Diving Deeper in December #2

 (Part two of three.)

1. If you could time travel, what would you tell your teenage self?
   God is with you and for you daily, and you are going to be just fine!  You're prettier than you believe yourself to be right now, so embrace that, and don't hide or assume that men find you unattractive.  Enjoy this season of life with fun friends, but also realize that the future may not play out according to your marriage-and-kids and being a stay-at-home mom plan.  Really consider your college and career choices and don't limit yourself to whatever is fast and easy.  You are extremely smart and capable, and striving for financial success is not unbiblical or unfeminine - it's just countercultural at CHA.
   
   
2. If you meet a friend you haven’t seen in ten years, how will you tell him/her about your life right now?
   If I haven't seen them in ten years, then it's certainly not a close friend or someone who's earned the right to much of my story... so if we meet by chance, if I saw them first, I would do my best to avoid having to talk to them, but if we both clearly saw each other and talked, I would be kind but keep it pretty short and simple, vague and upbeat.  But if they reached out and we were both open to meeting deliberately to reconnect (like with Sarah or Holly and co.), then I would share a general life overview and ask a lot of questions about their life, and we'd be very likely to get into a deeper conversation because that's just how I roll!
   
   
3. If you were to tattoo a quote, what would that be?
   Unlikely to happen as a tattoo, but it would either be "Feel it all" (a good reminder to not suppress the hard emotions or limit my joy) or "Make yourself strong, never small" (meaning don't minimize myself, but be a strong person physically, mentally, and spiritually).
   
   
4. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.
   That my nails, t-shirt, and boots all match in similar wintery shades of burgundy-red. =)  My "Holiday Classics" 20-minute Peloton walk + 10 minute chest and back class this morning.  My free trial of the Blinkist app, which gives you 15-minute audio summaries of popular self-help or psychology books (I've gone through five since last night).  The heated seats and steering wheel in my new car.  Having some downtime to write this morning.  My "joy journal" five-year record that reminded me today is Rachael's one-year work anniversary.  That's enough for now - I could go on for a really long time on this!
   
   
5. Were you a happy kid?
   Generally, yes, I had a happy childhood that was filled with big family get-togethers, summer swims, cookies and rice krispie treats, piano lessons, Christmas fun, school friends, generous gifts, and attentive parents!  ...But also, I was a deep thinker even then, and I felt unathletic and misunderstood and out of place sometimes (and thus became better friends with Rachael's classmates than my own, which is still the case to this day).  And I went through a rough period in sixth grade that I would probably label as mild depression looking back, just overly worried about what would happen if my parents died while I was young and how I would ever survive that - things most kids probably don't think about much, and I certainly didn't need to expend stress and energy trying to figure all that out.  But overall, my childhood memories are 85-90% happy, which is likely above average! lol
   
   
6. What are the qualities you value in a friend?
   My top 7 would be kindness, loyalty, humor, depth, authenticity, dependability, and listening skills!  Most of my friends check all those boxes! =)
   
   
7. What cheers you up on a bad day?
   Familiar lighthearted shows or movies.  Cooking.  Sugar.  Meditation and prayer.  Blogging.  Medium-intensity cardio or strength exercise.  And/or a good conversation with someone I love. ❤  I'm not hard to cheer up. lol
   
   
8. What difference do you want to make in the world? 
   I want to write at least one book that helps people who are hurting feel God's personal love for them.  And I want to be a kind friend who offers encouragement and listens well. And I want to adopt and raise a child and help nurture their character and faith and confidence!
   
   
9. What did you do today to take care of yourself?
   So far, 30 minutes of exercise + my 15-minute "Power Thoughts" + listening to 3 gospel chapters from Matthew + the one-minute Pause + writing this blog. =)
   
   
10. What do you want to change about yourself?
    Not one freaking thing. ;-)  JK.  I want to stay open to new ideas and exploring future career paths that might be more enjoyable and lucrative.  I want to become a mom, I want to host friends at my home more often, I want to write a book, and I want to keep getting healthier!

Diving Deeper in December

This post is part one of three answering a few deeper questions...

1. Are you comfortable being alone?
   Well, for starters, God is always with me, so I'm never alone.  (Cue Michael Jackson's "You Are Not Alone" music.)  But yes, I'm an introvert who is exceptionally comfortable without the company of other people most of the time (but I really enjoy my friends and family when they're around).
   
   
2. Describe someone who makes you feel relaxed.
   People who are confident in their unique gifts always help me feel relaxed... those who embrace their quirky sense or humor or deep questions or quiet wisdom or strong opinions, etc. ...just normal people who are not projecting or performing or constantly trying to prove themselves or sound superior.  Also, people who care and listen well and are generally for me/on my side even when we have disagreements.  (That list includes but is not limited to Chet, Sarah, both Kristins, Jeff, Cody Rigsby, etc.) =)
   
   
3. Describe something that makes you proud.
   The gradual improvements in my daily exercise routine that has become habitual and desirable to me over the past two years!  Also, finally starting the adoption process!
   
   
4. Describe the worst breakup you had. How did you heal from it?
   The best friend breakup of 2013 was definitely the worst and most painful and destructive for me personally.  And ironically, the final repeat of that in 2021 has been a big part of the slow-going healing process for me... helping me to fully accept the fact that I did everything in my power to restore the connection, that God wants me to be free from this, and that I deserve friends who treat me with love and respect!
   
   
5. Do you believe in eternal love? Why?
   Yes.  JESUS.
   
   
6. Do you want to live forever? Why?
   Yes, because God designed us to do exactly that, and because eternity in heaven will be amazing!  (Do I want to somehow alter things to have the ability to live forever here in this present shadow-of-death version of earth?  Nooooo, thank you.)
   
   
7. How do you cope with stress? 
   Jesus and Peloton (+ supportive family and friends + a million little coping tools I've collected from self-help and psychology books!)
   
   
8. How do you deal with anger?
   Not very well thus far, to be honest, but I'm working on that!   ...On allowing myself to really feel/acknowledge it, then turning to God for wisdom rather than venting to anyone who will listen, remembering that He hears me and sees me and cares, and being willing to speak up and confront things that are truly wrong even when that confrontation is hard for me!
   
   
9. How do you describe your present relationship status?
   Beloved daughter of God; loving daughter, sister, aunt, and friend; content/joyful single woman; hopeful future adoptive mom! ❤
   
   
10. How do you feel about your body? 
    Like most people, that answer has been complicated for me through the years, and there are still days when I see certain pictures and feel unfair shame.  But for the great most part, right now, I feel empowered and confident and happy in my body... and I'm incredibly grateful for that personal growth, and happy to have reached this mindset before losing all my excess weight!  (I'm about 30 pounds down from my highest weight ever, and about 60 pounds above where I'd like to be eventually.  And that's all okay.)  I want to be a healthy person inside and out, but I don't want a confidence that is based in my appearance - they cannot be codependent.  I don't want to be someone who ever again degrades herself or allows any disrespect because of physical insecurities.  I am valuable and worthy of respect RIGHT NOW.  I want to keep working toward health and balance and being less indulgent, hopefully stopping the binge eating days and getting to the root of the problem there.  I'm immensely grateful for the Peloton coaches, classes, and community ...and the good exercise habits + the joy and confidence and sense of purpose and power I've developed through that regular exercise and support system.  I used to struggle a lot more with comparison and speaking negatively about my looks, but I haven't done that in years at this point, and I cringe when I hear anyone else speak that way.  I will gladly pose for photos or go swimming at a pool party, and I know there are many smaller women who struggle with deep insecurity there.  My "board of empowerment" has been helpful!  I am made in God's image, and I'm grateful for the way He created me and the myriad of wonderful things my body is designed to do on autopilot.  I want to raise a child who practices self-care but doesn't feel that his or her value lies in their appearance!  I believe that I will keep improving and cultivating better habits, and little by little, that will make a major difference in my health and appearance.  But our bodies change in lots of ways as we age over time, and my internal goal is to embrace my unique value and be grateful for my body at every stage of my life.  My current external goal for my body is to "not have any metrics that concern a doctor," as Eddie Kaufholz put it.  For me, that means gradually losing some weight and lowering my blood pressure (hopefully a side effect of weight loss and better nutrition).  #sorrynotsorry for the long, rambling answer here.  I'm thankful that I talked myself out of taking a drastic shortcut for weight loss a couple years back.  I like who I am, and I am okay with the slow process, and I will do my best to hold onto this strong-over-small mindset!! ❤

Holly Dei Weekend (Part 4)

 Kate and Holly drove down from Dallas for the weekend, which started off with a girls dinner at Charleston's! 

 

Another group pic + Rach and Kate + the Miss K modeling her dress for the CHA Christmas program tomorrow night! ❤

Kate doing layup drills with Jaceman + Jace trying to help Kate on the hoverboard + J&K and Evelyn as they went through the Yukon "Christmas in the Park" lights + Holly and Kyndal practicing volleyball + Kyndal after Saturday dinner at Ted's + Kate and Jace + Kate with J&K and Evelyn this morning + K and Evelyn during the car ride Saturday + J and Evelyn during the light show Saturday

My pic of Kate and Kyndal + Kyndal's pic of me and Kate!

Our "Christmas Kick-Off Night" according to Holly... T-man demonstrating a hot chocolate bomb that took its sweet time exploding + the Yukon lights + a fun movie night watching Home Alone 2 (note McCaulay's reflection in the pic above them)

 

 T-man was very floored about Mrs. McCallister being Moira Rose! lol

 

 

A chicken soup lunch today for J&K!  Their festive Christmas bowls made me happy. =)

 

 

And finally, a group pic from our early dinner at Ted's before the Yukon lights! 

(We took two cars for that - Rach and Kate with J&K and Evelyn, then Mom and Dad with Me, Holly, and Triston!)

We all went to Jace's basketball game on Saturday... right after watching/listening to the OSU vs. Baylor Big 12 Championship game - Baylor won, so yay for Jeffrey Edward!  It was kind of a brutal ending for OSU, though, so Mom and Dad were pretty disappointed.  It was good to see everyone, and good to take a lovely 2-hour nap when I got back home today! lol

I already broke my daily December posting streak, but whatever.  I'll close with this verse for tonight!  Hope you've had a good first weekend of December!!

Sleigh Bells and Cookies (Photo Friday!)

Last night was the annual Open House Christmas event for the Shields fam... (Tara's parents run a ministry called DoorWays, and they host this event for their donors... and their daughters' friends, apparently. lol)

Here's me and Tara and Laura stopping for a photo op in the sleigh!  I was ringing the bells, but that doesn't translate well via photo. lol

A pic of the whole thing a little further back before Tara joined us!

I wanted a pic with this cute little moose (or reindeer, but moose was what came to my mind first for some reason)!

Laura got one too... cuteness!  *Their home had two indoor Christmas trees + one outdoor tree and loads of Christmas lights and beautiful decor! 

They had a drive-through line and two tables filled with these boxes of baked goods... + apple cider and hot chocolate!  Laura and I parked and walked over so we could chat for a while outside.  It was nice out, and really good to get to catch up with Laura and Tara for a bit!

They also had a drawing for pies they were giving away, and Laura won one - yay!  These boxes were impressive to me... filled with 14 different types of cookies/treats!  Yum!!

And speaking of cookies, Mom has been busy baking several today for our weekend with Holly, Kate and Megan!  I'm headed to MWC after work today, so hopefully that'll be fun!

This is such a full month... I think I'm gonna post something every day in December - we'll see. =)

Song of the Week = Merry Christmas by Ed Sheeran and Elton John, music and lyrics by Ed Sheeran - it's his first Christmas song, which just released today, and it's delightful! ❤

Also, a very Happy 10th Anniversary to Kristin and Frankie today!!

They're celebrating with a Florida trip that's making me wanna go back to Harry Potter World! =)

Hope you're all having a lovely Friday!! ❤

Thankful Thursday #135

"For you have been rooted in Him and are being built up and strengthened in the faith, just as you were taught, while you continue to be thankful." ~Colossians 2:7

Today, I am grateful for:

1.  Fun number things like this - they always make me happy!

2.  Two lunches in one week with Sarah Elizabeth and baby Kate (one of which also included the Wilson fam!!)

3.  "Nature."  (And Hershey Santas. lol)  *Also genuinely thankful for the nice weather outside lately - I went on a 30 minute walk/jog yesterday, and it was lovely and pleasant!

4.  Old family photos - I'm super thankful to see so many that I had either never seen or totally forgotten about...

Aww, touch-and-feel children's books, grippy socks, short bangs, Rach's killer whale shirt (maybe she's been a fan of them longer than I realized), recliner/reading time with Dad, and all of us hiding from Mom taking our picture! ❤

Me looking *stellar* in my Mickey sweatshirt with wet hair & holding Big Bird (before Kelsey chewed one of his eyes off), Kermit, and random doll, then Rach holding our curly-haired doll named "Wilda," who I'm now wondering if Babah might've named for us!  (That's her first name).

Rach eyeing the fireman's hat whilst I played an impressive drum solo for Mom and Dad at the home of the Texas Mueckes!

5.  Funny memes!

6.  For the simplicity of grocery pickup!  And for the Harry Potter audiobooks - inspired this time by Sarah, whose favorite in that series is also book #5!  And for Ginny (a beloved HP character and the name of my new car, which I'm learning more and more about as I go). =)

7. Encouraging memes!  You've got this!!

Happy Thursday, friends!! ❤

Placing Value

Random FB post that I thought was worth sharing:

A bottle of water at Costco is $0.25.

The same bottle in the supermarket is worth about $0.50.

The same bottle in a bar costs $2.

In a good restaurant or hotel, it can be worth up to $3.

At an airport or on the plane, you may be charged $5.

The bottle and the brand is the same.  The only thing that changes is the place.  Each place gives a different value to the same product.

When you feel like you are undervalued, have the courage to go to a place where you are given the value you deserve. Surround yourself with people who really appreciate your worth.  Don't settle for less! ❤

Or to quote Robin Arzon from Peloton, "Know your worth, then add tax!"  ;-)

A quick reminder for today:  You are made in the image of a good and powerful God who is with you and for you, always!  You are fierce, brave, capable, deeply loved, and resilient!!  You are learning and growing, and there is a ripple effect where every connection or small act of kindness you perform has more purpose and value than you're able to see.  Press into God's love for you, and share that love and hope with others!  And remember that Christ alone truly sets your value - if you've been mainly looking to people for that validation, then by all means go to a new place - His name is Jesus! ❤

Remembering Past Decembers

I am currently on year #3 of my five-year journal. I just randomly looked back through the past two Decembers and was a little stunned by the number of major events and painful things that this month has held in only the past two years...

December 2019

• Ty Womble died at age 38 in a plane crash on December 1st
• Celebrated the 20th Anniversary of Evergreen Church
• Designed the photo and back for memorial Christmas ornaments for our first Christmas Eve without Grandad
• Reflecting on various aspects of life and wrote several "Decade in Review" blog posts
  
• Received a very kind email from Sarah Bliss apologizing and offering to reconnect after 11 years apart
  
• Blair Shields died suddenly at age 38 after a really terrible fall
• All of the above inspired me to reach out and message Malori for the first time in six years on Friday the 13th
• Got a surprisingly apologetic response from her the next morning offering to reconnect if I was open to that
  
• Joined the Wilsons to help the Fultons paint their living room in their new house!
• JEM and Kelly's last pre-COVID "Convivial Cozy Christmas Party!"
  
• Emotional Bells Palsy scare while serving in kids' church at Evergreen (I was trying hard to only allow myself to feel joy about reconnecting, but my body was feeling pretty intense apprehension and trying to clue me into that)
  
• Finally told Mom and all my close friends about reconnecting with my former best friend (which caused varied reactions and some hard conversations)
• Triston and Carter were in an awful car wreck with Brooke where Carter broke his collarbone... had a long 3-way midnight phone call with Mom and T-man while they were at the hospital
• Dad got very sick suddenly - sleepy and incoherent while driving as he was on the phone with Rachael... two days later, he was hospitalized with a severe staph infection - the Lemieuxes were already there before I arrived from Tulsa - so grateful for them!
• Unblocked her # and then texted with Malori for the first time in 6+ years on Christmas Eve Eve
• Grateful that Dad was released from the hospital on Christmas Eve morning
• Received a third unexpected apology letter for that month, this time from a family member, and again showcasing the stark difference in remorse vs. real repentance
  
• Brunch at the Parrish home where we got precious Christmas gifts from the Miss K
• Good phone call and then dinner when she was in town to complete the reconnection with Sarah Bliss in a timeline that felt natural and appropriate
  
• Saw Little Women in theaters twice (in December... then more in January. lol)
  
• T&C witnessed someone they love being arrested =(
  
• Rang in the new year with the Wilsons and friends!

December 2020

• Dinner on the 1st with Kristin F. to seek her advice on how to set better boundaries, peacefully step back, and better guard my heart in the Malori friendship
  
• Got lots of wonderful texts from her the very next day - truly so much deferred hope, pre-grieving, and inner turmoil over that friendship on my end
  
• Wrote and mailed out 36 letters to influential people in my life (at age 36)
  
• Rach met with an attorney and filed some very important paperwork
  
• Judge and Laura were working on another Administrative Order regarding COVID and the ever-changing court procedures
• Rachael started her new job at Tinker AFB on the 7th
  
• Identity theft/ credit card fraud so I had to get a new card again
  
• Miss K had a solo in the CHA Christmas program!
• A close friend received heartbreaking/sobering news at a doctor's appointment
• Judge had a close family member hospitalized who eventually died from COVID on 12-16
  
• Mom and Jace had a heartbreaking conversation as the kids were all struggling with changing family dynamics
  
• Important conversation with T&C + Rach and Dad - the boys spoke up with a lot of courage, and we all wished we could fix everything that's been hard for them
• Babah diagnosed with sepsis and COVID, Mom and JoBug exposed but tested negative
• Malori texted about mailing me a Christmas gift, so I did the same for her
  
• Baked a chocolate layer cake that totally fell apart because it was so stuck to the pan =(
• Chet was exposed but tested negative for COVID on Christmas Eve
• For the first time since they were born, the kids were not with us for Christmas Eve night, but we met Bill & Jill for dinner at The Ranch, and it was great!
• Fun slumber party with Mom and TCJ&K!!
• First shoutout during a Peloton yoga class from Aditi, my fav yoga instructor!
• Set goals and rang in the new year with the Wilsons and Shoemakers!
  

All that to say, A LOT happens in a month, and none of us really know what lies ahead for us or the people we love most.  The goods and bads both tend to feel amplified through the holiday season, and there are a lot of people who are hurting or dealing with more pain than you know.  So I guess this post is just a free reminder to be kind, stay close to God, and treasure the time with your family and your friends! ❤

*Above pic = lunch today with the Wilson fam + Sarah and Kate at OSBC!

*Thanksgiving dinner with the fam below!

 

 

P.S.  Happy Birthday to my lovely friend and coworker, Lauralai Allison!! ❤