The Blog Archive: Assorted Thoughts & Photos

Between homework and transcripts, I have been keeping a phone note list with blog post ideas. I'm going to throw several of them into one post here, and then share a few more photos below:

It grates on me when people speak with confident authority yet what they're saying lacks quality and substance. One of my favorite verses about Jesus says that the people marveled at His teaching because He taught with real AUTHORITY, quite unlike their teachers of religious law. I think Jesus wants us to speak with respect, wisdom, and authority -- to have something worthwhile and substantial to say, and to say it in a confident manner that commands respect. This is something I really want to work on!! So often, the people with the most wisdom stay hidden and quiet while the people with the biggest egos push forward and take charge. Reminds me of the Edmund Burke quote I calligraphed so many times: "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
Confidence and humility are a beautiful pairing. Our confidence should always be laced with humility, warmth, and genuine respect and care for others. ❤
I have always been drawn to STRENGTH. But for a while, my understanding of real strength was skewed. I was drawn to people who projected strength and superiority. But there is a huge difference between bravado and real strength. One comes from ego and desire for power; the other from being tested and growing in resilience. One uplifts themselves at the expense of others; the other gives of themselves to uplift others! One is more likely to abuse and abandon; the other more likely to strengthen and protect. In my life, in my friendships, in my supervisors, and in the leaders I vote for, I want to steer clear of the bravado "strength" that lacks real substance, and press into Christlike protective strength, authority, kindness, and humble confidence!! Grace and truth; truth in love... the transforming power is in that combination!
A few times lately, I have referenced "victims of trauma" or "trauma victims." I am going to go back and change each of those posts to say "SURVIVORS of trauma" or "trauma SURVIVORS." I noticed one of my classmates using that terminology, and I see so much value in that. I'm going to be more careful to phrase it that way going forward. How we define ourselves and the labels we hear about ourselves matters so much. And without ever devaluing or diminishing someone's experience of trauma, I want my words to help people reframe their stories from a place of strength and resilience, rather than feeling stuck in helplessness and victimhood. ❤
Yes, that put Destiny's Child's Survivor lyrics in my head! lol
Another thing I want to work on is staying emotionally regulated any time I feel bullied or confronted. Something in me shuts down pretty hard - I go into "freeze" mode and cannot think or communicate coherently. But that doesn't have to always be my response. I want to get better at taking a deep breath and being able to collect my thoughts and respond well in those situations (not reactively, but thoughtfully). Yay for having something I'd like to to talk with my counselor about during our last two required sessions!
I had an experience last week that prompted most of the deeper thoughts above. I may write more about it here someday, but not just yet. I'm still working to pull the good things from that conversation and leave the bad behind.
At the beginning of this month, I decided to give myself one night off from WW... I had butter croissants and Velveeta shells & cheese and two Crumbl cookies - Oreo peanut butter & Cookie butter lava - YUM. It was the first time since February 18th that I just ate whatever I wanted. It was familiar and bingey, then my mind went into an irrational shame-spiral of feeling defeated. I was very aware that that dinner & dessert was around 100 points, which is over three days worth of points for me. The next day, I felt physically sluggish and emotionally guilty and really struggled to get my mind back on track. And what I chose to do in order to get re-centered was go back in and track all of that, and then have several low-point days to try to make up for it... maybe a better response would've been tracking it without feeling pressured to make up for it.
In the "I'm Glad my Mom Died" book, Jennette talks about seeing a counselor for her bulimia eating disorder... and that they worked hard on not allowing a slip to become a spiral. That was super helpful for me, and it's something I want to keep working on as my health journey goes forward! There is no reason to allow one poor choice to turn into a week-long string of poor choices, but I've done it repeatedly in my past. I could write more on that, but you get the point. It all counts, and it's important for me to live in reality on that. So I am still gradually figuring out what triggers the bad habits and what works for me and what doesn't, but my overall trajectory lately is good!
I have one more post idea that's been simmering, but it deserves its own separate post right after this one. =)

And now, here's a quick photo catch-up:

A National Sibling Day collage I made... me and Rach + the kids!

I did two interviews for Practicum sites last week - one at New Vision and one at Restore. I'll hear back from them this week, and I may need to consider a third option depending on how that goes. Three courses + required counseling sessions + finding a Practicum site... this semester has been a lot!!

Chet Lee held a successful broker's open at the mansion he's selling that I'm not allowed to go see (without a pre-approval letter). lol The charcuterie board and bundtini cakes look pretty great! And yay for Debbie Robinson, my loan officer in Tulsa and in Moore! =)

This picture of Miss Kate is so adorable!! ❤

Ben and Leanne are two of my favorite coaches from Peloton London! She's doing well in her journey with breast cancer, and this little photo sesh made me happy, even though they're in very different levels of formality on their clothing choices. lol

A few memes to end this post...

This is what I tell myself sometimes. But truthfully, it's worth it even now in the middle part. I can feel myself growing and changing, and there's value in that.