Annie's Writing Advice

"Anne Lamott says, 'Write like your parents are dead,' and I just could not disagree more with that.  I understand that for some writing, that might be right.  But for my writing and my life, sacrificing your real life people on behalf of telling the story you want to tell does not play well in the long run.  If they're still in your life and if you're still working on a healthy relationship... there has to be an off-record life." 

~Annie F. Downs

I've thought about this so many times since I heard her say it on a podcast with Eddie last week.

"Sacrificing your real life people on behalf of telling the story you want to tell does not play well in the long run."  

Agreed.

Annie Downs and Emily Freeman

For the record, I enjoyed Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird book on writing, and I understand what she's saying with that advice and even quoted it in my 2015 post linked above.  Her book made me want to be a more honest and less inhibited writer, to say the real stuff that's difficult to say.  For someone sharing a traumatic backstory about a severed relationship, her advice is probably a bit more fitting.

Anne Lamott's advice is definitely more popular among writers, but Annie's statement feels more powerful, more aligned with my personality, and more God-honoring... and I'm grateful that this advice is also coming from a seasoned and successful author!  

Being more honest about my own struggles is something good to strive for, but I want to be careful about honoring others where our stories are intertwined.  Any time I have worked on a potential book, the biggest "writer's block" I have dealt with is this major internal argument with myself in trying to figure out how much to say and what's okay to share.  I have often felt like I'm being too timid or cowardly in not being willing to just put it all out there, Prince Harry style, but this helps me reframe that caution as relational wisdom.

My real life people matter more to me than any blog post or book ever could.  Even if I became a New York Times best-selling author, that would still hold true.  And even the ones who have left my life or made big decisions I disagree with - I don't want to publish words that would shame or dishonor them.  I do still want to write a book that tells some personal stories, but to stay true to myself and God and my family and friends, I will need to do that very thoughtfully, maybe changing certain names/details and getting the permission and approval of any friends or family I write about.  Which sounds freeing and fun, as I'm thinking it all through here.

Starting fresh on the book could be the best strategy for lots of reasons.  Even though it's a small group of readers and a blog that's not accessible to search engines, I need to be better about that here, as well, and will make an effort to do so moving forward!  **Please ALWAYS feel very free to let me know if I've posted any photo or quote or story you'd rather not have here for any reason, even if it's something from years ago.

Anyway, I could go on about this topic for a while.  But the summary is that I'm very thankful for Annie's wise advice and this reminder that keeping some things off-the-record is vital to cultivating healthy relationships, which is at all times a massive priority for me!! ❤