Old School (MM)

Happy Memory Monday!

First, a few pictures: 

My favorite niece, Kyndal Faith... those sassy hands on her hips, the precious smile and cozy PJs, and the over it face in that bottom right pic (which is now my phone screensaver - I can barely handle it - I laugh and/or talk to her picture every time I look at it - lol.) Oh, Miss K - what a presh!! =)

Celebrating Lindsay's birthday at Lifegroup last Tuesday! Kyndal being very serious in asking me for my phone and pointing to what she wanted to take pictures of. I'm still working on the first page from the adult coloring book from Debbie Wallace - (so adult coloring books are more intense and less fun, just like adult life). Half-Jaceman, Half-Spiderman, pretend Hyena! :) Dad eating his daily apple breakfast while the dogs hang out by his chair. Dropping the girlfranz off for boarding at "Camp Bow-Wow!" (They were not happy campers about that.)

Mom bruises easily, but I hate seeing it on her arms (these are from the IVs a week ago). T-man giving Mamaw a big hug. A happy cheesy pic of J&K!  Reagan jumping on top of the pillow pile to see if I had any food for her. Jaceman sitting on the ice machine and chatting it up with Mamaw! An artsy pic of Reagan by Miss Kyndal Faith! lol

Target trip with Rach and the kids. Carter jumping on the red ball outside. It's a happier trip with Icees!! I watched so many fun old school movies this weekend, including Wild Hogs, Troop Beverly Hills, Cops & Robbersons, Renaissance Man, and City Slickers 2!

"This above all, to thine own self be true!"  That's still ringing in my head from Renaissance Man - I'm a big fan of that movie and hadn't seen it in so long! And how psyched was I about finding Troop Beverly Hills!? I LOVE that movie - such a cheesy fun childhood throwback! I still hear the "Cookie Time" song in my head sometimes when I'm having cookies. lol Ridic.

And speaking of old school favorites, I switched up the CDs in my car recently and came across this little gem (from the days of illegally downloading songs off WinMX but paying for a program where we could print our own CD labels). lol  Some angsty songs, some line dancing favorites, some old school Kanye West, Nelly Furtado's epic first CD, and hundreds of memories and emotions that go along with the different people and seasons of my past! Music really does take you back, and it's sometimes good and sometimes bad. It makes me super aware of the stark transitions from one season and friend group to the next...

It's interesting and strange to me how I am able to look back and see real beauty and goodness in each past season, and I can see the growth and change in my life that has come through painful times, and I feel genuinely thankful for and delighted by most of the people in my life right now... Yet at the very same time, there is part of my soul that feels unhealed (sad, numb, unseen, unsought, uncertain, weak, exhausted). I try to be kind and thoughtful toward others, but I'm never sure about where I "fit" or truly belong or what main purpose my life is supposed to serve, and there's the constant underlying pressure to keep myself together and "light" enough so that no one else will decide to walk away forever and call it good riddance. I'm subconsciously trying to prevent that and brace up for it all at once. Sometimes I wonder if my desire to move is just the desire to be in control of choosing the next life-altering change in my life. All that to say, I'm feeling a bit worn down and disconnected and desperate for change, and I'm tired of trying to fight through that alone, so I think I'm going to call a Christian counselor who comes highly recommended by a friend who has worked with her, and I'm really hoping it will be good and helpful!  I'm half-dreading it because verbal communication is not where I excel plus where do you even start and how far back do you go in explaining how you got here and what's bothering you and how honest can you reeeeally be and what could they tell me that I haven't already heard or read in 1,000 memes and sermons and blogs and psychology classes? You risk wasting valuable time and a fair amount of money and coming out with the added shame of trying one more thing that didn't really help you, but I think I'm at a point where that risk is worth it. So I'm going to give it my best shot. Kind of a heavy topic for a Memory Monday post, but it's easier to talk about here than in real life, so there you go. I hope you all have a lovely week!  Life is complex and messy sometimes, so know that you're not alone if you're facing hard emotions, even in the midst of summery beauty and goodness and joy and gratitude!!

New Flipagram to go with my Song of the Week: The Heart of Life (a great song that fits my mood, even though I'm not a John Mayer fan)