On this day in 2007, I went to a CLS party with Cassie, a friend from my Tulsa LifeGroup... I knew that I might not fit in with a bunch of law school students, but I was really pushing myself to get more involved with the Tulsa LifeGroup and try to make some new friends.
We had been there around 15-20 minutes when one of the girls told everyone to get down and get ready to yell, "Surprise!" I followed the crowd on that, not knowing anyone at that party besides Cassie. Malori arrived, and we all yelled surprise... (I learned much later that she was understandably very surprised by this belated party, as her birthday is actually on July 1st. Her older brother, Tim, had died less than two weeks before her birthday that year, so no one was in a very celebratory mood on her real birthday... and her law school friends kindly decided to throw her a belated party in September.) That very same summer, only eight days earlier, I had received a life-changing letter from JMM cutting me out of his life, subsequently losing multiple friendships and feeling very alone in a new city. So we were both broken and grieving on a deeper hidden level, but trying hard to push forward with life and feel normal and have a fun night with friends!
Anyway, I remember being creeped out by some of the art in that house (owned by Cassie's boss at the time), and then being far more creeped out by the massive spider webs and wolf spiders outside. So while Cassie went out back to talk with some law school friends, I gladly joined the indoor group and mostly just listened quietly. I was in the kitchen with Malori and Jordan and a few others as they tried making a microwavable birthday cake, and I remember feeling comfortable and laughing a lot at Malori's commentary, thinking she seemed really fun and down to earth, like someone I'd love to get to know better. So this was the day we met 13 years ago.
I attended another CLS event a few weeks later where I ended up seated between Cassie and Malori, and I'm sure we had a good talk... Sometime after that, Malori invited me to a watch party for The Oscars that she was hosting at her apartment. I came and naturally won her Movie-Trivia game, and we realized we are both major movie fans and the only ones in that group who really cared much about all that. lol
The next gathering I remember was a group thing where they were planning to go to the Christian Winterfest concert where you had to wait in a crazy-long line for tickets to see several different Christian bands that I barely cared about. Blargh. I could tell Malori was also feeling less-than-psyched about waiting in that line, so when no one else was paying attention at dinner, I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie instead. She laughed and asked if I meant to ditch the rest of the group. I considered that for a minute and said, "Umm, yeah." And she laughed and said, "Yep, sounds great!" lol Our movie was terrible, and maybe we deserved that, but we laughed at ourselves a lot and had another really good talk that night. It was a fun memory and the first time we really did anything on our own.
I called her at some point, and we ended up talking and laughing for a couple hours. It was the most natural and unforced friendship connection in my life at that time, and I really needed comfortable friends. She really needed friends who cared enough to listen and get into deeper topics, and you know I'm always down for that.
They were remodeling her TU campus apartment, and after a few conversations about that, at Natalie G's initial suggestion, Malori ended up moving in with me for her last semester of law school. She was the first roommate I'd ever had, and the first person to live with me outside of my family. Honestly, I have so many good memories from that season.
The "best friends" thing was pretty solidified at that point, although surprisingly, she was the first one to say it out loud. Things changed drastically in August of 2013, and the loss was brutal for me. I leaned into other friendships and slowly healed and rebuilt myself into a more resilient and healthy person. While that is true, the soul ties here are crazy strong, and it is entirely clear to me that this friendship was a loss I would have grieved and a connection I would have missed forever. I am so glad that I reached out last December. I was stunned and elated when she responded with a sincere apology and saying she was open to reconnecting. I was so there for it!
I've calmed down since, and we've had some really important conversations. I've been working toward more secure attachment and learning a lot from Thais Gibson and her Personal Development School. My sense of gratitude for the redemption I see here remains very strong. I know that Malori loves and cares for me and her heart toward me is good, and I know the reverse is true. I can see a lot of things more clearly now looking back, particularly since I've been able to hear her perspective and learn more about our unique attachment styles. We were playing with different rule books and misunderstanding each other's needs. I am thankful for the clarity and understanding I have now. I'm grateful she didn't give up when I freaked out this summer. I'm thankful for how close we've become today. It's such a lovely thing to have a friend who checks in with you daily. We have caught up on so many things already, and of course, there will always be more to learn and talk about, and that's so hopeful and exciting to me!
I feel deeply thankful for all my wonderful friends and unapologetically delighted to have my best friend back!! 💗 It is not a small thing to me, and I do not take it lightly. No matter what happens, I will love her as long as I live. And then we'll be friends in Heaven, too. lol
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