JULY 2023!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: 

"We fully believe that everyone can recover from their eating disorder, no matter the severity or length of time one has suffered. We help people in their endeavors for recovery every day. It is the best experience in the world to help someone through this process, to help them get their life back. It is a privilege we do not take lightly.  Many things have changed since our founding, but here at Living Hope our mantra remains the same: 'Where there is Life, there is Hope.'" 

~Dr. Meghan Scears 

Victories, Big and Small:

• Completed the Multicultural Counseling transfer class with University of Phoenix.
• Mom finished radiation treatments on the 20th!  Praising God for that!!
• Successfully updated my home study, completed my profile book, renewed my CPR certification, and summarized the educational articles and videos for Nightlight Christian Adoption agency!
• Created 7 new Identity Power Thought videos for each day of the week over the next 5 months (to align my thoughts with Biblical truth and embrace my identity as a Christian, Mom, Author, Athlete, Friend, Resilient, Counselor)

Partial Successes/Areas for Improvement:

• Excessive screen time... I'm gonna focus on cutting that down in August!

Memories:

• Celebrating the birthdays of:  Katherine Claire, Kristin Michelle, Sarah Elizabeth, Chet Lee, Diesel Eugene, and Grandad (in heaven)! 
• Sweating through the memorably-loud TAFB Air Show with the Wilsons and Weatherfords! lol
• Interviewing Dr. Meghan Scears (Nurse Kristie's daughter and a fellow CHA alum) for my Eating Disorders class, and feeling like I hit the jackpot having a close connection to the doctor who founded the only ED treatment center in Oklahoma and Arkansas, right here in Norman (I'm really thankful for the big and small things like this that God orchestrates)
• Triston joining me for a fun 4th of July pool party at the Wilson home!
• Visiting Jon and Kristin at Hillcrest Heart Hospital + texting with her regularly since his heart attack on July 5th, and advocating for them on the meal train...
• Being so thankful to know that Kristin W and the Wilson fam were thoughtful enough to send them a meal... they made me feel validated in my growing frustration with the apathetic response of others, and super grateful to be in the midst of a fantastic and supportive group of friends!
• Lots of fun photo collaging with Mom for the SF event and the Miss K's birthday - it  always makes me happy to work on picture stuff with and for people I love!
• Regular Wednesday walks with Kristin and Thursday volleyball games with the fam!
• Catching up with LB at Taziki's in Tulsa + 2 Charleston's lunches with the Fultons in OKC!
• Enjoying LifeChurch At the Movies and Sunday lunches with the fam through the month  of July (Top Gun Maverick and True Spirit were my favorites)!

Listened To:

• Reset and Beyond Behaviors (recap HERE)
• The usual podcasts + The Heart of Dating (heard them on Annie's podcast and appreciated their relatable, grace-filled, and God-centered perspective on singleness, dating, sex, marriage, etc.)

Lessons Learned:

• From personal experience - Burnout is real, and rest matters.
• From personal experience - the post-pandemic apathy epidemic is real, and being an engaged and caring friend matters!
• From my latest research paper - Women in the perinatal pregnancy and postpartum period are at much higher risk for eating disorders and depression rooted in body dissatisfaction and the internalized societal pressure to bounce back and be thin (combined with sleep deprivation and hormonal changes).  Self-respect, body awareness (and gratitude for God's design), positive body image, self-compassion, and embracing a holistic view of health and wellness really matters in that season!
• From personal experience - Good friends are a treasure, and God's Words revives us and brings life and comfort!!

Thanks for being here, and have a lovely month ahead! =)

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

The Kyndal Era!

Mom and I worked together using Photomix and Canva to create fun collages for the Miss K's upcoming birthday party.  It's *quite possible* we went overboard, but I'm not sad about it. lol

How fun is this colorful balloon bouquet graphic!?  These pics = every year on her birthday - except for the center pic, which was taken yesterday.

So many cute ones here... it's fun that she's a T-Swift fan now!

"Best believe I'm still bejeweled.

When I walk in the room,
I can still make the whole place shimmer!" ;-)
-Taylor Swift

Mom ordered this fun fringe skirt to mirror Taylor in one of her posters, then they took some outdoor photos yesterday...

Kyndal was feeling it, and she looks so grown up here!

❤ ❤ ❤

Our very own little Sporty Spice! lol  She really is a strong athlete with lots of determination and hustle!  This collage = Zipline, Gymnastics, Swimming, Basketball, Soccer, Volleyball, Diving, Running, Baseball, and Hoverboarding.

The collage that started it all... we saved over 80 photos while trying to choose our favorite 10, then apparently we narrowed that to our top 50 for these collages. lolol  I do like that it's 10 photos on each one... all the heart hands for the Mini Miss K turning 10 next month!

For those who don't have the privilege of knowing her, my one and only niece is a freaking delight and a pretty amazing person... witty, intelligent, kind, athletic, creative, bold, competitive, and fun... she is entertaining and cute and confident and artistic and friendly... tenderhearted, driven to succeed, and always ready to stand up for herself and the people she loves!  I just love her sweet, sassy, sparkly self!!  And I sincerely hope she continues to SHINE and that she feels delighted in and loved and celebrated with these posters and all the fun things Rach has planned for her birthday slumber party. ❤

(This epic cuteness was inspired by the one and only Taylor Swift and her Eras Tour posters.  We threw in some extra sparkle and preferred a color version of the central silhouette pic!)

"Long live the walls we crashed through

How the Kingdom lights shine just for me and you!

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life with you.

Long live that look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day... we will be remembered!"

~T-Swift

 

Annnnd that's it for today. lol
Happy Saturday!

The Power of Perception

Happy Friday!!  As of 12:10 today, I've completed my Multicultural Counseling class with the University of Phoenix -- huzzah for being done and being back to one school system!!  While I missed the Christian perspective, I am very thankful this class was heavy on writing and low on group projects, and I'm happy to be able to transfer in this credit (I dropped the CCU class due to life stress and low motivation in January, but they only offer it once a year and it was necessary before practicum - so this was the solution).  Now I have 3 more weeks to finish the CCU Eating Disorders class, then it's on to my Practicum/Internship at Restore -- exciting!  Between finishing that class, having the morning off, and signing up to be on the early reading team for CCU-Jonathan's upcoming book, it's been a fantastic day! =)

So my deep thoughts for today are circling around the power of perception.  In my grad school research, study after study shows that the way we perceive our social support, our bodies, our socioeconomic status, etc. has a greater impact on our physical health and our life satisfaction than reality itself.  The way we frame our story and feel about ourselves matters so deeply!  Perceived support vs. isolation has a massive impact on our mental and physical health!!  Someone with several "friends" may experience more loneliness than someone with a few close friends.  A single woman may feel more connected and satisfied with their life than someone in a lonely or volatile marriage... and it's how we perceive our experience that makes all the difference.

As a woman who may be single throughout my lifetime, these findings are really encouraging!  My very personal experience of contentment and joy and support in singleness matters far more than the pitying way society or the church in general views single women.  My sincere and rooted belief that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are with me and for me is sustaining and positively impacts my mental, physical, and spiritual health!  It is a constant relational connection that no outside force can break - and it means I am always seen, always heard, always valued, and always inextricably connected with other members of the body of Christ!  That's huge!  And my perception that I have incredibly supportive friends and family matters too, particularly in any crisis.  I probably think about the "great cloud of witnesses" in heaven more than most people, and that also helps me not to feel alone and to remember that my decisions matter even when no one else on earth sees them.  It's been a journey, and my ability to trust others in a healthy way while remembering their humanity has grown a lot.  In addition, my perspective on my own capability and resilience have changed a lot over time!  I still fight myself and have to work for emotional regulation in every human relationship - it's amazing to me how quickly my brain can go from "this is my favorite person alive" to a painful sense of disconnection or mistrust, but my history and personality all play into that, and to quote Ted Lasso, "I'm a work in prog-mess."  I'm growing and getting better, and my relationship with God is vital and so central to me maintaining a healthy perception and believing that I have all the grace and support I need day by day!! (Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 12:19)

Similarly, every human being is capable of change - we all have that God-given capacity.  But our individual PERCEPTION of whether we are able to change will be the deciding factor that determines our outcome every time!  To say we want to be well but then believe we are incapable of changing old habits will not cut it.  Our beliefs, words, and actions all have to align in seeking change and knowing it is possible... I'm getting closer to that, and it's exciting!  And obviously, our support system influences our beliefs, values, words, and actions... so it all ties together in interesting ways.

All that to say:  How you view yourself, your God-given purpose, your power to create change, and your social support system MATTERS... be wise and intentional about how you frame your story! ❤

My new Harry-Potter-themed shirt arrived today, and I love it! lol
(Flourish and Blotts Booksellers, Diagon Alley, London)

And now, a few silly memes for some Photo Friday fun...

I laughed way too hard at this one!

Truth be told, this strategy worked on me every time. lol

OMG - in spite of my love of writing, I am so over the discussion boards!  I felt this one and laughed so hard...

Okay, that's all for today.  Happy Friday, and have a lovely last weekend of July!!

Thankful Thursday #161

"You give me Your protective shield;

Your right hand supports me;

Your willingness to help enables me to prevail."

~Psalm 18:35

Today, I am grateful for:

1.  Grandad's life and legacy... today's his birthday, and I'm confident he's having a good one in heaven!! ❤

2.  Four years ago today, feeling desperate for some sort of change, I interviewed for a CR job in Wichita Falls, Texas... a better salary in a windowless office in a small town further from all my friends and family would NOT have been a good trade-off.  I'm thankful for the closed door and for wise advice back then (from Grandad, Mom, the Wilson fam, and Sarah).  And I'm thankful for God's grace and timing on the many positive life changes that have occurred since!!

3.  Thankful for Triston's inner drive to succeed, his growth mindset and learning early about financial investing, and his first summer job at Cheddar's (his first day was 7-07, which obviously made me happy).

4.  Excited that we get to celebrate Dad's 40-year anniversary at State Farm next Tuesday!!  He started this agency on August 1st, 1983, two days before his 30th birthday - Mom was pregnant with me at the time.  He will turn 70 a week from today!  He  fought to get hired with SF and then worked hard to build a very successful business, and he is now enjoying the fruits of that labor and leading a staff of 10 employees.  I'm grateful we get to celebrate this big milestone with him, and thankful for the ways his story influences and inspires others, myself included!

5.  Thankful Mom is done with her radiation treatments!!  I got her this double-doozie "cookiecake card" to celebrate. lol

6.  Wednesday walks with Kristin - it's worth braving the summer heat for the good talks and good exercise (whilst watching cute dogs, turtles, ducks, geese, and elementary girls cheer practice). lol

7.  Kyndal Faith's summer volleyball season (final game tonight).  I love Kyndal's competitive spirit, and it's been fun to see Rachael coaching her team, including her CHA friend, Dylan, as her teammate!

8.  The Wilson family (and extended family)!  Talking with Teresa and Melissa for a while this past weekend made me happy.  Melissa mentioned setting me up with a friend's son, and while I don't have especially high hopes that that will pan out, I am open to it and entirely grateful that she thought of me.  Also grateful for Chet's (invited) texts keeping me accountable on WW lately.  I saw this picture (the color version, but I'm into sepia photos lately), and my first thought was "Aww, the Wilson fam - I could not love them more!"  (And my second thought was wanting to pick Parker up and hug her. lol)

9.  Jace Michael, who was so excited about his new football gear that he had to come right over to my car when I arrived to show me!  (Turns around...) "Feel how tight these pants are!" lolol  I'm looking forward to seeing him play, and I hope he has a great first football season!!

10.  Feeling more God-given peace and confidence about the embryo adoption plan!  In between an intense amount of school and work and family and Tulsa friends stuff, I have spent the last few weeks updating my home study with Shay and Hayley, scheduling appointments with Dallas IVF, reading the Snowflakes articles + watching their educational videos + skimming through the pictured book and writing summaries, obtaining my CPR certification, and updating my profile book using Canva Design!  I'll write more about all I've learned in a future post, but I'm feeling excited about this option, very grateful to be working with a vocally pro-life Christian agency, and more committed to peace and healthy choices as I move into the matching process! ❤

Praying for God's will and timing, and doing my best to walk in step with that!

Happy Thursday, friends and fam!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Summer Book Reviews!

Happy summer reading, friends!!

Life is busy lately, so I'm taking it slower on books.  I listened to the top two in June and the bottom two this month...

1.  Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication by Vanessa Van Edwards

I found Vanessa through Craig Groeschel's Leadership Podcast!  This book was truly fantastic - I now have two printed copies in addition to the audiobook (I bought one and Mom bought one for me after we talked about it). lol  

To sum it up:  Charisma = warmth + competence.  People tend to assume men are competent, so when men make the extra effort to be warm (kind, friendly, caring), they are deemed "charismatic."  And people tend to expect warmth from women while unjustly viewing them as less competent than men, so women would do well to press into their self-respect and competence *without letting go of warmth and kindness.*  Anyway, Vanessa explains all of that more thoroughly, then she gives several insightful and very practical ways to signal warmth, competence, and self-confidence through your expressions, gestures, vocal cues, image cues, and written communication.  (My natural tendency is probably 90% warmth cues - I'm not deliberately dumbing myself down, but I doubt myself and hesitate to speak up more often than I should, so I want to work on creating a more competent and respect-worthy balance there - to stop playing it small, so to speak.)  Vanessa offers helpful hints and little tricks to stay calm, create a strong first impression, cultivate connection, and build a more purposeful presence!  I'm already reading through this one again, slowly.

Short Video with Vanessa on Job Interview Tips: 

 

2.  Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson, MD

A CCU recommendation... this book integrates neuroscience with Christian psychology.  It was well-written and theologically solid, and he emphasized empathy and healing old wounds.  Still, the overall focus was more scientific and clinical than I would have preferred.  Clearly competent, but it needed a warmer balance. =)

Favorite Quote:  "Approximately 80 percent of emotional conflict between couples is rooted in events that predate the couple knowing each other... How much of the conflict is not so much a direct outgrowth of a current event as something that flows from parts of your mind that are remembering?"

3.  Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke, PhD

Another CCU recommendation that was more scientific than I'd prefer, but since it's a more recent read, I remember more from it.  My main takeaway is that children need to have an internal sense of safety in order to learn and behave well... and that sense of safety must be built through relational connection with caring adults (or a caring God if every adult fails them, but that's me adding that part because I have to hold some hope for kids in dire situations surrounded by evil adults).  Anyway, she emphasized the importance of being attuned to their needs and self-regulating our adult emotions in order to help children calm down and move through strong emotions.  It was well-written and a well-timed read for me.

Favorite Quote:  "He surely wanted to do well, but his traumatized brain made it difficult for him to learn and behave, through no fault of his own.  As his connection with Mary makes clear, the way to help shift children from a default of threat to safety is by rebuilding their sense of safety in relationships... Those exposed to trauma have additional emotional vulnerability.  These children often exhibit extreme and unpredictable behavioral challenges, so we need to proceed with more caution and precision... Consistency in relationships matters. The essential factor in helping children who suffer from the effects of toxic stress and trauma is to build or rebuild trust in human relationships.  We use that which was absent and originally contributed to the trauma - caring adults to rescue the child - to begin the healing process while we create new memories of safety and protection to begin to build up the child's sense of trust... Our best response is to increase, not decrease cues of relational engagement and safety.  To help challenged children, there is no substitute for attuned relationships!"

(She talked a lot about color pathways - paying attention to whether a child is feeling safe and fully engaged, upset and agitated, or dissociating and shutting down.   Quiet blue is often mistaken for green, and it's a more significant problem than most people recognize.)

4.  Reset: Powerful Habits to Own Your Thoughts, Understand Your Feelings, & Change Your Life by Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC  (*I'll be able to put those initials after my name someday soon-ish!!)

A shorter read that was really good and hopeful.  I'll let this quote speak for itself:

Favorite Quote:  "In the first stage, the behavior you want to change still seems to be more desirable than change itself.  That slice of cake is more desirable than your physical health.  That extra 15 minutes of sleep is more desirable than 15 minutes in God's Word. That sexual fantasy is more desirable than authenticity with your spouse.  But now, we're in contemplation stage, and things are starting to shift. We're starting to change the way we see our lives and our behaviors.  Our perspective is transforming, so we no longer see the behavior as the reward, but the possibility of changing as the reward.  Because the reward is in the change.  Being healthy, strong, and at our ideal weight becomes more desirable than that slice of cake.  Getting filled up and refreshed by God's Word more desirable than a little extra sleep.  Enjoying deep intimacy with our spouse more desirable than the temporary rush of porn.  The reward has shifted to the other side. Your brain begins to respond to the new perceived reward, and it's now more desirable than the unhealthy behavior!  It takes work to get to this phase of change - mental work.  We've got to start changing the way we see our behavior, stacking the pile in favor of change, being intentional to identify the ways in which not changing is holding us back.  We've got to take a  serious look at the question Jesus posed at the pool of Bethesda: 'Do you want to get well?'  If we can answer with a resounding: 'Yes, I really want to get well!' and conceptualize why change is better than staying the same, we are one huge step closer to getting there!"

P.S.  On my long drive to Chet's party in Tulsa, I had a potential book idea, and by the end of the drive, I had an outline with chapter titles!  To boil it down, it's about overcoming apathy and self-focus in order to fight for what really matters... and it feels like a topic that meets a legitimate societal need and has enough personal connection and passion to keep me writing, so YAY for that!! ❤

MM ~ Chet's 35th!

This Saturday, we celebrated Chet Lee's 35th birthday!!

Quick pause for a shoutout to Chet Lee and Jeffrey Edward, aka JEM and Chettles, aka my best guy friends and faithful blog readers - yay! lol  This "Mockey and the Boys" collage (Jeff's phrase) represents over 13 years of fun memories, and two friendships for which I'm extremely grateful!!

*New goal = take one with Chet in the middle. lol  How has that never happened!?

Anthropologie mug Christmas gift December 2011, Tate's 1st birthday February 2019, Shane's birthday dinner April 2020, Friendsgiving 2022, Ellie's birth-day February 2019, Vegas slot machines July 2010, Tate's party February 2023, My Moving Party April 2022, Wilsons party July 4 2023, VCGO One Republic Mandalay Bay Beach concert July 2010, One Republic Tulsa concert September 2014, Disney World October 2015, Chet's birthday party July 2023, Andolini's dinner March 2015, Moss fam NYE party December 2022, Vegas flag pic July 2010 - FUN!

Okay, back to the party... fun birthday banner by Karli!

While I was drying off after swimming, I looked across the yard to see Jeff swinging on their backyard swing! lol  Parker was enjoying it here, and Jeff jumped in when he saw I was taking a picture! =)

This was early on... by the end of the swim day, there were 12 kids in the pool, one baby that stayed out, and lots of parents in and out of the water.  Mass chaos and fun times watching them all play together!!  ...I'm sad I didn't force a group photo this time, but for the sake of a good record, this party crowd included the Huffman family (Chet's neighbors with 3 kids), the Myers fam (with Sophia), the Youngs (with Zealand), Jeffrey (with Ellie - Kelly wasn't feeling well), Steve (with Kate - Sarah was working), Rachel (with Harvey and Heidi - Mark was on a business trip), the Wilsons (with Lincoln and Finn), the hosting Wilsons (with Tate and Parker), the Weatherfords, Teresa, and myself!!

We missed Kelly and baby Henry (5 months old that day)... but it was fun to see Jeffrey and Ellie Faye!

Zealand had been trying hard to talk Kyle into sitting down with him at the little red kids' table, but Kyle was telling him he was too big for it and that this section was just for kids... moments later, Jeff came in and sat right down at the Frozen table to play with Ellie, and Kyle and I both cracked up! =)  

Karli ordered two cakes from Nana Rose's Italian Bakery... an Italian cream cake (with the tall candles) and a Cannoli cake (with the cannolis on top, in case you couldn't crack that code). lol

Parker was excited for the cake! =)  (Me too!)  ...I got to talk with Melissa and Teresa more than usual this party (Karli's mom and Chet's mom), and I loved that!!

And Tate was excited for the cake, as well!  (I had a sampler platter, and both flavors were good!!)

This was just before Jeff had to leave...then we grabbed the selfie at the top of this post!  His Wynn hat (his favorite Vegas hotel) makes me happy!

We went outside to look for the baby bunny... eventually, we saw two cute bunnies, but that first trip was a bust.  While we were looking for them, Parker came over and asked me to hold her so she could play with my necklace, and she was quick to say cheese and pose it up with me for a picture!  Love her. ❤

Chet's neighbor also has a mid-July birthday that they had celebrated outside last week.  Halfway through the pool party, they tossed this gold birthday banner over the fence, and we all clapped for it while Steve held up a thumbs up above the fence! lolol  It was a very cute moment I wanted to remember, and I'm glad insisted on this final pic just before I left!

Fun Fact:  Exactly six years earlier was The Mercantile Reveal (HERE) birthday party... the first of many pregnancy announcements for the ever-growing Tulsa friend group! =)

Deep thoughts side note:  In the midst of being genuinely happy for them, I remember feeling a selfish internal fear and worry on that day that the Wilsons having kids would mean a dramatic step backward in our friendship, the beginning of the end, so to speak... to be very clear six years down the road, it wasn't.  I've felt the same needless anxiety with various engagement and birth announcements... and because the enemy loves a pattern, I'm having the same (but far more intense) irrational anxiety as I think now about what it will look like for all my friendships when I have a child of my own, imagining unparalleled loneliness and missing support that goes against everything I know about the people who care about me.  But guess what?  God is faithful, and we get a freaking choice!  The relationships that fall apart do so because people choose to narrow their focus and narrow their circle, and maybe that's best for them in certain seasons.  But my close friend group cares deeply about meaningful relationships, so I know and love all of my friends' children, and they will know and love my child (or children), and if I stay openhearted there, life will grow and be more abundant and full and connected, not less!  Because I care about meaningful relationships too - I have never been apathetic or indifferent about that.  So a child of my own will enrich life, and I will build solid friendships into our lives intentionally, and on hard days God will always be with me, so I can calm my heart down and trust God and my friends and rest in that (and take it day by day rather than thinking too far ahead)!!!  We all make time for what is important to us, and ironically, my friends and cousins with growing families have actually prioritized friendships with me more than my single friends and family members in this season (and vice versa), and it's rich and beautiful and I am incredibly grateful for it, and I fully plan to continue that as life moves forward!  So I'm letting go of that irrational fear today and choosing faith, hope, and love instead! ❤

Last Day!

Happy Thursday!  I won't do a full Thankful Thursday post since we have seven prelims set today... although that's my favorite number, I'm gonna need a few of them to settle!! lol

I do want to celebrate and thank God that today is officially Mom's last day of radiation!!  

A quick timeline:

December 14: After months of abnormal bleeding and various medical tests, we found out Mom's uterine cancer was back
January 12:  She had a full laparoscopic hysterectomy (surprisingly smooth recovery)
January 23:  Labs came back showing the cancer spread, so radiation treatments were planned for February
March 14:  Emergency procedure to drain fluid from a large cyst they found on the x-ray
March 18:  ER visit - very sick, and they released her knowing she had sepsis and a doubled white blood cell count
March 21:  Getting to a life or death level - back to the ER, and I stayed overnight with her there, then she was finally admitted to OU Hospital
March 23:  They placed a second drain to deal with the infection
*Our nurse friend, Kristie, talked me through a lot of that and came by their house to help Mom change the bandages several times as she recovered - super thankful for her!!
Sometime in early May:  Both drains were finally removed.
June 12:  She finally started radiation treatments at Stephenson Cancer Center
July 20:  Last day of radiation, final treatment at 12:55!!

Praying for great results and that this particular journey will be over now! ❤

On a related note (but not directly about my family), here's to the people who SHOW UP... those who do more than simply like a post or comment on social media, but who actually care enough to call, check in with texts, stop by, bring a meal or card or care package, help with medical needs and caretaking, and pray with people who are hurting/exhausted/overwhelmed!!  I know my heart is extra-sensitive to this kind of stuff, but gracious, when there are 236 like/love/care reactions (from a group comprised of mostly Christ-followers) to a post that mentions and directly links to a meal train and only ONE extra person who has signed up  to bring food since it was posted 3 days ago (and 21 empty slots), the level of apathy I'm seeing is sincerely disappointing and baffling and frustrating to me.  Actions speak louder than words, and the smallest action is worth more than the grandest intention!!!  Okay, mini-rant over.  I'm very grateful to be surrounded by a select group of people who do make the extra effort and go out of their way to show they care.  IT MATTERS.

*They've shared this story now, so please be praying for the Foster family - Jon suffered from cardiac arrest on July 5th, and by God's grace, he is still alive and recovering.  Pray for full restoration of his strength and memory, and pray that Kristin will be supported well as she works to care for him and their precious kids! ❤

Everything that is illuminated...

A conundrum:  When I'm stressed, writing is among my most healthy and helpful coping mechanisms, yet part of me feels like pausing to write is a waste of my limited time and energy.  But it helps me sort through my thoughts and move forward with more peace and clarity, which means I work more efficiently.  Right? lol

Irrefutable procrastination logic...

This post was inspiring to me this week:

"'Life begins,' Sartre once wrote, 'on the other side of despair.'  I read that recently, and damn if it isn't true. It sure has been for me, and for my family.  I remember the time before.  Before the cancer, and the adoption, and the stress, and the fear.  So much fear.  Fear of death, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of what people think, fear of... fear itself, as Winston Churchill once spoke of.  Before the Despair, I think it's safe to say that my entire life was dominated by fear.  I walked, talked, and breathed from that place.  Of course I didn't know it at the time... 

Anyways, about the other side of despair.  It's good here.  I don't know what to say about it, really.  You just notice things that you never would have before...  The bottom line is that there are things I should do and things I should not do, and I know what they are.  It's not difficult to divine.  I think I'll start behaving accordingly, so that I can spend more time loving and helping people and climbing mountains, all of which is so healing for me, now that I'm on the other side of Despair."

~Levi Wilkins

It goes along with this reminder:

Between watching the Sound of Freedom last weekend (about child trafficking - worth seeing, but difficult to watch), sitting through a lengthy child murder prelim yesterday (and thinking about certain details through the rest of the day), and other recent drama, I am processing the depth of sin and evil humans are capable of when they turn away from God and fully put their own needs first... and I'm praying for God to protect and rescue innocent children -- the kids I know and love, and the ones I will never meet -- to "deliver them from evil."

I'm also acknowledging the need to turn toward God fully and wholeheartedly, not hiding anything from Him or allowing any sadness or anger or past pain to fester in the darkness apart from Him.  This verse is really speaking to me right now:  

"It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible - and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”  ~Ephesians 5:13-14

I'm not sure how I haven't seen that before - it reads that way in multiple translations, including the NIV -- "everything that is illuminated becomes a light."  The darkness inside us that we are willing to bring into the light before Jesus... He is willing and ready to bring healing, and He has the authority to use what was once dark to bring light to others.  There is soooo much truth and hope in that!  I want to open up every part of my life to the light of Jesus -- including and especially anything that feels dark, resistant, shameful, unspeakable, or emotionally confusing -- trusting that Christ will shine on me and bring light out of it as I place it all before Him. ❤  Praying through that now, and it will be my sanctification focus for next month.

Anyway, wish me luck on my transcripts (3) and homework (intense this week) + adoption preparation (lots to do there) + balancing health and relationships (more important than everything else on this list) ahead!  God is with us and for us - we've got this!!