Some old internal narratives, and a healthier reframe...
- The Story I've Been Telling Myself: I’m afraid to say that I want marriage... Part of me sees it as believing I am not enough without a man, and I wholeheartedly resist that sense of inferiority. I've also been too needy in the past and I want to avoid that moving forward.
STORY UPGRADE: I want a good marriage, and I. am. worthy. of. a. good. marriage. It is not a grand prize God reserves for those who have their entire lives together. There is *nothing* wrong, shameful, weak, needy, pathetic, ridiculous, or insecure about desiring/pursuing a healthy romantic relationship. I am whole and complete -- I know who I am in Christ, and part of who God designed me to be is a woman with a high relational capacity who loves deeply, desires committed connection, and thrives in safe, close relationships. ❤ - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: Another part of me fears losing my hard-won sense of identity, putting the guy on a pedestal, and morphing into the relationship the way I did in the distant past.
STORY UPGRADE: In a thousand ways, I am not the woman I used to be, and I don't need to live in fear of reverting back into her. I have good friends who care enough to call out unhealthy behaviors. I have grown and changed and made wonderful progress over time, and I will continue to learn, dream, and grow with God... and potentially with a spouse. I trust that the same would be true for my future husband. ❤ - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: Online dating is hard and awkward, and getting my hopes up in this department feels scary when the odds feel increasingly stacked against me here.
STORY UPGRADE: I firmly believe there are wonderful Christian single men in the world, and that God knows how to connect us if I really open myself to that possibility and pray for His direction and timing. The natural odds are irrelevant to Jesus, and in fact, He specializes in working with people most of the world has written off as too old or not good enough. So whether it is children or marriage or a thriving counseling practice or a book that changes lives or some combination of all of that, I'm saying yes to everything God desires to give me in this life. And I trust His heart toward me, with faith that He will protect me, give me wisdom, and open new doors for me here if and when the timing is right. ❤ - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: Internally, I've made agreements with the idea that marriage will never happen for me, and I've sometimes sinfully justified reading/watching inappropriate content based on my suspicion that God is withholding real human intimacy from me.
STORY UPGRADE: I would love to play an important role in a vibrant and healthy Christian marriage, and that is not the impossible dream. God values me and views me with love and favor, and He is NOT punishing me or withholding anything good from me. God is calling me to walk in higher integrity and obedience, and He is eager to give me good things that will meet my heart's desires and benefit my future and glorify Him. I am repentant and prioritizing a clean conscience and setting up better accountability, and I will prayerfully break the agreements I have made with the enemy about relationships and/or my ability to add value to a marriage. So I am praying for guidance, avoiding unhealthy secrets, and giving men a real chance - understanding that all relationships take work, and no one is perfect! ❤ - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: The major scars of rejection in my past make it easy to put up self-protective walls and to judge new relationships too quickly.
STORY UPGRADE: The enemy has lied to me for many years here, and I've been vulnerable to those lies and sometimes done a poor job of fighting back with truth. But I am not unlovable or broken or unfit for marriage or too messy or destined for rejection or best tolerated in small doses. I am growing, and I am good at relationships, and I love people well and add value to their lives. And I believe God will empower me to move forward with more confident hope, peace, and clarity of desire! - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: Motherhood matters more to me than marriage, and I am pretty good at navigating life on my own. It would be too complicated and difficult to change the relational dynamic at this point.
STORY UPGRADE: Becoming a mom is a lifelong dream for me, and I will walk through the doors God chooses to open in the adoption journey (currently on my second Snowflakes embryo adoption match)! Pursuing motherhood initially felt safer to me, as I believed that was more within my control and less likely to lead to feelings of rejection (wrong on both counts). God is with me and for me, changing my heart a little along, and thus far, I believe He is not telling me to give up on either of these dreams. Whether my future role involves being a content single woman, a wonderful single parent, a devoted wife, or a wife and mom, God will give me the grace I need to live the life He is calling and leading me into! ❤ - The Story I've Been Telling Myself: Many of the married mothers I know seem a bit stressed, anxious, and in need of more support. I worry about feeling very isolated and overwhelmed if/when I become a mom.
STORY UPGRADE: Every person alive has moments of feeling alone or overwhelmed - I know how to navigate that as a single woman, and God would be with me and give me grace as a single parent for as long as that is my role. I have wonderful support, and I have the power to seek help and to intentionally build/maintain a solid community of family, friends, mentors, etc. I have a God-given spirit of power, deep love, and a sound mind, so I will not let fear be the thing that stops me from pursuing my God-given desires and goals! ❤
*Post inspired by Ally Fallon's Write Your Story podcast. Don't settle for the rough draft or keep repeating an old story you feel stuck in. Each of us have the opportunity to make internal edits and to level up in the way we frame and narrate our own life story, and IT MATTERS!!! ❤
No comments:
Post a Comment