Great Expectations

I saw 500 Days of Summer tonight.

In my favorite scene (this won't ruin the plot, especially since they already said "it's not a love story" in the preview) they did a split screen when he saw his ex for the first time in a while, and one side depicted his optimistic "Expectations," and the other showed the harsh "Reality." Really interesting and something I totally identify with. Unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement get me into so much trouble. And by trouble, I really just mean heartbreak. People aren't perfect, and realistically, they're bound to disappoint you. But still, it's hard not to expect certain treatment from those you really care about. That is a weak area for me, especially because I usually take things a bit more personally than I should.

I want to be more careful about that, because I tend to feel entitled to be treated a certain way... by others and by God. I've really been in a mood this weekend, because I'm struggling with that very thing - feeling disappointed and a little used in certain friendships, and I guess you could say I'm questioning God's plan on a few specific situations in my life and the lives of those I deeply care about. I genuinely need God's help to be able to trust Him with this stuff, because it makes zero sense to my imperfect human mind. I want Him to change these things, and I know He has the power to do it.  I'm frustrated that nothing is happening, and part of me feels that it's because He doesn't care enough, and I'm tired of praying about it.......

"We see God as a means to an end rather than the end itself... the assistant to our life, versus God as our life." Surprise, John Eldredge got it right again. I have so many expectations of God, but I sometimes forget that He also has expectations for me... and that His main goal is to change my heart, not my circumstances. I definitely forget to see HIM as my life itself.  I sooooo want this selfish attitude to change in me; I want GOD HIMSELF, knowing God intimately, to be the chief desire of my heart... for everything else to pale in comparison. I'm most definitely not there yet, but I'm pressing toward it, and I don't intend to stop!

Waves of Emotion

I love this picture. I just find it oddly comforting.

Even when the waves are swirling all around me, the light of God is always there.  Steady and stable, never changing, full of mercy and love, promising justice, and speaking hope into my life. If I will only choose to focus on Him and trust Him rather than being overwhelmed by the sudden waves of my fickle emotions...

Easier said than done. But healing and freedom don't come without a price. Stop focusing on all that's shaky and unsettled, and focus on living with joy and drawing closer to the Light.  I gotta say, that sounds like a far better plan than drowning in an ocean of pride, selfishness, or depression.  God must know what He's doing when He says, "Lose sight of yourself, and follow Me." ❤

"STAY THE COURSE!"

I caught the last 30 minutes of The Patriot this morning.  Wow, I love that movie and adore Mel Gibson's character, Benjamin!  His sons, Thomas and Gabriel, are killed by the same cruel British soldier. Benjamin has killed several British soldiers and inspired several other men to fight for freedom, so they specifically target his family to break his spirit.

After Gabriel's death, his dad feels that it's his sins coming back to haunt him, and he loses heart. He refuses to continue to fight with the other men, making the point that losing one man can't matter that much anyway (the familiar and awful lie of insignificance). He buries Gabriel and is ready to head back home when he notices the flag... a tattered American flag Gabriel had been mending to remind himself of what he was fighting for. Oh, I LOVE the next scene when he rides up to meet his fellow militia men and the soldiers, proudly carrying the huge flag and bringing fresh inspiration and fire in their hearts!  And then comes the last battle. They are outnumbered, and the British have very little respect for the militia.

One side is fighting for glory; the other for freedom.

The British troops charge them in an effort to "kill their spirits," and several of them start yelling, "Run! Retreat!!" They draw back and stop fighting out of fear, but the enemy is still charging them (much like spiritual warfare). Benjamin sees this, sees a soldier running away from the battle carrying the flag with him, and he grabs it from him, yelling, "NO!!  HOLD.  HOLD THE LINE!  STAY THE COURSE."  Another commanding officer sees this and yells, "PUSH FORWARD, MEN!" And I start cheering! Aaaah, I love it!

...Anyway, Benjamin runs up into the old church building... (the building where the British soldiers had burned several innocent townspeople alive earlier, including his daughter-in-law and several friends)... and he holds the flag up as high as he can, right in the doorway to that church. Remembering the malicious brutality of their enemy and seeing that they have no intention of stopping in their attack, they collectively choose to push forward. They fight for their freedom and the freedom of future generations!  ("Viva la liberty," as the Frenchman says!)  Of course, in the end, Benjamin gets to personally finish off Colonel Tavington, the main villain of the movie. But the greatest scene of the movie (in my opinion) is his call to battle, his plea for those around him to keep fighting with him, and to remember what they are fighting for!

"Quite impressive for a farmer with a pitchfork, wouldn't you say!??"  I LOVE IT.

I'm sorry to compare everything to God and the spiritual world. Well, on second thought, no, I'm really not. That scene just fits. The enemy has sin strongholds or addictions in our lives and he feels that he "owns us" there.  He laughs in amusement when we decide to try to break free and fight him. He does his best to crush our spirits, to make us feel defeated and incapable, guilty and ashamed when anything goes wrong. And when we get inspired and get serious about fighting him, when we really want to be free from those areas of bondage, he doubles his forces and charges in attack. If we turn in "retreat mode," he mercilessly continues to attack us, making sure we know who's boss.  But in the end, he is fighting for his own glory; while we are fighting for freedom and for God's glory!  We have something worth fighting for.

When Benjamin yells, "Stay the course," it shakes me to my very core. Push through, Lindsey. Victory and freedom won't come easily, but it WILL BE WORTH IT. And why on earth should I give another tiny inch to the enemy who hates me so much that he desires to ruin me, my family, and my future!??  As Christians fighting to overcome sin, we are all in the midst of our own personal "revolutionary war."  It matters, and we cannot lose heart or believe our role is insignificant.  (Each one of us is has a part to play, and our choices affect our own futures and the futures of others!)

So I don't have an awesome flag to waive, but for myself and for those around me, I'd like to stand before the church of God as we come under attack and yell, "Stay the course!!  PUSH FORWARD, CHRISTIANS!"

Never ever give up! ❤

I can hear You!

My Lifegroup friends are awesome!  I thought about that for a while today, how fortunate I am to be surrounded by such genuine, caring, Godly, fun people... friends who really pray for and want the best for me and just brighten my day in so many ways.  I am leading LG for the first time right now, going through a John Eldredge study, of course! I think it's going pretty well so far. We discussed breaking agreements last night, and I've thought about it more today. It's such a powerful, necessary thing to do as a Christian.

So I was sitting there thinking over our discussion, and prayed for God to reveal any agreements I'd made that I had not already broken. I sat there waiting for a couple minutes, then continued the one-sided prayer conversation by saying, "I - can't - hear - You" in a semi-annoyed tone.

Then the bells went off... that was the very agreement that I needed to break. It's been my subconscious belief for a while that I can't really hear directly and personally from God on any question or issue that I pray about. That I'm incapable of discerning between the enemy's voice and the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart (which is why I feel so paralyzed and indecisive when faced with major questions). And believing that means believing that God is choosing not to speak to me, which makes it a struggle to really believe His love.

So it's time to break that one. God loves me! He cares about the small details in my life, and He wants to speak to me and show me the right path. Jesus is my shepherd, and my heart recognizes His voice and follows Him.  I need to expect Him to speak and be ready to listen and willing to obey!

I am listening, Lord, and I can hear You. ❤

Love Story

 "Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run!"

"But I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading when I met you on the outskirts of town. And I said, 'Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.' He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said, MARRY ME, JULIET, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE. I LOVE YOU AND THAT'S ALL I REALLY KNOW. I'll talk to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress. It's a love story, baby, just say yes!'"

I love, love, love it! Go Taylor Swift... I'm suddenly a fan! :)

Movin' On Up!

In the same mindset with the last post, I've been thinking a lot lately about a speech Amy Groeschel gave... she compared living for God to climbing uphill on the down escalator. The natural flow of our culture constantly pulls us down, and the violent opposition of our Enemy is constantly pushing us down. To really get anywhere, we have to be purposeful and aggressive.

When looking back through the last several months of posts, I feel like I've learned a lot, gained a lot of deep spiritual insight, but generally gone nowhere in life (as in, haven't really improved much as a person). Why? Because I haven't been determined enough to be a woman of integrity and excellence... I didn't realize that standing still for a few minutes = moving downhill. But that's the truth -- apathy and laziness isn't acceptable to God, and He is ALWAYS WATCHING. Fighting passivity is more important than I originally thought.

Letting go of all bitterness is quite key as well... letting go may not be the best term. More like ripping or casting off bitterness. To me, the scene in Spiderman 3 when he's pulling with all his might to get the black suit of "venom" off of him = the perfect depiction of getting rid of bitterness. It seems to fit and it wants to cling to you; it is aggressive and keeps coming back again and again. It makes the fleshly side of you feel good, but it changes you and makes everyone see you differently. And you have to be really determined to get rid of it, to live a life of freedom. You have to be willing to push through the crowd and finish the race with perseverance, to keep climbing even when you're completely exhausted!

And to keep in mind that you're moving higher and going deeper with God, and the eternal reward will be worth all the effort!!

Loud and clear,
I WILL be the woman God wants me to be.
I WILL do what God tells me to do.
I WILL have all God wants me to have.
I WILL NOT give up, under any circumstances!

My 16 Random Things...

I posted this when everyone was filling these out on Facebook, but in case I shut my Facebook down again someday, I wanted to post it here too. =)

1. Winter is my absolute favorite season… no bugs, snow, Christmas, ice skating, coats, hats, scarves, gloves, sweaters, hot chocolate, etc… I’m full of Christmas cheer!!

2. I don’t eat or drink after anyone that I wouldn’t willingly French kiss… so at the moment, I don’t eat or drink after anyone.

3. It drives me crazy when people text lengthy conversations. JUST CALL ME.

4. I saw Titanic 13 times in theaters and discovered something new and brilliant each time… (and I have high hopes that they’ll re-release it for its 25th anniversary in 2022 so I can up my total to 15. lol) It’s just so much more powerful on the big screen.

5. I have the same birthday as Michael Jordan and Paris Hilton, who is, coincidentally, one of my least favorite women alive.

6. I have trouble getting through an episode of the Wonder Years without tearing up. Same with Scrubs; hilarious, but often deeper than you expect.

7. I have a ridiculous, but very real, fear of bugs, mice, snakes, etc. Rach and I once rented a hotel room in Midwest City because there was a mouse in our house. :) And every summer, we came close to drowning ourselves when a wasp flew over the pool. Also, I once missed a class at OBU because there was a cricket between me and my door and I went into total paralysis mode. Not even kidding.

8. I really enjoy living by myself more than I’d ever expected to!

9. I loooooove ballroom dancing, and wish there were more places to do that, and more men who knew how to be a strong lead! Tango, Waltz, West Coast Swing, Cha-Cha, LOVE it!

10. I worry too much about what other people are thinking.

11. Las Vegas is my #1 vacation spot! I love it, though I don’t participate in anything the city is generally known for. Someday I want to own an MGM Residence suite!

12. I hate the word "chuckle." Just hate it.

13. I don’t like the taste of coffee, but I love the Gilmore Girls and really wish I liked coffee, so I often drink water from my Starbucks mug, because it’s just more fun that way. lol

14. I think Simon Cowell is hot and fantastically egotistical. And I’m still into American Idol after all this time… bring on Season 8!

15. I don’t like flying (because I get seriously motion sick), but I love the atmosphere in airports – people excited about upcoming trips or vacations, or finally getting back home to the families and friends they love… just fun to watch people there!

16. I have the Rappers Delight song and the cheesy Vanilla Ice, Ice, Baby song memorized, though I doubt I’ll ever sing them for anyone. =)