January 2021

QUOTE OF THE MONTH:

“We can choose to let suffering soften us or harden us.  We can choose whether we will love Jesus in it or resent Him for it.  Only one set of choices will make us more beautiful."  ~Stasi Eldredge

JANUARY GRATITUDE LIST

• Taking concrete steps toward forming better habits (highly recommend reading Atomic Habits and using the Minima-List app)
  
• Celebrating Mom and Tiffany's birthdays!
• Hanging out and baking with Tara Shields
  
• An externally peaceful inauguration day transition
  
• Bernie-in-mittens memes to lighten things up in a tense political climate
  
• Mom and Dad getting their first COVID vaccine (with no bad side effects)!
  
• Getting to laugh and grow stronger with Cody Rigsby
• An unexpected full week off toward the beginning of this month
• Finally getting my Pioneer Woman dishes!
• Getting a wonderful shout-out from John and Stasi on their podcast! (It was exciting to see that something I wrote was encouraging to authors who have helped and encouraged me so often)
• Being secure enough to kindly speak up for myself
• Being empowered to walk away from unhealthy relationships when someone refuses to communicate, grow, and change
• The blessing and beauty of having several supportive, long-term friendships where there is love, respect, vulnerability, and joy on both sides! ❤

What was life-draining this month?

• The events at the U.S. Capitol on January 6th
  
• Reading acrimonious, dehumanizing comments on political posts
• A couple of really terrible headaches (thankfully, that's rare for me) 
• Internal wrestling about whether to speak up with a dismissive-avoidant friend whose words and actions were out of alignment
  
• Attempting to stifle my feelings and avoid dealing with the raw messiness of repeated grief... (including stunned silence, sadness, anger, shame, confusion, feeling really tenderhearted, and witnessing the quiet, fading loss of something I've put my whole heart into more than once now.) 
• The Expectations vs. Reality gap was intense for me on this one - this mattered to me.  My belief that someone could put me through this twice was low, and my hopes for a redemption story were high.  I am thankful for wise friends who saw things clearly before I did and helped me get there.  I feel confident that we can go our separate ways and have quiet peace between us now, but it does hurt to know that my strong desire for full restoration will never be an earthly reality.  
• Investing years of your heart, time, and energy in a dysfunctional relationship that eventually goes bankrupt feels tragic and disappointing.  And the emotional exhaustion of loving someone who does not love or correctly value you is predictably heavy and painful.  
• There are so many lessons I've learned through it all, so much empathy I've gained for others in similar situations, but the sting of this loss and being inexplicably walled out is still fresh...  having my deep hopes for a vibrant and lasting friendship reawakened and then slowly crushed overshadows my feelings of personal growth/strength at the moment.  (That dynamic will absolutely change over time, but I'll be honest that it's draining right now.  I feel physically and emotionally wrung out.)
  
• It's interesting how one loss tends to amplify other areas in life where you feel a sense of disappointment or loss, like they're all interconnected and everything feels a bit hollow and pointless.  (I know the emotional upheaval is temporary, but just saying, please be kind if you see me any time soon.)  Anyway, I am praying and guarding my mind and heart from a negative spiral, while also giving myself extra grace to move through these emotions that naturally follow loss.*

What was life-giving this month?

• Reading and highlighting through the gospels and writing down key verses and phrases that spoke to me
• The powerful authority of Jesus and His teaching
• Seeing Christians choose to pray for our political leaders on both sides
  
• Simple acts of kindness (writing cards, sending meals, making donations, and helping out at work)
  
• The joy of Peloton workouts and rest day stretches/meditations
  
• Taking walks to fun music four to five times a week
  
• Building the spin bike successfully on my own
• Baking and cooking more often
• Learning about intermittent fasting and staying in the 5-8 hour window all month
  
• Realizing with certainty that speaking up would be worth the risk -- I was hoping for a genuine reconciliation, but I would rather deal with the pain of a clearly-defined loss than the pain of staying in a toxic limbo of deferred hope based on vague assurances
  
• Gently addressing red flags and being honest about what I needed
• Finding clarity and closure; growing in self-respect and resilience
• Letting myself cry and feel it all, trusting that I am strong and loved and valued, and this will not overwhelm me
• It's awful to relive the grief, but it is life-giving to notice how very different it feels to close this door and mourn an irreparably broken friendship from a place of personal security and strength (2021) vs. mourning the same loss with the dangerous belief that her closing off meant I was irreparably broken (2013).
  
• Even through the past year, my identity/security and my ability to see this relationship clearly have shifted in really healthy ways, and I am grateful for the growth and the beauty-from-ashes this is building.  I want to live in the truth, and sometimes that means embracing painful clarity over unconscious denial, but it really does set you free in the long run!
  
• All the TV shows and podcasts and chats with friends and family that make me laugh and lighten the mood... yes, please!
  
• Reopening this blog -- I'm very thankful you're here again!  ;-)
• My entire Gratitude List above! ❤

HAPPY LISTS

I Read:  Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (NIV), aaaand loads of Facebook posts and comments

I Listened To:  Three Audiobooks -- Fervent by Priscilla Shirer, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and Fast, Feast, Repeat by Gin Stephens.
Plus these weekly podcasts: Annie and Eddie Keep Talking, Wild at Heart, The Next Right Thing, The Big Boo Cast, The Holderness Family, LifeChurch, Elevation, North Point Community Church, Watermark, Cleaning Up the Mental Mess, and Unlocking Us.

I Watched:  Madam Secretary, The Great British Baking Show, This is Us, Schitt's Creek, Soul on Disney+

I Made:  A really important and healthy decision; fun habit tracking charts for 2021; my first-ever pancakes, taco casserole, and brownies. =)

*For the record, I am committed to processing my pain through the next few months with God and the people I trust (rather than here on the blog), and I have friends keeping me accountable on that. ❤

**This recap post was inspired by Emily Freeman's The Next Right Thing Journal, and my plan is to keep a monthly record through 2021 on the categories above.  My favorite month begins in two days -- get excited!  February's recap post is likely to be much lighter and happier!! ❤

Photo Friday!

Mom texted me this pic of the niece and nephews on Toy Story day of Spirit Week, and I immediately loved it.  Discovering the uniqueness of their personalities has always made me happy, and this picture captures it in a way that really makes me laugh!  

On the far right, we have Jaceman, always happy to be the center of attention, hamming it up on his inflatable dinosaur and waving his cowboy hat in the air... there's the Miss K, looking pretty adorable as Jessie, paying attention to what her brothers were doing then striking a cute pose the minute she realized there was a camera present... in the brown cowboy hat is Carter, also confidently going with the fun inflatable costume, but with a little less enthusiasm than Jace... then we have T-man, who opted not to wear a costume at all, quietly standing in the background and looking like he could do without any of this fanfare! LOL

 

 

It's a live photo, and this is the beginning of it... and it brings my heart so much joy to watch Kyndal realize that Jace is posing and then quickly pop right into her little ta-daaah pose! ❤

These four are so fantastic, and I am grateful to be their Aunt Lindsey! =)

Happy Friday, friends.  I sincerely hope it's a lovely weekend ahead for you!!

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday, friends and fam! ❤  Here I am hanging out and blogging away at the good ol' Creek County Courthouse this morning.

Here's some cuteness to start your week... it's Spirit Week at CHA, and today is movie day... so here's Kyndal and Jace in their Princess Anna and Stormtrooper costumes! ❤

This is supposed to be Rex for Toy Story day later this week. lol

And here's Miss K being a presh cowgirl!  ...Side note:  CHA allows all manner of things now that they wouldn't have when I was there.  Fun inflatable costumes, for starters.

I've discovered that I'm a fan of the Cobb Salad from Chick-Fil-A.  Discoveries like this always make me very happy!

Saturday was the birthday of my longest Tulsa friend, Miss Kristin Renee Foster!  They're in Texas for the week, but I look forward to celebrating with her next week!  ...Here we are just getting to know each other back in May of 2007 at a Changie LifeGroup Waffle Night party!  She's the only close friend still with me who was a part of my life before "the letter" that June... were it not for this LifeGroup and the few friends I'd already made there, I would've 100% moved back home that summer, so I'm grateful for God's perfect timing there!!  Anywho, YAY KRISTIN!!

My Monday got off to a very happy start, hence the post title.  I listen to books and podcasts as I'm putting on my makeup and straightening my hair, and it was a lovely surprise when Stasi Eldredge mentioned me and quoted part of my Christmas letter on their podcast, then John suggested people re-listen to those truths!!  The whole thing totally made my day! ❤  

(This is a screen recording of that little segment.) 

I did a Bike Bootcamp workout this morning that was fun and energizing.  I'm headed to a work lunch to celebrate Dianna's birthday in a few minutes, then having an early birthday dinner with Tiffany tonight!  So a happy Monday all around in my book. ❤

Hope your week is also off to a great start!

Photo Friday (Bernie)

Who can say why certain things go viral on social media!?  This seems super random to me, but Bernie looking cranky and cold in his little mittens at the inauguration has been inserted into ALL THE MEMES today! lol  I assume this trend will blow over before the weekend is out, so I figured I should capture it here for the memory.

Here are a few that made me laugh...

 "Nobody puts Bernie in a corner!" lol  This = one of my favorites.

Barbeque with the Rose fam on Schitt's Creek

Taking a Peloton ride with Cody Rigsby! lol

Playing some chess with Beth Harmon (The Queen's Gambit)

Watching the Von Trapp children sing

In a Bob Ross painting

Hanging out with Forest

This one made me think of JEM and Chet! lol

Finding out which Hogwarts house he belongs in...

Spa day with Truvy

I'd be fine with this trade. Samantha has always been my least favorite of this group.

Waiting on his Amazon delivery

Hanging out on a skyscraper

Some new lyrics for this Sound of Music classic =)

Drum solo! lol

And last but not least, this gem... lol

Okay, that's all I've got for today.  Deep and meaningful, I know.  

Happy Friday, gang!!

The Little Things (Recap Thankful Thursday #119)

In a 5-minute Happiness Meditation with Cody this weekend, he talked about how it's often "the little things" that bring us the most happiness in life.  The small, seemingly insignificant things can bring so much joy and light into our lives when we're present and paying attention.  A big part of why I have this blog is to help me remember and appreciate those things, and it's working! 

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't written a Thankful Thursday post since August, so with that in mind, here's a recap of the various little things that have added joy to my life in this season:

1.  Going to the OSU-Texas game with Dad and Charlene and Jace Michael on Halloween... a super fun day all around!  I love the town of Stillwater and have lots of fun game-day memories there, and it felt extra special to be there for a game in the midst of the pandemic, which I'd imagined would prevent us from going back there for quite a while.  The crowd was smaller and more spread out, but joining in the communal "orange power" chant and the "Friends in Low Places" song has never made me happier!! ❤

2.  Sam-Puffins and Ella-Bellsy, the two best girlfranz in the world, who I got to see on Christmas Eve!  They turned 7 on October 24th, 2020, and I sent David this collage of them as puppies since he didn't know them in that precious season! ❤

3.  A really fun Labor Day weekend where we reconnected with Holly Dei, Kate Marie, and Megan Elizabeth!  This included a lake trip with Holly and Paul, a final summer swim day at Mom and Dad's pool complete with desserts made by Mom, a trip to Ted's for old times sake, memorable conversation, and the world's longest game of Uno with the kids (made longer because Holly paid them to keep me from winning - lol - mess)!

4.  Getting to watch my endearing niece play volleyball (and practicing with her outside - I'm a good setter, but that's literally my only vball skill!), getting to see the Moss fam for a socially distant dinner and cupcakes for JEM's 40th birthday, lunch dates and great talks with Elizabeth, early Christmas decorating fun with Mom (the first time in my newly redone home made it more fun this year), learning ALL THE THINGS about the Transformers from Jaceman, helping Sarah prepare (and failing miserably as a buffer) for hosting Rosa and Eric's baby shower, painting the boys' rooms at Rach's new house, learning that Sarah is pregnant and getting to buy them their first baby gift, aaaaaand lots of entertaining bike time with Cody (particularly the XOXO rides)!!

5.  A memorable and tasty family Thanksgiving with the great eight - the immediate fam and the four kids - I was thankful that T&C got to join us!  Also thankful for the hilarious prayer pic of Jace. =)

6.  All the laughter and fun times with the Wilsons and Fultons, our first Parrish fam photo shoot in this new season, the cuteness of Tater-tot and a happy outdoor Friendsgiving that included two pregnancy announcements, a couple park walks with Dad and the kids, hair days with Janelle at Ihloff, refreshing fall/winter walks at Crescent Park, and Jace's eye therapy progress!! 

7.  A lovely Christmas Eve that included cookie decorating, Mexican food, family pics, playing outside, seeing the girlfranz with Tman, and a fancy steak dinner at The Ranch with Bill & Jill - yes, please!! Immediately followed by our Christmas pancake and bacon breakfast by Jace, then our Christmas family dinner where the Miss K drew and colored something for everyone as a Christmas gift! #preshface  The only negative here was my epic layer cake fail, but that was definitely more funny than sad, and I got to bake another chocolate cake WITH Mom and then watch Tara bake a lemon cake we all enjoyed... so I'm counting that as a win in the end! ❤

8.  Ringing in 2021 with the Wilsons and Shoemakers and getting to see Tate's Christmas gifts, helping color the playhouse Rach got Kyndal, the fun slumber party with all the kids and Mamaw, my new Pioneer Woman dishes - still not over it! lol, finally making my own pancakes, my new Echelon spin bike, a tasty lemon cake and fun times with Tara Jeanette, and watching J&K do their new secret handshake that ends with them saying, "Work hard to get birds!" lolol  (And by work hard, they mean get along well with each other without fussing for an entire week - that's been the condition for months now, and so far, zero new pets have been earned. lol)

9.  On a deeper note, I'm thankful for being reminded of this truth.  Actions really do speak louder than words, and that is true in friendship, in marriage, and in our relationship with God!

10.  I am deeply thankful that God is on the throne yesterday, today, and forever.  He alone is our strength and shield, our help and our JOY!! ❤

And finally, I'm grateful for YOU and happy to have a few of my regular readers back!  Happy Thursday, friends!!  Hope it's a great weekend ahead for you!

Be the Light

"We lift our gaze not to what stands between us,
But what stands before us.
We close the divide because we know to put our future first,
We must first put our differences aside…

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:
That even as we grieved, we grew.
That even as we hurt, we hoped.
That even as we tired, we tried.
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat,
But because we will never again sow division.

Because being American is more than a pride we inherit.
It's the past we step into and how we repair it…
While we have our eyes on the future,
History has its eyes on us.

We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover…
When day comes, we step out of the shade, aflame and unafraid.
The new dawn blooms as we free it.
For there is always light, 
If only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it."

~Excerpts from "The Hill We Climb" by Amanda Gorman, National Youth Poet Laureate (read today at the Inauguration Ceremony for President Biden)

I got to watch some of the ceremony this morning, and I'm very thankful that it went smoothly and that I've not heard of any large-scale violence or chaos today.  As the youngest person to ever speak/perform at a Presidential inauguration, I was impressed with Amanda and wanted to share some of her words here.  

I am praying for healing and peace for our divided country and especially for our divided church.  That we might have eyes to see the light and to "separate the light from the darkness."  That Christians would step up with love and power and be the light, like Jesus told us and like the poem above says.

The ongoing pandemic has made most of us feel somewhat disempowered and more helpless than we prefer.  For a myriad of reasons, there is an intensified level of fear and acrimony on both sides of the political spectrum, and sincere love for God and others is at a painful low in our nation.  Although God allows us to reap the consequences of what we've sown individually and as a nation, He also offers us power and love and a sound mind!!  And I'm hoping and praying that we will step into that more and more, walking in love and wisdom and a confident authority that comes from Christ!

I'm praying the following verse for our country today...

"May the Lord bless you and take care of you.
May the Lord be kind and gracious to you.
May the Lord look on you with favor and give you peace."

~Numbers 6:24-26 ❤

Mom's Birthday & MLK Day

 Happy 66th Birthday to my wonderful Mom today! ❤

I did a down-and-back trip to MWC, and JoBug and Emily met us at Ted's for lunch!  Here's JB with Mom and Dad.

Me and the Miss K, who's looking adorable as ever in her '90s-turned-2020s-style jean jacket and side ponytail!!

Jace and Rachael... in the midst of him trying to talk her into getting him a turtle! lol

Carter, Emily, and Triston! =)

 

 

Jace spent the night with Mamaw last night, and they'd already started on the cookiecake when I arrived. lol  I still got a pic, though.

I also brought a dozen bundtini's thinking Mom could enjoy them over the next few days.  Unexpectedly, the kids all seem to like them too (I thought they'd be grossed out by the cream cheese).  So they're going fast, and next time I may need to bring more! lol

Dad and Jace were outside practicing some basketball when I got there! =)

This was JoBug's pandemic-year bday gift to Mom, reusing an old bow Mom had put on one of her presents. lol

I played volleyball with Kyndal for a while... I love her intensity as she's about to serve... and I cracked up when I saw how her whole body is off the floor in the live photo as she's finishing the serve -- she really puts in the maximum effort! lol  Perhaps that's why I was never a volleyball star. ;-)

This is off the subject, but I bought this from a FB ad and framed it tonight.  I love this verse and the art that reminds me of God's protective strength!  And I love that it could easily go in my future daughter's room, but also totally works for me. lol

I'm thankful that Mom's birthday happened to fall on a holiday so that everyone was off work and school and we were able to do a fun family lunch!  

I'm also very thankful for the legacy of Dr. King, and I'm praying that our nation will honor that... and that more courageous Christians will stand up against dehumanization in all its ugly and deceptive forms.

To end this post, here's a wonderful quote from one of his sermons on July 4, 1965:

“We are challenged more than ever before to respect the dignity and the worth of all human personality... all men are equal in intrinsic worth. The whole concept of the imago dei, as it is expressed in Latin, the "image of God," is the idea that all men have something within them that God injected. Not that they have substantial unity with God, but that every man has a capacity to have fellowship with God. And this gives him a uniqueness, it gives him worth, it gives him dignity. And we must never forget this as a nation: there are no gradations in the image of God. Every man from a treble white to a bass black is significant on God’s keyboard, precisely because every man is made in the image of God. One day we will learn that. We will know one day that God made us to live together as brothers and to respect the dignity and worth of every man.” ❤

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Havno Naime

I learned this morning that my Uncle Havno passed away yesterday.  He had a stroke, and his health had been declining for a couple weeks, then he died in hospice care last night. =(  He had doubts about whether Jesus would really forgive him, but several years ago, after Dad and his siblings talked with him about it many times, he accepted Jesus as his Savior... so we are thankful for that!

The pic below is "the Muecke Bunch" siblings at our Christmas gathering at the Texas Mueckes in 2008.  (Havno is the oldest son, so he's the Greg Brady.  Gus = Peter, Dad = Bobby, Nancy = Marcia, Charlene = Jan, and Georgia = Cindy.)

People always think we're joking, but no.  It's how I've known him since childhood, so it genuinely doesn't register as strange to me until I see people's reaction when I say "Uncle Havno."  Doc and Doris named him William or "Bill" Muecke, but he had it legally changed to "Havno Naime" after returning from fighting in Vietnam.  He had an interesting sense of humor, and it made him laugh. It also altered his identity forever - a thinly-veiled external effort to erase the old self and become someone new without addressing the internal stuff or all the war trauma — so adult me is certain there was more pain than humor behind that decision.

He has lived with Gus and Marilyn in Texas for the past decade, and they have taken really great care of him.  He was in Oklahoma and around us all more often in my childhood years... my main memory of him is that several of us kids were irrationally scared of him when we were very little, so he decided to play a game where he would throw quarters into the pool for us kids to dive in and fish out and keep, and we thought it was the very best game! lol  And he was no longer scary then.  I also remember some letters that he wrote to Dad in later years that were entertaining to read.

Of course, the group that I know best is the Oklahoma aunts and uncles - Nancy and Gene, Charlene, and Georgia and Alan.  We see Gus and Marilyn a couple times a year.  I haven't seen Havno for a few years now.  I know all the siblings went to see him for his birthday in 2019, when his health was already on the downhill slide.

This = Dad, Nancy, Charlene, Georgia, and Gus at our Thanksgiving 2019 gathering!!

I feel very aware that he is the first of my aunts and uncles - the first in that generation of my family - to die.  I have very few good photos of him, and there is so much about Havno's story that's a mystery to me, and probably to everyone but God.  I know from what I've heard that he was never the same after returning from Vietnam, and that makes me sad.  It's the work of our spiritual enemy, and I deeply hate it when people are scarred by something and struggle to talk about it or recover.  His life had a lot of unhealed pain and some poor decisions that stemmed from that pain... and I'm just thankful he is done wrestling with it all now! 

^This is one of my favorite pics of Dad and his siblings.  Nancy (who's a lot like me in this way) suggested this cheesy pose, and they all went along with it. lol

I'm not sure yet whether there will be a funeral or memorial service, but I wanted to acknowledge his life and his death here.  And to sincerely encourage you to seek help if there is unspoken or unhealed pain in your life that is holding you back from fully living!!  You are not too far gone or beyond hope, and God absolutely still loves you and cares about you. ❤