Slow to Anger

 

I am an Enneagram 9 with a 1-wing, which puts me in the "anger triad" on that personality scale... along with Type 1's and Type 8's.  I've written more about it before, but to make a long story short, they say that 8's tend to vent their anger on behalf of themselves and others, 1's tend to feel righteously angry and express that in the face of perceived major injustice, and 9's stuff their anger, feeling deep resentment but trying to hide it because they fear the destructive effects anger could have on others.

 

Since I learned about that, I've tried to be more in touch with the anger I feel and to allow myself to vent and express it sometimes, wanting to lessen the corrosive internal effect on my soul.  God says He wants truth in our inmost being, so I didn't want to be hiding things or always living with a fake smile and a people-pleasing mentality...

 

But God's Word also says, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you."  ~Ephesians 4:30-32

Earlier in the same chapter, it says, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Be angry, yet do not sin.  Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity [to lead you into sin by holding a grudge or nurturing anger or harboring resentment or cultivating bitterness]."  ~Eph. 4:25-27

The phrase "get rid of all anger" doesn't seem to jive with "be angry, yet do not sin."  Tim Keller's podcast on The Healing of Anger (video of that sermon below) was really helpful for me in understanding how to move forward here.  He says it is a sin to constantly vent our anger or let ourselves lash out at people (that was clear to me)... but he says it is also a sin to never get angry (which is what I've fruitlessly tried sometimes).  When you truly love someone, you will naturally and appropriately be angry about things that are hurting them.  He emphasized that the attribute of God that we need to imitate and cultivate is being "SLOW to anger."  That is literally how God describes Himself to Moses, and how He tells us to behave.  (Exodus 34:6, James 1:19-20)

It is disordered love and disordered rage that gets us into trouble.  When our own wounded ego or pride is the main driving factor in our anger, that's a problem.  When our anger goes past the sin to the sinner... from addressing the specific problem to hating the whole person or seeking vengeance, that's also a problem.

It helps me to know that a lot of the things I feel angry about are things God feels angry about, as well.  He handles it with more grace and wisdom and patience than I do, but He is absolutely NOT indifferent when the people I love are suffering because of the hatred, passivity, jealousy, or entitlement of others.  And He's not indifferent to my pain either.  If I'm being honest, so much of my anger comes from feeling unheard or unseen... the idea that others are never really paying attention when I speak or share my heart, the idea that what I have to offer is overlooked, not valued or appreciated or even acknowledged.  There are a million things that factor into that perception for me, but my point here is that I want to work with God on this... I want to take some "Anger Management" classes from the Holy Spirit. lol  I need more wisdom to understand when the anger I feel rising up in me is justified and right vs. when I'm just cultivating bitterness, which is really not something I want growing in my heart.  And I want to work on being more patient and slow to get angry... less abrupt irritation and prideful impatience.

The older brother in the prodigal son story feels angry that his dad is so focused on the younger brother who treated their family poorly, made selfish choices that hurt others, and generally messed everything up.  The sullen older brother has tried to do things right but feels overlooked and unseen, and it stops him from being able to celebrate the good things and the restoration happening in the life of someone close to him.  All of this bitterness and resentment and comparison floating around in his mind have blinded him to the treasure of having his own unbroken, consistent relationship with his father.  In more ways than one, that resonates for me.

 

And then his dad (aka God the Father) tells him: "My child, you have always stayed by Me, and everything I have is yours."  (Luke 15:31)  I mean, seriously, I need to add that verse to my wall somewhere.  I have an ever-present, continual relationship with an all-powerful God who always sees me, hears every word I speak, cares about everything that concerns me, is actively working out His will in my life, and promises to be with me at all times.  He is for me, and He is not withholding any good things from me.  No matter how others view or treat me, I'm covered by His grace.  I've seen His faithfulness to me play out repeatedly - am I really going to sit around being upset when He is especially generous to someone I view as less deserving?  When Peter is comparing his future path to John's, Jesus tells him: "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?  You follow Me."  I think the same idea applies here... we each have to run the race set before us, and we won't get all the details on what He's doing in the lives of those around us because it's none of our business.  We're just called to follow Jesus.

 

All of this to say, there are real injustices in the world, and there is real undeserved suffering happening right in my own little world and family... but I do believe that the majority of my petty, comparison-based anger would disappear pretty quickly if I could learn to keep God's love for me at the forefront of my mind.  

 

"Everything I have is yours." ❤

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me!

Anyway, all of this will factor into my word and focus theme for 2022.  I'm truly thankful for God's faithfulness and for the treasure of having an unbroken relationship with Him since childhood!  And I'm thankful to keep learning and growing with Him.  So I'm celebrating all the good things He's doing in my life... and I'm celebrating all the good things He's doing in the lives of others, and especially His love and grace for every repentant person who wants to be closer to Him!