Great Expectations

I saw 500 Days of Summer tonight.

In my favorite scene (this won't ruin the plot, especially since they already said "it's not a love story" in the preview) they did a split screen when he saw his ex for the first time in a while, and one side depicted his optimistic "Expectations," and the other showed the harsh "Reality." Really interesting and something I totally identify with. Unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement get me into so much trouble. And by trouble, I really just mean heartbreak. People aren't perfect, and realistically, they're bound to disappoint you. But still, it's hard not to expect certain treatment from those you really care about. That is a weak area for me, especially because I usually take things a bit more personally than I should.

I want to be more careful about that, because I tend to feel entitled to be treated a certain way... by others and by God. I've really been in a mood this weekend, because I'm struggling with that very thing - feeling disappointed and a little used in certain friendships, and I guess you could say I'm questioning God's plan on a few specific situations in my life and the lives of those I deeply care about. I genuinely need God's help to be able to trust Him with this stuff, because it makes zero sense to my imperfect human mind. I want Him to change these things, and I know He has the power to do it.  I'm frustrated that nothing is happening, and part of me feels that it's because He doesn't care enough, and I'm tired of praying about it.......

"We see God as a means to an end rather than the end itself... the assistant to our life, versus God as our life." Surprise, John Eldredge got it right again. I have so many expectations of God, but I sometimes forget that He also has expectations for me... and that His main goal is to change my heart, not my circumstances. I definitely forget to see HIM as my life itself.  I sooooo want this selfish attitude to change in me; I want GOD HIMSELF, knowing God intimately, to be the chief desire of my heart... for everything else to pale in comparison. I'm most definitely not there yet, but I'm pressing toward it, and I don't intend to stop!