Singleness

I don't know what God has in store for the future, but this topic is strong on my mind and heart lately... so here are 10 fantastic quotes that I identify with as a Christian single woman.  Every one of these posts are very worth reading in their entirety - click the author's name for the link. (It's so good to know that I'm not alone in my "aloneness," and I'm very thankful for the thoughtfulness of my cousin in recommending some of these authors.) And thankful for all my friends (couples or singles) who go out of their way to make me feel loved and included!

1. "There’s something liberating (and slightly exhausting) about being the sole decision maker in your life... I don’t want to build a life that doesn’t allow for marriage, but I don’t want to build a life around the hope of a marriage that may or may not come. It’s a difficult place to be... I don’t really understand what womanhood - especially Biblical womanhood - looks like apart from marriage and motherhood. It’s sort of what I was groomed for, what I always assumed would naturally happen. ...I think one of my greatest fears is doing something scary, like foster care, and when I need help, no one will be there… it terrifies me to try to do anything more than what I know I’m capable of because I’m not sure there’s a safety net to catch me if I fall. ...I often hear [singleness] referred to as a training ground for marriage, a time where the Lord may be holding a husband so that he can first work out a spiritual deficit of some kind in your life. Both of these things lack any firm Biblical backing, and they’re hurtful to hear. Instead, I’d love to be encouraged in this season because singleness is significant, and the time spent in this season should not be undermined by believing that we’re only meant for preparing for the next." ~JOY BETH SMITH 
2. “It would’ve been so easy for them to say they were just doing something with couples. It would’ve been so easy for me to say I didn’t really feel like being the odd woman out. And yes, it could’ve been awkward — our party of 9, me being the only single person at the table — but it was just beautiful…As we hurried to settle the bill and move on to our little after-party, a friend’s husband leaned over and said, “your bill has been taken care of.” Their simple acts of generosity and inclusion left me overwhelmed with gratitude and hopeful for a world where we truly live as brothers and sisters in Christ.” ~LINDSEY NOBLES
3. “Being single during the holidays sometimes feels like a mess. I’m a pretty confident fun-loving gal who appreciates the life I have. But something happens during the holiday season- my friend Kelley calls it “hyper-awareness”- when my singleness just feels. IT FEELS. It’s palpable in December moments in ways it never shows in April. God knows it. The enemy knows it. And I know it. I have to take more thoughts captive, make good choices, and call it what it is- messy.” ~ANNIE DOWNS 
4. “I feel like so often, particularly single women — God bless them — they feel like the only message they get is: “Find your contentment in Christ. Isn’t Christ enough for you?” And I think that’s such a terrible response, because the desire to get married is a good desire…But like all desires, they have to be placed where they belong. I want to affirm the desire for marriage and I want to warn against the fear of loneliness becoming a desire so far up in your list that you would be willing to compromise and put yourself in a situation that would be more horrific and far more lonely for you in the future. Unfortunately, a lot of godly women get to a place where they are tired of the “weirdness” of Christian dating and the apathy from Christian men to actually pursue them, and it has led them to marry… a man who will not lead, who doesn’t really love the Lord, but who does come to church. This ends almost every time in heartbreak.” ~MATT CHANDLER 
5. “We do not long for love stories that end in divorce or in death or that, for reasons we are never fully able to understand, never get started in the first place. And yet, here we are, many of us, living stories we didn’t ask for and trying to make them beautiful and our own and living inside of them with all the gumption and passion and creativity and presence as we would have brought to the one we thought we’d have.” ~ALLISON FALLON 
6. “In a nutshell, there are a lot of nice, well-intentioned Christian married people who say cruel, insensitive, or misguided things to and about single people… Married couples with children need and deserve support — but so do singles.  We’re practicing celibacy in a culture that can scarcely comprehend the concept. We’re struggling with the idea that, thanks to various cultural factors and trends, our desires for marriage and children might never be met. We’re trying to ward off loneliness and live good, responsible, fulfilling lives. And in the midst of all this, we’re dealing with the misperceptions I’ve described above. This is where the church should be a lifeline for us instead of an anchor weighing us down.” ~GINA DALFONZO
7. “I am well acquainted with the unique challenge of traveling life solo… I fully know what it is to feel out of place in the church and like the lack of a ring on my finger and a stick family decal on my minivan make me less than.  But Mother’s Day is difficult for so many women for so many reasons other than extended singleness, and I certainly cannot claim to understand the particular anguish of infertility or the loss of a child.  If this day is not a day of celebration for you, I am so, so sorry, and I hope that you will feel it in your bones how radically loved, cherished, and whole God has made you.  I hope that as you wait eagerly with me for the day when everything will be put to right that you will thank God with a simple and heartfelt prayer for blessing you with the gift of womanhood, the gift of reflecting His tenderness.” ~LAURA BOWER
8. “Courtney was a gifted, well-liked student who had already secured an exciting post-graduation job. But despite this reality, Courtney was in my office sobbing about the fact that she was set to graduate in 3 weeks and was not engaged… And she said to me, “Dr. Cleveland, I appreciate your effort but I feel like I shouldn’t be taking advice from you. I mean, let’s face it: You’re my worst nightmare. You’re 29 and alone.” …I ultimately held my tongue and responded with compassion because as a social psychologist and someone who has grown up in American Christian culture, I understood that her anxiety, hopelessness and fear about singleness were primarily the product of her culture. She was reacting to the prospect of being single exactly the way she had been socially programmed to do. Indeed, her distress was an indictment on the dominant theologies in the Western church in which marriage is seen as more holy, more valuable, more fruitful and mature than singleness.” ~CHRISTENA CLEVELAND
9. “After interacting with the church, many singles start to wonder:  Is there something wrong with me? Is God working in my life? Am I as valuable (to God, to the church) as married people?  Does God love me as much as he loves married people? Does God have good things in store for me as a single person? …In a Church that was founded by a single guy, singles are terribly marginalized. There’s something wrong with this picture. So without further ado, here are my tips on how church people (pastors, leaders and other influencers) can turn this barge around and begin to create communities that honor the image of God in single adults.”  ~CHRISTENA CLEVELAND (All so worth reading!)
10. “It’s not that you don’t feel loved right now — it goes further than that. You feel unloveable… It’s easy to spiritualize the getting-dumped-recovery-process, so that what looks like relying on God is actually just isolating yourself from love. Prayer, Bible reading, and spiritual disciplines are great, but you need people to help heal what’s broken inside of you. It’s not unspiritual to need the love of friends and family to heal — in fact, it is the way God made you …God is in control. His love has not ceased to be what guides your life, your heart, your circumstances. Though you feel the sting of death in your soul, God’s resurrection life is what sustains you when you feel crushed, defeated, and hopeless. Your life and your heart are not ultimately in your hands. They never were, and that’s terrifyingly beautiful news.” ~PAUL MAXWELL