If I Could Turn Back Time...

Dear sweet, naive 2007 Lindsey, 

This new house will prove to be a fantastic and God-ordained decision, even though most of what you're envisioning for it right now is going to shatter dramatically in approximately five days...

By the time you move in a couple months, your life and circle of friends will have changed completely. You will become the outcast in a way you never thought was possible. There will be mini-dramas and betrayals and a lot of confusion and heartache. In a few months, your younger cousin will be diagnosed with brain tumors, then your family friend will come down with an unexplained virus and eventually die as family and friends surround him in the hospital to pray... and everything you've believed about God will come into question. It's gonna be brutal, and if I could go back and hug you and help you see things clearly, I would. I would tell you that God loves you and that He is sovereign and knows what is best. I would tell you that your worth and value are not linked to any one person's opinion of you. And I would warn you not to align yourself with someone so completely that if he rejects you and walks away, you will want to reject yourself, too. (Then you would say that could never happen, because your judgment is clouded and your faith is misplaced.)

I'm so thankful that God was there for you, that He is here for you right now today, and that He will be there for you in any future unexpected, world-shattering events. The God who was and is and is to come. I'm thankful that God brought you through that year. I'm thankful that I can separate it out when I look back at you, that my opinion of your worth is completely disconnected from Josh's opinion of your worth. And even though you made some really poor choices in that relationship, I can look at you with love and compassion and grace instead of disdain or disgust, and I'm so thankful for the way my mindset toward you has changed.

So congrats on signing the contract on your first house - that's awesome, and you're going to grow to love it, even though you'll contemplate moving back home for a bit! And thank God for that lifegroup you joined recently and haven't made much time for! Now brace yourself and know that God will get you through the coming year, and you are going to be okay.

Love you,