Choosing Life

I know I've said it before, but it's very important to me that my close friends and family know I am committed to choosing life for myself and encouraging that in others.  I have zero desire to die or to speed up my death date, whether we're talking literally or just joking about it... it's not something I'm able to joke about or take lightly anymore.  I went through a dark season over a decade ago where I battled with real suicidal thoughts and depression and made inappropriate jokes about euthanasia.  It was a poor choice then and certainly not something I want to be defined by now or in the future.  I have since wholeheartedly course-corrected and done my best to express that repeatedly and sincerely over the past 8 years.  It's a matter of life and death, and I want to speak and write words of life and hope.  God has been faithfully working with me for several years to correct my perspective and massively change my heart there.

In the wake of the most significant loss I have ever experienced eight years ago, holding baby Kyndal Faith about a month after her birth marked a significant turning point for me in strengthening my resolve there, as I've written about a few times here on the blog already.  One of the more important books I've read this year was called Hope Always: How to be a Force for Life in a Culture of Suicide.  This is a subject I deeply care about for personal reasons and because I am sensitive to spiritual warfare and to the deep pain of others.  I know what it feels like to be in extreme pain and feel unseen and unheard, and I want people to know that they are seen and they matter to God and their lives have intrinsic value.  I want to be someone who listens well and validates emotions and understands the darkness, but gently encourages hope and light and life in others.  

This was meaningful growth for me, so I have written about it several times.  In 2014, I created a personal survival kit in case of need in any future crisis... "Choose Life" was my theme for the year of 2017 and I wrote a lot about it then... I wrote more about it when Grandad was suffering in the hospital two years ago and I wrestled with some life-and-death questions on behalf of others.  You can find several of those posts under the Choose Life label HERE.  

But on this day when we're celebrating the life of my precious one and only niece, I'll take this as yet another opportunity to say:  No matter what the future holds for me, I am committed to choosing life as long as it's within my power to do so.  I want to honor God with my life and with my death.  I know I will spend eternity with Jesus, so I do not fear death, but I also know that my life belongs to Him and He is the one with the authority to number my days and choose the timeline!  I know that I matter to Him, and I trust His heart and timing for me.  And I sincerely hope you will do the same.  God cares for you, and He is always present.  Other people often misunderstand our hearts and get it very wrong in the way they respond to our pain, but Jesus understands your losses and the depth of your pain in a way no one else can, and He knows how to bind your wounds and bring real peace and healing.  There really is life and hope and light on the other side of death and despair and darkness.

I believe that's all I have for today.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend, friends and fam! ❤