Top 10 Tuesday!

"What if you made a list of things that you really like about yourself? We rarely allow ourselves to think like this... Until you know what you like and even love about yourself, you will have a hard time loving others fully. You'll have a hard time giving generously of your gifts and talents, and making your greatest contribution to the world. You'll second-guess yourself, hold back, stay small, and let others take the opportunities you wish you could have." ~Allison Fallon

I was trying to come up with a Top 10 Tuesday topic, then I saw Allison's FB status and thought, Why not!? I could use a confidence boost, and I want to do better at seeing the positives and not being too hard on myself. So at the risk of being considered crazy and/or narcissistic, here are the Top 10 Things I Like About Myself... along with 10 mostly-recent pictures that I like. lol

1.  I love and seek and depend on God! I'm obviously imperfect, but my heart's desire is to follow and obey Him. And in the ups and downs of life, He has rescued me and sustained me and been my God through all of it.

2.  I'm a genuine and devoted friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. I'm a natural encourager, and I care about and connect deeply with people... celebrating their joys, mourning their losses, and prioritizing their walk with God!

3.  I'm a great writer! I love blogging, and I think I'm good at expressing myself and documenting memories and connecting with others via writing (and someday I'll publish a book). :)

4. I am stronger and far more resilient than I originally thought! Life has hit me pretty hard sometimes, but by the grace of God, I'm still here, and getting stronger in the aftermath of every trial. I know it's not always good enough for everyone, but I like that I keep trying and that I haven't given up on life or God or myself and my purpose.

5. I have a good sense of humor! I laugh a lot and often find the little details of life entertaining and funny... and I randomly remember all kinds of quotes from movies and TV and real life, then I crack myself up with those too! :)

6. I'm beautiful. Definitely the weirdest one to write. Not "I'll be pretty when I lose weight," but I'm pretty right now, today. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, created by God in His image, and healthy habits can fix everything I don't like. I have good teeth (thanks to years of orthodontic work), a bright smile I never take for granted (thanks to two rounds of Bells Palsy), light brown eyes that match Julia Roberts (Mom pointed that out and it was enough to stop my constant wishing for blue eyes - lol), good skin, one tiny freckle on my cheek that makes me happy, a curvy figure that'll be great when I tone it down a little, a sister with good fashion sense to help my anti-shopping self, and hair that looks good in a variety of lengths, colors, and textures! lol

7. I'm improving my physical health! I'm far from perfect here, but I'm gaining more balance, and I refuse to give up on my goals. In Tulsa alone, I have worked out with four personal trainers, joined three gyms, trained with friends, run three half marathons and several 5ks and 10ks, done well on Arbonne shakes and WeightWatchers, and learned to cook many new healthy recipes!

8. I'm improving my emotional health! It was an inner battle for a while, but I'm so thankful that I was willing to seek help when I needed it, and I'm doing so much better now after two rounds of counseling and taking antidepressants for about a year. I have a deeper walk with God and more grace for myself and others now because of that dark period of brokenness.

9. I'm a good listener. Listening and really hearing people and getting the full story is my favorite! :)

10. I'm artistic and creative! I'm a decent calligrapher, painter, sketch artist, poet, photographer, scrapbooker, piano player, singer, and writer (as mentioned above). I like trying new things in the art world; and I love to give thoughtful, unique, and often cheesy gifts to people I care about! Along with heartfelt letters, which are a must! =)

Cheers! ;-)

...I deliberately started and ended with Mon Ami Gabi pics! #yayVegas

Hmm, that was good. I feel better now. Ready to face our "Felony Tuesday" crowd with a smile. lol

Happy Tuesday!

Today is a Gift!

"True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile part of ourselves. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they'll leave. Friendship is about risk.  Love is about risk...

What it felt like to me was heartbreak.  I felt like something unraveled around me.  I felt more vulnerable and powerless than I had in a decade.  I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I lost it, whatever it is.  I lost that sense that I was okay, and that I would be okay again.  I lost all belief in my future.  I was sad and scared and ashamed... I turned into someone who was frazzled and scattered, who could not bear the emotional weight of her own life, let alone someone else's. The bottom just falls out sometimes, and nobody is exempt.  Everything is not okay...

Crazy mad is always covering over hurt and fear, so if we're telling the whole truth here, she hurt me, and she made me feel scared.  And that's worse than just making me mad.  I felt small and scared and out of control, and I felt like my friend was making decision after decision to hurt me.  Every time I heard from her or about her, it hurt.  It was like there was sharp glass on her hands, and every time she got near me, she cut me, even if she swore she didn't mean to... How do I forgive someone who doesn't think she did anything wrong?  Or who doesn't care?  ...I let her off the hook... forgiving her over and over, with each new angry thought or bad conversation. And I keep letting her off the hook, because when I do, I can breathe again.

Life is painful, and we carry with us so much disappointment and heartbreak.  But I'm fighting to save some space inside me where I can create hope.  I can't live there in the disappointment anymore. Today is a gift.  And if we have tomorrow, tomorrow will be a gift... Thank you, God, for the things you heal, the things you redeem, the things you refuse to leave just as they have been for what seems like forever.

I am thankful for the breaking of things that needed to be broken... thankful for the severing that allowed me to fall all the way down to the center of my fear and look it in the face, thankful for being set free from something I didn't even know I was enslaved to. I was embarrassed and ashamed in such a deep way, and to my surprise, I'm still here...

More often than not, there is something just past the heartbreak, just past the curse, just past the despair, and that thing is beautiful.  You don't want it to be beautiful at first... But one day, you'll wake up surprised and humbled, staring at something you thought for sure was a curse and has revealed itself to be a blessing."

~Shauna Niequist

Happy & Healthy Saturday! =)

Well, this Arbonne protein shake was my "brunch" meal this morning (brunch only because I slept till noon, which was amazing). lol  A banana, baby spinach, kale, blueberries, strawberries, avocado and/or PB2, chocolate protein, and cashew milk!  I'm fully aware that doesn't sound like it'd be any good, but once it's all blended together, it's a creamy, filling chocolate shake with a hint of fruit and peanut butter. :)  The chocolate really overpowers everything else, and you don't taste the spinach or kale at all, (which is ideal and the only way I'll ever get those nutrients consistently).  Anyway, I need to order more Arbonne powder and make it a regular meal routine - it's a LOT of good nutrition and only 6 (w/PB2) or 8 (w/avocado) WW points!! #winning  (It's pretty cute how I'll look up the points on something like this but just 'forget' all about tracking when I go to Olive Garden... hmmm.)

"Possibly the most impressive thing about a salad is that you can eat tons and tons of it and never be satisfied. After I’ve eaten a salad, I always feel like I’ve earned something, like a meal..." ~Jim Gaffigan

I so thought of this exact quote when I stopped by Sonic for chili-cheese tater tots after eating an unsatisfying salad at Chili's the other day! lol  #dietfail  Truly healthy eating feels like the impossible dream to me apart from shakes that mask the healthy stuff with chocolate flavor.

Chettles posted this the other day, and it made me laugh:

It's funny because it's true!! I know it's hard for a lot of people, and I'm definitely one of them. I heart chocolate and pizza and pasta and cookies. And enchiladas and candy and cake and ice cream. lol  I was doing so well on WeightWatchers over Thanksgiving and Christmas that I assumed when the new year hit, it would just be a breeze... but somewhere between Vegas and Big Cedar and everyone in the world having a birthday, I got way off track and have stuh-rug-gled to really get back on consistently... kind of a long two-steps-forward, one-step-back dance. Which is why I haven't posted much on that subject in a while, but I promise another update at the end of April.

My mind works in mysterious ways sometimes, and over the last couple months, I'd been having visions or daydreams (not sure what to call them - just things I would randomly picture while fully awake) of myself falling, hard and dramatically. Like down an entire flight of stairs at the courthouse (or outside if I was thinking about taking a walk, or at the BOK Center if I was thinking about going to a concert or something) or I'd picture suddenly losing my balance and severely twisting my ankle -- things that have never actually happened to me, as I'm not super-active or super-clumsy. (I've had a few falls, but nothing too awful, and have never broken or sprained anything in my life.) Anyway, it kept happening and seemed odd to me, so I finally googled it and read that falling dreams/daydreams often reflect inner anxiety, feeling out of control, and a fear of public failure. Umm, awesome. lol I knew immediately that it was probably diet-and-weight-loss related for me, so that's another obvious motivator to get back on track now. When I feel like I'm taking control and on a consistent solid path, not putting people-pleasing pressure on myself or trying to overcompensate for bad choices, then I don't have those creepy falling daydreams! 

I'm off to a better start this month, and I have just under 7 months till my November one-year mark, by which I hope to have lost a total (for the year, including the 30 I've lost already) of at least 70 pounds - which should be doable - so get excited!!

In other news, I have the cutest niece and nephews EVER!!!

Not even kidding. Here's Kyndal Faith at the dentist recently - I can't even. SO ADORABLE!

The Jaceman and Rach at his B-day lunch (I think)... cuteness!

And here's Carter Lee, Rach, and Triston Michael the day they got back from their Disney trip!

So happy - this is one of my favorite pics of them, ever!!

And here's a pic I just love of the Miss K holding her baby doll (named "Babydoll") and watching from Mom and Dad's backyard as Dad and Jace go golfing (as Jace looks back at her and Mamaw in the backyard)! =) The grass is always greener... lol

Mmm, I need to see and hug them all ASAP!!

That's all for today. Happy Saturday, and hope you have a lovely weekend! =)

Seacrest OUT!

For anyone who might care, tonight is the series grand finale of American Idol!  I haven't watched the show the last few years, but I'm tuning in for the 3-part finale this week and it's bringing back all kinds of memories...

• Celebrating (watching on the tiny TV in my OBU dorm room) as KELLY CLARKSON was crowned the first winner in 2002!
• Seeing From Justin to Kelly in theaters with Megs, Rach, and Holly Dei! lol
• Pizza and brownies on the couch at my parents' house, watching (Seasons 2-5) with the fam and Aunt Charlene and the Myricks - always fun!
• Me and Rach taking turns dialing the number to vote for Clay in the finale over and over and always getting a busy signal... #riggedforRuben #claikenfan
• Making "Clay is our AmerAiken Idol" posters for the AI Season 2 concert with Rach, Julie, and Megan Elizabeth!! lol
• Jumping up and down with excitement when Dad showed me the newspaper article about Simon Cowell signing on to stay another three seasons! :)
• Taking pre-Tuesday night dinner cheesy pictures with Rach and Josh and Wes singing with our fake American Idol microphone! lol
• Talking to Josh about how we should drive to Texas and audition! lol
• Being psyched about having someone from Oklahoma when Carrie Underwood auditioned!
• Sooo many burned CDs that I still love - Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, David Archuleta, Adam Lambert, David Cook, Kris Allen, Jennifer Hudson, Katherine McPhee, Latoya London, Fantasia Barrino, Ruben Studdard, Nikki McKibbin, Justin Guarini, Tamyra Gray, William Hung, Mandisa, Colton Dixon, Phillip Phillips, Danny Gokey, Bo Bice, Diana Degarmo, etc. Love it all.
• Me, Mom, and Rach being in shock when Daughtry was sent home early!
• Being so excited for J-Hudson when Dreamgirls came out, when she won the Oscar, and when she became the WW spokeswoman! :)
• LB and Malo-riah mocking me for owning Clay's book and being such a super-fan! lol (I also have Simon's book, and yes, I read them both!)
• Laughing at Paula's awkward speech to precious David Archuleta about him being so cute she wanted to squish him up and hang him from her rear view mirror! lol #crazysauce
• Liking Steven Tyler much better than expected after Simon left... laughing at his crazy comments and fashion choices. :)
• Watching Phillip Phillips sing Home live for the first time during the finale that year, then hearing it over and over as the theme song for the 2012 Olympics!
• Being defriended by a superChristian on FB for being happy about Ellen as the new judge! lol
• Feeling extreme annoyance at the faux-competition between Kara and "bikini girl."
• Having to finally call it quits when they chose Mariah and Nicki Minaj as judges.
• Getting sucked back in a couple times this year thanks to it being on the TVs at Planet Fitness and Kelly Clarkson coming back in as a guest judge!

Lots of fun memories... from my first summer after high school to my OBU dorm room back home to 9121 then moving to my apartment in Tulsa and finally my house in Jenks, (coming back to MWC every once in a while and watching it at Mom and Dad's new house... which is now Rach and Josh's house. lol) A lot of great moments and great songs, with plenty of burned CDs and iPod playlists to remember them by! I hope a lot of the past winners and near-winners come back tonight... and Simon, because the show would never have become a hit without him!! Cheesy as it can all be, I may just get nostalgic and tear up when I hear it for the final time tonight... "Seacrest, OUT!" :)

Audacious!

Top 10 Favorite Quotes:

1.  "The most repetitive request I've raised to Jesus for three solid decades has been this: Give me a heart to love You more than anything I can see or touch. Grant me love for You, Jesus. This is what I want more than anything. Be the driving desire of my life."

2.  "If it's Christians you don't like, I get it. But I'm asking that you not confuse them - or me, or any other flesh and blood - with Jesus. He is in a class all by Himself. Call me crazy, but for the life of me, I can't find a lot not to like about Him. Who else in the entire human experience is incapable of doing you wrong or leaving you stranded or betraying your trust or wasting your time? Who else never recoils at the sight of the real us? Or gets bored with us? Who else never makes a promise He doesn't have the power to keep?"

3.  "Jesus is always the initiator in every aspect of our relationship with Him. Every time you are driven to pursue Him, it's because He is pursuing you. Every time you have something to say to Him, it's because He's saying something to you. Every time you choose Him, He has already chosen you. Any time you get up before dawn to pray, He is already there waiting for you. You never have a single thought about Him that catches His mind wandering away from you. You cannot beat Jesus to the punch. You cannot beat Jesus to the passion."

4.  "Somewhere in the forsakenness, Someone has been fighting for you all along. Being mishandled by some can loom so large that we feel mishandled by all. Victimization, devastation, loss, rejection, betrayal... Our hearts contract to protect themselves and see to it that love can't worm its way in. Our souls, on the other hand, have been ripped so wide open that nothing anyone can do will ever be enough. We clinch our eyes tightly and refuse to see when the winds and waves are stilled and a Savior walks our way right on top of the water. But we don't have to stay that way... We are not lost causes at lasting relationships... 'But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.'"

5.  "We can want things desperately, clawing and clamoring, that we know have the capacity to destroy us. The gratification of desire is so strong that we, with our eyes wide open, are willing to satisfy it today even if we dearly pay for ten thousand tomorrows... It will never be rules that most effectively deter us from jumping headlong into sin. Anyone living in recovery from substance addiction will tell you that sobriety had to become something they deeply wanted and not just deeply needed... The game changer for me was coming to a place where I wanted to love Him and I wanted to seek Him and I wanted to serve Him and I wanted to get up before the sun to talk to Him."

6.  "To love God more is never to love people less. It's to love people best. It's to relieve them of the responsibility of being your false Christ. It's to keep their sins against you from being unforgivable and your sins against them from being ignorable. It's to guard them from our mean-streaks and strong human tendencies to respond to disappointment with punishment. It's to keep the people close by from cutting their wrists on the razor-sharp blades of our insecurities. It's to dull the edge of our cravings to be adored. It's to untie the double knots of codependency. It's to let the affirmations of others be the overflow and not the essential source of our emotional survival. To love God is to guard man... We'll still need friendships and siblings and social outlets. We'll still want to be liked and want to be loved and we still wish for romance. But indescribable freedom comes when we no longer need humans to save us!"

7. "Never think for a moment that Jesus cannot heal a messed up heart. It is His forte... Sweep up every scattered shard of your heart into one huge dustpan and dump it entirely into His palms. He will draw a deep breath, blow away the dirt, and refashion what remains, piece by piece, into a mosaic of starling beauty and sufficient humility to hold something utterly splendid!"

8.  "It's the authentic that exposes the counterfeit. We fall out of a lesser love by falling into a greater one... Inside out delight in God drives so much dross out of the heart that we can dare to trust what we feel."

9. "There's no end to Jesus. No way to wear Him out. No way to end up in a colossal codependent mess. To love Him first is to love others best... We're talking about being swept up with the One you can't tire out and you can't run off. The One who still calls you Beautiful at your ugliest and pulls you up at your lowest. The One who doesn't have to struggle to forgive you. The One who really does keep no record of wrongs. The One who doesn't have to go to counseling to stay with you."

10.  "Freedom is telling God what we desperately want. Trust is asking Him to change our want if gaining it would poison us."

~Beth Moore, Audacious

Song of the Week = Let It Be Jesus (by Chris Tomlin)

"Should I ever be abandoned, should I ever be acclaimed,
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame,
There's a name I will remember; there's a name I will proclaim:
Let it be - let it be Jesus."

A Fishing Expedition

In the movie Risen, there's a scene toward the end where the disciples are out fishing. They fish all night, laboring and striving, coming up empty again and again. The next morning, hungry and exhausted and frustrated by the futility of their work, they see a man on the shore who asks whether they're having any luck... then suggests that they cast their net on the other side of the boat. As soon as they try it, the net fills up with more fish than they could've hoped for, and they know immediately that it was Jesus talking to them!

God deliberately worked that out so that they would catch nothing through their own efforts, but have more than they dreamed of when they moved in obedience to His Son. "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain..." ~Psalm 127:1

The lesson is clear and applies to all of us at one point or another. We get excited about something then rush out and try to make it happen in our own strength, which is exhausting and fruitless. All my time spent striving and searching to find another career path (or a Godly man, for that matter) has been in vain. The net keeps coming up empty, and I'm tired. So now I am determined not to make any big move without God's clear direction. I am slowing down and listening for His voice... and in the meantime, practicing godliness with contentment, embracing humility, drawing closer to God, and trusting Him to prepare and lead me in a way that will "fill the net" at the right time. I don't want to labor in vain and build something meaningless; I want a life built on Christ that makes an eternal difference! ...And it makes total sense that learning to seek Him every day and trust His heart toward me in the silent years is going to be more productive in the long run than another Google search for ministry-related jobs!  No good thing will He withhold from those who do what is right... 

"We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God." ~2 Corinthians 3:4-5

*I took these pics exactly 4 years and 2 days ago... Josh with T&C getting ready to go fishing. :) They make me happy, and they seem appropriate for a fishing-themed post!

Photo Friday (Easter Fun)!

"The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." ~Psalm 37:23

I've always loved the phrasing of that in the NLT - "He delights in every detail!" I'm such a details girl, and that's part of why I love taking pictures and having a record of the delightful fun things and quiet beautiful moments that make me so happy. Candids are my favorite, then posed candids, then fully posed shots. I got several great candids this Easter weekend, so that's today's "Photo Friday!"

Kyndal Faith not-so-gently throwing her egg into the dye - I love that you can see the color splashing out! 

Babah's traditional Easter Bunny cake!

Eileen's Sugar cookies from JoBug!

J&K admiring their colorful Easter eggs. (Rach made Kyndal's hair bow - so cute; right!?)

Josh skateboarding over from the Parrish house! I had no idea they had a skateboard. I'm so glad I already had the camera out to capture this moment before the high five! :)

Not even a posed candid - just a natural shot that I love... T-man chillin out in the golf cart, needing some introvert time while the rest of the guys were out back. I so get that. :)

Jaceman on the swing laughing at Grandad and Josh and Carter... precious!

T&C on the swings, trying to time it right for me to get a jumping pic of them together... (no such luck.)

J&T on the lookout point in the fort... it was so pretty and picturesque outside that day! I even love the big tree behind them in this.

Jaceman taking a break on his dad's skateboard.

Kyndal Faith excited to see her Momma walking over!

The jumping pics of T and C... then J braving the drop down from the monkey bars, K-Faith blowing her happy pink bubbles, and Carterman swinging as high as he can! Ahhh, childhood! :)

Silly pics with the kids (they're always so happy to pose for those!) I SO love that the boys are all being crazy while Kyndal is checking out the flowers. :)

"Looook!" -Miss K excited about finding a Hershey's Kiss in her egg!

Dividing up all the candy... another great candid shot that I didn't have to arrange or pose at all!

Posed Parrish fam pic (minus Joshua) that turned out pretty well! :)

Carter's ninja moves on the monkey bars!

Missy K so proud of herself as she climbed up the ladder.

A great candid shot of Jaceman waiting his turn for the monkey bars... my niece and nephews are seriously adorable!

T-man and Carter are already impressively strong!

Rach and Josh on Easter Sunday!

The boys holding Kyndal Faith, who was shielding her eyes from the sun and refused to smile, but still a great pic!

T-man is so great with Kyndal, and she loves her big brother! :) I love how excited she is here. And her boots, and her shirt, and her bow, and her smile.. I love all of that too! lol

Parrish Fam, Easter 2016.

Jaceman For Sale! lol

Carter Lee was in a posing mood that cracked me up!

Josh and Rach on Saturday

Josh skateboarding behind the boys as T-man drove the golf cart home! (Jace looking back to see Mamaw.)

Jace running over to chat it up with Bob Rutherford (my parents' neighbor and our former pastor) who was on his way to the golf course! lol

Kyndal Faith getting some help from Bampa! :)

A precious pic of Dad and Jaceman. (J had fallen off the monkey bars a few days back and Dad had to talk him into having the courage to try again... he was so proud of himself when he finally did it!) :)

Reagan watching from the backyard!

Emma helping Miss K get the Easter egg out!

One of Rach's latest wreaths - so fun!!

Jaceman excited to show Mamaw the eggs and candy he found! :)

Nervous... nervous... nervous... TRIUMPH! lol :)

A final Easter Sunday pic where we told them to just be silly! lol

Rach scared me a little with this text... but no, they didn't get a bunny. The new aquarium in their living room is enough for now! lol  Brooke got one and brought it over when she was picking up T&C. =)

So happy!! lol I adore her.

In other pet-related news, Bellsy-butt got a new Boo-style haircut, and it's cracking me up every time I look at her!! :) ...Sammers was already 4+ pounds bigger, and now the size difference is just absurd!

Who couldn't love this little fluffy face!?

She loves to sit with me while I watch TV at night - so cute!! :) I now have a set of PJs that I play with them in, then change into another set to go to bed. Definitely allergic... sadness!

That's all I've got for today!  Something a little lighter and brighter (and fluffier) after my deeper posts.  Hope you've had a fantastic week, and enjoy the weekend ahead!! =) (*Sidenote: Happy April 1st and April Fool's Day! If you read this early, hopefully it'll remind you not to fall for any big announcements that are bound to be all over Facebook.)

"How great is the goodness You have stored up for those who fear You. You lavish it on those who come to You for protection, blessing them before the watching world."  ~Psalm 31:19