7 - Fears

Day 7: The Things You're Most Afraid Of.

1) BUGS.. basically every small thing that crawls or flies -- (with the exception of butterflies, ladybugs, and roly-polies, which I find precious and endearing). Wasps, bees, horseflies, crickets, roaches, junebugs, spiders... all legitimate reasons to have an epic freakout in my book! It's a very real fear for me -- my friends and family know this to be true -- my eyes are well-trained to spot them, and I can't sleep or relax till I know they're dead. People always say, "They're more afraid of you than you are of them," but I'm pretty sure that's not true in my case: I've checked into a hotel room to avoid sleeping in my parents house when we couldn't find a mouse, missed a college class because there was a cricket between me and my dorm room door, darted into my house without closing the garage or turning off the alarm to avoid being attacked by a junebug, screamed a cuss word while jumping into a pool after drying off to avoid a horsefly sting, and paid a friend over $100 to kill a wasp for me while I left my house for the weekend! lol All clearly ridiculous behavior, yet all things I'd likely do again if the need arose. #irrationalfear

2) Burns... aka my fear of hot things. lol  Probably another irrational one. Curling irons freak me right out - burning hot metal with nothing protective around it - how about no, thank you very much.  I can barely stay calm when the hairstylist starts in with one (this fear is slightly more legit, based on two real stories I know about).  I've finally mastered my fear of the oven, but for a while, I wasn't willing to take anything out for fear of burning myself. #yayovenmitts Potholders don't provide nearly enough protection. lol  And don't even get me started on hot glue guns - I had a bad experience in 5th grade, and I've refused to do any craft that requires one since!

3) Snakes... so very creepy... the slithering, hissing sound, darting forked tongue, shedding skin... not to mention the fangs!! There is a reason Satan chose to come in the form of a serpent in the Garden of Eden... and to my knowledge, they're the only animal God directly cursed... just sayin'.

4) Evil people... this category covers a wide variety of crimes and injustices that could be committed against me or the people I love.  To me, anyone who purposely hurts or endangers another person with callous indifference to the other's pain = evil. (It's not something I actively fear or worry over, but something I'm very alert to with my job and our culture as it stands, and obviously, something I pray for God's protection and deliverance from.)

5) Hopelessness... a sense of darkness/despair that overshadows my sense of hope and will to live. God never lets this last too long, but the feeling does genuinely scare me when it hits, usually preceded by a loss of love or community that I've come to count on.

So that's my list for today.  I had to laugh because I'm actually disconcertingly unafraid of death... beam me up, Jesus!  But like any person, I fear the physical pain often associated with it and the emotional pain associated with the death of loved ones.  In the end, this list feels legit to me because I'm guessing all the things I'm afraid of won't be present in heaven (or obviously won't still be scary to me), but they'll probably have a major presence in hell... true story!  #nobugsinheaven ;)

6 - Awesomesauce Defined

Day 6: Top Three Characteristics You Admire in People.

1)  Faithful Christianity ~ People whose faith in Christ is full of grace rather than pride because it has been truly tested -- Christians who've been through something that rocked them to their core, yet they continue to LOVE God and seek to honor Him and help other people with their lives! (People who are not just weekend Christians -- doers of the word, not hearers only.) That quality alone will cover and solve pretty much anything else that would ever be a problem to me.

2)  Vulnerable Kindness  ~ People who are known for consistent kindness -- not passivity or people-pleasing or patronizing nonsense -- but those who are kindhearted, compassionate, and loving in spite of past wounds. (Kindness and generosity that is motivated by real love and concern for people rather than self-interest and being liked.)

3)  Genuine Security ~ People who combine healthy confidence with Godly humility, knowing and liking who they are and standing firm for what matters to them, but without being arrogant or condescending or snarky. Yes, please!  (More Kevin Durant; less Michael Jordan... more Jason Bourne; less James Bond.) ;)

This list has changed a bit as I have matured -- I've improved at recognizing false confidence and am far less drawn to anything that borders on arrogance -- I want to emulate and continue to be surrounded with people who possess these qualities!

5 - Moments

Day 5: Memories - Top Five Moments in Your Life.*

1)  Salvation ~ December 27, 1990. Age 6, First Grade Christmas break, 304 Three Oaks Drive. While sitting on our couch with Mom, thinking about a Christmas sermon I can't remember now (by Bob Rutherford at Meadowood Baptist Church)... I asked Mom how she could say I had a "heart of gold" if Jesus wasn't in my heart. That led to a long talk where she walked me through several Bible verses and clearly explained what it meant to be saved, then I went into my room alone and got on my knees beside our awesome purple canopy bed and prayed with childlike faith for Jesus to be my Lord and Savior! I was excited about it, but didn't get goosebumps or have a huge emotional high or notable life change at that point -- I was a quiet six year old from a Christian family that already attended church and a Christian school -- but I understood that I needed forgiveness. My faith and my love for Christ were real (they've been tested and grown far deeper and stronger since then, but they were real), and my eternal destiny was sealed, making this the #1 moment in my life on earth, whatever else may come!!  
(The rest are in chronological order.)

2)  Homecoming ~ Spring 2002. Age 18, Senior year, CHA's brand new gym. (I feel kinda silly and shallow for putting this, but oh well.) It was a nice moment for me, mostly because it was something I'd secretly wanted but never thought would happen. Especially since most of my good friends were underclassmen, I was pretty surprised that my classmates had chosen me... and it made me feel seen and appreciated. Shopping with the girls (Mom, Rach, Holly, and Megs) was a blast, and I still think my hot pink dress was fantastic. :)  I felt loved and beautiful, and what girl doesn't love that feeling!? I also got to be part of the decorating committee, as per usual, and Mom and I made huge banners for all the attendants, so writing my own name on a massive banner was a strange experience. :) Finally, it was memorable because it was the first ceremony they ever held in CHA's long-awaited new gym, and the last Homecoming for the Class of 2002!!

3)  Florida Fireworks ~ July 2009. Age 25, State Farm Convention, Disney World. Mom had a terrible cold and Rach had a sprained ankle, and all in all, the trip just wasn't going as well as I'd hoped... not what I'd expected or built up in my head - I was just ready to get back to Tulsa and celebrate Chet Lee's 21st b-day! lol  Then on our last night there, there was a fireworks show that we could see clearly from the balcony of our room at the Yacht Club Hotel, so our whole family went outside to watch them - just the four of us - me in the middle, Mom on my right, Rach on my left, and Dad standing behind me... the fireworks were awesome, and it was just a really good "mental picture" moment of beauty and togetherness!  I seriously thought as we were standing there that if that trip had been a Wonder Years episode (I'm a big fan of that show! lol), that moment would've been the ending scene where the background music played and the narrator described how even with all the family tension and drama, things have a way of working out in the end. :)

4)  Hospital Prayer ~ December 2011. Age 28, OU Medical Center, downtown OKC. After beating cancer and surviving a major car wreck that same year, Mom contracted a staph infection in the cut on her leg (which rapidly quadrupled in size). I stayed several nights with her at the hospital (reading through the entire Hunger Games trilogy in just a few days). There were multiple rounds of debridement surgeries before the skin graft, and she had come down with bronchitis in the midst of it. It was scary for all of us. We had prayed together a few times early on, then the night before one of her final surgeries, just the two of us there, I remember her calling me over - I assumed she needed Carmex or something - but she asked if I would pray with her. I remember that Rach was newly married and pregnant with Jace at the time, and while you always hope for the best, obviously, none of us knew how things would turn out for Mom. I knew she was scared, but trying to stay strong for me, and vice versa.  But in the middle of the fear and pain, I stood beside her hospital bed and we held hands and prayed together, and God's grace and peace were very present. Maybe a weird moment to put on this list, but it was definitely meaningful to me.

5)  Birthday Countdown ~ February 2014. Age 29/30, Bellagio Hotel, Las Vegas! (Honestly, multiple Vegas moments came to mind, but I'm going with this one.)  In my favorite place, surrounded by my closest friends -- people who made that entire trip a blast -- friends who really know, love, and care about me.  The original plan was to watch the water show outside at midnight, but thanks to me having a tearful mini-breakdown (over things everyone in that group easily understood), we decided to go back up to the girls' hotel room and watch from our fountain-view window!  For whatever reason, they played the midnight song about 3 minutes early that night, so after watching the water show to Whitney's Star-Spangled Banner, my friends did a countdown to midnight to ring in my 30th birthday (which I have on video)! To me, the way that whole moment worked out was perfection... and the next day's birthday brunch at Mon Ami Gabi was also pretty amazing!! :)

*This was a really tall, nearly impossible order. Again, sooo many things come to mind in sorting through the great memories in my life. I tend to cherish the seemingly insignificant moments like sitting on the porch swing with Josh or decorating sugar cookies with Rach or running in the rain at SeaWorld or late night talks with people I love. I also tend to put the great moments of the people I love on my own list, like Anthony's 1st birthday or the day Jace or Kyndal was born. :) Luckily, I've probably already documented most of the good stuff in a Memory Monday or Thankful Thursday post somewhere. For this list, I tried to go with very specific happy/meaningful "moments" rather than long conversations or trips or defining seasons or things like that. :)

And now, a lovely quote:

"Everywhere you look, you can see the world as it is and the world as it could be. Winter and Spring. Old and New. Despair and Hope. Death and Life. Neither submitting to the other. The struggle for dominance lingers on. Winter looms large. It puts up one serious fight. But then all at once, out of nowhere, Spring comes bursting forth in all its glorious splendor to take its rightful place. What once lay dormant has now become vibrant. The symphony of life is in full roar... Spring wins. It always has. It always will. And that, my friends, is the very best of news." ~Ben Nockels

May Spring come soon; may Jesus come soon!!
Happy Thursday, friends!  :)

4 - Quotable

Day 4: Favorite Quote and Why You Love It.

I have a "Favorite Quotes" section at the top of this blog, and all the posts under that don't really begin to cover it.  There are hundreds that I could easily put in this spot, so I'm just going with the one verse and one quote that speak loudest to my heart right now:

"In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it!" ~John 1:4,5

As a Christian, how could you not love that verse?  Jesus is life to us, and His life is the light of the world, and it overcomes everything the forces of darkness do to destroy it.  So powerful! Every wrong will be made right and we will be made perfect and complete when the Lord Jesus is revealed in all His glory! And that hope is truly the anchor for my soul.

"You do not know what or who hangs in the balance of your decision to remain faithful when everything around you says be faithless." ~Andy Stanley

I really love this encouragement! (The sermon was about Paul choosing to use his time in prison to pray, listen to God, witness, and write letters to his friends rather than becoming bitter and losing hope.) All kinds of convicting and inspiring. Life is HARD sometimes, but God is good and worthy of our full devotion, regardless of circumstances.

3 - Quirky Queen

 Day 3: Five Quirks or Pet Peeves.

Oh, I'm sure I have far more than five, but these are the first that come to mind.  I'm guessing all of my quirks would qualify as pet peeves to someone else, so this list sorta fits both categories. ;)

1.  Food Rules:  Absolutely no drinking or eating after anyone that I would not willingly French kiss!  (Either way, you're sharing saliva.) I added that ending because I was sick of people saying, "But what about when you get married!?"  People sharing ice cream typically grosses me out. And this germophobe tendency also applies to popcorn, a food most people are totally content to share, seemingly unaware that some of those kernels are coated in the spit of the person beside them. Yikes!!

2.  Weird Noises and One-Word Phrases:  Mrrrr, Jimmy Fallon's hissing noise, my thousand nicknames for the girlfranz (my puppies), land sakes, yikes bikes, butternut crazy, and my famous one-word opinions, like "Sad," "Lame," "Barf," Presh," "Funny," "Nice," etc.

3.  Discomforting Comfort:  If a friend is hot and there's no fan around, I blow cool air on them to be helpful. And if they're cold, I come along and "friction" them to warm them up. It honestly didn't strike me as weird until I got some hilarious reactions! lol

4.  Random Laughter:  I laugh more than most people to being with. And I have an active imagination and a great memory for funny quotes and movie lines, so I tend to burst into laughter from time to time when everyone around me has no idea what's going on or what random memory has just floated through my head. (I always go back and explain it, though.) :)

5.  Parallel Universe:  Everything in my home and office must be parallel or perpendicular (or titled at a very precise angle of my choosing). I've been known to straighten things on Laura's desk or random tables when I get the chance. Disorganization = barf. ;)

Truth be told, I really like my quirky self!  Another example is my need to document EVERYTHING in life in one form or another, and my love for cutesy ridiculous pictures...

Peanut Butter M&Ms in wine glasses in bed. This is how we do Vegas.

Cheers! ;)

2 - Blogtacular

Day 2: Meaning of your blog name and why you blog.

I've combined all the posts into one place now, but over the past seven years, I've had five different blog titles:

1.  Captivating ~ Title from John and Stasi Eldredge's book, which I love. My header included the quote in this picture...

2.  Slightly Resembling Gumption ~ Title from The Holiday... an empowering line by Iris, a character I see a lot of myself in. :)

3.  God is for God ~ Title from this sermon by Matt Chandler! Powerful.

4.  Life and Radiant Health ~ Title from Proverbs 4:20-23, about God's Word bringing life and radiant health to all who discover its meaning (health blog). 

5.  The Heart of the Matter ~ Title from an India Arie song that I love. I also chose it based on all John Eldredge has written about the heart being central to God - I love that concept and always appreciate the reminder!

Why Do I Blog?
Because God has wired me in such a way that writing allows me to share my heart and life and connect with others in a way that nothing else does.  Half the time, I don't fully understand how I feel about something until I start writing about it. It's not always polished or perfect, but that's part of the beauty of it, really. To look back and see how I've grown and changed (and where I'm still a work in progress) is exciting to me. Hence, the many blog books I've had printed. I blog because this is is my favorite outlet to express and document my thoughts, feelings, memories, pictures, quotes, verses, songs, videos, and my journey of spiritual growth! =)

Happy Monday!

1 - About Me

Day 1: Life Story in 200 Words or Less. 

(Christmas Eve 2014 - me and my adorable niece, Kyndal Faith!)

Since my readers already know me pretty well, I won't bother trying to summarize all the major events of the past 31 years in 200 words. Keeping my life story nice and short is not my strong suit... I love to write, and I believe life is in the details. I would rather talk about God’s goodness and grace throughout my life. We all have our unique trials, and mine have mostly involved rejection, depression, and struggling to find purpose. Yet through every difficult and painful season, Jesus has been close and has not allowed me to give up on Him or on myself. He is truly my Rock and my Redeemer, and I can clearly see how He has rescued me over and over again. Through my adult life, I have grown so much in my love for God and my compassion and grace for people. Lately, God is teaching me to see the meaning and purpose in small acts of love and kindness. I am deeply thankful for the shaping influence of John Eldredge, Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, my family, and my closest friends. And I am hopeful about my future, both here on earth and in heaven! 

Exactly 200 words. lol #bringit

The 31-Day Blog Challenge for this month if anyone else wants to join... should be fun!