The Light Shines in the Darkness

I have less than ten minutes before I get to leave work for the week and go meet my oldest nephew for dinner!  I've had a super-productive day getting caught up and organized in ways that make me feel good and READY for the semester starting next week!

I wanted to take a very quick minute here to write about what's on my heart.  In my own life, in the lives of close friends, and in the lives of several clients, I've been very encouraged today thinking about the power of our choices.  I love seeing people step out of dysfunction and darkness to create a better life for themselves - never an easy path, but always an inspiring and rewarding one.  Our choices have consequences, for better or worse.  God is a God of hope and redemption, and He works with and for the people who find the courage to move toward Him in the midst of their pain!  Praying we all keep choosing to do just that.

The verse God put on my heart today:  "The light (of Christ) shines in the darkness, and the darkness will never extinguish it."  ~John 1:5

❤

Thankful Thursday #170

"He has sent me to tell those who mourn

that the time of God’s favor to them has come,

AND the day of His wrath to their enemies."

~Isaiah 61:2

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  Knowing God as an avenging God, my Vindicator, the one to whom vengeance belongs, and a God I can trust to bring justice.  He feels righteous anger when His children are mistreated, and He is not indifferent to our pain!  (In the face of any earthly injustice, I so appreciate that there are two sides to His promise in the verse above.)

2.  God's ability to renew my spirit as I spend time with Him (and to bring peace about aging).

3.  That I generally like myself.

4.  Light and fluffy entertainment -- reruns of shows that make me laugh are the comfort food of TV.

5.  Quality relationships with mutual respect (the meme applies to friendships too, but is even more important in choosing a spouse).

6.   This simple but profound truth... you can help and support others, but you cannot do their work for them, and you cannot force change from the outside (with others or with yourself, honestly)... it's an inside job, and God is our greatest ally in our transformation!

7.  Lightbulb moments where God helps us SEE where He is working!!  In a moment of venting frustration, I recently said out loud, "Ugh, where is anyone to help!?" about a new client with a feeble support system... and even as I said it,  I realized it was me.  Not that I can fix everything or directly change anyone involved (see point above) -- but I'm not powerless either -- I can help by being a caring and empathetic listener who offers solid insight and consistent support and encouragement.  Being seen and heard can go a long way, and God can do more than we expect or imagine through small acts of obedience as we seek Him.  I still feel inadequate for this counseling position sometimes, but God continues to open my eyes and bring hope as I consider HIS power to do new things in me and through me, even and perhaps especially in situations that appear dire or dark or hopeless.  ❤

Praying you feel encouraged and strengthened as you read this today.
❤

Verses and Words

"In the days to come, Jacob will take root.

Israel will bud and blossom

and fill the whole world with fruit."

~Isaiah 27:6

God soooo spoke hope to me through that verse tonight, so it's now my verse for 2024...

I've never caught it before because my mind just equates Jacob and Israel as the same person, but one name represents the old self and one the new God-given name.

Steven Furtick briefly mentioned that sometimes you have an Israel-sized calling but you feel stuck in Jacob-style habits (check, check).  Then he read that verse, and the Holy Spirit filled in the gaps for me almost instantly -- one goes down, the other grows up -- one gets buried, then the other produces fruit -- gardening metaphors always get me, for whatever reason.  It's about dying to self and being reborn anew, it's about hope and promise and redemption and living a fruitful life that matters. 

And it's about seeing yourself differently, believing God really called you and has a new name in store for you, and that He really changes broken people for good.  We hear it all the time - believing it and personalizing it is harder.

Which leads me to my word for 2024:

I don't feel the need to expound much on this one.

Believe that God is who He says He is.

Believe He is with me and for me.

Believe there is power in His Word.

And approximately a million other truths I could list.  

My focus is being very careful about what I'm believing and what I'm speaking.

"I am strong and capable" over "I'm exhausted and overwhelmed."

"God is with me and for me" over "I'm on my own here."

Et cetera, et cetera.

You get it.

Now I'm really done for today. =)

❤

Phoning it In (#23)

I'm having deeper thoughts for a later post, but for now, I'm throwing in all. the. photos.

This random FB quiz feels... a little too accurate. lol  I'm overwhelmed if I think too far ahead, so I'm regularly reminding myself that God's grace is freshly available day by day!!

Bringing all my (2010) rock star energy to the new year! lol  AI photos are fun!

And now I want pinkish-purple hair and grey-blue eyes and hot pink lipstick (and weight loss), but I'll skip the neck tattoo. lol  I made the most of my free trial of this app, throwing in pics of myself and a few friends. =)

Rock star Sarah (made me happy that they gave her black nails and turned her wine bottle into a guitar and her cup into a microphone) + comic book Lindsey (yay blue glasses) + business Chettles (looks super legit) + "night city comics" LB - fun!  =)

Four former OSU teammates playing against each other in the NFL.  A fun moment I definitely wouldn't have known about if not for Mom. =)

The Mini Miss K having a victory croissant at Cheddar's (her restaurant of choice after her volleyball win).  We got there and she cutely said, "Who wants to sit by the volleyball champion!?" lol  I freaking love it when she's proud of herself!! ❤

YAY.

Coach Erin and a thrilled Kyndal Faith and Rach!

I think we were all surprised when they won first place in the silver division for 10-year-olds. Their hard work and 3+ hours of team practice every week is paying off!

Team huddle.

This Redland Rendezvous tournament was at the State Fair grounds.  In addition to paying approximately $1500 per girl to play on these club teams, nearly everyone in the audience pays $25 to come watch them play, and they charged $10 for a corn dog. lol  That's not to mention that the majority of their tournaments will involve a road trip and hotel stay.  All obviously fun for the girls, but insanely pricey!

❤ (These were in backwards order because I couldn't be bothered to re-select them when Blogger got that wrong).

Proof that I can be a leader and talk people into things when I want to. lol

Sophie and Melanie and Caroline - I just love them and so feel like we're friends after laughing through 400+ podcast episodes. =)

Another podcast "friend" of mine is Annie F. Downs. For this 10th anniversary year, they're bringing Eddie Kaufholz back for a monthly episode, which delights my soul!

Meme that made me laugh

Me, with this post (and so many of my posts and texts, really). lol

I read yesterday about how they took out the Bellagio trees to get ready for the Las Vegas Grand Prix race that happened on the strip in November 2023, and now they're gradually adding those trees back, which all seems very Vegas-level extravagant!

Annnd that's all for this post full of randomness.  Today has been a lot, and I needed something lighter, so this was good.  Happy Tuesday!

Thankful Thursday #169

"But to all who BELIEVED Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become children of God."

"From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."
~John 1:12-13, 16

Today, I am grateful for:

1.  Starting my Internship semester next week working with Restore Behavioral Health in Norman AND Oak Haven Life Coaching and Counseling in Edmond (I needed a second site to get the required hours for CACREP).  I'm grateful that finding a second site was so simple, grateful that my very minimal marketing already led to my first client, and grateful to officially be part of the Oak Haven team (I'm on the wall and on the website, name plate coming soon - yay!).

2.  Feeling more peace this week, and feeling motivated to bring my best energy to 2024!

3.  This happy, sparkly suncatcher Rach got me for Christmas!

4.  Jeremy Renner's inspiring story, and this reminder that his daughter increased his resilience and desire to fight and heal!

5.  Dad's commitment to walking and staying healthy! =)

6.  This cute pic of Jeffrey and Henry Edward!  (And years of meaningful friendship with the Moss fam, who will become a family of 5 this year!)

7.   The last four lines of this David Gate poem (he has lots of great ones, really).  Encouraging others is a natural leaning and a God-given spiritual gift for me... but sometimes I undervalue it.  So I want to cultivate that through the year ahead and not trick myself into thinking it doesn't really matter or that I'm too busy to send kind texts and cards and offer sincere encouragement and praise for all the people I care about!

❤

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year 2024!!!

My Tulsa fam and I did a New Year's Day lunch at Napa Flats, featuring the Palo Alto dip appetizer and a chicken florentine pizza for me.  (Charleston's was our first choice, but they were closed, so #newyearnewrestaurantnewappetizer.) 

For a million reasons, I am grateful for this group.  They are supportive lifelong friends who add joy and value to my life and challenge me in the best of ways.  Gracious, I've written and deleted like four different paragraphs at this point, so I'm just gonna leave it at that and save the bigger conversations and deeper thoughts for in-person relationships.

Steve and Kate working on the kids' menu puzzles + Kate crawling around the booth.

Sarah and Steve went home to catch up on sleep, but I spent most of New Year's Day chatting and hanging out with the Wilson fam.  For reasons I myself don't fully understand and won't attempt to get into here, I haven't been in the best headspace lately, so it was good and encouraging to be around people who care about me.  We talked about future business plans, family stuff, Atomic Habits, 2024 goals/mindsets, and more.  

Chet Lee's new truck! - *I generally couldn't care less about cars, but I love the story behind this one.  It belonged to his uncle, Richard, who was more of a father-figure -- Chet went with him when he purchased it around 2003?, and it was the first car Chet ever drove when he got his permit.  Tragically, Richard died from COVID three years ago.  When Chet heard that the family was planning to sell this, he decided to buy it and fix it up, much to their family's delight (and mine - that story brings me lots of joy).  Of course, I also love that it's red, and I'm hoping that vibrant color will grow on him. lol

Tate Haywood showing me his new pirate ship, which is pretty awesome!!  He also got a fun yellow scooter from Santa, but I failed to get a photo of that. 

Parker Elizabeth showing me the snowflakes Karli and the kids made from coffee filters! ❤

Parker's Christmas gifts included this fun scooter with light-up wheels from Santa, a pink microphone that echos when she sings (or coughs or yells at Tate), and a cute little ice cream set.  She brought me some pretend tea and ice cream and gave me a pretend manicure, so that was much appreciated!  She also tried hard to give me part of her real Whataburger cookie, pointing out the chocolate chips and everything, so that was my first chance to say, "Thank you sooo much for sharing this, but you can keep it bc I'm not really into sweets." lol

Miss Kyndal Faith had her first scrimmage with her new Charge club volleyball team on Saturday.  She's genuinely the best player on this lower-ranking team, and I love the leadership vibes its bringing out in her!  She hates to lose and really wants their team to improve, and she's a good encourager and supporter for her teammates!  She's the libero, a back-row defense specialist, so she wears a different color uniform, which is helpful for me in finding her quickly! lol  I so love the character stuff sports teaches, and I love her feisty, tenderhearted self!  ❤

On Sunday, I met Mom and Rach for a New Year's Eve brunch at the Cheesecake Factory... good food and a good talk with them!  ❤

I'm grateful (partially) to have had some good rest time during this break.  Most of 2023 was incredibly fast-paced and busy -- a lot of courageous steps forward, facing one new and challenging thing after another, focusing on rising to the occasion and doing what was required.  And then suddenly, school was over and life got quiet.  There are definitely some repressed emotions, fears, resentments, and grief that have finally had the space to surface and bubble up during this break period.  (Along with a psoriasis flare-up that'll remind me not to take clear skin for granted.)  Woof.  While I could never claim to love that experience, I know it's good for me to feel it all as long as I don't allow the enemy to claim any new ground here - the shame message I've been hearing for the past few days is that I have zero business counseling others when my internal life feels this messy, but today, my spirit is fighting back as I realize with certainty that message is not coming from God.  In the midst of being genuinely grateful and excited about what lies ahead, I am also tired, and I'm scared, and I'm hurting, and I'm lonely, and I'm uncertain about all the details and support system I'll need.  I'm human and imperfect and repentant and messy, but I'm growing and I'm trying and "failing forward," and there is abundant grace for all of it.  I am not forsaken - God's mercy is new every morning.  And it's not a bad thing to be in touch with my humanity, to feel deeply humbled and to be reminded of my need for His strength and guidance.  I also feel more deeply aware of my need and desire for supportive local community, so I'm going to press into building that up in 2024 (without fear of losing or diminishing my Tulsa friendships).  I teared up when I saw this meme on Instagram...

So putting all the distracting noise and chaos and bright photo collages aside, in the moments of quiet reflection, I am wrestling with some unspoken conflict and self-doubt, BUT simultaneously, I am deeply grateful for the work that God is doing in me and through me and for me... and for the people who know me best right now (Chet Lee and Kristin Michelle)... and for the God-given inner strength it took to rally repeatedly and make it through the hardest parts of 2023... and for this thankfully-brief time of quiet rest and facing my own brokenness and seeking healing... and for the daily details Jesus uses to bring me hope... and the overarching eternal HOPE in Christ that carries me and adds value to everything else. 

Parts of 2024 will be pivotal and monumental for me, but most of it will involve a lot of hard work and the routine stuff of day-to-day life.  My time at Restore starts back up tomorrow, so it's time to take a deep breath and prepare myself for the path ahead of me.  This is the third time I've changed up these pictures in my bedroom, and these are the reminders my heart needs right now!  ❤

Okay, that's really all for today.

Happy New Year!

❤

Identity Alignment

I listened to Atomic Habits yesterday.  Always a great way to start off a new year, and I get something new out of it every time.  

This time, the quote that really struck me was this: "The biggest barrier to positive change at any level - individual, team, society - is identity conflict."

It goes along with my "Believe" word for 2024.  You are unlikely to live a happy and healthy lifestyle while believing you're a person who loves sweets and comfort food and prefers lazy days at home to activity.  When you associate happiness and "being yourself" with unhealthy behaviors, you will feel unhappy and out-of-alignment as you pursue good health.  It's an identity conflict.

The author talked about the mindset difference in: "No thanks, I'm trying to quit smoking" vs. "No thanks, I'm not a smoker."  And I GET IT.  The way you see yourself heavily influences your daily habits, and the more one shifts, the easier it will become to change the other.  That makes SO much sense to me.  

The Bible also talks about taking off the old self and putting on the new, dying to the flesh, becoming a new creation in Christ, calling things that be not as though they were, etc.  We do not have to wear forever an identity that no longer fits us - particularly when we didn't really choose it in the first place.  So much of who we are stems from childhood habit patterns that we had little control in forming, but our. habits. can. change.  There are triggers everywhere that activate our bad habits, but we can reshape our environment and reprogram our thoughts through repetition + emotion (meaning you have to care about it).  We're not trapped in any old pattern or mindset - we get a choice in who we will be today - and that shapes who we will be in the future.  When we outgrow the old identity, we can choose something that's more our style.  So I'm going to work on rewriting and re-recording my daily identity script for this year ahead, and it's for sure going to include some of the following:

I'm not really into sweets.

My tastes are changing, and I just don't care for sugary foods like I used to.

If I'm in the mood for dessert, I prefer to grab fruit or maybe a protein shake.

When I'm stressed out, movement helps me re-center.

When I set a goal, I follow through.

I'm the kind of person who commits and stays the course!

I reach out quickly when I need my friends.

It's important to me to be healthy in my mind, body, soul, and spirit!

Movement is medicine; I feel stronger emotionally as I get stronger physically.

I love trying new recipes and finding healthy options.

I have a low tolerance for dairy.

No thanks, I'm just not big on sweets.

I'm not meticulous or obsessive about it, but I'm generally a healthy person.
I am decisive, articulate, and eloquent.
I know that my voice matters.
I'm building a life I'm excited about.
I am pressing into the new things God is doing.

I tend to think long-term and make good choices.

I love the way I feel when I work out in the morning, so I go to bed early to make that happen!

I need to move and breathe when I feel anxious.

I love people well, and I reach out for help when I need it.

I love to try new things and stay open to new possibilities!

I value myself and care about making a good first impression.

I'm the kind of person who takes the time to paint my nails and curl my hair.

I take care of myself and wear clothes that make me feel good about myself.

I respect myself and command respect from others.

I speak up for what I need and do not expect others to read my mind.

I deeply value church community and seek it out.
I don't let the fear of rejection hold me back.
I pursue new friendships with quality people.

I believe most people will love me when they get to know me.

I love people, I love community, and I love celebrating with people!!

I enjoy hosting people and making others feel special, and I enjoy baking for fun events!

Oh, I'm here for the company; I'm just not really into sweets.
=)

Even as I wrote that, I could feel myself objecting because something in me soooo clearly associates cakes and cookies with community and fun, but they are not. mutually. exclusive.  In fact, that  mental association itself has been problematic, as my brain often tries to substitute chocolate and comfort foods when I'm craving fun community and relational closeness.  Here, this brownie will make you feel better.  So I'm not forcing any limits or setting any hard rule here, because I'm done living with the mindset that I'm "trying to quit" something I've always loved.  Sugar is not a necessary ingredient for relational connection.  We don't have to be who we've always been if the old patterns no longer serve us.  Let's discard the hand-me-down mindsets and the identity shaped by others, and instead work to reprogram our identity according to OUR VALUES AND WHO WE WANT TO BE moving forward.  I'm paying attention to what triggers my cravings - from feeling stress, joy, or loneliness to driving by certain restaurants to seeing candy in any store checkout line.  And every time I feel that pop up in me (which will be multiple times a day here at the beginning), I'm saying out loud, "I'm not really into sweets, but maybe a quick walk or calling a friend would help clear my mind" or some form of that.

Take off the old; put on the new.

Happy New Year.

❤