Memory Monday - 2020

I've started through the Annie & Eddie Keep Talking podcast again, which brings back all kinds of early pandemic memories for me -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. lol  We all experienced varying degrees of anxiety, loss, and pain that year... but there were some wonderful moments that are crystalized in my memory because of the way that year stands out.  Outside of Jesus Himself, here are the Top 10 things that added joy and value to my life through the pivotal year of 2020:

10.  Home Remodel (522) -- Too much downtime is never good.  This major project gave me lots of reasons to call, connect, and collaborate with Mom + lots of small decisions to focus on + a clear list of things to do room-by-room as Antonio and co. transformed things + a visual metaphor for messy changes that lead to transformation!  I learned a lot through that whole process, and everything looked fantastic in the end.  So I'm grateful for the new look (two years before selling the house), and for the ways the remodel forced me to connect, make decisions, adjust, and be flexible!

9.  The hope of an OSU football crowd -- As social distancing became the norm and the summer Olympics and March Madness games and other sporting events and vacations were cancelled left and right, I really missed the joy of being in the midst of a crowd - I'd never realized how important it was to me until it felt threatened.  Somewhere in there, I latched onto the hope of looking forward to being a part of the happy, cheering OSU football crowd again someday.  And this Halloween 2020 game is one of my favorite Stillwater memories - the roar of the crowd meant more to me that day than ever before!!  Even for non sports-fans, there's a lot to be said for the collective joy of being part of a full stadium, connecting with family and random strangers and laughing at the crazy fans, etc.  For reasons I can't fully put into words, this fun Saturday was a big marker/milestone for me in believing that good, vibrant, abundant life would make a wonderful return -- thank God!!

8.  Introversion -- For reals - my love of audiobooks, TV and movies, coloring, painting, cooking, online classes, podcasts, reading, blogging, scrapbooking, sleeping in, photography, etc. all served me very well that year!  Spring 2020 was really the introverts' time to shine. lol

7.  The Great Outdoors -- Gardening fun at Steve and Sarah's (I was more of a documentarian than gardener, but so happy to be among friends) + Wilson pool parties + swim days with the niece and nephews!  It really was a kindness from God that the very worst part of the contagion and fear of the unknown fell during spring and summer where we had nice weather to enjoy together outside!

6.  Hard Talks with Trusted Friends -- This pic = one of many days that involved a difficult conversation with these two (mostly those talks were one on one, but that day we were all three together).  I cried on the phone with both of them at some point, cried through at least two Napoli's lunches, a Braum's visit, and one memorable hangout at Sarah's house.  I was holding on with both hands to a friend who did not value me well, and these two would not allow me to ignore the red flags.  Where my former friend recoiled and pulled back at the very hint of a potentially difficult conversation, these two fun-loving Enneagram 7s intentionally stepped into those emotionally-draining moments for my sake because they cared and valued me enough to do so... I could feel a tangible difference in the way my body, soul, and spirit responded to friendships where it was safe vs. unsafe to fully be myself, and it gradually helped me to see things more clearly.  (The same holds true for difficult political conversations in 2020 with JEM and Chet Lee - gradually growing in my ability to engage in healthy conversations + speak my deeply-held beliefs + believe my friends and family are capable of loving/respecting me when we don't align there).  Gracious, the root of rejection runs very deep for me, but God is consistently using good relationships to bring healing there!!

5.  Some Good News + Pandemic Memes -- We all needed a break from the loss, the grief, the callousness, and the vitriol spreading online that year... so I'm grateful there was also a lot of collective laughter and joy - John Krasinski's videos were a gem, and my Monday Memes posts really took off that year! lol

4.  The Fam -- I see so much of God's goodness and grace to us in Dad's job security/stability, everyone staying healthy, Mom homeschooling the kids and enjoying that, and our regular swim party get-togethers and dinners with each other!

3.  The Peloton Community -- The year I bought and built an exercise bike and went all in with the fun, empowering, encouraging, endorphin-fueled Peloton workouts (cycling, walking, yoga, strength)! The collective joy and movement, the way this connected me and Malori, and the motivating FB community of the #BooCrew and #Peloton crowd all meant a lot and helped keep me healthy and strong that year!!

2.  Malori -- My mind will forever associate 2020 with that friendship, which feels appropriate: a pivotal, emotionally chaotic, sometimes overblown, sometimes destructive, sometimes beautiful, often inconsistent and confusing, forever-imprinted-in-my-memory friendship/season that built my resilience and helped me to see life more clearly in the end.  The glimmering hope of that reconnection really mattered to me throughout that entire year, and what I learned through chasing it will matter to me and have a positive ripple effect for the rest of my life.  *I took the lock-screen screenshot bc it made me happy to see all three of them on my phone that afternoon. lol #VCGO2010

1.  Annie & Eddie -- and now we've come full circle from the top of this post!  I just adore them both, and their daily shows for the first six weeks of the pandemic were such a joyful part of my daily life!  Then the twice-weekly shows through the rest of 2020 and the first half of 2021 were a real gift of connection, friendship, joy, laughter, and staying up to date on important and trivial news.  The silly stuff, the poignant quotes and deep topics, Eddie's hot takes, Annie's laughter and thoughtfulness, and the way they modeled healthy (married male/ single female) friendship all had a sustaining and strengthening effect for me in 2020.  And I love that I'm able to revisit it whenever I'd like, which definitely includes this  current spring!! =)

I feel deep empathy for people who experienced major loss and suffering that year, and I feel deep gratitude for the ways God used 2020 to reset things for all of us and remind us not to take the simple things for granted.  Happy April Fools Monday, friends and fam - much love and grace to all of you!!

❤

The In Between

"With every passing year, and with every passing loss, Easter becomes richer - and holier - and happier for me.  The entire week takes on more meaning.  Including this day - a day that we don't talk about much. But it's a day reflective of where we all seem to be living in these times.  In the in between.  The grief and the trauma and even the anxiety of Good Friday - and the Holiness and the Redemption and the Joy of Easter Day.  Sunday's coming.  But today, we are waiting.  In the quiet.  And stillness.  Waiting in eager anticipation.  Hallelujah that Sunday's coming.  Grateful to be in the waiting with you for all that's being born... even in us."
~Easter Saturday post by Sissy Goff

I had some deep thoughts after listening to Annie and Eddie's podcast from Easter Saturday of 2020, then I scrolled through the above post and had to share it!  We really do live in "the in between."  There is real loss and pain and confusion.  And there is real hope and faith and love.  And we get to decide day by day which way we lean and where we focus our hearts.  Praying you choose hope this Easter Sunday.  Faith, life, peace, joy, and love!

❤ ❤ ❤

Photo catch-up:
Kyndal Faith and I at Red Robin Good Friday lunch!  (Also, yay for my new glittery glasses by Gwen Stefani!)

Balloon pics just for fun - such a windy day outside! =)

Mom and Dad took Jace, Gideon, and Titus to Top Golf... then me and Rach and Kyndal met them for lunch at Red Robin.  (I had supervision with Amy and Michelle that morning, and Kyndal was at Dylan's slumber party).  The boys are cute and funny together - I love it!

Speaking of cute kids, Tate's first baseball game with the Pirates was last weekend, and Mom and I joined the Wilson/Weatherford crew for that!  

It's not a short list of things that make me happy above... Tate's cap being a little too big where he has to move his whole neck rather than just his eyes to see much, his confident wink in their family pic, Chet helping coach him in his first-ever game, their team stretch looking like a praise sesh with Tate pointing up to the sky, and Mom's cozy blanket on the windy day!

Chet and Karli are such fantastic parents, and it brings me joy to see it! =)  I was also delighted that Parker E. came to sit with me for a few minutes to recount how disgusted she was by the "yucky bathroom" porta-potty experience! lol

They don't know all the teammates names yet, so when Tate needed a space, Chet said, "Hey Pikachu, scoot down!" and I laughed pretty hard!

My Disney World travel buddies in November! =)

The Wilsons went home for naps whilst Mom and I went to her car appointment at Lexus, then we all met for an early dinner at Los Cabos! (The Weatherfords were there too).  Super fun Saturday, and I'm grateful for it!

Snapshots of people I love: Lindsay and Wavy at Burn Bootcamp, adorable pic of Kelly and the kids, sweet baby Asher and the Easter bunny, and the Shoemaker fam celebrating Mark's 31st bday last weekend!

I took a lovely walk yesterday and was about ten feet away from this crazy-loud speaker when the 'practice' tornado siren went off...  So. Loud!! lol

Reminder from Lysa TerKeurst:

One of my favorite pics of the preshface Mini Miss K from 2018:

CHA Easter Program 2024 (I missed it since I had a virtual coaching session with an out-of-state client, but I helped edit the pics. lol)  I love J's shirt and Kyndal's dress!

Song of the Week = Watchman by Josh Garrels (thanks to John Eldredge) -- so good! 

 

"You're all I have, Lord. You are the way.
And I'll always love You, and I will wait

Like a watchman at the gate...

"No more tears and no more pain,

I'm making all things NEW again just like I promised you.

Sing alleluia all the way,

And I'll always love you, and I will wait

Like a watchman at the gate..."

I love both sides of that - we wait and watch for His coming, and Jesus waits and watches for our arrival in Heaven.

P.S. The second quarter of 2024 starts tomorrow.

Happy Easter, friends and family!

❤

Thankful Thursday #181

*I'm also thankful that God is able and willing to weave EVERYTHING we've been through together for His glory and for our good!  I see that in my life.  In thinking out loud about Romans 8, I forgot to list that key verse. lol  Anyway, happy Thursday, and Happy Easter Weekend ahead!!

❤ ❤ ❤

From Joy to Joy

A few fun pics from my delightful Spring Break McAlister's lunch with the Whitaker family!!  Hopefully they've been having a blast at JumpZone whilst I've been finishing up one last transcript and writing a paper for school!

So much cuteness!

A few miles down the road, Mom, Dad, and Rach took the kids and their friends to Top Golf for lunch today, which I'm excited to hear more about soon!  I'm happy TJ and Gideon were able to join them!

On this day two years ago, I toured the Mend Pregnancy Center then had lunch at Old School Bagel (I'm sticking with its original name) with Chet and Kristin... I remember it was the first time I mentioned the Cleveland County job opening (total God thing that I even saw that) and discussed the potential application and OKC move with anyone.  They offered some good wisdom and caution that day, and both were very quick to be supportive when I felt a little overwhelmed as it became clear that God was opening that door.  What I was picturing then versus what's happening now are two vastly different things, as that move became a catalyst for forward momentum with building a home, entering graduate school, moving toward a career change, and pursuing a pregnancy.  I have prayed repeatedly that God would open the right doors and close the wrong ones, and I trust that He has been faithful in that!  I feel very grateful looking back on that day for the many doors He has opened!!  I trust His will and timing, and I'm excited about what the future holds.  I am also entirely grateful that Chet Lee and Kristin Renee are still very close and trusted friends who speak wisdom into my life, and that the move did not have a negative impact on any of the friendships I hold most dear.

I've been thinking today about how we all have a choice in what we focus on and how we interpret what happens to us.  And we have the power to create positive change in our lives (not to control every detail or have all we want in our preferred timeline, but to keep moving forward with faith and intention, pursuing meaningful goals).  This quote in today's Atomic Habits email felt very fitting for all of that:

"Some people get addicted to chain-smoking their problems.  They spend all day going from sorrow to sorrow.  It doesn't have to be that way.  You can live each day going from joy to joy — like a sunflower that turns to face the sun as it moves across the sky.  It's not about having a problem-free life, but about focusing on the light.  Sunflowers still have shadows, but they are always behind them." ❤

~James Clear

The Sunflowers, a 1997 singing sensation! ;-)

Walk in God's light, friends.
That's really all for today!

❤

Thankful Thursday #180!

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests

but each of you to the interests of the others."

~Philippians 2:3-4 ❤

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  Slow and steady progress in the right direction!!  (Specifically with weight loss goals and internship hours, but this meme could apply to any number of things!)

2.  A new QT right here in Moore!  (Mostly it's OnCue gas stations here and QT in Tulsa, so I was happy to see this opening, then immediately thought, "This was a mistake" when I went in and looked at their donuts, which are awesome but currently off limits for me). lol

3.  Lunch walks and colorful spring trees - fun!

4.  Random, but I'm grateful now that I didn't opt for the "upgrade" to buy the lots by or across from the pond (my love of the number 3000 kept me from it).  At least 15 geese are regularly flocking around that area, and I would *not* care for that. lol

5.  Looking forward to a fun McAlister's lunch this afternoon with the Whitaker fam as the boys are on Spring Break - love getting to see them!! ❤ #Christmaspic #Thursdaythrowback

6.  Comforting words from a friend. lol  (In the real issues and in the ridiculous issues my mind creates - I never found the bug again, but apparently it's a crane fly and doesn't have the ability to bite humans, which helps me sleep at night).

7.  Transparency and healing.  And feeling more tuned in lately to God's goodness and my need for Him!

Have courage and be kind.  Happy Thursday!
❤

If You Obey

"So Jesus said to those who believed in Him, 'If you obey My teaching, you are really My disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'"
~John 8:31-32 

I'm thinking tonight about complacency, comfort, conviction, and conscience. 

(Steven Furtick would be proud of me for that alliteration. lol)

Create in me a clean, heart, O God,

And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from Your presence, O Lord,

And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of my salvation,

And renew a right spirit within me!

That was one of my favorite church youth group songs, based on David's repentance in Psalm 51.

If you OBEY My teaching, You are really My disciples; you will KNOW the truth, and the truth will set you FREE.

"IF you obey."

Obedience to Christ is the condition for real freedom.

The more my soul is waking up and coming into the light, the more I can see where I've been cutting corners.  I have grown complacent in several areas, repeatedly choosing comfort over conviction with my eating habits, with my language, with what I read, with what I watch, etc.  It all starts with my thought life, where I have failed to take certain thoughts captive and bring them into obedience and alignment with Christ.  Without recognizing it, I've casually drifted into caring more about pleasing myself and others than pleasing God, and my love for Him has been more surface level than I would prefer to think, not requiring much real sacrifice or submission or surrender from me.  That dynamic is changing now, and I can feel the joy and excitement of it, along with the growing pains that come with swimming against the world’s current.

"The first reason why people fail to break free is that they expect a quick fix to a longtime problem.  It's sort of like putting a single Band-Aid on a person with dozens of gaping and bleeding wounds... God can do anything.  But the vast majority of the time, Jesus invites men and women on a journey that forces them to humble themselves and call on His name with childlike helplessness within a fellowship of believers... Heart change requires more than willpower... The recovery community coined the term 'white knuckling' to explain the furious grip people use to overcome compulsive and addictive behavior to no avail...  We gain strength by admitting our weakness... Change is hard and painful. We need a safe and effective process for guidance and safe people to help us carry the burden of this difficult work."  ~Mapping Your Journey, Victory app

Stepping down into humility is hard and painful, but it's better than falling from a height of pride.

Choosing obedience means taking responsibility in some areas and giving up control in others.  Walking with slow integrity when you can feel the familiar wind of the forward momentum of the easier path feels *exceptionally* difficult.  I'm reminding myself that no one "gets away with" anything before God - He knows our hearts and motives, and He tells us not to grow weary in doing good, for in due time, we will reap a harvest.

“In due time” is often longer than we would hope.  And the pull of the world is strong, and the roar of the enemy is loud, and the internal battle is real.  I'm a work in progress, but God is the artist. He knows how to bring beauty out of messes, and He never leaves things unfinished.  I want my life to be characterized by real freedom and walking in truth and God’s anointing, a treasure that comes at a price.  I'm sorry this post feels a bit vague and unfinished, and now I need to go to bed.  What I'm writing about applies to multiple areas in my own life right now, and hopefully these things I am moving through will be encouraging for someone else reading this.  

The meme at the top says you are allowed to outgrow old versions of you, to grow and change and live in alignment, to choose today to BE the version of you that you dream of being!  What does that look like for you?  The version of me that I dream of being does whatever it takes to stay closely connected to Jesus - she is humble and repentant and fiercely devoted.  She loves others well and adds value to people's lives, partly because she cares much more about what God thinks than what people think, and she is free from the compulsion to people-please or present a shiny image!  She makes hard choices and pursues character over comfort, and she is warm and competent and genuine.  She embraces God's process without cheating the system or seeking the quick fix or escape route (woof).  She trusts God's heart and provision, and she does not try to justify sin or meet her own needs outside of His will and timing.  And she lives a life of love that flows from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5)!! ❤

The beautiful news is that God loves us right where we are today, and He knows how to renew our minds and continue transforming us into the best version of ourselves.  He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it... so we don't have to wallow in guilt or white knuckle our way through life, only to humble ourselves and believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life!

"So Jesus said to those who BELIEVED in Him, 'If you obey My teaching, you are really My disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'"
~John 8:31-32 

❤

St. Patrick's Day Randomness

Hey friends and fam!  Happy Sunday and Happy Saint Patrick's Day to you!! ❤  It's been a good weekend with some family time, some homework and productive chores, lifegroup and church and a movie with Kristin (Arthur the King - worth seeing), and some time to relax and sleep in!  This post will mostly be a quick photo catch-up...

Starting with the Miss K's Charge Volleyball pics - these two were my favorites, so I bought them!  Their blue uniforms are my favorite, and it's her first year playing Club volleyball.  She has a beautiful smile, and I love that she can also pull off the serious expression. #fierce

This one is more for Chet and Rachael than me.  I'm the oblivious driver enjoying my music and giving them road rage. lol

A counselor clipboard Rach made for me (part 2 of my bday gift - yay!)  Some encouragement for me on the inside, and encouragement for clients on the outside! ❤

Kate and Farrah came up from Texas for a Spring Break visit - it was fun seeing them and catching up with Kate - we had a family dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse Friday night (Mom and Dad were also there - she took this picture)!

Mother/daughter pic

Me and Kate

Kyndal and Farrah (both 10) had fun together

They also went bowling and hung out at Mom and Dad's for a while before and after dinner (I missed that part).

Hanging out with Asher Kenneth as JB babysat for them on Saturday!

So cute!!

Jace was so happy to hold him!

(He clearly loves the idea of having a baby cousin, as I wrote in my first adoption profile book four. years. ago.  It's very sweet and makes me happy, and it's a little stinging and sad for me all at once - not that he should have to worry at all about how it makes me feel on any level.  Overall, I am doing better since my 'Time Change' post, still praying and processing, and super grateful for everyone who cares and prays with and for me!)

The Campbell fam - friends I haven't officially met yet, but I love them all!

Lunch walks are becoming a habit, and I love that!  I hit 300 Peloton walks last week - huzzah!

A pic Chet sent from a realtor lunch event with Cookie Mama cookies he can't eat (during Lent).  Rough times.  Two more weeks!

Brainstorming (with some help from Chatgpt) future business name ideas... no decision made yet, but I'm excited about this idea!

Coach Erin high-fiving Kyndal during a time-out!

As an Ennegram 9, I'm naturally good at this, but working toward speaking up more often.

A perfect thing to scroll across whilst thinking, "I wish God would clarify this for me."

Inspiring post by Ashley Ingersol

I was also inspired by the Mel Robbins podcast to get more serious about a good morning routine.  Tomorrow starts week 3 of Callanetics before work and a 20-30 minute walk sometime during the day - yay!

Easier said than done, but there is real power in this.

#Kategate is odd, but I'm entertained by those who are super invested!

Yay, Heath and Scott (discussing the differences between guilt and conviction).

Yay, Londyn, daughter of Nikki and Billy (who our Diving Deeper lifegroup supported through his hospital stay back in 2009 - she was 4 when he died and moved on to Heaven, and she is now a high school Senior and a beautiful and talented actress).

Yay, Lindsay and Wavy - cuteness!  And I admire Lindsay's dedicated gym routine!

Me returning the favor and sending Chet this pizookie pic from BJs tonight... yum!  (But not for me today). lol

...oooh, I'm often joking around about it, but beneath the surface, I have approximately a million deeper thoughts on that topic and the insidious nature of addiction and the growing hope of rewiring my brain and identity (Scripture + Atomic Habits) and getting serious about throwing off the sins that so easily entangle me (Hebrews) and to whom much is given much is required (Jesus) and the high cost and infinite value of the all-in Christian life (Eldredge) and "precovery" (Furtick) and pre-deciding (Groeschel) and the ever-increasing nature of sin and the hope of breaking free (Moore) and the almost-tangible battlefield of the mind (Meyer) and pursuing wellness (Burkhart) and how all these things I'm reading and learning and hearing from God are coming together in a beautiful way in my mind, YET I still feel a ravenous physical/emotional craving for sweets along with resistance/uncertainty about the idea of giving them up permanently... but that's for a future post, maybe when I finish the Addiction and Grace book, which is fantastic thus far.  God is a God of process, and I'm listening and letting it all marinate for now.

I was happy to finally see Tman and hear about his ski trip, which he loved and plans to join them again next year, which I'm so glad to hear!

An Irish blessing for you this St. Patrick's Day:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, my friend,
May God bless you,

And may God hold you in the palm of His hand!

❤