Compassion and Connection

Well, gang, I've already broken my rule about not buying more new books this year. lol

After hearing three different podcasts with Aundi Kolber, I knew I had to read her Try Softer book, so I ordered it on Amazon yesterday.

You can see from the subtitle that it goes along well with my "connection" theme for 2020.  So much of what she talked about in the podcasts has already been helpful for me.  Aundi defines trauma as anything that overwhelms our nervous system's ability to cope - I liked that definition because it absolutely varies for every person.  She says we have to honor and validate the reasons we have needed to try harder in the past, the ways we have adapted and white-knuckled our way through to survive trauma.  And I LOVE the compassion there, letting go of any sense of shame and feeling grateful and proud of the grit/resilience we developed through hard seasons!

"The problem comes when we are actually safe, but we're living from that place where we still think we have to live white-knuckled, and our body hasn't yet gotten the message that we're now safe.  Our bodies can still run in that hyper-vigilance and hyper-arousal, even though we've matured and healed and processed the trauma.  It's still that learned response that our body lives in this overdrive... What helped us survive later becomes a block to living the life that we really, truly want to live and were created to live...  We are loved; we are valuable.  God sees us with deep compassion."

"We're talking about the ability of our body to move through emotions and move to completion.  Trauma is the opposite of that - something did not fully complete in the process of something feeling overwhelming or difficult.  So we CAN move through painful things, and it doesn't necessarily become trauma IF we have support.  If we feel safe.  If we know it's okay to feel our feelings... It's what happens after the trauma that matters most."

That is profoundly true and helpful, whether you've experienced minor or massive soul trauma.  It makes me want to stay alert and come alongside people who are suffering and help them feel safe and supported...  In this same podcast, Michael Cusick tells a story about a man who was hit by a car and knocked unconscious.  When he woke up, medical help had not yet arrived but there was a woman there who had her hand on his shoulder and was looking into his eyes, completely attuned, saying, "You're okay.  You're going to be okay.  Help is on the way," over and over.  He talked about how vitally important that was to this man being able to remain calm and heal physically and emotionally from that trauma. (And how if there's not a person saying those things to us, we need to tune in to God's grace and have that level of focus and compassion for our own hearts when we're hurting.)

They also talked about this verse in a way that caused me to see it in a new light:

I've always considered that in relation to our soul's eternal destiny, but it also applies when it comes to the health and wholeness of our souls in the present.  So my connection-themed post for this week is about being more compassionate toward ourselves and valuing our own hearts and souls!  (Which will obviously help us to connect in a more authentic and healthy way with others.)

Aundi defining trauma as being unable to fully move through something painful also rings true and helps me make sense of certain things (and how the enemy works against us here).  Most of us have experienced others disengaging or pulling away on some level when we're trying to sift through painful, complicated things.  I've also had unique issues where I wanted to spare the people closest to me by seeking outside help from prayer ministries or counseling therapists... who then turned out to be legit crazies or unethical in sharing private information.  So I have all the grace/compassion in the world for the part of my heart that struggles to feel safe sometimes.  But stepping out of hyper-vigilant survival mode back into fully-alive and secure mode is the goal.  I'm making progress, and I feel thankful for what I'm learning and that I am getting healthier in body, soul, and spirit! 

...What she's also saying is that regardless of what anyone else does, we have to make it a priority to be self-compassionate and care for our souls.  When things get messy or difficult, our natural human impulse is to self-protect and numb out or run away from our own pain.  It explains a lot of the depression and addiction people deal with.  The path to unhealed trauma is trying to ignore/suppress our pain, and the path to real healing is allowing ourselves to feel it and move through it.  #feelittohealit  

We can do hard things, and God is with us and for us all the way through it.  So let's be gentle with ourselves and each other, just as God's love for us is patient and kind.  He's an expert at bringing beauty for ashes, and I'm so thankful for that!! ❤