One Word

A writing challenge I've been working on asked, "What word do you want to use to describe how you will approach 2012?"

My answer:

Listen

I have always identified with this song, since I first heard it watching Dreamgirls.  I mentioned it back in this post, and was reminded how much I love it when Melanie sang it for the finale of X Factor! 

Beyonce's version is also awesome:

It makes sense to me that people who are fortunate enough to have no idea what it feels like to be unheard, to feel alone, to struggle to know where they belong -- would find this song cheesy and stupid.  I am not among that group!

Tonight, I read through several of my Aunt Nancy's past family Christmas letters. She has saved them all in a book, and she put it out with the other albums for the first time this Christmas. It was so interesting to me to look back through the timeline of all the family milestones and memories!  Then another aunt saw me reading it and laughingly commented, "Wow, you must be really bored!"  For whatever reason, that got to me a bit... the assumption that the life history of one of the more interesting families I know would be a super-boring time filler.  Made me wonder if that's how people feel about reading this blog.  Then I realized that yes, it probably is, and I don't really care.  I've written 226 posts so far this year, and received only 11 comments.  But obviously (3 posts on Christmas day) I haven't stopped writing, because I enjoy it, and I want to remember these little things, even if it would bore the rest of the world!  It's part of "finding my own voice" for me, so I'm sticking with it.

Anyway, I'm glad there are a few of you who still find me at least mildly interesting! ;)  While thinking about the times when I have felt misunderstood or unheard, I decided that this will be my "theme song" for 2012... a call to be more confident and bold, and to "find my own voice," whatever that might mean! :)

Listen to the song here in my heart,

A melody I start, but can't complete.

Listen to the sound from deep within...

It's only beginning to find release.

Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard.

They will not be pushed aside and turned

Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen.

Listen!

I am alone at a crossroads,

I'm not at home in my own home.

And I've tried and tried

To say what's on my mind,

You should have known!

Oh, now I'm done believing you.

You don't know what I'm feeling.

I'm more than what you've made of me.

I followed the voice you gave to me,

But now I've gotta find my own.

You should have listened...

There was someone here inside,

Someone I thought had died

So long ago.

Oh, I'm screaming out,

And my dreams will be heard.

They will not be pushed aside or worked

Into your own,

All 'cause you won't

Listen...

(repeat chorus)

I don't know where I belong,

But I'll be moving on...

If you don't, if you won't...

Listen to the song here in my heart,

A melody I start, and I will complete!

Oh, now I'm done believing you!

You don't know what I'm feeling!

I'm more than what you've made of me.

I followed the voice you think you gave to me,

But now I've got to find my own,

My own!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas, blogging friends!  This Christmas was very different from our normal routines, but still beautiful in its own way.  I never decorated my house, and neither did Mom.  We also skipped the traditional Dirty Santa game with the Texas Mueckes.  Mom is still recovering, so we decided to stay in and do breakfast for dinner in our comfy PJs instead of going out to eat. :)  The only actual physical Christmas present I opened (the rest was $$, which is always appreciated) was the De-Icer and ice scraper from sweet Grandad.  (Oh, and my cute "L" mug from Chet and Jeff!!)  Dad's present from me was some of the CDs they had lost in their car wreck.  And Rach got tons of baby stuff!  Mom and Dad and I watched the Chipmunks Christmas Movie for the first time after everyone else left last night (sooo cute - I just love Theodore!).  And later tonight, we'll go to Norman for Christmas dinner at Nancy's house!  All things considered, Christmas 2011 was unusual, but great and memorable!!!

Here are a few of the pics taken so far...
Babah and Triston making some fruit salad.  He loves to help! :)

Strawberries and dip... it looks so Christmasy! :)

Rach changing Mom's PICC line.  Her scar and skin graft site are looking better and better!! :)

Carter found Rach's Lee Middleton doll and decided to try the hat on... he'll have to practice being a little more gentle before Jace gets here! lol  ("Why do you keep dropping, baby!?" as he hurls the doll to the ground!  He also put him in "time out" a few times. lol)

Triston playing with the "Color Explosion" Emily got him!

Carter "helping Maxine get better!"  Love his shoes!!

Rach showing off some of the cute new baby clothes for Jace!

Emily with Jace's OSU outfit!  (Note Grandad tearing up... he's so sweet!)

Triston and his "millions and millions of candies!"  ...My present to them, as that was all they asked for. :)

Carter, trying to wait patiently till everyone has their gifts ready to open!

T-Man eating his blueberry donut, which is becoming a Christmas tradition!

Josh cooking the bacon, eggs, potatoes, and gravy for our breakfast for dinner!!

Triston and Dad looking at Rach and Josh's wedding book! :)

These last two are from this morning... Josh making pancakes for breakfast...

And me, Josh, and Rach after breakfast ...yay for Gap hoodies! :)

*The worst thing about this year's Christmas was that Blake was really sick and didn't get to join us, and he ended up going to the ER and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the hospital getting fluids for dehydration. :(  He's still there as far as we know now, so pray for him if you read this today!!

Hope you and your family had a Merry Christmas! ❤

God With Us

God is with us.
God was with us. 
God will be with us.

That was the main message of Craig's simple (but awesome) Christmas sermon, and God timed it right for me to hear that last night!  He used the verse from Romans 8 about nothing being able to separate us from God's love, and said, "That includes our doubts, our fears, etc."  And that hit me - that even when I am doubting God's goodness and freaking out and forgetting to turn to Him or struggling to trust Him, that doesn't change a thing.  I feel more separated from Him at those times, but His love is still just as strong, and He is still there.  God is with me right now... I do not have to face life alone, and He will comfort me when it gets hard.  God was with me in the past in a thousand different ways that are easy for me to see looking back.  And God will be with me through all the ups and downs of the coming year and the rest of my life!!  As Craig said toward the end of his sermon, "God is with you.  The real question is:  Are you with Him??"

I really feel like that guy who said, "I believe; help me with my unbelief" here!  Because a loud YES should be the answer to that question!  But this song sometimes seems more fitting... "It's like I only love God when the sun shines my way.  It's like I'm mean to divinity when I can't see sweet, sweet rays!"  (-Nelly Furtado)

Anyway... this series is called "Carols," and Craig is focusing on a different Christmas song each week.  This week he chose my favorite, O Come, O Come Emmanuel.  Awesomeness (and my Song of the Week)!!  I haven't heard this woman before, but I was really happy they chose her for this video.  And how great are these lyrics!?

"O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny.
From depths of Hell, Thy people save.
And give them victory o'er the grave!
Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

...and bind in one the hearts of all mankind.
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace!"



Quick Thankful Thursday post:

Today, I'm thankful...

1.  That as of this week, it is finally beginning to feel like Christmas to me!
2.  For Jennie inviting me to the Marvellite Christmas Run!  Pic = her after running 5 miles in the rain in her tacky Christmas sweater (for the contest). :)

3.  That it is so easy to strike up a conversation and make new friends while walk/jogging!  I love that, and it was good to be reminded!!
4.  For Malori Riah!!  And for getting to watch Big Business and Charlie Brown Christmas with her this past weekend! 
5.  For my friendship with Jeff (JEM) and Chet Lee... and for the cute hot chocolate mug they got me from Anthropologie!! =)

6.  For my Panera dinner with Laura Tuesday night... genuine, deep conversation... and cute gingerbread cookies. :)
7.  For the candlelight service tonight, for getting to see several LG friends again, and for the reminder from God that He is still with me!!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 
~Romans 8:38,39

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Found this on Don Miller's blog and thought it was worth re-posting:

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”  ~Anais Nin

"Was it hard?" I ask. "Letting go?"
"Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”  
(-Lisa Schroeder)

"The opposite of love is not hate.  It is indifference."  ~Elie Wiesel

"I will rise steadily, sailing out of their reach.
Oh Lord, they do try hard to make me feel that I
Don't matter at all, but I refuse to falter
In what I believe, or lose faith in my dreams..."
~Mariah Carey :)

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  ~Psalm 139:23,24

Memorable Events ~ 2011

In random order, these are some things I will remember when I look back at this year:

The 10 year anniversary of September 11th... seeing this Memorial is the only reason I will probably go back to NYC someday.

The 70 year anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

Amanda Knox being freed

Oprah's final show after 25 years... I miss her!

The return of Simon Cowell on the X Factor USA premier!!   =)

Album of the year, in my mind.

The death of Steve Jobs.

The royal wedding of William and Kate!!

A far more ridiculous and short-lived wedding.

Occupy Wall Street craziness

The death of Osama Bin Laden and Muammar Gaddafi... and now Kim Jong Il.  (I am not among those who feel guilty or conflicted about celebrating when evil men die!)

This pic cracks me up, but yes, the two that I felt actually were pretty memorable! :)

Really loved this movie... so fantastic!  Yay for J.K. Rowling!!

The Help, another great movie from 2011!!

Now to the more personal things, the Big Cedar trip with Malori, Ruth, and Charlotte - loved it!

Joshua Michael getting saved and baptized!

Going to see Taylor Swift in concert (by myself, but it was still awesome!) ;)

Our November 11-11-11 Vegas trip!!

Being Maid of Honor at Rachael and Josh's wedding on 7-9-11!

The hottest summer EVER, and hanging out at the pool with Natalie and Bobbi!

Malori's new house, and our awesome OKC roadtrip to help paint!

The Debusk Family Reunion at JoBug's house.  (Heather's girls and Carter and Triston)

Finding out Rach is pregnant, and painting the nursery room!

Walking in to find the boys playing in the dogs' cages! lol

Being roommates with Brit-tan-y Bolt for a few months! :)

Our LG trip to Joplin after the major tornado

Celebrating JEM's birthday at Red Rock...

And capturing his legendary bowling form. :)

July 4th - driving around with the top down listening to The Good Life by One Republic =)
(At Nathan's "Fourth of July BASH BASH BASH" lol)

The major February blizzard... being off work for 2 weeks solid, and staying at the hospital with Mom after her surgery!

Finding out Mom had cancer... then finding out (after surgery) that she is now cancer free!!
Yay, God!!

Bill and Jill's 11-11-11 wedding and reception at the top of Stratosphere!!  Fun!

God protecting my parents...

When they had a wreck on the way back from Vegas!  Yay, God again!!

Going dancing with Grandad and Babah. =)  Also, Grandad's "till I die" quote!!

Josh cooking breakfast for all our family at their house!
Reading Bible stories with Triston :)

Painting these chairs for Emily's sorority friends... much more fun than some of the other projects!

Kristin, Rach, and Anna all being pregnant together!!

Having tea with "the boys" at McAlisters! :)

Watching fireworks in the grass behind Red Rock on July 3rd!

Gus writing a poem for Nancy, and Gene going all out on her 60th Birthday celebration! =)

Painting this (finished it while I watched the Oprah finale)! =)

And last but not least, who can forget "Winning!!" 

This video is Jimmy Fallon, but may as well be Charlie Sheen.  His impressions are spot on.

That's all I can think of for now.  In all the ups and downs, God has been faithful! 

GIGATT. =)