Mid-Year Check In

Hola!  (Selfie from today - my carryout quiche and lemon tart from La Madeline - yummers!  Yay for French cafes coming to Tulsa Hills!)  

So I thought I would do a quick mid-year report now that we've reached July (inspired by the Eldredge podcast).  My 2017 focus words were "CHOOSE LIFE."  That motto has become more and more meaningful to me and has proven helpful several times. I have tried to listen to the Holy Spirit and make decisions that bring me life and peace.  That includes choosing to stick with my CR job; choosing to stay at my home in Tulsa; seeing those things with a fresh, positive perspective; feeling security and joy in my singleness; deciding not to adopt on my own (for now, at least); making some needed changes to avoid major stress; electing not to have weight loss surgery; and losing 24 pounds over the last two months on Weight Watchers!

At the moment, I am feeling good and thankful and content, at an emotionally stable place and pretty happy with where I am in life. I feel as though I'm getting feistier and stronger and more confident, caring less about what others may think of my life or say about my decisions behind my back. I think that's a great thing, but I need to care more about what God thinks. I feel like I have become somewhat self-focused and spiritually complacent lately, and I want to break out of that and not allow myself to slide downhill or lose ground in my walk with God. When it comes to the daily decisions, choosing to draw closer to God and prioritize Him above everything else is really the epitome of what "choosing life" means for me!

I also want to continue with WW and developing better habits and losing weight. I got off track just before  July 4th, and it's time to refocus and press forward there. I want to work on my language and choosing words that uplift and bring life rather than words that condemn or discourage. Specifically, I want to be careful not to let curse words become a normal part of my vocabulary... that has been a bit of a problem lately, and while it's honestly a fun, flesh-satisfying way to express anger or frustration in the moment, it is a poor witness and it actually breeds more petty anger and quick-tempered words rather than flushing that negativity out of my system. So more alone time with God and less alone time with Netflix; more genuine peace and kindness, and less suppressed or over-expressed anger. Those are the basic goals for the rest of this year!

"I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to deserve a husband or too spiritually mature to need one. I am single because God is good and this is His best for me." ~Paige Benton Brown

Matt Chandler quoted that in his sermon on Singleness, and I really loved it!  My spirit fully believes that, and I am feeling more secure and more content with being single. But I feel very frustrated with the way our culture and the church especially tends to view singleness through the lens of loss or lacking something vital, particularly for single women.  There is a sense of pity and a push toward marriage that I find mildly offensive, as if we're ever-so-slightly inferior and we couldn't possibly be serving our full purpose or enjoy being single.  That's probably part of the suppressed anger I mentioned, so I need to work through that and process my thoughts and feelings a bit more there.  I know I want to help other single women to see themselves as complete in Christ, loved and not forgotten or abandoned by God.  I believe God chooses some people to remain single because that is His best for their lives, and I trust that He will take care of me if that is the case for my life. I'm okay with being in the same category as Paul - I just need to seek God more deeply and make sure I am serving the purpose He wants me to serve as a single woman. I feel no desperation or panic regarding marriage at this point, and I would rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship - that much has always been true. I do often feel like I need to really toughen up and be stronger and ready to grit my way through whatever comes my way in life on my own, but God would probably much prefer that I lean on Him and keep my heart soft and open and be willing to ask for help whenever I need it. It's difficult to find the right balance on all of that.  Anyway...

"I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs... a lonely place to be. And so I learned to depend on me. I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity because the greatest Love of all is happening to me. I've found the greatest Love of all inside of me!" ~Greatest Love of All, Whitney

Yes, I'm being cheesy with the Whitney lyrics, but I don't care. =)
That's all I've got for tonight! I'll "check in" again in December!