OCTOBER 2023!

QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

"What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
~Helen Keller

Victories, Big and Small:

• Made it through my first surgery in 22 years
• To the best of my knowledge, it was a success - praising God for that!
• Took the long weekend to REST and recover
• Completed my first live role play with live and immediate feedback
• Started counseling my first four clients!!!! ❤

Partial Successes/Areas for Improvement:

• Speaking up for my own needs/desires + not expecting people to read my mind

Memories:

• Kristin W and Tiffany being extra supportive pre- and post-surgery
• Kristin Foster (without knowing about it) texting me that Thursday morning that God had put me on her heart - yay, God
• Seeing the Eras tour movie thrice so far - fun times!
• Visiting Triston at his new job at Chick-fil-A + him coming to hang out after work
• Watching CHA's Patriotic Program for the first time in years
• Fun OSU game with Dad and Charlene
• Christmas decorating with Mom (and enjoying that every day since then)
• After helping with the applications last month, learning that Sarah gets to interview with two CRNA programs - yay!
• Feeling more caught up on sleep than any other month since I moved

October Memories:

Listened To:

• The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves by Curt Thompson
• I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold Kreisman and Hal Straus
• 1989 (Taylor's Version)  
• Nate Bargatze (via FB Watch and his comedy special on Prime)
• The usual podcasts

Lessons Learned:

• From experience - God cares about us and knows our limits - just last month, I felt like I was in a whirlwind where things would never slow down, then I caught up on transcripts, had a two-week jury term without a trial, and had the most restful recovery weekend
• From experience - We can do hard things!  The idea of a live role play might've led me to withdraw from the CCU program a year ago (and it was still a bit nerve wracking), but I did my best to prepare, and it went pretty well, and the live feedback was genuinely helpful and interesting/encouraging, and I just feel grateful for all of that!!  Yay, personal growth!
• From my final reflection paper about my growth and development - I definitely had some new insights/epiphanies while writing this one and considering my own journey through Erikson's stages of psychosocial development and Fowler's phases of spiritual development.  It helped me to identify where certain role confusion and feelings of inferiority began, as well as where my internal work has paid off in feeling intimacy and connection over isolation as a single adult.  And it was a good reminder that every positive and negative life experience has value in my counseling career, and that God truly works all things together for good! ❤

Happy Halloween, friends and fam -- I'll be enjoying some candy tonight whilst bidding a glad farewell to all the horror movie previews and death-themed decor!!  Then wholeheartedly welcoming the gratitude-filled month of November tomorrow - huzzah!  ;-)

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Monday Memes

New life and a hope that lives on - yes, please. ❤❤

Some Halloween-Eve cuteness!

Lol a tragic loss

Truth.

The pre-Thanksgiving part goes all the way back to October 1st. =)

Loneliness is the worst feeling.  I'm picturing the inverse of this, where it's the great cloud of witnesses above us in heaven, just beyond our line of sight. ❤

Lol yes to this.  And yes to Albus, but no to Severus.

Good reminder:

Not a meme, just me and Kristin on a walk a couple weeks back! =)

Laughed out loud on this one! 

I'm still mostly a fan of KD, but this made me laugh

Solid idea

The "Ahoy" made me think of What About Bob?  Facebook keeps showing me these random little comics, and I always find them cute!

Also not a meme - just a lovely photo of Amy - I'm grateful for her friendship and for the group text with my CCU roommates!

This feels possible - I tried editing some photos with AI and the results were pretty crazy!

Matthew Perry died on Saturday, and I got really sad watching old Friends clips and thinking about his life and death last night... I read his book earlier this year, and I was so rooting for him to hold on to sobriety.

I appreciate this quote from Matthew.  I'm guessing we've all felt the pull toward giving up in the midst of our hard seasons - we have a spiritual enemy who is out to kill and destroy us, after all.  Fighting back when you're hearing the enemy claiming that no one cares and your life doesn't really matter is really hard, but it's worth the continued effort.  I believe much like Matthew, each one of us mean more to the people around us than we may believe. #chooselife

On a lighter note, but also feeling very true right now... 

It was a dreary and rainy weekend, perfect for baking and watching movies and sleeping in and napping... lots of solid rest and recovery time!  Which was mostly fantastic, but gradually moving toward depressing, so I took this 20-minute walk in my house with Jess Sims and Oprah and Gayle... fun times hearing from them, and it ended with The Goodness of God by CeCe Winans, which is  always worshipful and uplifting!  I've missed Oprah and Gayle.

There was also lots of movie watching that turned into me contemplating Hollywood's favorite formula of two blondes, one brunette, and one redhead (for female-driven casts).

Kudos to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for mixing it up with two brunettes! lol

Side note:  With the exception of Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall, I'm a fan of each of the actresses above and below!!

And on a random final note, one of the Friends lines I quote most often in my head is this gem from Rachel's boyfriend, Joshua... that and "Mmm, not so much" from Reese Witherspoon as Rachel's sister.  Both currently apply to the idea of doing anything besides resting after work today! lol

That's all for now.  I'm a little weak and easily fatigued (the long walk from the parking lot this morning was harder than it should've been), but overall, recovering very well and feeling grateful for God's grace there!  Hope you're doing well today, and hope your week is off to a fabulous start!! ❤

Photo Friday!!

I'm having a very restful Friday so far!  Slept till 10:45, then Kristin brought me lunch and we got to hang out and catch up a bit - yay!, then I took another nap, and now I'm writing a blog in my lovely Christmas house.  Lots of my favorite things! lol  

A friend had posted this verse on FB and I saw it just before being taken back for surgery yesterday, so that was kind of God!

I drove to the hospital and got there at 6:30am, and my surgery itself started just after 8:30, then Mom came to pick me up curbside (man, I so nearly took a selfie whilst the nurse was wheeling me out in a wheelchair - that was fun times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it). lol  Between my Tuesday pre-op appointment and my surgery yesterday, I've had 13 needle sticks - I'm notorious for having hard-to-find veins.  The nurse anesthetist said it looked like I've been used as a pin cushion, and I told her I'm used to it.  Four different nurses were involved yesterday, along with a vein-finder machine I'd never seen before where it's a lime green light that turns blue where the veins are... anyway, those sticks and bruises were literally the most painful part of all of this, so I'm entirely grateful to say that the surgery itself went very smoothly, and my recovery has been virtually pain free, just a lot of fatigue and enjoying time to rest and recover!  A huge thank you to all the women who texted me before and after surgery praying with and for me - God heard you, and I'm so very thankful it went well and it's behind me now!!  Praying for a good biopsy report now... I have a follow-up appointment in a couple weeks, then I can hopefully get right back on track with embryo adoption.

My video presentation for class on Wednesday also went really well.  Rach was kind enough to record a role play video with me pretending to be a client -- I said hello and asked how she was doing, and she confidently said "I'm great!" then immediately made a eeeek face thinking she was being too peppy... so then we both broke character pretty hard and had to start over. lol  In the end, my professor said I couldn't use that recording without a confidentiality waiver, so I had to do an improptu live role play video with an awesome classmate name Ku'uipolani (from Hawaii), but this practice session helped tremendously with being less nervous and having some strategies and question ideas ready!

Debra Messing is Jewish and it's been interesting to follow her Instagram updates in this season, as well as the alarmingly hate-filled comments surrounding her posts.

My BeReal for Wednesday night!

I joined Mom and Dad and Jace and Kyndal at the Deppen's house to go see Carter Lee on Tuesday... an unruly and aggressive horse reared up and kicked him and he was briefly knocked out from hitting his head on the trailer behind him, and he injured his knee.  Prayers appreciated for his speedy recovery and that it's not a major knee injury!!

October 25th marked Aspyn's 8th year in heaven, and November 7th will mark Sharon's one-year anniversary there with her.  This is the back of my card to Lindsay this week.

In happier news, Al and Hilary had their second baby girl last week... Miss Clara Anne - her big sister, Amelia Belle, is already smitten! =)

And so is her Aunt Kristin! ❤

Just a random post FB suggested for me - the multiple nods to T-Swift make me very happy! lol

This is no joke - prom dresses are ABSURDLY short and low cut these days!

Truth lol

True for me. lol "What were we talking about just before this?"

The very best girlfranz turned 10 on October 24th!  I hope to get in touch with David and see them again soon!

Last night was Jaceman's "homecoming" football game, so Rach made these awesome posters for all the boys, and Mom made everyone treat bags!

And now, a quick mini-rant in honor of the survivors, those currently battling breast cancer, and those who may face it in the future!

I understand that the popular "Save the TaTas" or "Save Second Base" t-shirts are meant to be playful or funny, but the more I've thought about it through the years, the more that message bothers me and feels especially dismissive and harmful to women who had to have a mastectomy in order to lengthen their meaningful lives.  Let's make our focus SAVING THE WOMEN, not the man's favorite body part that's actively trying to kill them.  As the niece and granddaughter of breast cancer survivors, sexualizing breast cancer is just not cute or funny to me.  To quote Ashley Cleland, "Anyone who has actually witnessed breast cancer up close can speak to how decidedly unsexy it is... Isn't it just like the patriarchy to expect that we assign the responsibility of sexiness even to women with cancer?  Women are valuable and our lives matter.  We exist for more than our desirability or sexuality."

My biggest concern is that it forces women who have already fought cancer and then survived the trauma of a having a major surgery to remove one or both breasts... it forces them to once again rely on their inner resilience to combat the toxic message that they are less than, no longer as feminine or worthy of love, attention, care, and delight.  That their value is tied to their breasts and to whether men find them desirable.  That message may seem subtle, but I promise you it is there, and it plays right into what our spiritual enemy is likely already whispering to them - as usual, a categorically false but brutal lie attempting to weaken these women whose strength and beauty should so be celebrated and honored. ❤

Okay, rant over.  Happy 1989 (Taylor's Version) release week.  I hope you're having a lovely Friday so far!!

'Tis the Season

For early Christmas decorating! ❤

FUN! lol

My surgery's on Thursday, and I feel sure that this cheery, festive atmosphere will speed up my recovery process! lol  Mom and I spent most of the past weekend transforming my house whilst enjoying Christmas music and tasty snacks. The Whitaker fam came to help us get the massive tree boxes down from the attic on Saturday. 

I insisted on a pic with my fun photo props... and I love that everyone but me looks kinda "meh" about the idea of this Christmasy photo in mid-October. lolol

The boys were much more excited about getting to sit on my "cotton candy couch" again, so yay for this cuteness!

Frankie opened this ceiling door, and a cricket immediately fell out and a large spider web swung down with the attic stairs... and I knew in my heart that I'd made the right decision never to set foot up there. lol  And here I am taking a pic of others doing the hard work, which reminded me of the great garage remodel of 2009. lol  

The boys playing in my storm shelter whilst Frankie was in the attic!

Mom put them right to work fanning the tree branches!

This was randomly on Facebook yesterday and made me laugh.  I'll claim the extra joy, though - sure!

Fun side note:  Saturday also marked my one-year anniversary of living in Moore - thankful for a home I love and for feeling more settled into this new season in my life!

I wore the same clothes to celebrate (not deliberately, but I did wear the exact same shirt this weekend). lol  This = some good memories from my moving week!

And a few from the building process...

The hysteroscopy is a relatively minor surgery, but it's still my first surgical procedure in over 20 years.  They're taking a biopsy, so pray for no signs of cancer.  In addition, I have a video presentation due this week where I am required to do a live counseling role-play and then receive live feedback from all my Practicum classmates... which does not thrill me, although I trust there is purpose in it.  Anyway, between that and hormonal things, regulating my emotions and stress levels has been more challenging this week.  I'm in a very full season with a lot going on and some big future decisions on the horizon, a season where I'm reminding myself to take it step by step, and that God's grace will be enough day by day!  He is faithful in big and small ways, like the way it came together at the last minute this morning for another CR to cover my trial tomorrow (after I felt stressed over that all weekend).  Anyway, for anyone else feeling a little overwhelmed, this post was encouraging to me on that front...

"Don't let your hearts be troubled.

Trust in God, and trust also in Me." 

~Jesus, John 14:1 ❤