19 ~ Blog Love

Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them.

Having read every word of every post for the past 8 or 9 years, I am going with the blog of Ashley Ann Campbell!!  She is strong and inspiring and awesome, and her heart shines through her writing.  Her love of photography definitely inspired me in that area - to take more candid pictures and videos and keep a better record of the little moments that make me happy!  I have learned more about the adoption process and the beauty of adoption from her blog than anywhere else...

Ashley is a tough, outdoorsy, camping, hiking, backpacking, crossfitting, homeschooling mother to five kids... our lives are different in so many ways. But she is also a strong Christian, an Oklahoma girl, an author who writes from the heart, an introvert who loves to be at home, passionate about adoption and foster care, very creative, a photographer who loves the details, behind the camera more often than she is in front of it, and a great documentarian of the memories and milestones unique to her family!!  We are more alike than we are different, which is usually true when you look hard enough.  Their family is awesome and fun and active and full of love and life, and I find myself cheering for all of them as I read their stories!  She has taught me a lot, inspired me to write more letters to my Compassion child, and opened my eyes to more of the beauty in the world. I also really love how she celebrates and encourages the things that make each of her kids unique and special!  She makes me want to travel more and give hiking another chance, and I always look forward to her new posts!! =)

...None of my family or friends blog regularly, and Ashley's blog has taught me so much and is a huge part of why I've grown to love blogging and believe it matters... so I'm picking five of my favorite Ashley posts instead of five separate blogs that I follow:

1. When Sadness is a Gift 
2. Saying Yes to the Unknown
3. She Can Do Hard Things
4. Our Family Pictures
5. In Her Time

She also gave me the idea for this happy Photo Wall, which I love!  ❤

18 ~ Dear Rachael...

Hey, siistor!!

Hope you're having a lovely Friday today.  

I'm super thankful for you!  I'm thankful for the young years of fussing and sibling rivalry that were probably just as hilarious/ridiculous as T&C and J&K. =)  I'm grateful for the whole myriad of memories that only the two of us share from our childhood and years at CHA!  I am thankful for all the people who would not be a part of my life if it wasn't for you, obviously including Mark Richards, Jason, Jay, Derek, Megan Elizabeth, Holly Dei, Jordan, Wes, Kate, Allie, Casey, Kara, Justin Kunz, both Joshua Michaels, Triston, Carter, Jace, and Kyndal Faith!! ❤ How very different and less rich my life would be without you. Thanks for being a regular reader and the only one I know who actually went back and read every single post on this blog!! Granted, 80% of them are about your kids, but still, it means a lot! Lol  I'm glad that we are both sisters and friends, that we share creative leanings and enjoy some of the same shows and movies, that we can hang out and have fun and understand each other in a way no one else can! =)  I'm thankful that I get to see you and your awesomesauce kids as often as I do, and it makes me really happy to see you being the Homeroom Mom and going all out to love and care for them!  I hope and pray that God continues to bless you and the whole Parrish fam!!

(I'm getting to leave work early, so I must cut this a bit short, but all the be-U-timous things I said HERE still apply. lol) 

Here are a few very random pics of you that make me happy... keep rocking it as a sister, daughter, wife, mom, and artist!!

Love you,

-❤- Lindsey

17 ~ Photo

A favorite photo of yourself and why you like it:

I'm going with this one... it's pretty recent, an office selfie taken in July of this year. I'm liking my long hair, and pics where you can actually see the color dimension in it make me happy. My face isn't being weird, and I think the glasses look cute. =) And, of course, I like the sign I'm holding and that I've been feeling more confident lately! Huzzah!! lol

(It goes with my New Identity pics I started last year.)

Anywho, happy Thursday! ...Only one week till Thanksgiving - craziness!  
We are nearing the end of this child abuse murder trial, and I'll have one more reason to be super thankful when it's over!!

16 ~ Difficulties

Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you are working to overcome it:

Depression and anxiety fall into the difficult category.  Personality, temperament, background, circumstances, stress factors, genetics, brain chemistry, medical conditions, hormone levels, thought life, and perceived support can all factor into it.  Every situation is unique.  Some people are more susceptible than others, and I am in that "more susceptible" group.  Even when I'm doing really well, I have to work a bit harder to keep myself in a good, stable place.  The shadow/threat of death is very real and consistent for me.  My first memory of depression (though I didn't call it that at the time) is at age 12... the year after the OKC bombing.  The timing makes sense to me now - that a fifth grade girl being introduced to terrorism for the first time and learning that the bombed building was next door to where her mom used to work would find that hard to process and begin to have more worry and fear about death.  That Satan would jump on that and add to it.  That I felt different and disconnected and I feared abandonment and isolation more than a normal sixth grader would.  Anyway, thanks to family support and a strong foundation in Christ, I moved through that and through the rest of my school years without any major issues.  It hit me hardest in 2008 and 2013, for fairly obvious reasons, although it began before the friendship ended in 2013. 

So there was definitely not one major thing that helped me overcome it or an easy fix that "cured it," but some things that have been helpful to me in the past include:

• Taking Vitamin D and B12 (I learned I was deficient in those two things, which may have added to the depression, weakness, fatigue, and difficulty thinking clearly).
• Talking with people about how I was doing – friends, family, counselors, whatever works - it was hard for me to be that vulnerable at first.
• Working with a counselor and on my own to process disappointments and some of the friends and family relationships where I had been hurt.
• Learning to set better boundaries, let some things go, and forgive.
• As said recently, perfectionism was a big part of my problem, so giving myself permission to really feel sadness, anger, and other negative emotions (even if I was reacting over things that would seem minor to others) without guilt or shame was really big for me. I did a lot more harm trying to disconnect from sad feelings and bottle things up than I would have if I’d let myself cry it out or rant or vent when I needed to.
• Taking Celexa (the antidepressant prescribed for me) for just over a year. I was very hesitant about starting that because I struggled a lot with going back and forth on whether it was a medical issue or a spiritual flaw on my part, so I definitely understand it when people feel that same tension.
• (If I got to a really bad place again, I would not hesitate to try antidepressants again. They had very minor side effects and were helpful in giving me some much-needed clarity, and I didn’t feel like a robot or zombie or anything, but more like my real self.  I don’t feel the guilt I once did about it, and I think it was a false guilt that was not from God.)
• Blogging.  Occasionally about the depression itself, but also just documenting ups and downs of daily life.  Writing is cathartic and a great outlet for me, and it really helps me to process my thoughts and feelings and see where beauty and goodness shine through in hard times.
• Asking friends for worship song recommendations! 
• Being more careful about what I was watching and listening to. I believe in the chemical imbalance side of it, but I also understand that words have power and our thoughts are important, so I tried to pay attention to how the shows, movies, and music I was consuming were affecting my soul, and I made some big changes, especially while I was trying to climb out of being depressed. More worship music and comedies, less medical dramas and crime shows and sad/angry songs  – things like that. Not easy, but I know it helped.
• Moving more – everyone talked up the benefits of exercise, so I did what I could with the low energy I had during that season, which was mostly some stretching and walks outside, but whatever you can do helps. Especially getting outside more.
• Not feeling guilty about getting LOTS of sleep during that period.
• Leaning more on my family and close friends.
• Prayer journaling where I wrote down my prayers, which made it easier to focus when my thoughts were foggy.
• Looking up verses on light and life and memorizing Scripture.
• The fact that my job requires very little interaction with the public. I can sit and type in the courtroom and be zoned out on autopilot. (I’m aware that a sales or customer service job would have been much more difficult and exhausting in that season.)
• John Eldredge books!! Acknowledging the reality of spiritual warfare and separating the light from the darkness ("God is light, and there is no darkness in Him.") Breaking agreements, recognizing that my highest hope for life will never be completely fulfilled here on earth, but only in the coming Kingdom. (Everything we know here is “partial and incomplete” - 1 Cor. 13:12 - and accepting that is freeing.)
• Baby Kyndal Faith was a big part of what helped ground me and pull me back into a lighter place in 2013. That gave me an extra dose of strength and joy when I felt pretty defeated/angry/hopeless.
• Acknowledging that I can't control it all, and the timing and healing part is in God's hands.

(That was in super random order - just some things that came to mind.)

For anyone who might be struggling, I hope some part of this is helpful to you. We know from the gospels that Jesus likes to use different methods to heal different people. But God knows your unique needs and He cares, and He is there and working things out for your good even when you don't see or feel it! ❤

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord, and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.  Do not gloat over me, my enemy!  Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light!" ~Micah 7:8

15 ~ A Day in the Life

A day in the life (including several photos throughout your day):

I wasn't planning for this, but just being myself, I took tons of pictures and wrote down lots of quotes this past Friday, so that's what I'm using here.  (I was off work for Veteran's Day.)

After eating the Hardees buscuits Dad brought us for breakfast, Mom and I headed over to Rachael's to help decorate. She's doing red, green, black, white, and gold this year - here are a few pics so far! =)

Rach informed us that they were shutting down 15th Street for a Veteran's Day Parade... It was nice out, so me, Rach, and Kyndal Faith walked down to watch a bit of it and cheer for our military and veterans!!

Mom stayed back and worked on laying out the pics for their black-and-white entry wall!

I spent a lot of the morning working on transferring files and setting up the new computer for them... so many cords!!

I gladly took a break when the Miss K asked me if I'd read her a book. =) It's called Ten Little Princesses and there's an illustration of ten little girls. She asked what their names were, and I told her it didn't say their names. To which she impatiently said, "Just tell me!!" lol So I said... "This is Karli, and this is Kelly, and this is Sarah and Tiffany and Laura and Elizabeth..." LOL

Mom went to get the Jaceman from CHA, and we had a Chick-Fil-A lunch break. Kyndal wanted us to get a back-to-back pic and one with our arms together since "we match red!" #preshface ❤

I watched Rach braid K's hair, then I helped her reposition the Joy to the World sign!  Then the Miss K offered me a "Rice Christmas Treat!" Presh!!

Then it was their nap time, and I marveled at the quick-changing moods of the Jaceman! lol

Mom and I went home and snacked on a pumpkin spice bundtini (I brought some Nothing Bundt Cakes as a fun surprise). Then we went together to pick up T&C, which I'm so glad I got to be there for!  Brooke had called that morning and told Rach that she was in labor, so when they got in the car, they were confused because Rach wasn't supposed to have them that day. Mom excitedly told them they were going home with us and would be going to the hospital later that night to meet their new baby brother, Bryson Emmett Hughes!! They both wanted to run and tell their teachers, and when they came back, T-man was tearing up. He said, "Sorry. I just get emotional sometimes." ❤ It was so sweet, and I told him that's good because this is a big deal! Brooke had a scheduled C-section for the 17th, so Carter was very confused by the date change and asked, "So has everyone just been kidding us this whole time?" lol
(Here are some pics of them meeting Bryson later that night. Now they have J&K on Josh and Rach's side... and Mason, Bryson, and Rylee on Brooke and Aaron's side.)

We brought T&C back to Rachael's, then Dad and I headed to Penn Square to see Daddy's Home 2. It was fun and funny, and it's always nice to get to chat and hang out with Dad!  

Jace Michael came with Mamaw to stay the night! He was super excited and kept telling me how great it was that we get to stay the night together! lol  Whilst we were all having our baked potatoes, Rach and co. brought him back a Bumblebee balloon, which he was super psyched about! I told him to act tough in this pic, and I just love it!! lol

EDIT:  I somehow forgot this part when I wrote this post, so I'm adding it in a couple days late. The Jaceman said the cutest dinner prayer ever... "God, You're so handsome, and I love you! You're the best!! Amen." Using all the compliments he hears from Mamaw! lolol ❤

So much entertainment and cuteness just overflowing from the Jaceman! lol  His facetime convo with Rach was all hilarious. He goes outside with Dad to help with the dogs, and I took the bottom right pic as J had Mom's phone to watch a video and Dad was checking FB. =) Then they came in, and as Dad was getting the dogs' treats ready, and I asked where Jace was. Dad said probably back in the room with the dogs. I came back there right in time to see him trying on Dad's CPAP mask, asking Dad, "Hey, can I try this on?" as he was already clearly in process, which cracked me up!

A few more quotes from that Friday:

(Talking about his classmates)
Me:  "So is anyone your girlfriend?" 
J:  "Yeaaah, Daph-a-ne! ...She said, 'Fiiiine, I’ll be your girlfriend.'"
Me: "Winning!"
(I love that he always says her name 3-syllables like Stephanie.)

Jace (at school):  "Oh, it’s my friend! Roll down the window!"
Mom: "What’s his name?"
J:  "I don’t knooooow, but he’s my friend!!!"

Jace, facetiming with Rach and Josh who live literally a few houses down the street: "So what time is it over at your house!?"

J to Rach, via Facetime: "That Bumblebee balloon is the BEST! I love Bumblebee and Optimus!! Well, I really wanted Optimus, but that’s okay!"
Me, yelling so she could hear: "Thanks a lot for the sub-par gift!" lol

J, trying to position Bumblebee where he could watch over him as he slept:  "Grandpa, I’m gonna need a little help in here!" lol

Okay, that's all on that a day in the life subject!!  
*Today marks the 6th anniversary of Mom and Dad's car wreck. And the day I became FB friends with Jill, which seems appropriate. Here are two things I posted this morning to commemorate that...

Yay, God!!  Okay, happy Tuesday. =)

14 ~ Childhood Memory

Describe a vivid memory/story from your childhood.

(No vivid memories from age 1, but I thought the pic was cute, so there it is! lol)

So many of my childhood memories are vaguely strung together, but really good and heartwarming!  The fun family get-togethers on both sides, summer fun at our pool and at WhiteWater Bay and Frontier City, watching America's Funniest Home videos every night with Rach, hosting fun end-of-year parties for our classes, playing games with Rach that we made up based on the books we read in school (Noah Webster, Little House on the Prairie, Little Pilgrims' Progress, etc.), playing baseball with Grandad and Rach and Blake in our front yard, eating cookie dough and butterscotch pudding, family road trips, Super Bowl parties, etc. I also have fond introvert-child memories of climbing trees and climbing the red, white, and blue monkey bars Grandad built then laying on top of them and looking over at the horses next door (who I named Penny and Black Beauty).

For my "vivid memory," I'll go with our 1996 San Antonio trip with the Wallaces! =) This was in the days of Surge, POGs, hackey sacks, Oakley sunglasses, and Rach and I wearing lots of Nike and sports gear! lol  Oddly enough, I don't remember much about what we saw and did there, but I remember we laughed a lot and we listened to the T-Bone rap CD and the Newsboys Breakfast song over and over on our road trip there and back, singing along but doing a loud *clap* instead of singing the word "hell." lol (Me, Rach, Clint, and Ty all rode together the whole time, switching back and forth between Mom and Dad's van and Bill and Debbie's.)  We had adjoining hotel rooms, and at night, we kids played cards whilst our parents watched TV and planned for the next day. We played spades, and Clint and I worked out a code system to cheat and beat Rach and Ty. lol  Aww, memories! 'Twas a fun trip and fun times with the Wallace fam!! We had that framed sketch of the four of us hanging up for years after that trip. =)

13 ~ Sorry

Issue a public apology (as funny, serious, or creative as you want):

To my delightful Aunt JoBug... I am sorry I missed your birthday lunch today!!  I came home a day early to have a sleep-in Sunday, but I forgot until it was too late that today was your birthday. Sadness - I totally would have stayed for that. You have an effervescent personality, and you bring so much light and joy and life with you wherever you go!  I love you and I'm thankful for you, and I trust that you know that!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ❤❤ ~Lindsey

This one isn't really funny, serious, or creative... I was having a major lapse of ideas for this post, so I decided to go with this.  It's been a great, restful weekend! Not sure I'm ready to jump back into the trial tomorrow, but here we go anyway. Hope you have a lovely week ahead!