Highs and Lows

Happy Friday, friends!

Well, happy-ish at least.  I'm actually taking a quick break from writing a card to Babah because I just started thinking about her and all she's been through the past two years... (the months of diligent caretaking and watching him suffer followed by the loss of her husband of 65 years - with her misdiagnosed awful shoulder injury and surgery in the midst of all that, then trying to adjust to living alone while being diagnosed with macular degeneration and having vision troubles in the midst of a crazy worldwide pandemic, falling and breaking her sacrum, dealing with a lot of confusion brought on by a sepsis infection, a terrible and lonely stay at a nursing home that was supposed to provide rehab but failed to get her up for over a week, and now being confined to a hospital bed at Virginia's with sores on her feet that mean she's still unable to walk even to the bathroom - it's too much - and now they're snowed in and there was some sort of damage to the roads near Virginia's house, so we are unable to go visit this weekend.  Pulling back - I'm super thankful she's with good friends who have been taking care of her, but I know she's had some moments of real despair, and I just feel tired of all this on her behalf.  I always think of her and Grandad on my birthday, which was their anniversary.  And this thought spiral leads me into feeling empathy for other aging adults who are dealing with much greater isolation through this pandemic and how I want them to feel loved and seen and important - I want God to be very close to them!)  Anyway, while writing "I love you very much" on the card, I started full-on crying at my desk, so I had to put that down for a minute and pull myself together.  And redo the makeup real fast! lol  Eek.

Sorry for the heightened emotional intensity lately - I'm guessing that's not the content you were expecting when you saw a picture of awesome cupcakes and cookies! lol  Everything just feels amplified right now - the highs and the lows - and I know that feeling extra is better than being numb, so I'm letting myself feel it all.  Speaking of highs, now we'll move on to much lighter and happier topics... I got a fun and delicious DoorDash birthday gift from Jeff and Kelly yesterday -- YUM!!  So much celebratory goodness from Merritt's Bakery - definitely still working my way through it and may have to share some... but maybe not! ;-)

 

 

  I made this collage then felt like I needed to post the bigger version of the food pic for you to get the full effect. lol  Thanks, Moss fam!  I love and appreciate you guys!!

In other news, I've started watching The Last Dance again.  Not sure what it is with me, but 75% of the time, I'd prefer to watch a rerun to trying something new.  I'm a big fan of what's familiar, I guess.  Anyway, for the second time, Jerry Krause is a selfish moron who should never have been in a position of power.  And MJ was a one of a kind talent with a fierce competitive drive that's so impressive to me!  JoBug reminded me that I share a birthday with him - yay for that!  Happy birth-week to Michael!!  

This pic from the Olympic "Dream Team" makes me happy!

 

 

"For a few weeks, I started each morning by writing, 'What do I actually want?' at the top of a blank page.  It's surprising how useful it is to keep asking the same question.  Each time, my answer became more precise.  Once I knew what I wanted, I turned it into action steps."  

~James Clear (author of Atomic Habits)

So back to Jeff's goals question, I always have mini-goals and little monthly things, but when I think about the big picture of the life I want to work with God to create for myself here on earth, I am quite honestly drawing a blank lately.  I don't know what to do or how to make the most of my time, but I know changing nothing is the wrong answer.  The above quote was encouraging to me -- I really need more clarity here because it's hard to step out and pursue anything when the desire itself is uncertain and muddled.  I don't want to be halfhearted in any big life change.  So my March goal = praying and then journaling (privately) about this subject for 10-20 minutes a day!  WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT!?  And if it leads me to any big revelations, I'll share that here. =)

Anywho, I'm headed to see the fam and celebrate with them this weekend. Super excited about that!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead of you!! ❤