Everything that is illuminated...

A conundrum:  When I'm stressed, writing is among my most healthy and helpful coping mechanisms, yet part of me feels like pausing to write is a waste of my limited time and energy.  But it helps me sort through my thoughts and move forward with more peace and clarity, which means I work more efficiently.  Right? lol

Irrefutable procrastination logic...

This post was inspiring to me this week:

"'Life begins,' Sartre once wrote, 'on the other side of despair.'  I read that recently, and damn if it isn't true. It sure has been for me, and for my family.  I remember the time before.  Before the cancer, and the adoption, and the stress, and the fear.  So much fear.  Fear of death, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of what people think, fear of... fear itself, as Winston Churchill once spoke of.  Before the Despair, I think it's safe to say that my entire life was dominated by fear.  I walked, talked, and breathed from that place.  Of course I didn't know it at the time... 

Anyways, about the other side of despair.  It's good here.  I don't know what to say about it, really.  You just notice things that you never would have before...  The bottom line is that there are things I should do and things I should not do, and I know what they are.  It's not difficult to divine.  I think I'll start behaving accordingly, so that I can spend more time loving and helping people and climbing mountains, all of which is so healing for me, now that I'm on the other side of Despair."

~Levi Wilkins

It goes along with this reminder:

Between watching the Sound of Freedom last weekend (about child trafficking - worth seeing, but difficult to watch), sitting through a lengthy child murder prelim yesterday (and thinking about certain details through the rest of the day), and other recent drama, I am processing the depth of sin and evil humans are capable of when they turn away from God and fully put their own needs first... and I'm praying for God to protect and rescue innocent children -- the kids I know and love, and the ones I will never meet -- to "deliver them from evil."

I'm also acknowledging the need to turn toward God fully and wholeheartedly, not hiding anything from Him or allowing any sadness or anger or past pain to fester in the darkness apart from Him.  This verse is really speaking to me right now:  

"It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible - and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  ~Ephesians 5:13-14

I'm not sure how I haven't seen that before - it reads that way in multiple translations, including the NIV -- "everything that is illuminated becomes a light."  The darkness inside us that we are willing to bring into the light before Jesus... He is willing and ready to bring healing, and He has the authority to use what was once dark to bring light to others.  There is soooo much truth and hope in that!  I want to open up every part of my life to the light of Jesus -- including and especially anything that feels dark, resistant, shameful, unspeakable, or emotionally confusing -- trusting that Christ will shine on me and bring light out of it as I place it all before Him. ❤  Praying through that now, and it will be my sanctification focus for next month.

Anyway, wish me luck on my transcripts (3) and homework (intense this week) + adoption preparation (lots to do there) + balancing health and relationships (more important than everything else on this list) ahead!  God is with us and for us - we've got this!!