Every Second Counts.

The Bear.

Season 2, Episode 7 (Forks).

I've not been this inspired by anything on TV in a long time.

It really sucks to be adrift.

But it's never too late to start over.

And PURPOSE is transformative.

And sometimes it's closer than we think.

It's good to care about the little things.

Taking the time to do small things well is a sign of respect for ourselves and others.

Every Second Counts. (My theme for 2024).

Really, it was so good and so well-timed as this new year approaches!  I watched most of Season 2 yesterday, then went back and watched episode 7 again tonight.  My least favorite character became my favorite character, and now I don't know whether to root for him or the Ted Lasso nominees for the Emmy!  If you're not offended by bad language, then I recommend this show (on Hulu).

There are places where I've been trying to protect myself by not caring too much, not putting my whole heart in, and just doing what's required to get by... kinda floating through it and desiring a great outcome with minimal effort.

At present, the year ahead feels daunting for me - lots of milestones and pivotal turning points ahead no matter how it plays out.  I am working to mentally reframe that, choosing to feel excitement and hope over breakout-inducing anxiety and pressure.  When I feel overwhelmed, my tendency is to put my head down and press through quickly and quietly while disengaging my heart.  Not a pattern I need to continue.

In this episode, "every second counts" doesn't just mean hustle and get it all done as fast as you can.  It means that every time you care about doing something well, it is time and energy well spent.  Every task matters, even the stuff that seems monotonous like cleaning dishes or making the bed.  Listening well, acts of service, remembering the details that matter to people, little words of encouragement, and caring enough to pay close attention- it matters. Our habits shape our identity -- how you do anything is how you do everything -- and I feel inspired and called by God to redirect there -- to stop choosing the easiest path and disengaging and feigning apathy and taking little shortcuts to avoid hard work.  Integrity matters.  And the hard is what makes it great.  Every second counts because in the quiet moments when it feels like no one is watching, God still sees us and cares about our character.

My word for 2024 is "Believe" (more on that soon),
and my theme is Every Second Counts.

Thanks for being with me here this year.

12-31-23.
One-two-three, one-two-three...

Deep breaths - God is with us and for us.

Happy New Year's Eve, friends and fam!!

Let's do this, 2024!

❤

December 2023!

 QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office.  His expression was calm, almost detached.  "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Victories, Big and Small:

• Finished my school semester and my Practicum at Restore
• Met with Amy, joined the Oak Haven team, and got set up to be a Life Coach at a paid Internship next semester (which will be my 3rd job)
• Completed the ESV Bible in a Year podcast and 12 rounds of the gospels with Annie!
• As of a couple hours ago, I completed my 5-year one sentence a day journal (a record of major and minor life events - including the things I can't write about publicly - from 1-1-19 to 12-31-23)!!

Partial Successes/Areas for Improvement:

• Being halfhearted in certain things that merit more attention and energy (letting fear hold me back from being all in and wholehearted) 
• That includes certain schoolwork and the above-mentioned audio Bible stuff - so I want less content with more present focus in 2024. Memorizing and really internalizing one verse does more good than halfway hearing 5-8 chapters a day.

Memories:

• The 6th Mockey Little Christmas, Chet's 3rd Charcuterie Board Party, and the 7th Convivial Cozy Christmas at Moss Manor!
• Seeing Kristie's house with Mom
• The Ranch with the fam and Bill and Jill
• Working on CFA essays with Chet
• Celebrating my 15-year friendiversary with Chet and Sarah
• A fun dinner with the Whitaker fam
• Watching The Bear and feeling so inspired
• NYE Cheesecake Factory brunch with Mom and Rach

December Memories:

Listened To:

• Building a Resilient Life by Rebekah Lyons
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
• The usual podcasts

Lessons Learned:

• From experience - "People are only as needy as their unmet needs." A gem from the Attached book that proves true in life.
• From experience - Community matters, inner peace is a real balancing act when you have lots of time to think, and it's hard to adjust to shifts in routine. 
• From The Bear - One person's dream can be contagious, dysfunctional families and cultures can change, and shared purpose is the best catalyst for change!

God is with you and for you.

Wishing you all His best in 2024!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Eras (Lindsey's Version)

(Not really a T-Swift themed post.) 

With a school break, a milestone birthday approaching, and the end of 2023 coming even faster, I'm having deep thoughts (and needing to get out of my own head and into the real world ASAP). lol  

I'll spare you most of the existential rambling and jump into the conclusion:  There is no past stage or era of my life that I look back on with deep regret, shame, or hatred.  I've learned and grown through every poor choice or painful season God allowed me to endure.  And I get to carry that wisdom with me, so it's not hard to see value and purpose in it all.  I really do trust that God works all things together for my good, and I have mounting evidentiary proof of that!  

Having said that, it has always bothered me when a past version of me is stuck in someone else's mind, when they fail to notice or appreciate that I've changed and grown.  It's not intentional on their part, but that dynamic always feels dismissive, discouraging, and disempowering to me.  But it shouldn't affect my current reality -- so I want to focus more and more on who God created me to be in the future and who I know myself to be today, and less and less on how other people view me through a past lens.

Watching The Adam Project reminded me that our childhood self (our inner child) can still teach us valuable things about what matters most.  (I loved that the kid in this movie corrected his adult's hyper-critical perspective on their dad, reminding him of lots of great things he had done with and for them.  I think adults often look back with more cynicism than the situation merited, and it's good to have a perspective check.)

And watching The Crown series finale reminded me that the woman I am today will someday inspire and inform my perspective in my older years.  I loved the visual of past versions of herself talking her through a major decision.

It's freeing to remember that we cannot be everything to everyone.

We cannot always please others or force them to see us in a new light.

But how we see ourselves determines our direction.

"Make peace with the fact that people hold different versions of you in their mind.

Ultimately, who YOU know yourself to be is what matters most."

❤

Year-End Recap!

2023 MEMORIES

JANUARY:  Ringing in the new year with friends at Jeff and Kelly’s home + Praying with Mom before her surgery + Tiffany coming to visit and meeting the fam + Mom's birthday dinner at The Ranch + Dropping a class due to overwhelm + Kyndal scoring her first basketball goal + Starting a daily bed-making habit + Discovering Central Park (my favorite walking trail in Moore) + Celebrating with the Fosters as they officially adopt Miles & Hope! ❤

FEBRUARY:  Lots of fun birthday celebrations +  Jace’s first surgery and cast + Meeting with Dr. Burkhart and prayerfully deciding to commit to the CCU program + Having pink eye on my birthday (hence the sunglasses) + Seeing Triston in CHA’s Robin Hood play! ❤

MARCH:  Upper Crust with the fam and Holly Dei + Jace grilling burgers for us + Seeing Hamilton with the Wilsons and JEM + Emotional and scary ER hospital stay w/Mom (sepsis and major cysts) + Extra support from Kristie and Chet in that season + A memorable virtual court hearing + Grateful for the finalization of Rachael's 2.5-year divorce court process + Successfully being off sweets for Lent! ❤

APRIL:  Tulip farm with the Parrish fam + Interviewing for an internship with Debra @ Restore and Shawn @ New Vision + Chet offering wise advice and strengthening my confidence + Fun Wednesday walk-and-talks with Kristin + Parker Elizabeth’s birthday brunch + Kyndal's Presidential Tea (as Dolley Madison) + Intense Marvel movie talk with Jace at the Gaillardia Easter brunch + Meeting with Jenni to discuss a possible freelance career move (thinking it would be necessary, but God worked things out) + the DeBusk fam visiting us to surprise Babah + Helping Sarah with the lengthy CRNA program application! ❤

MAY:  Finding the cutest baby turtle on a walk with Kristin + Fun summer swims + Hitting the 40-lb mark + Wearing shorts for the first time in years + Allowing a thoughtless comment to throw me off course + An all-day virtual school seminar that coincided with Chet Lee’s client appreciation event (so I went back and forth) + Our last Mother’s Day with Babah! ❤

JUNE:  Reconnecting with Michelle over a 20-hour road trip for grad school Residency 2 + Falling in love with the CCU campus atmosphere and feeling so grateful for all God is doing + Planning ahead at our CR seminar + attending Al-Anon groups (class requirement, but I got more out of it than I expected) + Grabbing last-minute Hamilton tickets with T-man + My fav rainy day pics with Tate and Parker + Rach coaching Kyndal’s volleyball team + Mom starting daily radiation treatments + Practicing for interviews with T-man + Charleston's for Mom and Dad's 42nd Anniversary + Fun times with the Wilsons and Fultons! ❤

JULY:  Attending the TAFB Air Show with the Wilson/Weatherford crew + Completing my home study, profile book, and educational summaries for Nightlight Christian Adoptions + Seeing the Fultons in OKC twice (after major storm damage totaled their cars) + Triston joined me for a fun 4th of July at the Wilsons' home + Mom completing radiation treatments! + Praying for and visiting Jon and Kristin at Hillcrest Heart Hospital + Being thankful to have such supportive friends! ❤

AUGUST:  Celebrating Dad’s 70th birthday and 40 years at State Farm + A Taylor-Swift themed 10th birthday for my favorite niece + Learning I needed a minor surgery (hysteroscopy) + Road trip with Mom and T-man to watch Carter compete in the Junior Rodeo in Perry, OK + New car + Seeing the Fosters in OKC (Jon making great progress in recovery) + Chet and I breaking a short-lived no sweets pact + Officially starting my counseling practicum with Restore! ❤

SEPTEMBER:  Babah’s decline, hospice, and death + Writing the obituary and speaking at her graveside and Memorial Service + Helping Mom and JB with Emily’s Baby Shower at Gaillardia + Observing several counseling sessions + Holly staying with me; good talk with her and Megan + Hiring a new transcript proofreader + Hanging out with the fam at Jace’s football games + Triston getting his driver’s license! ❤

OCTOBER:  Completing a live role play with Ku’uipolani in our Practicum class + Big family dinners when Gus and Marilyn were in town + Started counseling my first four clients at Restore (first session 10-3-23) + OSU game with Dad and Charlene (a fun annual tradition) + Recovering quickly after my first surgery in 22 years + Early Christmas decorating + Halloween fun with Mom and the Whitakers + Seeing the Taylor Swift Eras Concert 3x in theaters! ❤

NOVEMBER:  Attending the final bedlam game with Kristin and Frankie & OSU’s final home game with Chet and Karli (both fun games and Cowboy victories!) + The Christmas Chute + Friendsgiving #12 at the Wilsons’ home + Big family Thanksgiving at Justin and Anna's + Good talk with Mandy as she stayed with me + Cheesecake Factory brunch for JoBug’s 70th birthday + Celebrating the birth of Asher Kenneth! ❤

DECEMBER:  Meeting with Amy H. and adding a second site for next semester + Hosting the fam and Tulsa friends for “A Mockey Little Christmas Party” #6 + Seeing Kyndal in the 4th grade Christmas play + Lunch with Amy and Michelle + Celebrating 15 years of friendship with Chet and Sarah + Several fun Christmas parties and traditions with friends and family + Watching the final season of The Crown + Listening to 37 audiobooks through this year, including the ESV Bible podcast + Feeling deeply grateful as I look back and very hopeful as I look forward!! ❤

Thankful Thursday #168

"Wealth and honor come from You alone, for You reign over everything. Power and might are in Your hand, and at Your discretion people are made great and given strength.  And now, our God, we give thanks to You and praise Your glorious name... Everything we have has come from You, and we give You only what You first gave us!"  ~1 Chronicles 29:12-14

On this final Thursday of 2023, I am thankful for:

1.  A fun McAlister's lunch with Kristin and the boys yesterday! ❤ 

2. The Wilsons, aka my Tulsa family! ❤

 3.  The gift of empathy and feeling things deeply.  I'm often oblivious to the physical world, but hypervigilant in the emotional realm.  I am definitely getting better at controlling my emotions and catching any downward thought spiral before it leads into depression, and I'm slowly getting better at communicating what I'm feeling and processing to those who care enough to read/ask (and those who have earned the right to hear it). ❤

4.  I'm thankful for every inspiring woman who chooses self-respect and refuses to accept dismissal, gaslighting, and mistreatment, daring to believe that her inner life matters.  If you're like me and you've spent a great deal of time feeling unheard or overlooked, please join me and START SPEAKING UP.  Clearly, I'm still learning and gaining momentum here, "a work in prog-mess," but I do understand that victim mindset is never conducive to transformation. Others will rarely treat you better than you treat yourself -- so if you feel like you're being dismissed and minimized, there is a very good chance you've been dismissing/minimizing your own needs, emotions, fears, hopes, desires, etc.  So speak up and step up - it's okay to start small, but no one else can do it for you.  You are NOT inconsequential, and the change you're hoping to see in others can (and really must) start in your own heart.  Your voice matters, your heart matters, your story matters.  I’m pep-talking myself there. Gracious, I love the wording of this post:

5. Mom - she was concerned that there might be another cyst forming, but her medical scans and labs came back clean, and we're very thankful for that!

6.  Mini quiche (yum!), our random snack food while taking down Christmas stuff on Tuesday! =)

7.  Transition periods and the hope of transformation.  Seeing all the Christmas stuff come down and all the "normal" everyday home decor reappear over the course of six hours was good for my metaphor-loving heart.  I am getting tired of being in limbo in the messy middle part of certain life transitions, very ready to feel that I've achieved some real transformation... but I have another verrry full year of graduate school and internship ahead, and I'm dealing with self-doubt and rising questions and desperately seeking God's will and timing on motherhood, and it's best that I don't write much about health stuff right now as the spiritual warfare and negative messages have been pretty strong lately - it's the key area where I dismiss my goals, override God's wisdom, and minimize my own power, and that has to change, but choosing to be seen when you’ve been comfortably hidden is hard and scary.

Anyway, I have written and read a lot through the years about the parting of the Red Sea and the journey through the wilderness - how God is with us through the desert, and there is beauty in the journey and joy in the messy transition process.  But what my heart and soul need to hear and really soak in and believe right now is that there is a God-ordained 'Promised Land' ahead - a time when the hard-fought transition work becomes lasting transformation... where the journey reaches a desired destination... where you put the old Christmas boxes away and clean up the glitter mess and the kitchen table becomes functional again, and you get to rest and feel a sense of completion and victory in that particular story.  In other words, it's comforting to feel that you're not endlessly wandering in circles, looking for small joys in the midst of hard work.  In my three most meaningful life goals right now (a counseling career, building a family, and getting healthy - and they all feel connected), I've been feeling uncharacteristically discouraged and exhausted, weary and parched, and I need to be refilled with fresh HOPE and renewed strength for the remainder of my journey there, trusting that there are better things ahead, and that the vision God gave me WILL happen in His appointed time.  God used this real-life home transformation day to spark hope within me, and I am grateful! ❤

Amen to that!
❤

All is Calm, All is Bright

Good morning, dear friends and family!  I hope you had a lovely Christmas and hope you get some time to rest today.

Here's our group pics from our Christmas Eve family lunch at Longhorn Steakhouse - one normal and one with crazy glasses!  (I love that Emily even put them on Asher. lol)

JB got Dad this cool OSU rock, so I had them pose for a pic as we waited to be seated!

It was our first time meeting Asher Kenneth, and his first Christmas ever, so yay for that! ❤

I got Jace Michael the 4-pack of Transformers he's been wanting - he was super excited, and then super obsessed... he and Mamaw spent hours watching videos and meticulously working to transform each of them!

K-Faith helping to cook her favorite spaghetti... I love that she's still using this little stool! =)  J&K opening presents from Rach, and the Friends wrapping paper on Rach's gift for me (she color-coded her gifts where she assigned a specific wrapping paper for each person - smart)!

Christmas pancake breakfast!  (Rach and Kyndal made them while Jace was working on his Transformers!)

This was our first Christmas Eve without Babah... I made this collage after going through all the pics for her Memorial Service.  She wore this sweater to several Christmases from 1986 (with Rach and Santa) to 2021 (with me, Emily, and Rach at The Veraden).  Blake had a matching one in his Santa pic, and the other two photos are from Grandad's last Christmas with us in 2018. ❤  It made me happy to think that it was their first Christmas together in Heaven!

Homemade cards by Kyndal and Rachael

Whilst listening to movies and podcasts, I finished my puzzle-Advent calendar recommended by Annie F. Downs... 1200 pieces (24 individual 50-piece puzzles), and of course, one stupid piece is missing in the end. lol It was fun, though, reminiscent of stacking puzzles with Grandad!

Speaking of podcasts, John Eldredge's Christmas day podcast started with these awesome verses about Jesus!  He also counseled us to spend some time with Jesus, resting and recovering our strength and hope instead of jumping straight into New Years mode after Christmas ends.

I feel like we didn't take as many family photos as usual, so here are some lovely 2023 Christmas pictures of other families I love, including but certainly not limited to the Campbells, Bullards, Carpenters, Mosses, Shoemakers, Wesselhofts, Ingersols, Niles, and Logsdons!

Two of Katherine Claire Fulton with her Christmas gifts ❤

Wilson fam cookies for Santa, Moss fam, Miles and Hope with Santa, Lindsay's ornament honoring Sharon, and Rachel and Heidi! ❤

Melissa helping Tate and Parker make a birthday cake for Jesus! ❤ (And what Chet called "Parker's progression of unhappiness" after her knife was taken away. lol  I so love them all - Tate in his little chef apron is the very cutest!

After our traditional family breakfast, I spent most of Christmas day on my own this year... laundry, napping, going to The Station's light show (not too exciting), eating leftovers, and watching movies in my pajamas.  I'm an introvert who typically adores time to myself, and I honestly needed the rest, but there's more pressure on Christmas day for every moment to be sparkly and merry, so I was tempted to sink into irrational self-pity about it.  What helped pull me out of that nonsense more than anything else was reading a couple of vulnerable/honest Facebook posts & my group text with Chet and Sarah... almost everyone is dealing with some level of frustration, stress, and/or unmet expectations over the holidays, so no one is alone in that sentiment.  It's valid to feel those things and good to be honest about it... but then we have the option to remember that we are LOVED and to focus on all we're grateful for rather than sinking into the mud the enemy so cleverly laid out for us.  I've hosted or attended at least 7 fun Christmas gatherings this year, and there's nothing wrong with having some restful, quiet time on Christmas day, just me and Jesus! 
"All is calm, and all is BRIGHT!" ❤❤

So whatever yesterday looked like for you,
I wish you much love, joy, peace, hope, and rest today.
And Jesus is our source of all these good things!

❤

Happy Christmas-Eve Eve!!

I'm a big fan of Christmas-Eve Eve!  It seems like we always do something fun, but it's a different crowd and activity each year.  And it's a holiday in my mind, but with less pressure than the official holidays sometimes carry.  Anyway, today has been great!  I slept till noon, for starters. =)  Then Mom and the Whitakers came over around 5:00 and we did Christmas presents at my place (along with a few photos - shocking, I know)! lol 

Mom got refurbished iPads and Christmas candy for the boys, which was a hit! 

When I opened the door, the boys yelled "Merry Christmas!!" and all three of them had a gift bag to hand me... so this = us recreating that moment inside. lol

Whitakers + me and Mom

Yaaaaay, Christmas!

Mom ("Aunt Maxine") and the boys

Santa stopped by our table at Toby Keith's to give the boys candy canes

Frankie was kind enough to buy our dinner, which is much appreciated (and impressive to me when anyone pulls that off with my Dad there, as he always insists on buying)!  Love this group pic of our table!  ❤

Yay, glasses (me and Wesson)!

Loads of cute pictures of the boys and by the boys! =) Nash being a robber and taking all Mom's money was entertaining... Nash: "Gimme all your money!!"  Mom:  "Well, I don't have cash on me, but I have lots of receipts." Nash: "Oh... well, I'll take all the receipts then!" lol

Kristin and I ran back inside out of the crazy wind to get one last picture! =)

So grateful for my cousin/bestie!  She got me this pink T-Swift sweatshirt (and a matching t-shirt for warmer days) & these comfy slippers - love it all!   And I love that her non-Swiftie self was willing to buy these things for me! =)

Throwing in a few memes, just for fun!

Sent this to Chettles and Sarah! lol

A different take on this popular song. lol

As I sit here in my cozy slippers and Swiftie shirt beside the twinkling lights of my Christmas tree blogging about my friends and family and snacking on a mini-tin of butter cookies, I'm feeling extra grateful for all the ways God is working in my life, for Judge Brockman's kindness, for my clients and internship sites, for worship music, for being surrounded with freaking amazing friends, for all the family fun ahead, etc.  In stark contrast, I had a very low moment only two days ago, and I may write more on that later (or maybe it doesn't need to be written). As I've said many times before, this season amplifies our joys and our sorrows, our hopes and our worries. The light feels brighter and the darkness feels more encompassing.  So the more we invest our time and energy in focusing on what we are grateful for, the more joyful and grateful we will feel!  And the more we dwell on the light of Christ and our hope in Christ, the more clearly we will see His light and feel empowered by His strength even in the sad and bittersweet parts of this earthly life.  The best gift we should cling to in this season is the peace Jesus gives us. ❤

Anyway, thank you for being here!  Happy Christmas to you and those you love!!

Now I'm off to bed watch the end of The Crown!