4~JESUS

"John and I learned long ago that in cases of suffering, you can have understanding or you can have Jesus. If you insist on understanding, you usually lose both."

--The first two lines of my Ransomed Heart email for today.  (From Stasi's book, Becoming Myself)  

That quote makes so much sense to me!  I've read it before, but I needed the reminder.  When something really hard first hits me, I typically do pray and seek God, and I feel His grace upholding me.  But as time goes on, alllll the emotions rise up, and I start wanting to understand everything and asking a million "Why" and "What if" questions.  And the problem becomes emotionally overwhelming, and every bit of grace and peace I'd felt in the beginning disappears...

It's like Peter taking His eyes off of Jesus and onto the waves, suddenly sinking and drowning rather than walking calmly above it.  

I am turning my focus back to Jesus!  I want God's grace to fill my heart, even if I never understand this.  I want Jesus to be close, to feel Him working in me and through me and around me, even if I never know why I'm being shunned by a family that once loved me.  I want this to draw me closer to Jesus.  I want to look at Him and forget about the "waves" rushing around my feet.  I want my life story to magnify Him and all He has done, but never to magnify what Satan is trying to do.  

Today, I am thankful for Jesus!  I am thankful that He loves me and wants me and seeks me out even when I fail Him.  I love Jesus.  I need Jesus.  I want Jesus.  I want Jesus more than I want to understand it all!  

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace!"

"In Christ Alone, my hope is found.

He is my light, my strength, my song.

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm!"

"When suffering enters into your life, take a deep breath. The very first thing to do is to invite Jesus into it. Pray, Jesus, catch my heart. When painful trials come your way, by all means ask God what's up—ask him to interpret it for you. But whether he provides understanding or not, invite Jesus in. Keep inviting Jesus into the pain. Invite Jesus into the places in your heart that are rising to the surface through the suffering, be those painful memories, unbelief, or self-contempt. Pray, Please come meet me here Jesus. I need you.

Let suffering be the door you walk through that draws you to deeper intimacy with Jesus. Suffering can do that, if we let it. And though it would never be the doorway we would choose, it is one we will never regret walking through."

(-the rest of today's email)