big eyes and soft baby skin and little noises and quiet fidgeting.  She is just so sweet and PRECIOUS!

Being an aunt is pretty fantastic -- as everyone loves to say, you get to do the fun parts and skip the hard parts. :)  But truthfully, I want to do both... the more I hang around my nephews and niece, the more convinced I am that I absolutely must be a mother someday!  And I believe I will, so I'm excited for that season too, but for now, I'm enjoying this one!

And on a random ending note,
Happy 11-12-13! =)