Working at the courthouse, a lot of what I hear every week is tedious and repetitive, but there are a few cases that stick with me. Without going into too much detail, two recent examples made an impression because of the incredible strength shown by the victims:
First was a man who was molested by his stepfather throughout his childhood (a crime that has become appallingly common these days). More often than not, the victims who finally find the courage to testify will walk with their heads down, keeping their distance from the abuser, generally avoiding eye contact, and speaking softly with a sense of shame or fear. Not this one. He deliberately walked near the defendant, making and holding eye contact on his way to the witness stand... it was refreshing and intense and bold. He spoke up, talking directly to both the defendant and the judge. He was abundantly clear about what had happened and how it affected him, and that although he was powerless to stop the abuse as a young child, he would do everything in his power to protect his own children, and he wanted this man to remain in prison.
To see someone who endured years of abuse as a child speak with such confidence and conviction absolutely made me want to cheer for him. He was deeply affected by that crime, but he was not ashamed of it because he was clear about who was at fault. He found real inner strength, and he was using it to protect the helpless rather than feigning strength to take advantage of them. It was rare, and it was strong!
.................
Then there was a mother whose daughter was killed by a repeat drunk driver. (I'm not supposed to show emotion, but this was the closest I've ever come to crying in the courtroom). She wanted to read a statement about how their family had been impacted by the crash and the resulting aftermath of losing their daughter. She shared a bit about her daughter's life and love for the Lord, a faith that the family clearly shared. She finished reading, and through tears, said that she wanted to share some of those details with us because her daughter's life mattered...
Then she turned directly to the defendant and said, "But your life matters too." She said that forgiveness is a process, but she is working toward it. The family was clear that he needed to be held responsible for his actions, but also clear that they are praying for him and do not wish vengeance on him, which was so powerful.
I'm honestly leaving out so much of this story for anonymity reasons, but needless to say, it was a rare and beautiful kind of strength that can only come from God, and it made me think long and hard about forgiveness. Without being dishonest, they could have lashed out and said any number of sharp words, tearing down his character and demanding that he pay the highest possible punishment. But it took so much more strength to say: Your life matters; we're praying for you; and we'll forgive you for the pain you've caused us.
(*In the first case, the crime was planned and deliberate, and the defendant unremorseful. In the second, it was more about selfish ignorance than malice, and the defendant was apologetic and broken by what had happened. So the type of strength shown by each victim was appropriate for the situation, but still something we rarely see.)
God gives us the strength we need to obey Him, but it doesn't always feel strong when you're in it. A lot of things about walking with God are counterintuitive. I've heard Joyce Meyer's testimony several times, and the most difficult thing she's ever done was forgiving her father, who sexually abused her for years. First, she had to work very hard to overcome the false guilt and shame and recognize that what happened was not her own fault, separating her own heart and identity from the perverse choices and actions of her father... then eventually, she obeyed God in total forgiveness... and she even led her father to Christ before he died.
For every legitimate victim -- people whose lives have been forever altered because of the selfish choices of someone who abused their power -- naturally, there is an intense desire to become tough and strong and never be the victim again. Forgiveness, then, is a huge challenge because it requires an element of surrender and that feels very much like weakness. But seeing it from the outside, forgiveness is clearly the strongest possible choice a person can make, and it sends the most powerful message about who God is and how He loves each one of us!!
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