January 2022!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

"You make known to me the path of LIFE;

In Your presence there is fullness of JOY;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

~Psalm 16:11

JANUARY MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• Kristen Harris letting me know about a potential adoption situation (it didn't pan out, but I'm grateful to know people remembered my end-of-year post about adoption)
• Lindsay encouraging me to message Brooke (done)
• Getting a voicemail from David just one day after messaging the Sheriff's Department
• Sending an email to help connect JB with Barbara and Leslie - exciting!
• Sharing the biggest loaf of cheesy bread with Tiffany at Andolini's (an early birthday dinner for her)
• Laughing with the fam and having a nice private room for Mom's birthday dinner at The Ranch!
• Learning that Rachael, Triston, Jace, Chet, Karli, Parker, Lindsay, Nikki, Londyn, and Mark all had COVID... but everyone seems to be recovering or well now!
• Jaywalking to Valero with the niece and nephews lol
• Helping Mom fix up Babah's room at The Veraden
• Jace hoverboarding over to me with both arms up saying, "The graduate himself!!" the first time I saw him after finishing eye therapy. lol
• Reconnecting with Joan after sending her some encouragement
• Peloton's Eminem ride with Dennis!
• A good talk with Kristin W about how we picture things in heaven over Olive Garden dinner and dessert last night!

HAPPY LISTS

I Listened To:

• Hero on a Mission: A Path to a Meaningful Life by Donald Miller - probably the best/most important book I'll read all year, so great!!
• A Cloud by Day, A Fire by Night: Finding and Following God's Will for You by A.W. Tozer
• The Fire of God's Presence: Drawing Near to a Holy God by A.W. Tozer
• The Enneagram for Spiritual Formation: How Knowing Ourselves Can Make us More Like Jesus by A.J. Sherrill
• The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
• Whiskey in a Teacup: What Growing up in the South Taught Me About Life, Love, and Baking Biscuits by Reese Witherspoon
• Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and the beginning of Acts
• The usual favorite podcasts, with the addition of Typology (an Enneagram podcast with Ian Cron)

I Watched:  

• Cobra Kai, Cheer, Maid, Holidate, He's All That, and Red Notice on Netflix
• Encanto on Disney+
• The first few episodes in the final season of This Is Us

I'm Celebrating:  

• Being on track with all my goals and daily habits for January!
• Going back to church regularly!
• Getting back on track with Peloton and loving it!
• Writing privately in a way that's been emotionally cathartic
• Composing five important, carefully-worded messages that took courage to send this month! ❤

January is historically not my favorite month, and this one got off to a rough start and contained a grief anniversary on the 26th.  But as it went along, there were a lot of good things: connecting with God, connecting with friends, feeling hopeful about adoption, writing 30 out of 31 days, reading several fantastic books, and getting into a good groove with exercise habits!  I'm thankful for God's daily grace, and very ready to step into my favorite month tomorrow!! ❤

Thankful Thursday #139

"But I have trusted in Your steadfast love;

My heart will rejoice in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously"

~Psalm 13:5

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  The simple encouragement I felt re-reading this post from 11 years ago today...  thanks, yesteryear Lindsey! lol

2.  Hosting a lovely Sunday lunch with Sarah and Kate this weekend!  It was good to finally catch up on the events of 2022 over Hideaway pizza, lemonade, and brownies... and a delight to see Miss Katherine Claire in her adorable llama shirt and heart pants! ❤

3.  Celebrating Kristin Renee's birthday with a Red Robin lunch later today... and thankful for 15 years of wonderful friendship with her!  (I threw in the cookiecake pic since we both laughed a lot when Chet randomly commented around 12 years later apologizing for them misspelling her name. lol)

4.  My niece and nephews... Carter wasn't there, and T-man doesn't participate in the Spirit Week craziness... but I'm enjoying J&K's costumes for Biker day and Surfer day! lol  (And thinking we would not have gotten away with even the fake tattoo sleeve back in my day at CHA - I'm glad they've loosened up a little!!)

5.  Lindsay Jane for shining God's light and hope... we met for lunch last week and had a really great talk, eventually talking about how certain dates on the calendar really trigger grief.  She said, "It's such a relief to me when I reach the end of that day.  I always tell myself, 'You will never have to go through this day again.'"  (Immediately, I'm thinking "until next year.")  Then she said, "Because you'll keep growing, and you'll be 365 days stronger when it comes around the next time!"  Umm, yes, please to that powerful perspective!!  I'm holding on to that.

*Yesterday was the one-year mark, and I never have to go through that day again. ❤

6.  I'm also incredibly grateful for Lysa TerKeurst and the beautiful example of grace & wisdom she is setting for myself and the many women across the world who have experienced similar humiliation and renewed heartbreak after working to heal and forgive, reviving our long-buried hopes, and offering someone who expressed remorse for hurting us a second chance.  In the face of deep and undeserved pain, her forgiveness, courage, kindness, self-compassion without self-pity, resilient strength of spirit, fortified boundaries, and unwavering faith in God's goodness are all things I wholeheartedly respect/admire and want to emulate!!  What a gift that when we press in and seek Him and rise up, there is beauty for ashes and an inner light that shines even brighter in the hardest things we go through. ❤

“This year looked very different than I thought it would. It’s been a year of waiting, listening to God, grieving, and taking some time off to process and heal…  It’s brutal and heart crushing to constantly fear the hurtful choices of someone you love.  It’s hard to face a future that looks nothing like what I constantly prayed it would look like.  I don’t like this reality, but the truth is, relationship restoration doesn’t always work. I’ve cried and grieved over this and waited years hoping this wouldn’t be our story. But even when restoration doesn’t work, forgiveness always does… With time, prayer, and lots of counseling, my heart is healing.  Sometimes the culmination of all our efforts and the answer to our prayers is that God restores us in relationships. And sometimes He rescues us out of relationships."  ~Lysa TerKeurst, New Years Day 2022

7.  Celebrating Tiffany's birthday at Andolini's a couple days early this week... and we're celebrating almost a decade of close friendship now (we need to throw a #Tinfinity party next year) -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TIFFANY!! ❤  Thankful for your joy, kindness, compassion, and all our fun memories together!

8.  My early-2000s-rap-loving self was so happy/excited when I saw the epic trailer for this year's Super Bowl Halftime show, which I've now watched approximately 20 times. lol  Dr. Dre and four of the most successful artists whose music he's produced... love it!  They don't usually make a preview for the halftime stuff, but I can see why they made an exception here... well played.  So. much. swagger!  Here's hoping the actual performance lives up to the hype. lol

9.  Donald Miller's buh-rilliant new book, which will undoubtedly get its own post someday soon.  I admire his life story more and more, and this book will be a game changer for me!  I'm attending a live webinar with him teaching more about it today and so looking forward to that. ❤

10.  My cousin, Kristin, (who I hope I get to see this weekend) for thinking of me and sending this encouraging song that brightened an emotional week with hope! ❤

"I know there's gonna be some brighter days.
I swear that Love will find you in your pain.
I feel it in me like the beating of Life in my veins...
I know there's gonna be some brighter days!"

(Capitalization by me... because God is Love and Jesus is our Life source!)

Song of the Week = Brighter Days by Blessing Offor

Happy Thursday, friends!!  Praying for healing for the many friends I have currently recovering from Covid (Wilsons, Shoemakers, Johnsons, Andersons, and Parrishes).  And praying that God's grace and kindness will be as real and tangible in your life today as it has been in mine throughout the past week!

Eye Therapy... DONE!

Well, friends, today is a historic day!!  When I saw two missed Facetime calls in a row from Jace, I knew something was up, and I was hopeful that it would be this news.  When I left the office and called him back, he proudly announced, "I graduated eye therapy today!!"  YAY!!  This is big and long-awaited news, and a very happy day for him and Mamaw!! ❤  

His Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Garner, was the first to notice the problem with his eyes being disconnected.  She has a similar issue and recommended that they try Dr. Damon White, a Vision Skills Specialist in Edmond.  After meeting with him and learning more about strabismus, the technical name for his eye condition, Jace started daily eye therapy exercises on October 7th, 2020 (Jeffrey's birthday!).  From that day to now, he has spent approximately 45 minutes to an hour-and-a-half doing daily exercises that would train his eyes to work together.  They were hopeful about being done around Thanksgiving, so these last two months have been especially difficult.

It's been a lot of hard work, and I'm thrilled for him and for my Mom, who has poured a lot of her time and energy into helping him complete this -- it was a pretty monumental task for an active 9-year-old with a lot of school homework, and very tedious work for his extroverted self.  I'm glad we have a few pictures of them working together (and others pitching in here and there), but I'm thinking neither of them will miss these sessions much... 

Someone on my Peloton ride tonight had the leaderboard name "QueenMaxine," and I liked that for Mom. lol  I'm so happy for both of them to be done with E.T., as Mom calls it!

The eye doctor was very clear from the beginning that if they did not take this seriously, his depth perception would be off and he would be unable to drive in the future.  I took him for a very early parking lot driving lesson a few months back just to keep him motivated. lol

Anyway, it's been a very long road, so this was exciting for our whole family!  He should win a Dundie Award for being DONE. lol  He will still need to practice reading every day, but without all the lenses and green and red bars, and he would need to do that for Accelerated Reader at school anyway, so it's a pretty big win!! #thankful

Quick Life Update:  I had prayed for something good/happy to associate with this day, and I'm definitely praising God for this news!  My day also included helping someone I love find and connect with close relatives they learned about this year and haven't met yet (it's big, and I love that I got to play a part in facilitating that)... plus applying with DHS for their foster/adoption program and parenting classes... and finally, cooking cheesy pasta and dancing to "I Will Survive" with Cody on an old XOXO ride (it was the first one I tried last year and still probably my favorite, filled with breakup anthems and fun, empowering advice).  This month has included two potential adoption situations... both are a no-go at this point, but I feel proud of myself for writing those women and doing what was in my power to pursue that connection.  I've been praying that God will open the right doors and close the wrong ones, but I'm also realizing that I at least have to have the courage to knock! lol

I had a Thankful Thursday post all written and scheduled, then I knew I had to write about this when I got Jace's call this afternoon!  Thankful for healing, thankful for progress, thankful for big and small joys, and thankful for God's redemptive grace!! ❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, blog-reading friends!
Here's a fun throwback pic to a 2015 backyard dinner at the Moss home to start off this Photo Friday post...

*Side note:  Prayers appreciated for Chet Lee and the Wilson fam as he recovers from Covid!

So I'm working on scanning in Babah's old pictures... and how psyched was I about finding this picture from my 1st birthday party!?

Answer: Very. lol  Enough to make a fun little collage out of it. lol  I love that someone took this photo of little me with Mom and Dad, eating some cake and looking ever so dainty checking out the icing on my fingers!

I don't recall ever seeing that one before, but the parental pic with the smash cake is such a fun little classic thing, so I was thrilled to find it! ❤  PS I like that the girls below are also looking dainty, while the boys are digging right in!

I also really loved this pic of Mom... she thought the scarf in her hair looked silly or like she was ready for a cleaning day, but I thought it looked like a fun back-in-the-day fashion trend that I hope comes back around!

This is Babah's Mom and Uncle! ❤

To be clear, I love this one for the memories of our 9121 backyard, not for my wet hair and flower-power overalls fashion statement. lol  That fort, those swings, the rope, the slide, the red surfer swing that my head is covering, the basketball court... all filled with good memories!  And there's Grandad swinging Emily on her baby swing in the background! ❤

Babah tending to one of their horses.  Ooooh, the amount of things I don't know about the ranch way of life...

Rach and I ready for Easter... and looking super thrilled about it! lol  I like that we're standing on the fireplace hearth so that Jesus could join us for this photo! lol

A classic of me with Rach and Blake... this has been a favorite of Babah's for years!

Grandad with his four grandkids, 1994!

Much more recent... here's one of Jaceman entertaining his great grandparents at Chuck E. Cheese five years ago!  =)

A photo I saved to remind myself to set up a schedule to go through room by room and get rid of some things!

And finally, an entertaining Jace quote from Mom's birthday dinner on Tuesday! lol

Hope you have a lovely and peaceful weekend ahead!! ❤

Thankful Thursday #138

"'The foundations of law and order have collapsed.
What can the righteous do?'
But the Lord is in His holy Temple;
The Lord still rules from heaven...
For the Lord loves justice.
The virtuous will see His face."
~Psalm 11:4-7

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  Celebrating Mom's 67th Birthday on Tuesday!  Here's a throwback pic to her birthday around 30 years ago, so when she was my age... these were our dresses for CHA's Patriotic Program that year. lol ❤

2.  A tasty dinner at The Ranch steakhouse... complete with funny quotes, cheers-ing pics, and a precious gift from Kyndal... followed by cookiecake at my parents' house!

3.  That day was also Chet Lee's Half-Birthday and Jessica and Evan's Anniversary... so I made these pics to celebrate. lol

4.  My new microwave (ordered in November) finally arriving and being installed - yay!

So my kitchen remodel is fully complete now! ❤

5.  My new daily writing routine... this is an ad for BetterHelp, but the photo also shows the power of writing to help vent and process and pray and move through hard emotions... I've done a lot of that lately, kind of Psalm style where I start with venting and end with prayer, and I'm thankful for such a simple outlet to hopefully help keep me from spewing toxic thoughts in talks with others!

6.  Trying a tasty noodle taco bake recipe... yum! =)  This one probably tastes better than it looks - it's not as pretty on the plate as most desserts would be. lol

7.  Kristin... texting with her was a lifeline after a draining day yesterday!  I'm super thankful for the closeness we've built and to have someone who really validates my emotions and understands both my anger and my grief... and I like that we can  have fun together and support each other in hard times!

Happy Thursday! ❤

He is God

In my NLT translation of Psalm 46:10, it says, "Be silent, and know that I am God" rather than “be still.”  That change of wording caught me off guard today, and it mirrored the ESV translation of a verse I wrote about last week...

Psalm 4:4:  "Be angry, and do not sin.  Ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent."  

I love the Psalms.  I like that I am allowed to be angry.  And I like knowing that "God is a righteous judge... who feels indignation every day."  ~Psalm 7:11  How could He not!?

I also like that God exhorts us to stop and be silent and ponder things before speaking out of anger... and that He commands us to be silent or be still, and to spend some time reflecting on and remembering that He is God.

What that means to me right now:

God is in charge.  God is alive and awake and involved.  He is not indifferent.  He is loving and caring and good and powerful.  God knows me and promises to provide for my personal needs.  He is worthy of my trust.

Lately, I've been struggling with some hard emotions:  anger, loneliness, jealousy, discontent, sadness, grief, arrogance, stress, fear, disconnection, and powerlessness.  There are heavy and painful things that I feel deeply that I truly have no power to change and/or fix, and I feel misunderstood/unheard in ways that really bother me.  I have felt all of those things at various times and to varying degrees over the past three weeks.  (Of course, in that time, I have also felt joy, delight, calm, peace, love, compassion, grace, etc.  We're all complex in our emotional capacity, and I'm grateful for the ability to feel deeply.)

It helps me hold on to peace when I choose to stop and be silent and remember that God is God.  It's not on ME to figure everything out.  It's not my job to fix other people.  I cannot write enough to make certain people understand me, and that is okay - I have to give it to Him. God sees everything and judges fairly.  The fact that there are selfish, neglectful, abusive, terrible parents with lots of children while me and so many other good-hearted Christians go through a painful waiting season... God sees that and He knows our hearts and cares about our pain, and He cares about each of those kids individually and personally in a way that I'm unable to do.  And He knows the backstory of the parents and cares about each of them, as well.  He feels anger and indignation over injustice, and He knows how and when to set things right.  He is at work in every individual life in ways I can’t see or comprehend.  I have to choose to surrender what I can't control.  I have to choose faith and focus on truth over trash, as I was reminded in the Elevation podcast yesterday.

God loves me even when it feels like others have lost respect for me.  When other connections fade and change, He won't.  When there's a swirling, messy, chaotic storm throughout the world, He remains solid.  He loves me when I mess up, when I get angry, when I feel stuck, when I cuss, when I forget that He is always with me and feel incredibly alone.  He loves me when my heart is broken, when I feel thrown away, when the trash is so loud that I forget to focus on the truth.  

God is here right now.  His love is steadfast and unchanging.

He will not leave or throw me away.

For whatever reason, in these first two weeks of January, holding on to daily hope has been such a struggle for me.  But I’m reminding myself again today that my ultimate hope is in God.  It is anchored right there.  Firm and secure.  An eternal, unshakable hope.  My soul needs that grounded message today.  I know that things will get brighter again.  Life will get easier, the pandemic will fade, God will move in surprising ways, relationships will grow stronger again.  I know that there are better days ahead - I trust that.  It won't always feel like I'm walking through the fog or under a dark cloud.  I have the grace I need for today.  And above all that, I know there is a light inside me that the darkness can never put out: "His life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."  ~John 1:4-5

Breathe. 

Be silent, and know that He is God.  

I belong to Him, and I belong with Him.

The above = a part of my daily personal writing from today.  Not polished or perfect, but I wanted to share in case it's encouraging to others - this season of life feels heavier than usual, and I don't think I'm alone in that.  Praying for more hope and grace over my life and yours this weekend!!  

God is present and His grace is sufficient, one day at a time. ❤

Sam & Ella's ~ (Photo Friday Flashback)

Back in May of 2010, I took my first epic road trip with the friend group to Sam & Ella's, a delicious pizza place in Tahlequah where Carrie Underwood once worked as a waitress. lol  Jeffrey was a new addition to our friend group in those days, and I believe we were celebrating Chet Lee's college graduation, hence the cookiecake...  

My 2010 blog recap of that trip:  "This weekend was a lot of fun… Friday night, we finally went on our Tahlequah road trip! Chet, Jeff, Nathan, Bobbi, and I piled into Chet’s new car (Marcus, if you’d forgotten his name) and headed to Sam and Ella’s! The pizza was actually better than I expected... and Nathan randomly chimed into the conversation several times to explain his thoughts on exactly why their pizza is the best. :) We walked through downtown Tahlequah and talked about Bobbi’s college memories, then we had our “cookie time in the park,” as Jeff put it! Lol He sounded so much like an enthusiastic preschool teacher when he said that. The cookiecake was awesome, as always! We didn’t have a knife, so we all just used our hands... which made me happy I carry Purell w/me everywhere! ;-)  We stayed at the park a while, talking about our most embarrassing moments and lots of other great topics.  Then we headed home and got to hear several stories about everywhere Jeff has traveled… and although he said Norway was the most beautiful place he's been, Paris and London are still at the top of my list!"

Three years later, we finally took another road trip to Sam & Ella's to celebrate my 29th birthday in 2013 (bottom photo)...

That was followed by a summer 2013 Tahlequah trip, full of fun pictures and quotes which I blogged in more detail HERE.  We had Sam & Ella's pizza and stopped for gelato at the park... all followed by raw cookie dough + watching The Golden Girls at the Wilsons! lol  #RIPbettywhite

"Okay, so do you all understand the premise of The Golden Girls?"  ~Jeff
"Just that it's four old women living together?"  ~Me
"Ding, ding, ding, ding!"  ~Chet lol

For three years in a row there, this became a semi-annual tradition.  Our first 2014 trip was to celebrate something with Chet... maybe a real estate sale or getting his license?  Not sure, but yay Chet, and yay double-doozie cookiecake!  There's a cute little park with picnic tables and a playground across the street, so we usually did dessert over there.

"Look at that, Mockey!  A waterfall!!  You said you'd go...."  ~JEM
(After my Vegas birthday extravaganza, I said I would only hike again if there was a pretty waterfall involved.  On our way to get a pic by this little waterfall, it literally turned off right as we walked up to it, which was hilarious...)
"God was saving me from hiking again!" ~Me  :)

More photos and fun quotes (including the beginning of the North Korean prison line of questions from Jeffrey) are covered HERE. lol

Still 2014... we celebrated Chet's birthday three months later with a fun summer road trip to Tahlequah, followed by a judgment-free night swim and ice cream bar at Gary's!  (Full post and epic/random rowing video HERE.)

I snapped a pic of LB ready to cut into her pizza...

Laura:  "I look kinda psycho... I like it!" lol

A fun Tahlequah road trip was part 6 of my 10-part birthday celebration in 2015, our first time being seated in the "hen house" or the "chicken coop," which JEM is presenting in the top left photo below.  That dinner was followed by cookiecake at the Wilson home, all documented HERE.

We had our only December road trip in 2015, where we visited the Drip Coffee House and played in the park again after our pizza!  (Full blog HERE).

On the way back, both cars called each other to sing random songs, starting with their car calling us and belting out "HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIDE!" lol  Then we sang them some Mariah Carey and a Sound of Music classic!  And of course, we rowed past them, then they did the bird wings in front of us. lol

Fun times celebrating Jeffrey's 36th Birthday in 2016... sadly, I was taking a few months off from blogging then, so it's just briefly mentioned in THIS POST.  This is why I need to always keep the blog going... who even knows what entertaining questions JEM had for us on that car ride!? lol

We skipped a year, then the last time I've been to Sam & Ella's was to celebrate Tiffany's birthday in 2018, pizza dinner followed by coffee/hot chocolate/cookiecake and games at the coffee place down the street - full post HERE).  This means Karli was still pregnant with Tate the last time I was in Tahlequah, which feels crazy that it's been that long!  

Playing Would You Rather at the coffee house after Sam n' Ella's:

Kelly:  So would you rather always have to speak everything you're thinking OR never be able to speak again??

Chettles, pondering the question:  Hmm, I'd have no friends left to talk to, so I guess either one. LOL

I love group road trips and the random conversations they bring... and I love the pizza, gelato, cookiecake, etc. that usually come along with them!  I'm well aware that the moment for the semi-annual idea has passed now, but this was such a fun tradition, and I'd love to go one more time!  Unless I missed one, I realized while writing this that I've been on exactly nine road trips to Tahlequah (each of them including Jeff and Chet), AND exactly nine trips to Las Vegas (the last one documented HERE).  

And I would very much like to make that a "Perfect 10" on both of those sometime in the next year or so!! lol

*One other great thing that came from the above trips:  When Mom and I were at PetSmart getting a few things for the Pom puppies I hadn't met yet, I found a cute pink rhinestone collar that I really wanted to get their names put on, but I realized I needed to choose short names for that collar to work (5 letters or less).  I was so happy when it occurred to me that I could name them Sam (for Samantha) and Ella after one of my favorite restaurants! lol  Of course, the best girlfranz went into diva-mode having something around their fluffy necks, so we quickly got rid of those cute collars, and their names rapidly morphed into a hundred different nicknames -- most prominently Sam-puffins and Ella-Bellsy, but this namesake memory still makes me happy! =)

And on that note, this random FB quiz result also made me smile this week!

Very quick update:  Rach and the boys are all improving and feeling better, and no one else has caught it, so that's happy news!  And although it's apparently more contagious these days, hooray for the gradual decline in the severity and length of the Covid virus... may it weaken and become more mild and unthreatening with each passing day (or may it totally disappear worldwide, if I'm wishing for things)!!

Okaaaay, that's really all for today!  Happy Friday!!  Let's plan a trip #10 soon to one of my favorite restaurants... we could make fun reservations for Sam & Ella's or fly out for a delightful fountain-side brunch at Mon Ami Gabi... something to think about!!  ;-)