Body Language

I read an article last summer that linked to Amy Cuddy’s TED talk. I found the topic fascinating, and found her very likable. I was a little suspicious about the power of power posing (pun intended), but definitely intrigued. A couple months later, I bought her book, Presence,where she explains the science in much more detail. I finished it last week, and I've been implementing it a little along, so now I’m sharing these happy confidence secrets with you! lol  Get excited!! ;-)

In a nutshell, Amy explains (through a lot of detailed psychological research) that people who feel powerless tend to make themselves physically smaller – to sit, stand, walk, and talk in ways that reflect wanting to fade into the background and disappear. People who feel confident and powerful, on the other hand, tend to be more open and bold in their body language – to expand and take up more space, to speak more slowly and clearly, walk with more swagger, etc.  But she has gone to great lengths to prove that it can also work in reverse – that changing our body language can color and influence how we feel about ourselves and interact with others!

The idea that I would often do my best to fade into the background and make myself smaller was no secret to me. Sometimes it's been subconscious, but as an overweight woman, and really just as a woman in today’s American culture, there were many times where that was deliberate… where I did my best to get behind others or pose in a way that made me appear smaller in pictures, to fold in and take up less space at the table or at church or the theater, to speak quickly so that I didn’t risk boring others or taking up too much of their time, to blend in and avoid being the center of attention. My court reporting instructor once told us that our goal was "to be invisible in the courtroom," and I felt like I was a natural fit for that. So my gender, weight, and job are all legitimate factors – not to mention the Bells Palsy stint and the massive ripple effect of past rejections that made me feel powerless. But I promise this is not a woe-is-me post... it’s a getting-my-power-back post! :)

There’s a commercial – I think for a toothpaste or something – that says, “Life opens up when you do!”I always liked that slogan, and it applies quite literally here. Our body language MATTERS – even if we know all the right answers and say all the right things in an interview or presentation, if we look terribly anxious and flustered, that is what the other person will see and remember. But if we are open and comfortable and confident, they will remember that even if we get a few things wrong. This has been sad for me, as I can memorize a script all day long, but genuinely confident body language has always been a struggle...

So I've started practicing the Wonder Woman pose (head high, hands on hips, shoulders back, feet 20 inches apart) and the Victory pose (hands up in a V like you're crossing the finish line, head up and smiling, feet apart), just trying them for a couple minutes whenever I'm alone and thinking about it. You'll feel cheesy and silly, but it does work!  They are most effective if you're going into a situation that makes you nervous, like an interview or speech or even a medical procedure, (they were proven to lower cortisol and raise testosterone, lowering people's sensitivity to physical pain and to verbal criticism - weird, but true). Amy also advises people to stop telling themselves to "just stay calm" when they feel nervous, saying that it just makes you more aware of how un-calm you are. Instead, she recommends getting excited... for real! :) She says that embracing any nervous energy as excitement is the best thing you can do to feel present and comfortable in your speech or on a date or whatever you may be nervous about... to just smile and say, "I'm so excited about this!"  I haven't let myself do that before, but I will try it the next time I get the opportunity. :) 

(Universal pride/victory pose!)

Her research proves that expansive postures in daily life come far more naturally for men than women, (and my own observations prove that, too - it's interesting).  Athletes are also much more likely to exhibit powerful body language and confidence, but non-athletic introvert artsy writer women like me can practice and get there, too!! :)

I've started practicing yoga just 15 minutes a day because the book goes into great detail about all the benefits of the expansive yoga poses, and I'm enjoying it more than I have before. I'm reminding myself over and over, “Take up the space you take up!” To not make myself smaller, but to take up a bit more space than I am used to. At work, I'm trying to stand and stretch more often, and training myself to expand and pay attention to my posture – to sit up straighter, hold my head up higher, pull my shoulders back, smile, and take a deep breath every so often. =) And I am paying more attention to things that trigger me to hunch over, collapse in, and become smaller.  I'm sure that good posture will become more habitual for me, and the specific power poses will be something I can do any time I feel overstressed or nervous or insecure or unable to cope. (The degree to which I fell into the powerless category was absurd, and she talks about how your body language is self-reinforcing in either direction, so I'm determined to change that!)

Already, I have noticed myself talking to people in the hallways and elevators more often, feeling less self-conscious and more naturally confident. I've made an effort to sit up straight at church rather than hunching over and folding my arms in to make sure everyone else is comfortable, and I pay better attention. I have felt more confident and important in the courtroom (not in an arrogant way, but in a non-invisible way, finally believing what Mom's been telling me all along). Generally more grounded and solid and less indecisive, and I've done a few things that are out of my normal comfort zone. I'm curious and excited to see how these little body language shifts might gradually change the way I see myself and how others view me... I'll try to do an update in a few months!

For anyone who struggles with nerves and self-confidence, I would encourage you to "power up" and try this - 'cause what's the worst that could happen!?  If you're feeling super-nervous about something, try to get excited! And if you catch yourself folding in and making yourself smaller (something that's become much more prevalent in our smartphone-addicted society), fight it!!  

Life opens up... when you do.

Without further ado, here is the TED talk, which you should totally watch if you've made it this far in the post:

How fascinating is social psychology!?  I will post some quotes from her book this weekend!  Happy power posing!  ;-)