Let My Love Open the Door...

"All my life is changing every day

In every possible way...

I WANT MORE,

Impossible to ignore,

Impossible to ignore."

(-Dreams, The Cranberries)

I'm big on metaphors, so I'll just throw this out there.  I've been having printer issues at work for the last couple weeks and fiiiiinally fixed it today.  Because the first printer kept failing, I switched back to my old laser printer, and the first few pages I printed were very faded out, so I assumed it was out of ink.  But after trying several other things, I took the cartridge out and shook it for a while, and suddenly, it was printing perfectly.  And I had a quick, fleeting thought that that's what God is doing to me.....  that I feel spiritually dry and worn out, like my purpose has faded and is almost invisible.  But God is shaking things up and soon my life will be running smoothly and serving a more defined and bold purpose.  So that was encouraging, because when you're in the middle of being shaken and feeling everything shifting, it's painful and confusing.  But there is a purpose behind everything God does, and He loves me!  

And I love Him. 
And I trust Him.  And I want to give Him my whole heart.

And I can't let go of that!  I cannot harden my heart... and honestly, when I feel betrayed, it's tempting for me to wall up and close off.  You know, the whole shielding myself routine - I'm good at that.  ("I've built walls, a fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate... I am shielded in my armor, hiding in my room. Safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.")  But obviously, a life without God is not LIFE, and to live without love is not really living, so I have to keep my heart open.  To forgive and trust and tear down the walls! 

Hmm, I know this post may not make sense to anyone else, as it's hard for me to even put into words where all this emotion came from.  This turned into a much longer post than I anticipated.  But in closing, I heard this song on my way home tonight...

When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love,
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough,

Let My love open the door,
Let My love open the door,
Let My love open the door
To your heart...

Release yourself from misery;
There's only one thing gonna set you free,
And that's My love.
Let My love open the door to your heart!

"I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord. You hear my every sigh. Do not abandon me, Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God... My only hope is in Your unfailing love and faithfulness." (~David, Psalm 38-40) 

Thankful Thursday (7)

I'm thankful for...

1. This little quote from Hebrews: "For God is NOT an indifferent bystander."  It means a lot to me!
2. Getting Friday afternoon off and going to lunch with Bobbi at Cosmos, then a fun Utica shopping adventure, including the new Anthropologie!!  =D  *Random old school pic... it's about time for my long, blond hair to make a comeback!

3. Getting to hang out with Rach a lot this weekend - partly while decorating her new place, and partly at Mom and Dad's with the whole fam together!

4. My house... I'm thankful for so many little things, and I love that it's warm and happy, especially in the morning with all the sunlight pouring in! :)
5. Finally getting my laser printer to work... time to print out the 28 plea transcripts I have piled up!!  Yikes.
6. Panera's white cheddar mac n' cheese!!  Yum. 

7. One Republic, because they're just fantastic!  I know a lot of people compare them to Maroon 5, but they're soooo much better!  Their lyrics are uplifting and make you feel better about the world, while Maroon 5 is usually about wallowing in self-pity.
8. TV and movies!  I guess because it's always there, whether you need to zone out, laugh, live vicariously, or release some bottled-up emotion.

9. Letting go of guilt... knowing that God still loves me and knows my heart even when I'm not super involved at church or leading some Christian activity or in some awesome Bible study.  That's it's really not about what I'm doing, but where my heart is... and that is improving.
10. Feeling more like my normal, happy self again lately... doing my best to let go of the past and make the most of today!
11. Blogging!!  I probably go overboard and say too much sometimes, but I love having this outlet, and love having so many memories/pictures/thoughts/tributes/etc. stored here!
12. Getting to spend a lot of time hanging out and talking with Mom this weekend... while doing some fun painting, calligraphy, and decorating Rach's house!
13. Bottled water... I'm out at work right now, so it reminds me how thankful I am! lol
14. My new Banana Republic clothes... bought some cute gray boots, a grey jacket, and a blue sweater - and I love it all!  (I don't know which spelling is right, so I used one of each.)
15. Our crowded family lunches after church on Sunday... they can be chaotic and obnoxious, but I love that we have close extended family and so many memories I know I will treasure! :)

Be Here Now

“When we say things like: 'People don’t change,' it drives scientists crazy… because change is literally the only constant in all of science.  Energy, matter - it’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying.  It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural.  The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are.  The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones.  The way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication, that anything in this lifetime is permanent.

Change is constant.  How we experience change -- that’s up to us.  It can feel like death.  Or it can feel like a second chance at life.  If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it… it can feel like pure adrenaline… like at any moment, we can have another chance at life.  Like at any moment, we can be born all over again." 

~Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

A while back, my friend Sarah told me about a book she was reading called Be Here Now.  It was all about living in the moment -- rather than dwelling on the past or pining for the future, to simply be present and make the most of today.  Experience life now.  Love and enjoy the people in your life at this stage and stop dwelling on what used to be or what you're wanting for your future.  

Not a new suggestion, but a brilliant one. 

I wrote last week about wanting someone permanent in my life.  That I hated getting attached then having to detach myself from people over and over.  And I do hate that.  I am tired of getting hurt, and I have been scrambling to find a way to make it stop... trying to arrange for a way to have a family while avoiding the chance of rejection or abandonment, trying to purposely keep a safe distance from people, etc. 

But honestly, I'm kidding myself to think that I can protect my heart that way.  Building walls is not the answer. ALL love involves risk, and there's no way around that.  I've learned that in close friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships, there is very little that is ever truly under my control.  People disappoint you and things change when you least expect it, so trusting God is essential.  (Never easy, but essential.)

I want so much to live from my heart, to really love others and always be willing to risk looking stupid or getting hurt!  (And honestly, that is how I have lived my life for the most part, but after being hurt several times, I tend to question that plan.) 

But it's the only way to really live.  I cannot be this calculating, overanalytical person who creates walls to guard herself.  I have to trust God to guard my heart and to heal me when things don't go according to my plan (which has been about 90% of the time).  No one, including God, always lives up to our expectations.  And we often don't understand why, but that will always be true.  Yet I can always control my reaction and choose to trust God rather than leaning on my understanding and getting all upset and closed-off.

People may suddenly leave, change their minds, mistreat you, betray you, or use you.  There may be an unexpected illness, disease, or even death that drastically changes life as you know it.  Building solid friendships and relationships is so important, but to put your full trust in someone else or tie your self-worth to them is always dangerous.  I am living proof of that.  As Meredith pointed out on Grey's Anatomy last night, change is constant.  Well, change... and the unchanging love and goodness of God!

The ONLY one who will ALWAYS be there, ALWAYS love me, and ALWAYS have my best interest at heart is God.  And I have to believe that, even when it doesn't feel true.  Even when I'm hurting and don't understand and don't see the purpose.  That God is good... all the time.

So rather than belting out, "I am in misery!  There ain't nobody who can comfort me.  Why won't you answer me?? The silence is slowly killing me!" (always the acoustic version - the regular version sounds ridiculously peppy for those melancholy lyrics) -- Rather than purposely wallowing, I'm going to try to embrace the One who can provide the comfort I need.  To stop clinging to the way things used to be... to loosen my grip, go with it, be present, and embrace this season of life for exactly what it is!  To BE HERE NOW. ❤

Thankful Thursday (6)

Well, it's Thursday again already.  So this week, I'm thankful for...

1. New beginnings!!
2. A fun weekend at home, including a long-awaited return trip (with Rach and Josh) to the Grand State Fair of Ooo-klahoma!!  (This picture pretty much sums up the awesome strangeness that is Fair food... the central pic is my giant cookie sandwich - basically two massive cookies with a jar of icing in the middle... yum!  I didn't try any of the others, but the donut burger is just as it sounds... meat and cheese between 2 glazed donuts... YIKES.)

3. The attorneys this week NOT requesting a court reporter for jury voir dire (it's the worst).   And all the expert testimony was done by video deposition, so I got to be out of the courtroom for that - yay! :)
4. The new Maroon 5 CD!  Already love it, especially the acoustic version of Misery.
5. Finally opening a Roth IRA!!  I feel super responsible now. :)
6. Redbox DVDs... yes, I finally rented my first one this weekend, and I think I'll start using it more often! 

7. Creative ideas, and having some free time to work on abstract paintings!
8. Tara Lynn, Kristin, and Liz... the honesty and encouragement from my awesome prayer group gals! 
9. The tasty/healthy salad bar at Jason's Deli!!  One of my fav healthy places to eat now!
10. When a movie surprises you by rising far above your expectations. (Easy A)  "I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine..."
11. Natalie passing the Bar Exam - YAY - and getting to celebrate with good friends at Cheesecake Factory and Cosmo's!

12. The honey bran muffins at MiMi's Cafe!!  "D, to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S!" :)
13. Having a clean house.  (Finally dusted and vacuumed - it had been a while!)
14. Exterminators!  Enough said.
15. Sleeping in two weekdays in a row and getting to be off work today!  YAY!!

Random Quotes

"We need you to help us see -- it's like that kid in The Sixth Sense who sees dead people."
"Wait a minute, you're equating quality women to dead people!??" 
-Mike and Stephanie, My Boys

"So I'm on my way to the dentist & all I can think of every time I say I'm goin there is "Your dentist's name is Krentist?" LOL"
~text from Rach :)

"General's Fried Chicken... it's butt-kickin', hey, hey!" ~commercial on Undercover Brother

"Take THAT, you winged spawn of Sa-taaan!"  ~Ace :)

"Men - date with intention.  Nobody finds your ambivalent affection attractive or cute.  Don't leave a girl hanging because you want to play it cool. You're not cool, you're an idiot, a soon to be single idiot."  ~Malori  (AMEN!)

"Ya know, I haven't even seen Krista in, like, a week-and-a-half!!" ~Jeff

"The most important things are the hardest to say because words diminish them."

~Stephen King

"Seriously, I could start a killer matchmaking service, if only I knew some guys!" (Anonymous)

"You know what they say, son: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"  -Martin
"Yes, Dad, but not everyone makes it into that second group."  -Niles on Frasier  Love it!

"At times, life is wicked and I just can't see the light. A silver lining sometimes isn't enough to make some wrongs seem right."  ~Creed

"Like: Ith my birfday today!!" -Malori (We were talking about the adorable bunny in Robin Hood, and how they always give certain Disney characters a lisp to make you feel even worse for them... so hilarious!) 

"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life:  It goes on."
~Robert Frost

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be... a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Love this!)

"What is with your generation's fascination with documenting your every thought!?  Because I gotta tell you, they're NOT all diamonds."  ~Mr. Griffith, Easy A

“Shouldn’t you be telling the neighbors you’re a sex offender?”
“Shouldn’t you be panning for gold circa 1849?”
~ Kenny and Mike, mustache contest episode of My Boys :)

"Have you ever tried to catch a chipmunk?  It's really difficult!"  -Malori lol

Thankful Thursday (5)

No matter what's going on in my life and in my emotions in any given week, I want to take time here every Thursday to purposely dwell on the good!  So this week, I am thankful for...

1. Finally talking some things out with a close friend, with a good end result.
2. That Rach and I are much closer now than we had been for a while. :)
3. Our jury trial this week only lasting ONE DAY!
4. That I got to sleep in and come to work late today!!
5. My fabulous new Coach purse and matching scarf. =)  (That may sound shallow, but I'm excited about it, and I love the scarf attached to it!)

6. New Mizuno running shoes that don't rub a blister on my foot every time I run! :)
7. Being in good health and pain-free!!  I don't ever want to take that for granted.
8. Oprah.  No matter how much I disagree with her on some things, I love her generous heart for people and her zest for life and desire to learn something from everyone she meets, and I am excited for her "farewell season!"
9. Ellen.  All that I said above, plus that she's hilarious and just loves to dance and have fun!
10. Knowing that God knows my heart and cares about me, and that no matter how I feeeeel, He hasn't forgotten or abandoned me!
11. Bananas! :)  Random, but they're by far my favorite fruit... probably because they have the highest sugar content, but still...
12. That LOVE really is the point, and as long as I love God and walk in love with others and do what I can to help and encourage people every day, my life will always be serving a purpose!
13. Beth Moore.  Her passion for God and her honesty about her struggles make her one of my top two favorite Bible teachers!
14. That Cheesecake Factory now has a Reeses Chocolate Cake/Cheesecake.  And yes, it is as fantastic as it looks/sounds!

15. This verse and promise: "I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill His purpose for me." ~Psalm 57:2

The Clue

At Bible study last night, we went over Ecclesiastes, and Krista pointed out this verse:

"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant.
If they watch every cloud, they never harvest." ~Ecc. 11:4

I just found that interesting - like God telling us not to constantly live in fear and overanalyze every little thing, but that it's okay to sow and to reap in the middle of the storm, even when all the conditions aren't perfect.  Not sure if that applies to my adopting a child thought process, but again, something to think about...

Okay, so I want to be a strong woman of God, confident and powerful and secure in His love.  For the most part, I believe I have a good balance and am not overly fragile or weak, not constantly at the mercy of my changing emotions.  Last night, however, was rough.  I cried harder than I've cried in a while, and just felt strangely alone and confused.  I probably can't explain all that's going on in my heart, even in writing, but I've just felt left behind and forgotten, even by God to some degree.  A major friendship is changing... not ending, thank God... but already very different.  I know 'replacement' is the wrong word, but it feels like the select few men that I choose to confide in and come to view as irreplaceable in my life always find a better suited replacement for me in their lives, if that makes any sense.   Slowly fading out of importance in someone's life is still highly preferable to being completely cut out of the picture, but both kinda suck.  And I know that's just life and it eventually happens in all close friendships with the opposite sex, and I truly don't begrudge anyone having a relationship, but the sudden shift in depth and value still hurts a bit.  And yet again, it makes me long for something tangible and permanent....

On that note, I WANT marriage and family, and along with so many of my awesome female friends, I am tired of waiting.  And as I said in yesterday's post, I'm unsure whether I'm wasting my time by waiting on something that's not really on the way.  ??  I do not mean to bash men or overgeneralize them, but most of the 30-year-old single Christian men I know are still very much just casually dating around, and do not seem to be interested in pursuing anything serious.  And I am completely uninterested in the exhausting emotional confusion and torment that comes along with the lukewarm, wishy-washy pursuit.  No, thank you.  Anyway, these guys are not horrible people, but they're most definitely putting off adulthood, as our generation tends to do.  I need to stop complaining, and I'm certainly not putting it past God to bring me the right man someday soon.  That is still my prayer!  I do know that I would be well suited for a man who has the "Driver" strong leader personality that I mesh with so perfectly... and I literally don't know one man who fits that description - they all fall into the other three personality styles.  And while they are great friends, no man that I currently know would truly be right for me to marry.  And since I don't meet new men on any kind of regular basis and I'm obviously not getting any younger, that feels a little upsetting.

And for whatever reason, I was just starting to lose heart about it all last night.  Feeling like certain things are just totally unfair, when I've lived my life so devoted to God and His standards, yet it all seems to come together so easily for others who have compromised left and right.  Not jealousy, but confusion... thinking about the inequity (not that God ever promised it would all be equal, and not that He sees married life as a success/reward and singleness as a failure/punishment - but sometimes it feels that way to me).
 
This was followed by a lot of questioning whether I'm to blame -- whether the fact that I'm still single and no men seem remotely interested is due to something that's wrong with me, something about me that I need to change.  (Which is stupid, as I can't change my personality and I already know I'm not the best fit for any of the men I know right now.)  But anyway, I was going through the "will I ever be enough for anyone?" routine.  Worrying about how I should go about losing weight in order to catch the attention of men and start dating someone, then wondering whether that would be the type of man worth striving for.  And on top of all that, I was pondering whether I'm totally out of my mind to even be thinking about the possibility of facing motherhood on my own, and I just felt very overwhelmed by it all.  And instead of doing the wise thing and praying and crying out to God, I just cried.  And cried and cried and cried.  

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."  ~Proverbs 13:12  
It's true, and I'm so ready to experience the second half of that verse!

Then I got this email today from John Eldredge, who will always be my favorite author for so many reasons, and it was somewhat helpful.  I need to let my emotions calm down and really slow down and seek God on all this, but I don't need to give up hope or let go of any of these deep desires, and that is comforting! 

Anyway, here's part of the email:

"And I still haven't found what I'm looking for." U2

"There is a secret set within each of our hearts. It often goes unnoticed, we rarely can put words to it, and yet it guides us throughout the days of our lives. This secret remains hidden for the most part in our deepest selves. It is simply the desire for life as it was meant to be. Isn't there a life you have been searching for all your days? 

...We all share the same dilemma - we long for life and we're not sure where to find it. We wonder if we ever do find it, can we make it last? The longing for life within us seems incongruent with the life we find around us. What is available seems at times close to what we want, but never quite a fit. We must journey to find the life we prize. And the guide we have been given is the desire set deep within, the desire we often overlook, or mistake for something else or even choose to ignore. The greatest human tragedy is simply to give up the search. There is nothing of greater importance than the life of our deep heart. To lose heart is to lose everything...  The clue as to who we really are and why we are here comes to us through our heart's desire."
~Desire, John Eldredge

Something to think about...

Whatup, my few but faithful blog readers!?  :) 

That picture has nothing to do with this post, but I love it. :)

Okay, so I've had something on my mind for a while, and since I'm at a good "break point" at work, I've decided to write about it just to get my jumbled thoughts out there...

I'll just swan dive right on in! ;)  One thing that I know I want in life is to be a mother.  And honestly, at this point, my desire to raise a child outweighs my desire for marriage.  Now I haven't made any major decisions, but I have been thinking about this a lot lately... and the thought of adopting or even birthing a child as a single woman does not scare me like it once did.  I'm very aware that there would be a lot to learn and a lot of hard work and responsibility, but I also believe that I would be fully competent and capable of handling it, and that I would be a good mother.  Hey, if Lorelai can do it alone, so can I!  (Totally kidding, but I do adore the Gilmore Girls!  And yes, I know she's fictional, and I know that I wouldn't be "alone.") 

I am very much aware that I would face a lot of judgment from well-meaning Christians over this decision, and that I would need to be ultra-solid and secure in my decision and have peace with God about it.  I do know that nothing can replace the role of the father in a child's life, but I would do my best to make sure that there were strong Christian male influences in her life, and who knows whether I might eventually get married?  (I only say "her" because I prefer the adoption idea, and it would be my choice to adopt a girl.)  After seeing enough depressing child abuse cases and bitter divorce cases to last a lifetime, it would be difficult for anyone to convince me that I was doing my child some major disservice simply by not being married.  Of course, I prefer the idea of being married and having children, and I would love to be able to work less and spend more time with my kids, which clearly wouldn't be a single parent option.  *Also, to be very clear, none of this would take place until at least four years down the road.

So the obvious roadblock question for me is:  Could this possibly be God's will? 

At many points in my life, I would've answered with an emphatic NO, but I'm not as certain now.  I don't have total peace about it, but I know the desire is there and I believe my motives are pure. 

Joyce talks a lot about the Isaac and Ishmael story, and how we often "create an Ishmael" by refusing to wait on God's timing and taking matters into our own hands.  And I've thought about that a lot.  I've also thought about Eve, and how she doubted God's goodness and love, and decided to take control and get what she wanted, and how splendidly that decision worked out for her. =(  But then, Eve had very specific instructions NOT to eat that fruit, and Sarah had a very specific PROMISE from God that a child was on the way.

I have no promise from God that I will ever get married.  No promise that any man will ever truly pursue me and love me for my heart.  No promise that I will have biological children someday.  I have no problem trusting that God will come through when He has firmly promised something - His Word is solid truth, and I believe that.  He will always be with me, never abandon me, His love never fails, He has good plans for my future (but "future" is very undefined and I'm sure partly means eternity), and He will direct my steps and not let me fall.  (All very comforting promises if I eventually decide to go through with this.)

I understand that it's wrong to just get tired of waiting on the promise and try to do it yourself.... but in areas where there is no promise, then what does "waiting on God" really mean??  Am I kidding myself if I'm trusting Him and "believing Him" for something He never guaranteed?  And is it wrong to seek out something that I desire that He has not specifically forbidden??  Grr, I don't really know.

I know that God is aware of what's going on in my heart and aware of what is going on around me.  He knows my desires, and He knows my frustrations with the apathy and extended adolescence of most Christian men my age.  And just knowing that He sees it and cares helps me to breathe easier.

Craig's sermon last Sunday was about our generation (specifcally the 18-30 year olds in the crowd), and he listed our main problems as (1) feeling entitled, (2) defining truth as we see it, and (3) postponing adulthood - always saying, "Real life starts later."  Perhaps I'm feeling entitled to have a child?  I don't know.  And maybe I'm trying to redefine the truth here, but I don't think that's the case.  I am not sure what I believe here yet, and I certainly wouldn't make a decision like this lightly or without having some sense of peace and certainty from God.

Craig also said that in a survey, the #1 answer to "When do you really become an adult?" was "When you have your first child."  Interesting answer, and it actually makes a lot of sense to me.  I often feel very much like I'm COASTING at this point in my life - just hanging out and doing the same thing week after week, and that as soon as I have a family, there will be a lot more purpose behind everything I do!  And the thing is, I have no desire to "postpone adulthood," but until recently, I haven't seen it as something that is in my control.  (Meaning I've been waiting around for the right guy to show up and step up... but he's not here.)  And as far as I can see, he's nowhere in sight, past or present.

Jumping back to my motives for a second, it boils down to love -- the desire to love and be loved -- I mean tangible, unconditional, unchanging love.  The thing I hate most about being single is the shifting impermanence of the relationships in my life.  I am just so tired of getting attached and then having to detach myself from people.

Christian singles groups couple off and filter in and out over and over.  It's continuous and constant, ever changing.  The group of friends I hang out with regularly tends to change quite often, based on each person's changing relationship status.  Every male friendship is subject to drastic change the minute they start dating someone.  You're not even "tied down" (as so many people like to say) to any particular job or city.... you're free as a bird, because no one is truly committed to or depending on you.  So that obviously brings a nice sense of freedom for many people, but for those who would rather be able to depend on someone and feel needed and useful, it gets a little depressing.  I so want someone permanent in my life, someone to share life with, someone I can love and care for and teach and learn from and truly enjoy, who also loves and needs me.  (Someone human and tangible, if you were thinking, "God is always there.")  And I'm very aware that marriage also fits most of that, and I don't mean to be giving up hope on that at all!  I would so love to meet a good Godly man and be married, and I know that God knows my heart there.  But everything relating to marriage is totally outside my control.... while the decision to have a child.... is not.  Eek, but I don't mean to just cling to whatever I can control.

So I really don't know yet.  But it's definitely something to think (and pray) about...

Thankful Thursday (4)

I'm thankful that...

1. My "driver" friends and Mom help me not to settle for less than I deserve, and at the same time, not to be too dramatic or take everything too personally.  In other words, they balance me out!
2. I got a chance to lay out and swim before they officially close the pools!!  (At Natalie's apartment pool with Nat, Bobbi, and Cassidy) ...so yeah, I'm glad I decided to let go of the body image issues for a day and just hang out and have fun! :)
3. I had an awesome, eventful 3-day weekend... Olive Garden w/the girls, jogging, breakfasts with friends, church, Riverside picnic, celebrating Bobbi's bday, trying out the BA Los Cabos, swimming, etc.

4. All my friends are runners, so it keeps me accountable and motivates me to keep training.  And on that note, 10k this weekend w/Malori... and Laura is officially training for the Tulsa Run now, and we're going to run that together!
5. It's raining this morning. 
6. It's scarf weather again... and this one makes me think of "The Girl in the Green Scarf" from Shopaholic. ;)

7. I went to bed early last night and got some much-needed sleep.
8. I'm getting a sore throat... so I have an excuse not to run tonight. :)
9. We found a fun new coffee/gelato place downtown... hooray for Mod's!  I've also finally been to the famous Orange Leaf! :)

10. Sarah and I are becoming much closer friends!
11. Kristin got a new job that will have a far more normal schedule!  Yay God!!
12. I have Purell available at all times!!!  lol

13. Girls Night at the Utica Starbucks is becoming a tradition. Love it!!
14. My mood can be quickly changed for the better with a simple Lady Gaga song. lol
15. My family and my closest friends love me and sincerely believe in me!

Thankful Thursday (3)

God is good... all the time.  =)
This week, I thank God for...

1. The way He worked everything out so smoothly for Rach in buying and moving into her beautiful new house this weekend!  So many things fell perfectly into place! :)

2. Grandad, for his genuinely loving heart, and for all he's done to help us out!

3. Relaxing, wonderful massages. ;-)

4. God's conviction.
5. His mercy being new every day!
6. The Strawberry Poppyseed Chicken Salad from Panera!  I know, odd that I'm listing a salad, but it's that good.  Very fruity... and in salad-land, that's a good thing! 

7. My velcro-wrap icepack from Walgreens (for my occasional minor runner pains.) Thank you, Biggest Loser product placement. lol
8. The ability to SMILE!!  (Having lost it twice, I can say with certainty that it adds a lot to my life, and of course, to pictures!)  =D

9. Malori, for many reasons, but specifically for helping my sister move this weekend.
10. Blessing Natalie with the awesome job she'd really wanted!!  Very exciting!

11. LaFortune walks and catching up on life with Laura... always fun, even when the birds or the weather randomly conspire against us!  We had a hilariously dramatic turnaround moment as the storm started blowing gravel and dust toward us this week. :)

12. These commands/promises:  "Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him..." ~Psalm 37:3-7
13. The lovely, lazy rainy morning welcome to September!  LOVE IT.

14. My new pumpkin spice scented candle.  Mmmm!
15. Having a productive week, and finally being all caught up on scoping at work!!