Thankful Thursday #179!

"When the crowds found out,
they followed Him.
He welcomed them,
spoke to them about the kingdom of God,
and healed those who needed healing." 
~Luke 9:11

Today, I am thankful for:  

1.  Faith.  Through the "root days" and the "fruit days."

2.  Spring is springing.  Spring season officially begins next Tuesday, but the signs of new life everywhere make me happy and grateful.  Nature is full of hopeful metaphors.

3.  The treasure-trove of cute photos and memories that pop up daily on Google Photos and FB Memories! 

4.  My CR job.  The $5 per page rate increase has been awesome, and I'm grateful for the benefits and the way they've worked with me on my internship!

5.  Tuesday (after several weeks of nothing new) I got two new clients, and the next day, Restore decided to open up a telehealth option for the first time for their interns.  And I know that was God, and I'm very grateful!  I've now worked with kids, adults, families, and my first male (young boy) client, where the playtime looks very different and made me laugh (in the pic below)!  P.S.  I'm finally understanding that adults are more willing to go with intern counselors for their kids than for themselves, so I'm embracing this as a season where I'm learning how to work with children, and while I'm not fully certain on God's purpose there, I trust He will use it for good!!

6.  Being Aunt "Winsey" for Parker Elizabeth and Tate Haywood - they're the cutest!  (These pics are at Whataburger, where I joined the Wilson/Weatherford crew for a last-minute dinner plan last Sunday after a 3-hour Panera chat with Kristin Foster - yay, God, for giving me such excellent friends!)  P.S. Parker said "Wuv you!" at the end of our phone call yesterday, and it totally made my day - she also promptly hung up before she heard me say it back! lol

7.  A Disney trip is in the works with the Wilsons/Weatherfords and potentially Foster fam... and I'm super excited (and promising to be enthralled and delighted by the fireworks this round)!! ❤

(Throwback Thursday pic to visiting Chet's new office in 2019)

Happy Thurdsday! I wish you a relaxing weekend ahead!

❤

The Pursuit of Wellness

I'm taking baby steps toward overall wellness in my life, and God is showing me that this will be a theme in my future counseling work.  Dr. Burkhart (CCU School of Counseling Dean) spoke last night in a chapel lecture that was livestreamed for us.  He talked about the current mental health crisis, that we are not seeing a rise in legitimate, diagnosable mental illness... but rather a decline in the active pursuit of wellness!

Makes sense.  (Meaning for most people, too much energy is consumed by social media and unhealthy coping mechanisms, while less and less effort is going into cultivating our physical, mental, emotional, social, financial, and spiritual health and wellness.  Then people eventually struggle with isolation, addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. at increasing rates.  Generally, we reap what we sow.)

He gave us some great resources, including the Wellness Wheel assessment, which I filled out below underlining what I want to work on most in each category.

I've put in healthier boundaries and accountability in my two weakest areas, and I feel ever-increasing gratitude for the friends who prioritize growth and help me keep growing!

One other thing I've done, thanks to Annie's podcast, is put my phone in grayscale mode to remind my brain that REAL LIFE is happening in color all around me (and to make the internet and social media apps less enticing and time-consuming).  It's helping!

Anyway, just encouraging you to think about your own life in the above-mentioned categories, and consider a few simple steps you can take toward prioritizing and pursuing overall wellness!!  It matters more than we think.

That's all I've got for now.  Off to lunch, then Restore for the afternoon! ❤

Ready for my Tulsa trip last Saturday morning =)

P.S.  Thank you for your prayers and kind words after my last post!!  I feel and appreciate that, and I trust God's goodness and that He will give me wisdom on how to move forward here.

Time Change

Happy Sunday, friends and fam, and happy time-change weekend!  Hooray for longer sunny hours ahead - I'm always grateful for that shift, even if I don't appreciate the resurgence of bugs that accompany it. ;-)

Tonight was a memorable early-dinner convo at Red Rock with learning the Fulton fam is headed to Disney next month, followed by seeing Harry Potter (movie #1) at the Tulsa PAC with the Wilsons and Fultons.  The Wilsons had to leave at Intermission, so I grabbed a photo in the crowded lobby/hallway.

The orchestra did a great job, which is why I forgot they were there 90% of the time.  And I loved being in a crowd of intense HP fans, so much cheering and boo-ing for certain characters - fun! lol

I checked into my hotel room around 4:30, then was rushing to get back to the car to go meet my friends and ran into the Mini Miss K and her friend Ava having some boba tea in the lobby!  She was so excited to see me, and it made me happy. =) "Whaaat!?  Where'd you come from!?" lol  (I missed her games this morning, but I will be there tomorrow.)

Friday morning, I had a supervision meeting at Oak Haven with Amy and Michelle - that was great, and Amy had some really helpful feedback regarding one of my clients.  After that meeting, I had lunch at Fuzzy's Tacos with Michelle and her 7-year-old daughter, Cora, who was cute and fun!

I am sincerely grateful for all the above-mentioned people and events!

At the same time, I'm sincerely hurting.

And I am keeping my conscience clear by refusing to numb this pain with sweets or unhealthy coping mechanisms, which are naturally more tempting in hard times when I feel most alone (or most fearful of future loneliness).  So I'm here breathing deeply and reminding myself of what I know to be true, and I'm writing a blog in my hotel room at 1am (which is really 2am).  

My emotional sensitivity is UP, and I hate feeling this way.

Some questions/comments are unintentionally striking a nerve lately.

I don't want my life to be forgettable, and I don't want to be pitied or mocked.

I want belonging and shared joy... and connection and purpose and love.

(All of which have genuinely increased in my life over the past five years, 

and none of which are exclusive to motherhood/parenting.)

I learned late Friday afternoon that, for medical reasons, both of the embryos I was matched with will not result in a viable pregnancy.  I'm truly thankful for the doctor's honesty, yet I'm frustrated to have another disappointment after finally getting some exciting news about these matches!

I am so tired of waiting and being in limbo and disappointment and rejection and sad stories and closed doors here.  My sense of purpose in other areas has increased exponentially, and my certainty about motherhood being part of God's calling for me has decreased.  I am not making a major decision while my emotions are high, but I am saying that I might let go of this particular desire/dream and choose a new meaningful goal to pursue.  My time, my energy, and my HEART are all valuable resources that I want to invest wisely.  Prayers for wisdom and peace are appreciated.

(Saw that on FB shortly after getting the sad news from the doctor.)  I'm doing my best to react to this specific news rather than the cumulative weight of all the other disappointments, but it's difficult.  I'm so on board with the idea that you get back up and find a way to keep moving forward with life by focusing on something new, to the point that I would rather push into an entirely new plan than let myself really feel this - another embarrassing disappointment and potentially more waiting and being in limbo ahead...

I've written and deleted quite a bit tonight.  Forcing myself to slow down and stop intellectualizing or hyper-spiritualizing things is hard.  I'm working on grounding myself in present-day reality and letting myself really feel the weight of the sadness, the unmet desires, the hurtful comments, the repeated sense of rejection, the fear that I'm not enough to handle single motherhood, and the engrained fear that I won't ever be enough if I don't have a child or a husband.

Catching myself now - Christ is in me.  I am enough.

❤

Anyway, my foundation and ultimate hope are in Jesus, and everything else is subject to change (including earthly hopes I've held closely for years).  I don't have to solve anything tonight, so I am choosing to trust that God is good and He is faithful!  I can slow down and rest in that and finally go to sleep tonight, looking forward to a brighter day and a clearer mind tomorrow.

Thank you for all your support and kindness,
and thanks for "listening" here.

Thankful Thursday #178!

"Devote yourselves to prayer,

being watchful and thankful."

Colossians 4:2

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  The power of a growth mindset, and more importantly, the power of God's Word to RENEW our minds!

(This = the lobby bulletin board at Restore Kids)

2.  Fresh fruit!  It becomes more appealing as I'm off sugary sweets, and the vibrant colors make me happy. =)

3.  Triston made it back home yesterday from the Deppen fam ski trip in Angel Fire, New Mexico!  I'm thankful he and Carter got to spend that week together, and I'm excited to hang out with him and hear more about it soon!!

4.  The tiniest Springtime flowers blooming everywhere - yay!  God's bringing renewed energy and restored hope for change lately, and I love it when what He is doing inside me so closely mirrors what He's doing in nature as Winter turns to Spring - sprouts of life and growth and vibrant new colors!

5.  God's daily grace... I led a family session for the first time this Tuesday - I was nervous, but it went well and we prayed together at the end of it!  I also gently challenged a client later that day, a skill that's difficult but necessary to truly help people grow.  And I'm grateful that I'm also growing in the process!

6.  My cousin, Ashley, for introducing me to this book and encouraging me in "living my dreams!"

7.  Ashley Campbell for signing a publishing contract for her book about their family trip around the world... THE BEST NEWS!!  I adore her and miss her regular blog posts and cannot wait to read this one (in a year-and-a-half). ❤

Happy Thursday!!  ❤

Memory Lane!

I finally got the chance last night to look through every page of the 3-inch scrapbooks Mom put together for me and Rachael.  What a fantastic gift!  Some of it is stuff she had scrapbooked along the way during our childhood, but a lot of it was things she had saved in a box that she added in while homebound with Covid a few weeks back.  Note the divider tabs marking each year - organized enough to pass a CHA notebook check! lol

My book includes so many gems... photos I hadn't seen in a while, notes from friends that we would pass in class, four very kind handwritten notes from Mrs. Sawyer (my 4th grade teacher), the Meadowood bulletin Mom saved from my first Sunday in "big church" (9-18-88), a calendar page with Mom's handwritten notes from the day I got saved (12-27-90), photos and a certificate from my baptism (1-13-91), my 3rd grade Student of the Week and Kindergarten "Good Citizen" awards - lol, a $3 prize check for my award-winning State Fair calligraphy (I would so love to go try to cash that in today - lol), Math Olympics and Spelling Bee stuff, various honor rolls and report cards, a teacher's note saying I’m doing well participating in class discussion “for a quiet little person,” my 5th grade poem being featured in various newsletters and presented to Governor Keating, (and other poems I wrote that year which prove they’re not all winners! lol), my college recommendation letters, piano recital critiques and ribbons, various character quality awards; pics from being a page at the State Capitol, achievement test and ACT scores, a cake decorating class certificate, my CSR and RPR letters, etc.  Then at the very back, there's a plastic baggie full of loose items like ribbons, pins, a $25 savings bond from 1997 (now worth $59 - yes, I checked - makes me hope there’s a bigger savings bond in my name somewhere), AND a stack of Polaroids Dad took through the building process of 9121 - amazing!!! ❤

* * * * * * *

Long lost sister pics (the top 3 are from Spirit Week, and I love the one of us playing in the backyard)!

1st grade and 2nd grade pics ❤

It makes me happy that I still know the full name of every kid in my 1st grade class...

Top Row:  Chris McCool (he always won the candy bar sales competitions), LeighAnn Joachim (great tire swing pusher at recess), Tiffany Wilson (most popular girl in our class most years), Joey Wallace (became a LifeChurch worship leader), and Mrs. Susan Fowler (excellent; also taught Tman's 1st grade class). Middle Row: Johnny Patton (his mom loved me), Kathleen McNeil (a wonderful mom now), Connie Maliskis (my bestie that first year at CHA), Jordan Snyder (my homecoming escort senior year). Bottom Row: Tiffany Gable (shy and sweet; left CHA a couple years later), Jonathan Rogo (quiet and kind; my best guy friend that year), ME (front and center in my red Keds and my fav floral dress), Heather Tipton (my talent show partner), David Short (appropriately named, but handsome), and Bill Russell (funny and a bit of a troublemaker).  YAY, 1st grade friends! lol

A signature page from my Preschool class - love it! And a Christmas drawing that proves I've always found it necessary to take credit for my artwork. lol

My Baptism Day - I remember being so nervous! (Meadowood Church, Pastor Bob Rutherford, January 13, 1991)

I wrote a poem after the OKC bombing, and thanks to Mom and Miss White working on it, my 5th grade class presented it to Governor Keating (I look very dazed and dreamy in that group pic).  It was also part of the CHA newsletter, where they got my middle initial wrong - lame. lol

State Fair $3 prize check (BIG winner! lol), Awards Assembly, Pic with Representative Forrest Claunch (I paged for him at the state capitol that year), kind note from my SNU basketball camp coach, BFF note from Jennifer Diane Womble ("NIKE RULES!" lol), and me waiting outside on my first day of 2nd grade with Pascha and Heather!

ACT scores and official high school diploma!

The beginning of 9121!!! I so love that there's a Polaroid of Mom and I by the framing!

Rachael's Senior pics from Studio Art -- to me, it's the most alike we've ever looked!  P.S. I miss that hot pink Banana Republic coat!

A note from our brother-like friend, Mark (who got lung cancer and moved on to Heaven in 2016).  He and Rach would often "study" by copying my old homework and memorizing quizzes and tests from my old notebooks... they are welcome for all my hard work. lol  His note did make me laugh, though, as did his entire fun-loving personality!!  Looking forward to hanging out with him again someday!

A presh note from Rach to the firefighters after the bombing, her baptism day at FSBC, her preschool class with Miss Anne,  a kind teacher's note about her love of reading and delight in learning new things, and a class pic where Kate's fierce expression cracked me up (top row next to Rach)!

Rach, Blake, and me... a Christmas cousins pic!  This was the very best smiles we were willing to give that day... pretty sure the photographer had to work hard for this, as I've seen several other extra-solemn pics. lol 

That's all for this post.  What a fun and thoughtful 40th birthday gift from Mom (not technically for that, but the timing fits)!  I'm very grateful for these memories and for having them well-documented!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Springtime & Cute Kids & More

Catching up on photos here, so lots of randomness and cuteness ahead! =)  Starting with this lovely Bradford Pear tree that I stopped to admire on my lunch walk today.  Some people don't care for these trees based on their smell, but fortunately, my nose doesn't work that well, so I'm undeterred by that. lol  I love any tree that changes colors from Spring to Summer, and I love getting close enough to appreciate the abundance of tiny, perfect flowers - yay God and yay Spring! ❤

Speaking of Springtime, Chet Lee sent this pic of a presh baby bunny he rescued (very much alive but too little to open her eyes).  I first thought she was dead, then realized Chet knows me better than to send me that kind of pic - her napping in a tiny to-go box does make me laugh, though!  He and Mark saw her on their way out of Los Cabos but couldn't find a nest or bunny fam anywhere in that area, so Chet took her to a nearby vet who are rehabilitating her and taking good care of her! ❤

The Mini Miss K being the sassiest down-ref around at their one-day OKC Lighthouse tournament this Saturday!  She seems to enjoy having the whistle power. lol =)

Team pic by the Tulsa sign... Mom and I meant for them to weave in and out of the letters, but their coach discouraged that, so we now have a TU-A pic. lol

Rach's crystallized Stanley cup got lots of compliments!

Just before Mom came over and joined us (for the pic in my Thankful Thursday post).

Youth sports, and particularly club volleyball, is a LOT - a big commitment!  But it's mostly been fun getting to watch her play and excel at something she loves!

One more mother-daughter pic of them from the Lighthouse tournament! ❤

I went to grab lunch for us and had a fun FaceTime chat with Parker as she ate her PBJ! lol

Chettles and Tate built this raised garden box last weekend, and I'm very impressed (by the building and the plan to garden with the kids).  From what I hear, Tate did most of the hard work! lol

Throwback to Parker E. enjoying her Ranch dressing at Charleston's (couldn't remember if I already posted these here, but they're cute enough to see twice if so)! ❤

It took Reagan a while to warm up, but she let the Wilson kids get closer than she usually lets Triston and Carter get, so they should feel very special! lol

I had lunch at Firehouse Subs (in Norman) last week, and this mural of the Sooner horse back-kicking Pistol Pete made me laugh.  Harsh!

Mr. Asher Kenneth repping the Cowboys and looking so happy and cuddly! ❤

Another happy Super-baby, Henry Edward looking like his dad!!  ❤

T-man is currently on his first ski trip with Carter and the Deppen fam, and I'm excited to hear all about it and hopefully see a few pics when he returns!

Me, Cheryl, and Judge Brockman -- this makes me wish I had gotten a pic with Judge Herndon and Carrie in Grady County, just so I'd have one from each place I worked, but oh well.

Found this via Google - Associate District Judge John E. Herndon, who I worked with in Chickasha, OK (Grady County) from December 2004 to December 2006!

And of course, District Judge Douglas W. Golden and Laura Allison, my longest-running work team (I worked with/for Judge Golden from January 2007 to April 2022, and he was always great to me) - kinda crazy that next month marks two years in Cleveland County!

And now, a few memes and quotes I saved.

Tuh-ruth!!

May have posted this already, but it's fun!

Kristin and I had a quadruple hangout day yesterday... church then lunch at Crimson Melt (yum) then an evening walk (nearly sunset bc we both thought the other was supposed to text first) then Hideaway dinner (also yum)... fun times! =)  Our hair was very windblown, so here's a pic from a previous Hideaway dinner! lol

Kristin can testify to this. lol

Lol if He's using this method, I'd get nothing bc those manipulative posts always annoy me greatly!

And that's all I've got for you today.

Happy Monday, and hope you have a lovely week ahead!!