Wait For It

Hey, gang!  It's been longer than usual for me, and I've missed writing.  I've been unusually busy with work lately... I also published and then deleted a ranting post a couple days ago, but I'm in a better frame of mind now.  

I find myself disappointed again by a church leader that I have admired for several years.  I tend to put certain people on a pedestal in my mind, and it is always hard on me when they fall... which they usually do because we're all human and flawed and sinful.  I feel upset and disheartened not simply by this situation but by how common it has become to see church leaders making cowardly, self-serving decisions to overlook hurting people and distance themselves from controversy.  It really is not okay.  But the right response (particularly when it is not a church I attend or have any direct involvement with) is to pray for God to strengthen and refine both the victims AND the church leadership team.  And to focus on my own walk and do my best to make bold, self-sacrificial decisions to help hurting people and not to run away when things get difficult and messy.  

To follow the ways of Jesus rather than the ways of men.

Situations like this make me very aware of the fact that I cannot control or change anyone else.  But I am not powerless either.  I CAN control the amount of effort I put forth... the time I spend seeking God... my heart attitude and my words... how I interact with others.  I want a relationship with God that is unique, distinctive, and authentic.  I don't want it to be a copy or an imitation of what I see in others, and I don't want it to be a duty or a heavy obligation.  I am deeply craving what is REAL and TRUE and LIFE-GIVING and TRUSTWORTHY.  And I can choose Him on a daily basis in so many different ways -- I can take the cynical thoughts captive and press forward in hope.  I am not stuck in a futile holding pattern, and my small daily choices are impacting and shaping my future.  My personality and my past do not get to dictate who I will become... I am determined to believe that more deeply and to "come alive" in a new way!

Of all the songs and lyrics I love in the Hamilton soundtrack, this may be my favorite:
(And now I'll have this song in my head all night.)

I feel that way about many things - that I'm "lying in wait" for the right opportunity or the right idea or the right timing or the right relationships to help propel me forward.  I sincerely believe the best is yet to come, but waiting can be hard and confusing.  Sometimes I need to step out of the boat with faith and courage, trusting God to realign me if needed.  I cannot allow myself to get too complacent or to give up or to decide my role is insignificant.  We all have our own pace and a different path to walk, and each one is original and unique and designed by God.  But we have to let Him lead us.  Whether or not the collective church ever learns to correctly value women, singles, or single women, Jesus has got that down.  And it is His approval, love, grace, power, and authority I am walking in!! #inChristalone

Anyway, there's a thimble-sized sample of my swirling deep thoughts this Friday evening. =)

In other news, yesterday was Mom and Dad's 38th Anniversary!!  ❤

...And here are some happy summer snapshots of my niece and nephews, my four favorite kids in all the world!  ❤

Jace missed the arm memo. lol

Are they not the very cutest!?

And an underwater shot from T-man's GoPro! =)

They make me happy, and I'm looking forward to seeing them and Dad's side of the fam tomorrow. =)

For now, I'm off to Planet Fitness for a bit, then going to finish up some proofreading whilst watching Downton Abbey.  Hope your Friday night is a little more fun-filled!  ;-)