This post is part one of three answering a few deeper questions...
- Are you comfortable being alone?
Well, for starters, God is always with me, so I'm never alone. (Cue Michael Jackson's "You Are Not Alone" music.) But yes, I'm an introvert who is exceptionally comfortable without the company of other people most of the time (but I really enjoy my friends and family when they're around). - Describe someone who makes you feel relaxed.
People who are confident in their unique gifts always help me feel relaxed... those who embrace their quirky sense or humor or deep questions or quiet wisdom or strong opinions, etc. ...just normal people who are not projecting or performing or constantly trying to prove themselves or sound superior. Also, people who care and listen well and are generally for me/on my side even when we have disagreements. (That list includes but is not limited to Chet, Sarah, both Kristins, Jeff, Cody Rigsby, etc.) =) - Describe something that makes you proud.
The gradual improvements in my daily exercise routine that has become habitual and desirable to me over the past two years! Also, finally starting the adoption process! - Describe the worst breakup you had. How did you heal from it?
The best friend breakup of 2013 was definitely the worst and most painful and destructive for me personally. And ironically, the final repeat of that in 2021 has been a big part of the slow-going healing process for me... helping me to fully accept the fact that I did everything in my power to restore the connection, that God wants me to be free from this, and that I deserve friends who treat me with love and respect! - Do you believe in eternal love? Why?
Yes. JESUS. - Do you want to live forever? Why?
Yes, because God designed us to do exactly that, and because eternity in heaven will be amazing! (Do I want to somehow alter things to have the ability to live forever here in this present shadow-of-death version of earth? Nooooo, thank you.) - How do you cope with stress?
Jesus and Peloton (+ supportive family and friends + a million little coping tools I've collected from self-help and psychology books!) - How do you deal with anger?
Not very well thus far, to be honest, but I'm working on that! ...On allowing myself to really feel/acknowledge it, then turning to God for wisdom rather than venting to anyone who will listen, remembering that He hears me and sees me and cares, and being willing to speak up and confront things that are truly wrong even when that confrontation is hard for me! - How do you describe your present relationship status?
Beloved daughter of God; loving daughter, sister, aunt, and friend; content/joyful single woman; hopeful future adoptive mom! ❤ - How do you feel about your body?
Like most people, that answer has been complicated for me through the years, and there are still days when I see certain pictures and feel unfair shame. But for the great most part, right now, I feel empowered and confident and happy in my body... and I'm incredibly grateful for that personal growth, and happy to have reached this mindset before losing all my excess weight! (I'm about 30 pounds down from my highest weight ever, and about 60 pounds above where I'd like to be eventually. And that's all okay.) I want to be a healthy person inside and out, but I don't want a confidence that is based in my appearance - they cannot be codependent. I don't want to be someone who ever again degrades herself or allows any disrespect because of physical insecurities. I am valuable and worthy of respect RIGHT NOW. I want to keep working toward health and balance and being less indulgent, hopefully stopping the binge eating days and getting to the root of the problem there. I'm immensely grateful for the Peloton coaches, classes, and community ...and the good exercise habits + the joy and confidence and sense of purpose and power I've developed through that regular exercise and support system. I used to struggle a lot more with comparison and speaking negatively about my looks, but I haven't done that in years at this point, and I cringe when I hear anyone else speak that way. I will gladly pose for photos or go swimming at a pool party, and I know there are many smaller women who struggle with deep insecurity there. My "board of empowerment" has been helpful! I am made in God's image, and I'm grateful for the way He created me and the myriad of wonderful things my body is designed to do on autopilot. I want to raise a child who practices self-care but doesn't feel that his or her value lies in their appearance! I believe that I will keep improving and cultivating better habits, and little by little, that will make a major difference in my health and appearance. But our bodies change in lots of ways as we age over time, and my internal goal is to embrace my unique value and be grateful for my body at every stage of my life. My current external goal for my body is to "not have any metrics that concern a doctor," as Eddie Kaufholz put it. For me, that means gradually losing some weight and lowering my blood pressure (hopefully a side effect of weight loss and better nutrition). #sorrynotsorry for the long, rambling answer here. I'm thankful that I talked myself out of taking a drastic shortcut for weight loss a couple years back. I like who I am, and I am okay with the slow process, and I will do my best to hold onto this strong-over-small mindset!! ❤
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