They loved God and honored Him in many ways, but failed to confront the ungodly things that were culturally accepted by everyone around them.
I totally get that.
In my life right now, I am having a real internal wrestling match over what feels like the dumbest stuff, but the things I've watched and read for years - the characters and celebrities I feel some feigned sense of connection with, who have kept me company in my singleness - have become intertwined with my identity and relationships in a way that feels hard to separate myself from... "sin that so easily entangles."
I find myself drawn toward approximately a thousand popular shows, movies, Instagram platforms, and trending videos that are filled with what John Eldredge calls "the pull of the world." Subtly normalizing and romanticizing all manner of sexual sin, pride, cussing, gossip, putdowns, self-reliance, worldly perspective, etc. And if I don't intentionally position myself by drawing near to God and anchoring my heart there, then I'm just adrift in a constant current that's gradually desensitizing me and pulling my soul further from God and the holiness and wisdom and spiritual maturity He calls us to, little by little.
And when my conscience (aka the Holy Spirit) gently tells me to step away from that or be intentional about keeping my soul pure before God, then I find myself thinking: Well, I can already quote this show backwards and forwards, so why should it matter now? Or justifying it thinking about all the things I do right and all the areas where I've personally abstained from sinful behavior... or certain desires that have not been granted by God thus far, then deciding that something this seemingly minor + culturally acceptable within much of the church shouldn't really be a big deal. I'll think about Christian podcast hosts that I enjoy where they've talked about funny moments from these shows and movies... and that helps me convince myself that it's okay - that there's really no way to draw a clear line in the sand on entertainment (that it's always shifting and changing and I can't become a monk, and you can find something wrong with any show or song or movie). And then I continue to leave those high places up and running.
But that battlefield of the mind and internal wrestling is getting louder lately. It's all making me more stressed and irritable, and I can't pretend I don't hear it. I'm forcing myself to write about it partly so I'll stop pushing it aside or procrastinating on taking action. Without going into full details, I feel aware that I've been feeding the flesh rather than following God's command to put it to death (Col. 3:5-6), and minor sin leads to "ever-increasing" sin, so I cannot afford not to guard against it. We are now at a point where when I give in to watching, reading, or listening to something I know isn't right for me, it becomes exceptionally easy to justify ALSO giving into breaking health goals or putting off things that matter or justifying more blatant sin (and vice versa). It feels like I'm having to intentionally tune out the voice of God in order to continue being apathetic about behaviors that have been the norm for me for a long time. And that's dangerous and scary - not something I want to be good at or learn to perfect. So I'm trying to take the words of Jesus in Matthew 18:9 more seriously... to get rid of anything that causes me to sin... not a short list. But it's definitely a one-thing-at-a-time path forward, and God always provides a way of escape from temptations. I want to love all people well... and I want to put God first and be serious about tearing down my "high places," throwing off entangling sin, and refusing to let the world corrupt me (James 1:27).
So it's kind of a fork-in-the-road moment for me... but much like healthy eating, it's not a one-time bold decision or declaration (oh, I soooo wish!!). It's sincere repentance... followed by making difficult choices daily and repeatedly, staying firm in my commitment in order to achieve real victory. I believe in my spirit that the two will go together, and I won't ever have full victory in one area without simultaneously addressing the other (physical health and a clean conscience), and I am 1000% certain it won't be easy - so much so that it's very easy for me to convince myself that it's utterly exhausting and just not worth trying in either or both of these areas. But God seems to feel differently, and I would like to stop resisting Him or pretending I know better on that. I think I've subconsciously been upset with Him regarding some big things that are not happening in my preferred timeline... but I need to grow in trusting that His plan is higher, and anything He withholds or pulls us away from is for our good and for our protection!
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Subject 2:
It's been a real string of sexually aggressive and narcissistic male defendants in our courtroom lately... domestic abuse, strangulation, rape, assault, men obsessed with power and control who trivialize the damage they are causing. I can feel myself wanting to protect and help these women, deeply wanting these arrogant men to feel less empowered and to be less toxic to the women and children in their lives. And with all my heart, I would just love it if we could have someone whose character didn't mirror theirs running on the Republican Presidential ticket next year, but that may not be the world we live in.
Hearing a pastor praise Trump for his "honesty" recently was a jarring reminder to me of how far our culture has gone downhill. I'll grant that he is transparent in displaying the ugliest parts of himself without a hint of shame or repentance, but that is really not something the church should applaud or celebrate. It made me think back to a book I read in 2010 by Erwin McManus where he said we should think hard about what people are made of before encouraging them to be authentic and true to themselves... that people throughout history have said and done many harmful things in the name of being "real" and following their heart. "If authenticity is truly our highest goal, then the prisons are full of role models. Authenticity without integrity is lethal." -Erwin McManus
He's not wrong.
And his stance on the importance of valuing Christian integrity (living with excellence in attuned obedience to God) goes right along with my first topic here. So while I cannot singlehandedly fix our political system or the worldly culture, I can seek God and work to change what's wrong inside me, and I'm reminding myself today that my choices have a ripple effect, for better or worse!
God's presence is vital, and it sets us apart:
“If You don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place... For Your presence among us sets Your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.” ~(Moses to God) Exodus 33:15-16
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