You Belong With Me

“When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours.”

~Lauren Daigle

Most of my life, I have been subconsciously trying to figure out where I fit in. 

As one of very few introverted women in my family and extended family, I sometimes felt a bit out of place growing up, like I was too quiet or too serious.  Being surrounded by fun, outgoing women who were full of strong opinions and forceful confidence sometimes made me feel unheard or uninteresting.  Not unloved, but unsure if it was okay to be different, to be my deep-thinking, emotionally sensitive self.

In my elementary school days, I had a kidney disease and needed to sip water consistently throughout the day, so I stood out as the only kid carrying a water bottle with me everywhere I went.  Braces and acne were fairly commonplace, but having my facial muscles paralyzed by Bells Palsy in elementary and then again for an extended period in high school made me feel extra self-conscious and awkward.

In high school, I began spending more time with my younger sister and her friends, who I grew to really love.  I was the obvious outsider in that group, but it was my favorite place to be, maybe because being a little older helped me feel more confident and relaxed around them.  In the usual tradition, sports were a big deal at our school.  I was never very competitive, so I served as the manager for the girls’ volleyball and basketball teams.  I loved getting to go to all their games and tournaments, but I knew I was the only student traveling with them who was not truly a part of the team.

I was a good student who genuinely enjoyed learning, and I got along well with everyone.  I never felt like an outcast in my class, but also never quite fit in with the popular cliques.  The same was true for our church youth group – I loved the worship and the Biblical lessons, but I could have always done without the childish games and teenage drama.  All things considered, I have lots of good memories from my school and church youth group days, but I never found a group of friends where I felt like I belonged and could totally be myself.

My life plan for as long as I can remember was to get married and have kids, to become a wife and mother after school was over.  I foolishly put very little thought into choosing a career path because it did not factor into my long-term “plan.”  I attended a Christian university for one semester.  I had a dorm room on campus but ended up driving back home regularly after deciding early in that semester that I wanted to try court reporting school.  I felt a little culture shock coming from a high school class of 48 people, and I put very little effort into forming new friendships at OBU.  My night school court reporting class was mostly filled with older women with families, so I continued to hang out with my sister and her school friends… which is how I ended up falling for my best guy friend, who was also younger than me.

He was the first person who made me think: “This is where I belong.”  I felt relaxed with him... I felt understood and valued and comfortable sharing my heart.  I did not realize how much my soul had been craving that sense of belonging, but it became apparent two years later when our relationship crumbled and my sense of worth and security crumbled right along with it.

After the letter, I formed a close friendship with one of the girls in my singles Bible study.  One of the guys in our group started joining us regularly to hang out and watch The Office every week.  I was oblivious at first, assuming the three of us were a fun group, but I quickly became the middle-man helping them connect and clarify their feelings for each other.  Soon enough, they began dating and eventually got married, and I felt like the odd man out once again.

Next came my six-year friendship with the second person where I felt a strong sense of belonging.  Having a best friend that you really connect with helps you feel understood, loved, and significant.  Right up until she deliberately stepped away from our friendship, and I felt misunderstood, unloved, and devalued. 

...While I was thinking over these things one day, I came across this verse:  “But you belong to God, my dear children.  You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” (-1 John 4:4)

I love it when God gives me something so clear and direct.  I underlined “you belong to God”about five times, and I knew deep inside that it was true.  That He has been there for me in every season of my life.  And that my forever home is in heaven with Him, so it’s okay that I don’t always fit in here.  I know I am loved and understood by God, and I do not have to care or fret about what people think.  I don't have to clamor and strive to fit the current definition of “normal.”  It took me a while to get here, but the more I have learned to embrace Him as my place of belonging, the more I feel like I can connect and enjoy life everywhere I go. 

Everyone who knows Jesus as their Lord and Savior belongs to Him, and we belong with Him.  He will never let us go.  He is our security, our dependable place of refuge and safety where we can relax and be our most real and honest selves.  I'm learning as I grow that no one feels like they fit in perfectly.  God is creative and He loves variety, so He purposely made each of us unique and different from everyone around us.  And that becomes fantastic and beautiful when we finally let go of our comparisons and insecurities.  We learn to see the beauty in our differences and to fully embrace who God has designed us to be!

Your background, personality, gender, family history, friends, age, race, culture, religion, denomination, relationship status, political values, hobbies, and quirks – it all matters and makes you who you are.  Every person you meet is one of a kind, reflecting a unique part of God's heart and character, and uniquely loved by God.  

I want to add that it is worth pushing through some initial awkwardness to get to know people in different stages of life.  It's not always easy to hang out with those who have differing viewpoints and beliefs, but it will challenge and sharpen you.  Sometimes younger people dismiss opportunities to connect with older generations, minimizing their worth… and vice versa.  But there is so much value in groups that combine multiple generations and people in different life stages.  For years, I attended a home Bible study where I was the only single woman in a group full of grandmothers and mothers, and I loved it.  We had a great time getting to know each other, and those women loved me well, prayed for me regularly, and had great words of wisdom and encouragement to share.  It is awesome how quickly we can connect over a shared love of Jesus and the Word of God, how the Holy Spirit can unite our hearts in a way nothing else could.  We are all unique but equally significant, and it’s so good and healthy and truly fun when we come together to learn from and support each other in our individual walks with God. 

It brings great freedom to know you belong with God and to find your security and stability there.  We were made for heaven, so it's natural to feel a bit out of place here.  Believing that you are deeply loved and that you have a place of belonging in Christ allows you to enjoy your life without anxiety and to love others well.  It frees you to try new things without being crippled by perfectionism or fear of judgment.  And it empowers you to branch out in forming new friendships and relationships without being hindered by destructive comparisons or putting too much pressure on other people to complete you.

So if you find yourself struggling to figure out where you fit in, know that God is holding out His hand and saying, “You belong with Me.” 

“Yet I still belong to You. You are holding my right hand.

You will keep on guiding me with Your counsel,

leading me to a glorious destiny.”

~Psalm 73:23-24

*I  wrote that a while back as a first-draft chapter of my still-unfinished essay book.  lol  That one may be something I never publish but that I needed to write just to process through certain things.  It was encouraging for me to read that again today, as I've been struggling with that same familiar feeling of not quite fitting in at Evergreen.  It's rare for me to feel out of place with other Christians at this point in life, so this is new and unexpected, and I am not loving it.  I've become a little too guarded and too self-conscious about what others think. 

I'm determined to press through my own doubts and cynicism and to press into God!  The more I let God's love define and empower me, the less my singleness or my past experiences or anything else that feels like a dividing factor in relationships matters!  We are all unique, and God made us that way on purpose to sharpen each other and add value to each other's lives!  So I need to focus on how I can love, support, encourage, and build others up rather than worrying about how they may perceive me or whether I "belong" in their group.  I belong to Christ today and forever, and I belong with those who love and seek Him... and we all belong wherever He leads us!

And that's a good note to end on in this three-post Monday. ❤  Have a lovely week ahead!