He is God

In my NLT translation of Psalm 46:10, it says, "Be silent, and know that I am God" rather than “be still.”  That change of wording caught me off guard today, and it mirrored the ESV translation of a verse I wrote about last week...

Psalm 4:4:  "Be angry, and do not sin.  Ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent."  

I love the Psalms.  I like that I am allowed to be angry.  And I like knowing that "God is a righteous judge... who feels indignation every day."  ~Psalm 7:11  How could He not!?

I also like that God exhorts us to stop and be silent and ponder things before speaking out of anger... and that He commands us to be silent or be still, and to spend some time reflecting on and remembering that He is God.

What that means to me right now:

God is in charge.  God is alive and awake and involved.  He is not indifferent.  He is loving and caring and good and powerful.  God knows me and promises to provide for my personal needs.  He is worthy of my trust.

Lately, I've been struggling with some hard emotions:  anger, loneliness, jealousy, discontent, sadness, grief, arrogance, stress, fear, disconnection, and powerlessness.  There are heavy and painful things that I feel deeply that I truly have no power to change and/or fix, and I feel misunderstood/unheard in ways that really bother me.  I have felt all of those things at various times and to varying degrees over the past three weeks.  (Of course, in that time, I have also felt joy, delight, calm, peace, love, compassion, grace, etc.  We're all complex in our emotional capacity, and I'm grateful for the ability to feel deeply.)

It helps me hold on to peace when I choose to stop and be silent and remember that God is God.  It's not on ME to figure everything out.  It's not my job to fix other people.  I cannot write enough to make certain people understand me, and that is okay - I have to give it to Him. God sees everything and judges fairly.  The fact that there are selfish, neglectful, abusive, terrible parents with lots of children while me and so many other good-hearted Christians go through a painful waiting season... God sees that and He knows our hearts and cares about our pain, and He cares about each of those kids individually and personally in a way that I'm unable to do.  And He knows the backstory of the parents and cares about each of them, as well.  He feels anger and indignation over injustice, and He knows how and when to set things right.  He is at work in every individual life in ways I can’t see or comprehend.  I have to choose to surrender what I can't control.  I have to choose faith and focus on truth over trash, as I was reminded in the Elevation podcast yesterday.

God loves me even when it feels like others have lost respect for me.  When other connections fade and change, He won't.  When there's a swirling, messy, chaotic storm throughout the world, He remains solid.  He loves me when I mess up, when I get angry, when I feel stuck, when I cuss, when I forget that He is always with me and feel incredibly alone.  He loves me when my heart is broken, when I feel thrown away, when the trash is so loud that I forget to focus on the truth.  

God is here right now.  His love is steadfast and unchanging.

He will not leave or throw me away.

For whatever reason, in these first two weeks of January, holding on to daily hope has been such a struggle for me.  But I’m reminding myself again today that my ultimate hope is in God.  It is anchored right there.  Firm and secure.  An eternal, unshakable hope.  My soul needs that grounded message today.  I know that things will get brighter again.  Life will get easier, the pandemic will fade, God will move in surprising ways, relationships will grow stronger again.  I know that there are better days ahead - I trust that.  It won't always feel like I'm walking through the fog or under a dark cloud.  I have the grace I need for today.  And above all that, I know there is a light inside me that the darkness can never put out: "His life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."  ~John 1:4-5

Breathe. 

Be silent, and know that He is God.  

I belong to Him, and I belong with Him.

The above = a part of my daily personal writing from today.  Not polished or perfect, but I wanted to share in case it's encouraging to others - this season of life feels heavier than usual, and I don't think I'm alone in that.  Praying for more hope and grace over my life and yours this weekend!!  

God is present and His grace is sufficient, one day at a time. ❤