Growth Mindset!!

I recently read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck.  She talks about how there are two basic mindsets about people's intellect and abilities:  the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.

• In a nutshell, the "fixed mindset" believes (for yourself and others) that your intelligence, creativity, social skills, business acumen, and/or athletic ability are something very basic about you that you cannot change or alter very much.  You can learn some new things or try to do a few things differently, but you are a certain kind of person, and those important parts of who you are cannot really be changed.  This mindset makes you prioritize validation and praise, trying to repeatedly prove yourself in the area(s) where you feel most confident in your fixed abilities.  It also makes you very aware of your mistakes, hesitant to try new things, concerned with how you will be judged, and deeply sensitive to criticism...
  
  
• On the other hand, the "growth mindset" believes that no matter how much intelligence, creativity, social skill, business acumen, and/or athletic ability you have, you can always change it significantly.  No matter who you are today, you are capable of creating substantial change.  You have the ability to alter even basic things about the kind of person you are.  People living from a growth mindset prioritize challenge and self-development, believing their abilities in any area can be developed through learning and consistent practice.  They are concerned with improving, and they view their mistakes as learning experiences.  They don't enjoy criticism or failure, but they are far less likely to blame shift or to see that as a final verdict on their fixed abilities... and far more likely to learn from it and improve themselves!

I love this stuff, so this book and all her examples were fascinating to me... I can look back and see some areas where I've held one mindset or the other and how that has affected my choices and either limited me or helped me to learn and change and grow!

Something I found really interesting was what she said about how we can help young children to foster a growth mindset.  When you praise a child for their ABILITY ("You're so smart!"  "You're such a talented artist!" "You're a great writer!"  "You're a natural-born athlete!"  "You were robbed - I thought your performance was the best!") it actually does more harm than good in the end.  It makes them feel special and seen in that moment, yes, but it creates a mindset pattern that centers on their "fixed" ability rather than the effort they've put in.  So when they're given a harder test later... or when a friend draws something that looks better than what they made... or when they sit down to try to write a longer story... or when they struggle with a specific athletic skill, they are far more likely to believe the fact that they are struggling means they're not *really* as smart, talented, or naturally gifted as others believe... and it makes them feel like they should stick to what they're sure they'll do well and avoid trying new stuff.  And if they internalize those things and continue in that fixed mindset, it's actually very limiting to their future potential.  

She goes into detail about the class outcomes of teachers who lead with the fixed mindset vs. the growth mindset in how they treat each child's potential, and the resulting difference in how the students perform and view themselves is intense.   But to summarize, it's a much healthier path to praise children for their EFFORT than their ability... ("I can tell you worked really hard on learning everything for this test, and it paid off!" "Wow, I love that you cared enough to put in the time and pay attention to details and draw something so creative!" "Your writing shows that you put a lot of thought into the words you choose and the way you tell stories, and that really connects with people!" "All that practice time you put in really paid off in today's game - keep it up!" "I'm sorry you lost this competition - I know it's hard to get your hopes up and feel disappointed, but some of these kids have been working for this a lot longer, and now you know which skills to really focus on and practice if this competition is something that really matters to you in the future!").  It takes a bit more energy to go that route -- complimenting their ability is incredibly common and a very natural, easy thing to do.  Parents (or Aunt Lindseys) with great intentions do this all the time!  And most of the time, kids figure things out and eventually develop a growth mindset in certain areas over time -- but this matters, so I'm totally gonna start trying to practice complimenting their effort and willingness to learn and grow  with how I talk to my niece and nephews. ❤

Learning and growing and practicing, improving a little every day!

"The belief that 'success should not need effort' robs people of the very thing they need to make their relationships thrive!"
~Carol Dweck, Mindset

That belief has been part of my problem with writing a book... something the author of this Mindset book identified with.  The dangerous idea that if you're truly good at something, it should just come naturally and be easy for you has stopped a lot of people from asking for a little help or clarification when they get stuck... or from putting in the necessary effort, time, energy, and practice to reach their potential in any number of fields.  I want to step out of that club.

Mindset matters all throughout our lives.  My most challenging adult relationships have been with people who had a fixed mindset regarding their relational capacity.  And when you believe something is fixed in place, you shift the focus and make no real effort to change - why would you if it's just a flawed, embarrassing part of who you are?  When you press into the growth mindset, you're more willing to have hard conversations and listen with an open mind and grow with people.  God has given us the ability to learn and grow and improve and develop ourselves -- we should be learning something new and challenging ourselves to grow in every season of our lives!  I've improved a lot on the fixed mindset thoughts over the years, and I'm going to try to implement more and more growth mindset thinking into my own life.  

WE CAN DO HARD THINGS, friends!! ❤