Family Business

I mentioned watching the movie Spotlight a couple weeks ago.  It details the true story of The Boston Globe's investigation of the widespread sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests... along with the great lengths that higher church officials went to to silence the victims and cover it up and keep it all very quiet.  The movie was well done and the cast was great - I recommend it.  The story itself was disturbing, and far too typical.  I started a righteous-anger-style post about it last week, then talked myself out of it and deleted it...  

Then I read a friend's Facebook post that made me rethink that choice.  She was discussing the latest drama with the Southern Baptist convention, saying she understands Beth Moore's decision to leave but is choosing to stay in it herself.  She said she feels hesitant to talk about any of the issues (like degrading women and mishandling sexual abuse) in their church leadership because it's really "family business" that should be handled internally, mentioning that it presents a poor witness for Christ when Christians are too confrontational or critical.  I have a lot of respect for her, and I understand her heart on that and know her intentions were pure.  Still, reading the phrase "family business" and seeing the way she used it really made me cringe...

That very same concept has been misused for years to silence victims and to protect abusers.  It's family business.  I see it regularly in the court system in domestic violence and sexual abuse cases - dysfunctional families where the dynamic is that it's really no one else's business -- to just "keep it in the family" and stay quiet about horrific crimes happening inside the home.  And in every single situation, the one who benefits and gains more power from that system is the abuser/criminal... and the one who is weakened and hurt more deeply is the victim.  Nothing about it is okay.

It's happening in the church more and more, and the root behind it and the fruit coming from it are toxic and damaging.

I have some close friends with fathers who are respected pastors, but the leadership they witnessed in their family home was ungodly, and in one case, flat out abusive.  Another woman I am close to spoke with her church leaders about the woman leading their children's ministry coming on to her husband (there was evidence for that and other similar inappropriate behavior).  Their ridiculous response was to encourage her to find forgiveness and repair her friendship with that other woman, who remains in a leadership position to this day.  Their family left that church, and rightly so.

I was very clear with the BattleCreek Church leaders about the dangerous false theology being spouted to vulnerable people seeking healing and counsel in the prayer ministry they boldly endorsed.  The leaders of that prayer ministry were wealthy tithers, and I was an outsider (no longer a member of that specific church), so my story was completely dismissed and unacknowledged, and that ministry continued to hurt others.  That entire ordeal seven years ago forever changed the way I view the church.

Way too many churches rally to protect pastors who have had affairs and cover them with grace and love, often while failing to hold them accountable or restructure their leadership roles or support the spouse (like this).

The Village Church badly mishandled things and distanced themselves and their main leadership from a family whose daughter was a victim of abuse by one of their leaders at a church camp (here).

The Christian-based Kanakuk camps (here) ignored multiple claims from parents, then silenced several others with nondisclosure agreements, all while still employing the popular children's leader who was grooming and sexually abusing over 25 boys during the decade he remained in a position of power there.

This widespread move by churches to protect their name, power, wealth, and reputation while failing to address blatant sin/abuse or to protect legitimate victims is more than cringey.  It is evil.  It is so far from the heart of God or the true church Jesus is building.

Kids are very trusting and precious, and church children are typically taught to trust and respect those in church leadership and authority.  I know I did -- I would have obeyed their every command, and the church always felt like a wonderful, safe place for me growing up.  I miss that feeling now, but at least I have the ability to process the brokenness and spiritual warfare behind all of this as an adult in my 30s.  I really cannot begin to imagine how much damage it would have done to my view of God, my relationship with Him, my own identity, and my relationship with the church for one of those trusted pastors or leaders to violate my heart and body in that way.  It makes me sick and sad that it has happened to so many children.  And it makes my blood boil that churches have repeatedly dismissed or deliberately silenced them.

Of course, there is also the situation with Paige Patterson defending a rapist and blaming the victim, the Ravi Zacharias sex scandal, plus John Crist and so many other prominent Christians using their positions of power to hurt and abuse others.  The church has responded with loads of grace and false humility for most of those men, but they've turned hard against Beth Moore for speaking up and confronting their abuses of power.  It's all tragic, surreal, exhausting, and terribly disheartening.  These church sex scandals tend to be extra shocking to people because they've been so well hidden for years and years.  As the victims' attorney said in Spotlight, "If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one."  In every case here, other church people knew what was happening and chose to remain silent and keep their distance from it.  Thus, evil triumphed and the victims suffered further. 

I believe it's highly important that we not hold a dismissive attitude toward dehumanizing sin with anyone in leadership, be it church or political or family.  Massive damage has been done by Christians pretending the R behind someone's name gives them a free pass, saying character doesn't really matter for politicians since they didn't sign up to be pastors.  The way powerful people treat others says a great deal about who they are and what matters most to them.  Character matters deeply.  It always has and always will.

Anyway, I don't have a neat little bow to tie this post up with.  I wish I did, but it's all very messy and contentious and surrounded with shame and secrecy and attempts to hide the truth.  Our enemy has made sure of that.  Still, it was important for me to say these things out loud.  I think lots of Christians with the best of intentions get caught up in the love and grace mindset, feeling like they would be out of line or being too judgmental if they acknowledge and confront clear abuses of power, believing the "family business" line of thought or thinking they should only focus on their own sins, and saying that Jesus just wanted us to love each other and stand united.  I have struggled with that sometimes too, wondering if I need to tone it all down and be quick to forgive when I read Jesus' prayer for church unity in John 17.  But that prayer applies to the true church.  Those who step into leadership with selfish ambitions are not a part of that group, and those who give in to temptations to manipulate and abuse others in order to seize and hold control, power, or wealth are clearly not living submitted to Jesus as Lord.  Our role is NOT to unite in minimizing, tolerating, and hiding that abuse to protect the church's name or political power position.  Let it burn if it must.  Our loyalty is to the name of Christ and the true family of God, and the church has a duty to protect victims of abuse and be a safe place for those who are hurting and vulnerable.  Part of that involves calling out the abusers and drawing clear lines of right and wrong.

Our misunderstanding and poor application of grace has done a lot of damage here.  Let's also remind ourselves that Jesus was the first to speak up and confront the religious leaders of His day whose hypocrisy and power moves were causing great damage to people seeking to get closer to God in the church.  These were popular, prominent, and well-respected leaders, so Jesus' disciples felt really awkward and asked if He understood that He had insulted and offended them.  That part always makes me laugh - they so didn't get who He was yet!  Jesus also made a huge scene and turned over tables when people viewed the church grounds as a great place to make some money rather than a place where it was important to honor God.  He was not silent and demure, and He didn't keep things quiet or call it family business and try to deal with it all internally without anyone outside the church noticing the drama.  He warned them very openly about wolves in sheep's clothing, and He encouraged His disciples to be shrewd.  He didn't mind causing division or separating the wheat from the chaff, and He is not honored by the church's cowardice and self-serving legal moves in these situations.

In closing, I guess I'll just say that it greatly comforts my heart to know how much Jesus loves and fiercely defends children, saying: "If anyone causes one of these little ones - those who believe in Me - to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone was hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."  ~Mark 9:42

God is good and powerful and just.  He sees everything, and He gets the last word, and He does not take any of this lightly.  

Thank God for that!