For Freedom...

"The more an idea is tied to your identity, the more you will ignore evidence it is false. To continue to grow and learn, you must be willing to update, expand, and edit your identity."  ~James Clear

Of the two books I've read thus far for February, one focused on eating disorders and the other on addiction.  Both were relatable for me...

I have personally experienced the extremes of fad diets, juice cleanses, bingggge eating, yo-yo dieting, resigned apathy, shaming myself, purging before weigh-ins with trainers, internalizing judgmental comments made by others, letting small food mistakes spiral, feeling overwhelmed, and seriously considering weight loss surgery.  It's been quite the journey!  Over the years, I've made several destructive/unhealthy agreements with subtle lies around dieting and appearance, many of which I have already broken - I'll leave most of those for my journal so that I don't write something that would trigger destructive thought patterns for anyone else.

On the bright side, I sincerely feel like I'm at a point where the pendulum swing (from one extreme to another) is slowing down, and I'm coming into a more balanced middle ground.  I'm not setting a specific weight number goal, but I want to go into my 40s feeling good and strong and healthy!  I considered trying to give up sugar altogether, but I quickly recognized my unhealthy thought patterns around that idea and decided not to put that kind of pressure on myself.  I do well when I get into a routine on Weight Watchers, so my plan is to be committed to WW tracking for a full year, paying more attention to what I eat and incorporating more healthy foods, striving for consistency and balance and new patterns.  My goal will be to end each week without going over my allotted points for that week, and every Monday will be a clean slate to start fresh.

The biggest remaining agreement that I intend to prayerfully break now is one I have heard repeatedly in one form or another -- the idea that "This is a lifelong battle" and "It will always be hard."  That makes me feel so defeated, like there is really zero point in trying.  But the idea that this family stronghold is something I cannot ever fully break free from or feel victory over is NOT coming from God...

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."  Yes, please!!  Meaning Jesus wants us to have life and peace in the Holy Spirit, recognizing that we are ALREADY set free, then standing firm in that identity when any old sins try to entangle us.

So I am reframing this and re-committing myself to overcoming sinful extremes and living with real freedom and joy here, and that feels HOPEFUL and HEALTHY and EMPOWERING!!  This means internally embracing my God-given new identity as a complete and healthy person - mind, body, soul, and spirit... and then gradually transforming my body and mind to match my new identity in Christ!  Tracking will be part of teaching myself to stand firm in this new and healthier identity.  That is such a different mindset than settling in for an eternal wrestling match with an entrenched family stronghold that is undefeatable.  It matters how we talk about and think about these things!

Anyway, there is grace for my past mistakes, strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow! ❤  Let's keep moving forward, friends!!