Changing the System

 TRUTH:

I've grown this year in taking action that reflects my goals and values.  

I am thankful for that!

Yet one thing continues to trip me up...

Through all the very real physical and emotional stress that came along with pursuing adoption, selling a home, building a home, moving twice, changing jobs, starting grad school, and pursuing a pregnancy (still feels surreal writing that), food was a reliable source of comfort and joy for me... something familiar, filling, calming, and fun!

Yet at the same time... overeating is literally the main thing keeping me from achieving certain goals and dreams.  It's the giant blockade standing in my way, and I cannot ignore it or maneuver around it as I actively move toward my other goals and try to sincerely live from my values.  Internally, I am aware that I can't live a life that truly honors God if I refuse to actively pursue sanctification and holiness by throwing off this particular "sin that so easily entangles" me.  I have to work with Him and be serious about repentance and pursuing real change.  I cannot build a walk-and-talk therapy practice if I am too unfit or weak to lead it.  I can't write an inspiring book if I don't live in a way that inspires real hope for lasting change.  If I end up pursuing embryo adoption, getting healthier will undoubtedly help me with that goal.  Either way, I would do well to maximize my health, energy, and strength as a new parent.  And I want to be incredibly careful about the eating habits and the body messages that I pass on to my future child or any children I may influence, and that starts with the habits and messages I allow into my own heart.  In every area of life, physical health matters and has an impact.  But even more than that, my personal OBEDIENCE to God matters...

*My "word" for 2023 is SANCTIFICATION.  We studied it briefly in one of my classes, and I feel led to go deeper there.  I have chosen 12 verses on that subject and plan to write a monthly post here, setting a unique sanctification-related goal for each month. ❤

Anyway, I have read the quote below over and over:

It's true.  My goal has consistently been to be healthy and build strength!  Yet the various systems I have chosen have consistently collapsed and failed to last or get me there.  I have to carefully plan my steps to build health habits that are obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying... while making my bad habits invisible, unattractive, difficult, and unsatisfying. #AtomicHabits

In short, I have to change the system as I pursue this goal in 2023!  I have been working on building a unique plan to create healthier habits that will be sustainable and effective.  And I would love to find someone who could be an encouraging mentor, coach, or guide -- I'm open to ideas/suggestions there!  I’ve tried in the past and haven’t found a good fit, but that is not a reason to give up on it.  I would appreciate prayers for courage and wisdom, and any thoughtful advice or non-quick-fix suggestions are also welcome.  I need a fresh dose of power and endurance to move forward here in the new year! 

.......One of my favorite songs in Hamilton is titled "Say No to This."  It's actually the most scandalous song in the play, a sultry scene where the lead character gives in to temptation and begins an affair... he's saying "Lord, show me how to say no to this - I don't know how to say no to this" while he's actively moving toward this woman (which is so typically what we all do in whatever sin we struggle with but aren't seriously ready to give up).  And the entire chorus behind him is singing in unison - "NO, NO, say no to this!"  Because looking at the bigger picture, it becomes incredibly obvious that this one selfish choice (and the affair that followed) cost him more than he could have possibly imagined.  He had to repeatedly bribe this woman's husband to stay silent, it broke his wife's heart and led her to destroy his letters, it hurt them financially, it hurt their marriage, it caused his colleagues to question his integrity, it gave his enemies ammunition, it led him to try to publicly defend this choice and hurt his reputation, it ruined his chances to climb the political ladder to Presidency, and it directly led to the death of his firstborn son (who died trying to defend his honor).  

His choice mattered more than he realized.

Giving in directly affected every dream he had in a negative way.

...And I think the chorus of people watching us from heaven right now are probably cheering for us to say no to the sins that would so gladly gradually ruin our lives if we just keep drifting and allowing them to.  I'm sure that sounds dramatic, but I'm also sure I'm not wrong.  For better or worse, these small choices have a massive ripple effect.  (I'm not calling any specific food bad or evil - just saying that I cannot afford to ignore conviction or be complacent in this area).  So even though it pains me to say it, I have to change the daily habit system and FIGHT for real freedom and victory in this area where I am far more familiar with resignation and defeat.  It is the one thing I cannot shake when I think about what to do next and what goals I need to be pursuing in 2023.

I'm re-reading Atomic Habits now - soooo good! ❤

My 2023 Goals:

1.  Read (and/or listen) through the entire Bible (I already have good habits here that make me confident I will ace this goal).

2.  Meet with Dr. Evans in January to determine next steps, then prayerfully pursue adoption in one form or another.

3.  Pray about it and set a monthly goal pursuing sanctification and spiritual maturity.

4.  Build the habit of taking an outdoor walk during my lunch hour four days a week.

5.  Be fiercely committed to building a better habit system, reminding myself that small daily changes produce big results.  Find a coach/mentor to help me set appropriate daily routines and health goals for myself, then communicate those goals and start building new habits!

Here's to changing the system in 2023, forgetting what lies behind and pressing forward to seek God's best for my life!! Prayers, encouragement, and thoughtful advice are welcome.  =)

"You will be accepted if you do what is right.
But if not, sin lies in wait before the door.
Sin wants to destroy you, but you must overcome it!"
~Genesis 4:7